While its a fairly clear statement and well written (for the most part - you might want to have another look at the phrase "that split missing a piece"), it is in a much more literary voice than most people use out loud. This means that when performed, the monologue will sound stilted and put on... which will reduce the ability of an audience (in this case the casting director) to connect with your character. This short piece also lacks the arc/progression that makes for an ideal audition piece. As with a play as a whole, the character in an audition piece needs to start in one place and face some obstacle that is overcome (or that the character fails to overcome) so that there is some variation in emotional context. This allows you to prove your ability to play a character of more than one dimension. While there is depth to this character you describe, it is mostly inferred. A director will want to see it.

I also have to warn you that few directors will respond well to "I wrote this myself" in an audition piece. While it isn't a requirement that an audition piece be something a director recognizes, you would be surprised by how much your character selections for audition pieces will give a point of reference for a director. The simple fact that you are up to the challenge of presenting something from Beckett or Brecht, have the inclination for glib witticisms from Neil Simon or Noel Coward, or see yourself as a classical artist with a grasp on Shakespeare and Moliere... provide insight into your personality and skill level.

A quality presentation of a character that is well know, Hamlet for example, is a difficult sale... after all, what director doesn't know this play? Every one of us (yes, I'm a director... and actor, playwright, and designer), has considered this character... his motives down to every nuance. You have to be better than everything we've imagined... and every other world class Hamlet we've ever seen. Otherwise you've failed to impress us... even if you played Hamlet better than the next person we see played something else. On the flip side of the coin, which is where you are if you do something you wrote yourself; we directors have no idea who this character you're showing us is. We don't know where in their life this monologue comes from or what it has to do with the story told in the play (which doesn't exist, because this is not a part of a play). That means we don't know if you've captured the character at all... because we don't know the character and a one minute monologue has to be reeeeeallly well written to give us every nuance of a character to this extent.

So, my recommendation... find your two (six to eight minimum if you're serious about working the audition circuit) monologues from moderately well known works by powerful playwrights. Choose to show off your range and complement the role you are seeking. Really make sure you understand who the characters are and why this moment of their lives is so critical. Know that moment inside and out, be moved by it. Present yourself as a professional and confident in your work and make sure that YOU and the characters you play are different (don't pick a character that is like you... especially not like the 'you' that is on stage auditioning).

And remember... even if you don't get the role, you have these two minutes to share your craft and your art with someone. Make the most of it.