Ceri and Mum have arrived home. Is there any chance for them after the doctor’s appointment? A Piece of Paper (Part 4) by Alys

The traffic out of Swansea was heavy and the M4 motorway was very crowded and so it was almost two hours later until we reached our flat in Glan Aber.

Mum had been subdued driving the car and I hadn’t wanted to talk either after the stress and emotions of the meetings during the day. She’d put some of her favourite 90’s tracks on while I semi-dozed on the way back.

Before I got out of the car Mum and I checked to see if anyone was around as I didn’t want news of my apparent gender transformation to become a topic of gossip for the residents of the block of flats.

It was early evening and there seemed to be a lull in the usual streams of people either returning from work or going out for the evening in the town.

“Good timing love,” said Mum, “it looks like most people are having tea, saves you having to change here.”

I helped her out of the car and we made our way slowly to the lifts.

Ten nerve wracking minutes later we were in the sanctuary of the flat.

“Can I go and change now Mum?” I asked, eager to de-feminise as soon as possible. Now I’d fully woken up from the car journey I was hopeful of some time hanging out with my mates after we’d had our evening meal.

“Just a minute Ceri, I need a coffee and we need to talk about what happened today.”

“OK, why don’t you sit down and I’ll make it for you.”
Mum sat down at the kitchen table and I put the kettle on. I felt strange doing familiar domestic things in my dress and other female accoutrements. However despite the oddness of the new slight restrictions on movement I’d soon made a cup of coffee for my mother. I took out a cold drink from the fridge and sat opposite from her at the table.

After taking a sip from her cup Mum looked at me, “Ceri, you were amazing in the doctor’s office.”

“Thanks.”

“Where did all that emotion come from?”

I really didn’t know how I’d summoned up a sudden full-on emotional outburst three hours earlier. Somehow the stress of the day and impending failure of all of Mum’s plans had burst a dam holding back some very strong feelings.

It had taken Mum ten minutes to calm me down and in the end Doctor Williams had agreed to write a letter, for us to take to the school, outlining his strong opinion that I was likely to be suffering from Gender Dysphoria, while not committing himself to a final diagnosis until after further consultations.

“I don’t know Mum but I couldn’t bear to lose you, not after Dad and Granny and Grandad.”

She put her hand over mine, “I know love, and I promise I’ll do my very best to keep us together.”

I squeezed her hand, lost for words.

“Come on, let’s get your makeup off and what about if we have fish and chips for tea from the chippie?”

Thirty minutes later I was walking out of the shop ‘Scod a Sglod Glan Aber’* with a bag of freshly cooked fish and chips.

I heard a shout behind me, “Wait up Ceri!”

I turned to see my friend Dewi jogging towards me carrying a small plastic bag.

“Hey Dewi, what’s up?” I asked as he came alongside me.

“Beans on toast for tea, had to get some bread, we ran out, you got fish and chips?”

“Yeah”

He looked enviously at my bag, “Lucky you, where were you today? We called round but there was no answer.”

I described how I’d had to go to Swansea to see the lawyer about Aunty Eleri’s will, I didn’t mention the other visit.

“I might have to move as well,” I added.

“How come?”

“Mum won’t get any money unless I go to some posh school in Swansea,” I explained.

“That’s stupid. What’s the name of the school?”

We’d reached my block of flats by this time and so I answered, “Santes Dwynwen” before saying ‘bye’ to Dewi and promising to meet him and the rest of our mates in the park the next morning.

Fifteen minutes later after hungrily eating my meal I sat at the kitchen table. My mother was sitting opposite me, eating her food more slowly and obviously in deep thought about something.

“Mum, will I have look like a girl all the time if I go to Ysgol Santes Dwynwen?” I asked.

She looked up from her food and paused for a few seconds before replying, “I think you will, I’m sorry, but remember what it said on the website, you won’t have to wear skirts.”

“How come, the picture on the website shows all the girls in skirts.”

She opened her laptop and launched a browser window, “I noticed there was something after the bit you showed me this morning.

She brought up the school’s website and underneath the link I’d noticed previously about ‘gender variant pupils’ there was small section about a ‘new school uniform policy’.

“That’s cool,” I said but then another worry came to mind, “what about all the hormones won’t they turn me into a girl with tits and everything?”

She smiled and responded, “You’d be OK for the first few years, the blockers only delay the onset of puberty and anyway you’re only eleven, boys don’t usually start until fourteen.”

“But I’d get tits…..”

“Ceri, boobs is a nicer word.”

“But I’d get BOOBS in the end.”

Mum put her fork down and wiped her face with the tissue. “Listen love, I don’t want you to have to go to this school at all, but there’s no way out at the moment if we want to stay together.”

“But I promise, if you can stick it for a year it’ll give me a chance to get some sort of work and then you can go to an ordinary school and be a boy.”

“OK.” I said, feeling somewhat reassured.

I helped Mum clearing up and washing the dishes and then I decided to go to bed. I was so tired after the stress of the day.

The next morning I was up early and after eating a quick breakfast I was in the park before nine o’clock. Before I’d left Mum had promised to give me some money to go to the open air swimming pool in the afternoon if the weather stayed fine.

As I dribbled the ball around the football pitch I felt so happy not to have to worry about looking like a proper girl or whether we would be homeless. I was going to enjoy myself in the fine summer weather and have fun with my friends.

About fifteen minutes later Dewi, another early riser arrived, and we proceeded to practice scoring and saving penalties, taking turns in goal.

After three goes each in goal we went to sit on a nearby park bench to wait for the rest of our friends.

“What did you do yesterday” I asked.

“Six a side, cricket in the afternoon, usual stuff.”

“I wished I’d been here.”

“You know I googled the school you said yesterday.”

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, why oh why had I given him the name of the damn school. I waited for the inevitable question.

“So how come you’ll be going to a girls’ school then?”

End of Part 4