Jessie's Ride

Chapter 2
The summer

The wind was blowing lightly across the road as we drove up to the house. It was blowing some dust up but that just seemed right in this place. My mustang purred quietly as I stopped and looked over the place. The house was worn but sound looking two-floor ranch style. I glanced around at the barns and out buildings. This place could have come right out of an old western movie. Adapting to living in this place would be an adventure in itself.

A tall woman stood on the porch watching us arrive. I wondered what she was thinking about this small long haired dirty blonde boy and tall short haired redhead girl in a beat-up mustang arriving at her door? I knew from the photos at the store that the woman was Helen, my aunt. I brushed back my hair, took Josie’s hand and walked up to porch to meet this imposing woman. Uncle Frank held her in high regard, which he didn't do for many, so I was a little intimidated. “Good morning, I’m Jessie Silver and this is Josie Trin, are you Helen Thorn?” It was not much of an opening but I guess I had to start somewhere. “I thought you two would be bigger for all the tales my brother tells of you” she said with a smile. Her smile was real warm and made me feel good. Well this was getting off to a good start. We followed her inside with relief. The house was decorated in rough but stylish furnishings that fit perfectly with the whole place. Hard woods and earth colors everywhere. Everything just seemed to fit without looking dull. This was a well thought out home. I knew I was going to be happy this summer.

I met many people in the next few days. Most of these people were good down to earth types that made being there easier. I was still shy but maybe I would try to get over that this summer. Some treated me like a little kid. I rolled my eyes and tried not to get snippy with them. I corrected that as soon as I could. I did not want to have that stick. Of them all my favorites were Julie and Ben. Julie was a fiery black haired spitfire who worked in the kitchen. Ben was a darkly handsome lean man who was a horse trainer. Both were the same age as Josie and me 16. Josie and Julie hit it off right away. Both liked to cook and try new recipes. I fell in with Ben and helped training the horses. We planned to hang out with them for most of the summer. I was not sure if anyone knew that Josie and I were a couple but nobody seemed to judge us they just accepted us without a word. This was a good place. The first week flew by in a wink.

Josie surprised me when in the 2nd week she told me that Julie and her were going to a hunting cabin in the mountains 40 miles away. They would be gone for a few weeks. They wanted to see if they had what it takes to work as cooks. I had taken on my first project training a horse named Gypsy so could not go with them. I wanted to stay with Josie but was really getting into learning to train horses. I didn’t want to but I let her go without guilt or tears. I was out of sorts for the first few days after Josie headed out. The way she had been holding Julie’s hand when they left disturbed me. Was I feeling threatened? I began to look at the time I had spent with Josie differently. I knew Josie had crushes on girls in the past. She said she was bisexual like me. She liked guys sometimes and girls other times. I did not know if this was the start of one of her girl crushes or not. This scared me. Was I the only one in love? We had never said it out loud so was it love or not? We had not even kissed. We had hugged but not kissed. I tended to be shy about touching. I was not sure about anything anymore. Maybe she was only trying to be my friend. I would have to wait to talk to her to find that out.

I tried to put it out of my mind by learning all I could about training horses. Ben was very helpful and I learned a lot from him. Ben never put me down about my size. I felt OK hanging out with him. Still the questions remained in the back of my mind. I guess I was starting to wonder how people thought of me. I was not even sure they noticed me at all. I was so small and did not stick out much. So I worked and brooded. As always when I brooded I fell back into working alone. This did not seem to bother Ben. I did not think the others noticed. I did not make friends easily being shy. Most people on the ranch thought me moody or bad tempered I think. The truth was I was just shy and scared. Everyone, even the girls, here were bigger than me. I decided to go back to leather working to pass time when I was not training Gypsy. It was the standoffish rebel in me appearing again.

My aunt came to me shortly after Josie left and asked if I would do her a favor. She needed someone to go out to the cabin of the far side of the ranch. She wanted it fixed up and the barn there remodeled. She had wanted Ben to do it but She did not like the thought of him alone there. He needed help so she said I should go with him. This was a surprise to me. I did not like the thought of living alone with a guy I had met not long ago. I guess it would be fine. It was Ben after all. He never really treated me as a kid just a friend. We worked out all the details quickly. This would get my mind off the Josie thing for a bit.

Ben agreed easy but brought up a point I had not thought of. What was I going to do about Gypsy? I was still training her. I was going to be working on the cabin a lot of the time and that did not leave much time for horses. I was trying to think this one out when Ben smiled. He told me he would do most of the hard work so I could focus on Gypsy’s needs. I took him up on that. I wondered how it would work but I did not ask just then. I just waited for him to enlighten me. Soon we prepared to move over to the cabin.

Helen lent me a horse trailer to move Gypsy and Hero Ben’s horse to the new place. It did not take long to drive over. The place would need a lot of cleaning up but showed promise that it would work well. Ben said I should work on the inside and he would do the outside and the barn. This place was almost 30 miles from the other house so it should be ok. The barn was big and had many small rooms. The cabin had four bedrooms so we had plenty of room. I was not going to share a room with him. I would catch hell if Josie came back and seen something like that. In the barn there were ten stalls so I could put our horses at one end and still have plenty of room for a good shop. This I liked. Lots of space nobody to crowd me. Now if Josie were here it would be paradise. There was even a smaller shed for my mustang. It was strange I was not doing much with my mustang wile at the ranch. I guess that I traded one type of horse for another.

It took three days to get the place cleaned and set up. I cleaned and sorted what was there. I found it strangely satisfying to see the place come back into shape. Ben did the patchwork on the roof so we would not be rained on. I had brought a lot of kitchen stuff and food along so we were set there. After tasting Ben’s cooking once I took over all the cooking duties. His talents were many but cooking was not one of them. I had likeds to help my mother in the kitchen till my rebel said it was bad. Gypsy liked having to deal only with Hero instead of fighting for space in the barn all the time. She thrived here and I found teaching her much easer.

After a wile I started to see my life going in a direction I never thought it would. I was living alone with a guy. I found myself acting more like a girl almost a housewife than a rebel. I was so confused. Doing nice things for Ben came easily. I liked taking care of the cabin. The way I dressed changed as well. I was in softer outfits most of the time unless I was going to ride. I swear that I was this close to wearing a skirt. I felt so girlish around Ben it startled me. I had never acted like this with anyone else. Where was the rebel I always showed people? I was changing more and more each day. I was starting to think I might like being the girl most took me for. I believed I was starting to have feelings for Ben. I was so confused. I was sure I loved Josie. I only hoped this did not go any farther. What would Josie think if it did?

Time went by as I worked and worried. I knew Josie was set to come back any day now. I liked the thought of that. Maybe being around her again would clear all this up? At least I hoped it would. This was turning out to be a real stressful summer.

Gypsy was adjusting to the new place well and hardly did more than roll her eyes anymore. Ben and I were settled into a routine and getting a lot done. I had cleaned out the loft and put all my stuff up there because, or so I told myself, it was a bigger space. Ben and I even got out riding every other day. I loved those rides. I would pack a lunch and we would spend time exploring this part of the ranch. Ben told me I was becoming a good trainer. Ben had gone back to the main house on the tenth day there. When he came back he had all his tools. He said he had noticed a shudder in my mustang and he wanted to fix it for me. I had not had any luck getting the car running better so I let him work on it. Soon he had her purring like a jungle cat. I was surprised that I had not even tried to help him. I just let him do it and fixed lunch. What a girly thing to do. I was getting to be a pretty good cook. I found a old cook book and was trying new dishes almost every day now.

Josie and Julie arrived two days later together. I was glad to see them. The fact they were still holding hands irritated me but not very much. Ben did not greet them just watched. I could see he was indifferent almost standoffish to them but did not know why. This was another strange puzzle to think over. I could see that they had all their possessions with them. So I guessed that they intended to stay here with us. I was not sure what to think about that. I found myself thinking they should go back to the main house. I was not sure we had the room for two more people. Maybe I just did not want more people here. I Thought I should ask Aunt Helen what she thought about them moving in when I go to the main house to pick up the food for the week later that day. She might not like this. I was so happy at the thought of having Josie back. Then why did the thought of having her and Julie staying here make me react with something close to panic. What was I afraid of was the question?

I started to leave for the main house in my mustang wile the girls were getting settled in. I was startled when Ben asked to go with me. He never did that before. He even asked if he could drive. I never let anyone but Josie and me drive my mustang before. I was surprised when I slid over without a word. I wondered what was up with me. He almost never asked me to do anything other than train the horses. I was the one who decided I was the one to do the cooking and cleaning. My behavior disturbed me as we road along the dirt road. I was acting like a girl again. I was giving up my power to him and I did not know why.

Almost a month of the summer was up. Josie and me only had a month and a half till we had to head back to my Uncles place for school. What would happen to Gypsy, the cabin and Ben then? Why I was thinking about that now? I was spacing out. My thoughts were jumbled. I found I did not want to go back. Was it that I did not want to leave Ben? Was it Gypsy I did not want to leave? Gypsy was important to me but so were Ben and the life we were building here. What was I going to do? What about my feeling for Josie? Were they still at the top of my list of reasons to do things? This was driving me insane! I acted like a rebel with Josie and girl with Ben. Who was the real me? I had a lot of questions but no answers.

On the drive I watched Ben out of the corner of my eye. He was tall and handsome. I knew I was Bisexual. That was clear but was that why I acted so strange around him? I had met many handsome men and none of them made me feel like this. None made me feel like a girl. Did living alone with him cause these strange thoughts and actions? Ben pulled over at a small pond half way to the main hose. He turned and smiled. I felt a shiver go through me. "We need to talk" he said. I was not sure I wanted to do that. "You and I have a good thing going at the cabin I don’t want change that. You should tell Josie and Julie to go back to the main house. Ben why do you want me to do it? You after all are the lead on this project". He cocked his head. "Jessie I know you have a crush on Josie. I also know you have feelings for me! I have feelings for you! So you need to ask yourself what is it you want? I don’t know what I want Ben. I have loved Josie for a long time now but I don’t know any more how she feels. Yes Ben I do have feelings for you but what they are I don’t know yet. If I send Josie away and she dose love me what dose that mean for after this summer is over? I don’t know." He looked away. "Stay with me Jessie. At the end of the summer don’t leave. This is a good life we are making here. Please think about it." With that he turned the car back on and resumed the drive.

Twenty minuets later we got to the main house. We had not spoken since the pond. I was stunned and confused. What could I say to him? I needed to talk to Aunt Helen. I did not know what to say? I really did not know her well but she was all the family I had here. Dang, I was so confused my head was spinning. I did not even know if I could tell her what Ben said. Maybe I should not say anything about this. Just ask her how she sees me? What do I do if she sees me like that too?

When we went into the house I was somehow relieved that she was not there. The cook told me that my Aunt went to town for the day. I was somehow relieved. I was not going to wait for her. I had a lot of thinking to do. Dealing with this was my job. I should get a grip and stop over thinking this and do something about it! Stand up and make people see me, as I wanted to be seen! Of course at 5’ 1” that was a very hard thing to do. Everyone, even Josie towered over me. Was it because I was so small that I acted the way I did around Ben? Ben was almost 6 feet tall. Was I being submissive because I felt small next to him? No answers at all just questions.

We loaded the week’s food and got ready to head back. He told me that he had some things to do here and he would be back in a few days I should head back without him. I just nodded and left. This would give me time to think without him around to muddy the water so to speak. I had a lot of questions and no way to answer them. I drove slowly back up the dirt road trying to think only about driving. I was just a fool I guess.

When I got back I watched Josie for a wile. It did not take long to tell how much Josie had changed. I could also tell my feelings about her had changed too. Everything she did in the next couple of days just seemed to irritate me. Gypsy had sensed my feelings and would not let Josie near her. She had moved right in and changed the way I stocked the kitchen. I did not like that one bit. This place did not belong to her. Ben and I had lived here for three weeks and I was not going to let her come in and change everything. When I said something Josie just shushed me and walked away. All the wile Julie hovered around Josie with a possessive look that made me wonder what had happened with them. I had found myself missing Ben a lot of the time. I did not get how close we were until he was gone for a wile. I think he made me feel more than others did. Safer I think. I guess falling for him would not be a bad thing.

My Aunt Helen showed up the next day. I greeted her warmly but I think she could tell I was stressed. Jessie I am afraid you are not going to like what I came here to tell you. I looked away it had been a bad day and it was not looking like it would get any better. The cabin has been sold she said. Dang it I was right. Bad day! What do you mean sold? Who bought it? I was pissed. She put her hand on my shoulder before going on. You will have to move in two days. I can’t tell you who bought this land but I do have another cabin you and Ben can move to if you want. It is not as big as this one but should work out good. This was a big pain. Moving again. I looked at her. Will Josie and Julie be moving with Ben and I? She shook her head. They will be moving back to the main house. Well that was good at least? I will start packing if you will tell the girls? She smiled and went to cabin door.

I found the girls in the barn changing the way we kept things. That was it I had it. "Julie, Josie we need to talk!" The look Josie gave me was startled. I had never taken a tone like that with her before. Julie just frowned. I held firm and went on. "Both of you will be moving back to the main house tomorrow. This cabin has been sold. Ben and I will be starting a new project so we will not be moving back right away. That is all! I have things to do. At that point I walked away. I could not believe that I could be so cold to Josie. Josie had changed but she was still Josie. Was I breaking it off like this so I could concentrate on Ben? Did I have those kind of feelings for Ben? I found I was sweating when I got back into the cabin. I leaned back against the door and tried to calm down. My Aunt was sitting at the dinner table with a map in front of her. She looked up and smiled. Her eyes searched my face. I don't know why but this made me lift my chin and steady myself. Ever the rebel. After a moment she waved me over. I made myself stop sweating and joined her at the table. The map was of the ranch. She pointed at a spot at the northeast corner. That is where the other cabin is I guessed. I wondered if this was going to be like when we started here? She took her sweet time filling in the details. It was a small 2-bedroom cabin with a small 4-stall stable. She told me that it had not been used for at lease 25 years so it won't be easy to clean up. Strangely I was looking forward to the challenge.