I wish it was true

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THE DREAM Of
MY LIFE

Hi my name is Briana AKA Brian.
I was born in Dallas Tx. The doctor said I was a boy so they wrapped me in a blue blanket I stated crying they couldn't figure out why I wouldn't stop crying they tried feeding me changing me by mistake they picked up a.pink blanket and I wrapped me in it I stopped crying then they notice their mistake and wrapped me back in a blue blanket and I started crying again
The nurse looked at me confused and wrapped me back in a pink blanket I stopped crying again so they left me in pink blankets I was the talk of the hospital the boy who preferred pink is what the doctors said. I couldn't't talk so I couldn't, tell them I was a girl when my parents took me home and put me in the nursery they thought they were having a girl cause my boy parts did not show up on the sonogram so they thought they were have a girl so it was all girly I was happy all girl toys and clothes till my daddy got paid in two weeks then he bout boy stuff I was miserable and started crying all the time my mommy noticed that when we went to the store and passed the toys I would coo and giggle reaching for baby dolls trucks cars I would cry so she got me two babydolls she's also notice the same with boy outfits and girls outfits but I was a baby so she bought me somes dresses this went on tell I was three then my my told me I could where do girl stuff I had to act and dress like daddies little man not mommies little girl I cried my self to sleep and just frowned stayed in my room didn't play with any body at day care untill a little girl my age came and asked if I want to play I said yes then we played dress up dolls tea party hand hives other girl's notice us playing and joined in even though I was a boy they didn't notice they just had fun with one of the girls then came Halloween my friends from daycare and one of their moms took us shopping for costumes we all went to the little girls section I got the Doc Mcstuffins my one friend got Sofia the first and got belle one got Ariel one got
Snow white one got Cinderella one got frozen Ella then went trick or treating and got complimented on how pretty all us girls were .

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Comments

Editing Needed

Teek's picture

You have a story to tell. It is hard to come out and post something to complete strangers. I commend you for your bravery and encourage you to keep writing, and keep posting. I see you have posted other stories, ones much longer than this one.

Like this one, there is a common theme, some editing would be helpful. This particular story has one sentence that is 317 words long. It is one long run-on sentence which makes it hard for the reader to get what you are trying to convey. It is a sad fact, but sentences and grammar really do help the story. The words are only part of the way the message is expressed. Putting a comma in one spot or a period in another, can totally change the meaning of the words on a page. I am no expert. My writing is full of grammatical errors, even after being edited and checked for spelling and grammar errors. Over time I have gotten better, but I still have a LONG ways to go.

Here you have written a story of a baby who from the second they were born, preferred everything girl and resisted everything boy. All the elements are there to make this a good short story; the premiss, a conflict, a happy ending. You even did some character development. it is the sentences and paragraphs that need refining, and with that, I believe you would find the story getting a little longer and allow for a bit more character development.

>> this went on tell I was three then my my told me I could where do girl stuff I had to act and dress like daddies little man not mommies little girl I cried my self to sleep and just frowned stayed in my room didn't play with any body at day care untill a little girl my age came and asked if I want to play I said yes then we played dress up dolls tea party<<

Edited Version:
>> . . . This went on until I was three years old. My Mom told me I could not wear girl stuff or act like a girl. I had to act and dress like Daddy's little man, not Mommy's little girl. That night, I cried myself to sleep. Over the next few days, I just frowned and stayed in my room. At daycare, I didn't play with the other boys, and stayed away from the girls.

This continued until one day a little girl my age came and asked if I wanted to play.

I said, "Yes."

We went over and played dress up, dolls, tea party . . . <<

I believe the edited version still expresses the same thing you were trying to express, but it made it easier for the reader to grasp the message. You need to keep writing. It is obvious you have some wonderful ideas that need to be expressed and shared with the world. If you ask, I am sure you will find some people on here who would be willing to help you grow as a writer, and others that would be willing to help with editing your stories before posting.

In these 439 words, you have enough to make me start to ask questions. I want to know more about your main character, and what her father thought about his 3 year old going out on Halloween dressed as Doc McStuffins. Mom appears willing to let her baby go through life as a girl, but that character isn't fully developed enough to fully judge that. If Dad is the one that forced the "Little Man" stuff on her, who will be the stronger one in time? Like I said, you have the foundation of a story here. Refine it, edit it, and continue writing. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teekabell

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek