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As I’d recently come to appreciate, one of the greatest joys in life was being able to take a steaming hot bath after a strenuous day. And after the emotional roller coaster that this day had been, I needed this relaxing soak more than ever before. However, even after soaking for half an hour, I was still feeling stunned and confused by the revelation that Ionne…the woman I’d sparred against for several hours…who’d announced that she was my new mentor…was actually Freya, leader of the Val Kyr.

When Ionne…Freya had revealed her identity to me little more than an hour ago, I’d immediately been filled with questions. However, I’d also been too stunned to put any of them into words at that moment. After all, I’d just gone from being on the verge of being kicked out of the Val Kyr to suddenly being taught by Freya herself, all without warning. Fortunately, Freya had told me to take a bath and get cleaned up, saying that we would talk more over dinner. In her quarters.

It said something for my state of mind that I was so distracted by thoughts of what was going on that I barely even noticed that there were two other women sharing the same bath pool as me. Neither of them was very talkative though, and like me, they seemed content to just enjoy a long bath in peace.

Once I was finished with my bath, I climbed out of the water and grabbed a large fluffy robe from where it was hanging on the nearby wall. Other women were wandering around completely naked, seeming unconcerned about it as well. And though I was starting to loosen up a bit about bathing in public this way, I still had a long way to go compared to them.

I went to my quarters were I finished drying off, brushed my hair, and then went about getting dressed. I wasn’t sure what the appropriate outfit would be for meeting with Freya in private, but I didn’t really have many options, so that simplified the choice a great deal. I put on a clean training outfit and decided that if she’d wanted me to wear armor or something else, she should have mentioned it.

Then as I looked myself over in the mirror, hoping I’d make a good impression, I mused, “I wonder if Lindrell knew she was sending me to spar against Freya…” Unfortunately, I’d have to wait until she got back before I could ask her. I also wanted to talk to Julie about this, but that would have to wait just as long. I couldn’t even talk to Nicole, who would have been my third choice, because she was part of the other triad that went off on the training mission with them.

I couldn’t believe how nervous I was about my upcoming meeting with Freya, which made me feel like I was being called into the principal’s office. I definitely had a lot of questions though, especially about why she’d set up that sparring session this afternoon…and why she’d called herself my mentor. Freya was the leader of the Val Kyr, which meant she was probably far too busy to spend time training someone who couldn’t even make it into any of the pillars.

“She was trying to impale me with a spear earlier,” I reminded myself with a chuckle. “I’m sure that having dinner with her can’t be any worse than that.

Freya, as I’d learned, had two sets of quarters. There were her official offices, which were in the same building as the audience chamber where I’d first seen her, and then there were her personal quarters, which were approximately three stories above my own. I went upstairs, to the hallway which she shared only with her three generals, and then I nervously stood in front of her door for a moment. It was a beautiful door, solid wood and covered with intricate carvings of scenes from Norse mythology. I was so caught up in looking at the door that I almost forgot I hadn’t knocked.

Instead of some kind of servant, which was what I was expecting, Freya answered the door herself. To my surprise, she was dressed in casual clothes, or at least I assumed they were casual clothes. The outfit she was wearing was in the same style and material as the training outfit I had on, except hers was dark blue with silvery white trim over much of it.

“Come in, Michelle,” Freya said, almost pleasantly.

I stepped into her quarters, which were larger than my own, but not nearly as large as I’d been expecting. Freya’s quarters were only four or five times the size of my own, though I noted that she also seemed to have a balcony space as well. However, the space she did have was so full that it was on the verge of being cluttered.

A full weapons rack was set up against one wall, though at least half a dozen other weapons were hanging on the wall, including the double sided spear that she’d used against me earlier today. Two suits of armor were set up against the wall beside the weapons rack, the fancy one she’d worn the first time I saw her, and the much simpler one that she’d worn today. However, weapons and armor were far from her only decorations. There were several overflowing bookshelves, not to mention various paintings, photos, and random seeming items. I guessed that being a virtual immortal, Freya had probably been collecting personal items for a very long time.

When I turned my attention back to Freya, she was watching me with a careful expression. “Your outfit is incomplete,” she stated. “Stand still.”

With that, Freya bent down and began to tie something around my waist. I was surprised to see that it was a sash…a white sash that matched the one she herself was wearing.

“That is more appropriate,” Freya said with a faint smile.

I carefully touched the sash at my waist, then looked to hers again before asking, “What does the white mean?”

“It means we are atra,” Freya answered with a clear note of pride. “It means we are of the center…of all pillars yet none.”

I hesitated a moment, then admitted, “I don’t understand…”

“Of course,” Freya responded with a faint sigh. “It has been so long that we have had an active center that few remember what it means…” She gestured to the table that sat in the middle of her room, and which was currently covered with trays of food. “I will explain as we eat.”

There was enough food on the table for six people to stuff themselves with, which meant that the two of us would probably be able to eat it all and still have room for dessert. There was even booze at the table, though I was pretty sure that Freya wasn’t attempting to get me drunk. For one thing, it would take a lot more than that to get two Val Kyr drunk.

“Um…Freya,” I started awkwardly, though she immediately cut me off.

“Freya is my title,” she said, looking faintly amused. “Five other women have held the title before me, including the goddess who formed our order. When we are serving as student and mentor, I would prefer you to call me by my name…Ionne.”

“Ionne,” I repeated, remembering that was what she’d introduced herself as in the courtyard. “So that really is your name…”

“Yes, it is,” Freya…Ionne agreed before turning her attention to the food.

I sat down and started to eat, trying to be patient. After a few minutes, Ionne started, “Every Val Kyr has approximately the same amount of Val. For most, when their val awakens, the largest portion of their val automatically flows to one of the three pillars.”

“For most,” I said, having caught that distinction. Lindrell had told me that this was true for every Val Kyr, not most.

“There are exceptions,” Ionne explained patiently. “On rare occasions, the val spreads evenly among the pillars. Those of us who are of the center do not have enough val in any one pillar to give us its full power, but what we lack in focused power, we make up for with versatility.”

“Jack of all trades,” I said in sudden understanding. “Master of none.”

“As you say,” Ionne agreed. “Though we are not as strong as jatta…and cannot share our vitality with others, we are stronger than any notru or kaern. Our senses and awareness are nearly sharp as any kaern, though we lack the ability to influence the senses of others. And our essence…”

“We don’t create as much as the notru,” I finished for her, remembering my training in their hall. “But we still generate more than the others…” Freya nodded faintly at that. “So basically, we’re second strongest in every pillar…”

“Correct,” Ionne responded, looking amused. “And because of this, we also have enough strength in each pillar that we can…combine them in ways no single pillar can.”

I ate a little as I considered what she told me, feeling excited and confused at the same time. On one hand, it was an incredible relief to finally have an explanation about why I didn’t have a pillar, especially one that didn’t come down to my just being a loser. But on the other hand, now I had a lot more questions than before and I wasn’t even sure where to start.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I demanded bitterly, thinking about how much it hurt to see I didn’t have a pillar…to have everyone acting as though this meant I was some kind of failure. I glared at Ionne as though it was her fault. She’d obviously known that my lack of having a pillar really meant that I was a center, but she hadn’t said a thing. She hadn’t told me and hadn’t corrected everyone else about it either. “Why didn’t anyone know I was a center?”

While I stared at Ionne, waiting for an explanation, it suddenly dawned on me that I was no longer as intimidated by her. Sure, she was basically the queen of the Val Kyr, but it was hard to be intimidated by someone I was eating a casual dinner with. But then, I realized that this was the entire point of her inviting me to her private quarters for dinner, as well as for having me call her Ionne instead of Freya. She didn’t want me to be intimidated by her.

“Those of the center have always been rare,” Ionne finally said, giving me a steady look that I couldn’t quite read. “Even at our greatest, there have never been more than a handful of us at any one time. But what few of us there were have always been greatly valued. At one time, all of the most powerful triads had a fourth…a center. Our roles are less defined than those of the pillars as we focus on versatility, adding our strength wherever it is most needed.”

“I guess that makes sense,” I responded, feeling relieved and excited as I considered that there actually was a place for me on my triad, that I wasn’t just an unnecessary extra. However, that didn’t answer the question as to why no one had told me until now, or why Ionne had sent my triad out without me.

“I do not know if you have been told of this yet,” Ionne told me with a grim expression, “but seven hundred years ago, we were betrayed from within, and at the end of the battle, the traitors were left slain…along with many loyal Val Kyr and half the atra.” She went silent for a moment, staring at her food though she didn’t eat. Instead, she drank from a cup of mead, then commented, “Much of our order was broken that day, and even now, we have not fully recovered.”

I thought about what Fleur had told me, about how a lot of the Val Kyr became suspicious of converts after this. Even after seven hundred years, that hadn’t gone away completely, which was no surprise since long lives came with long memories.

“Only three atra survived that day,” Ionne continued with a faint scowl. “Over the next two centuries, the other two perished in battle. One new atra was awoken during that time, but she too was killed. The last atra in active service was slain in battle five hundred years ago, so I alone remained of the center…until now.” Ionne paused again, then gave a forced smile as she admitted, “Most Val Kyr have forgotten the atra and the role we once served.”

For a minute, I just stared at Ionne, my dinner nearly forgotten as I absorbed everything she’d told me. If no one had seen an atra in that long, then it was no wonder no one recognized what it meant when the scales showed me as not having a pillar. It also meant that out of all the Val Kyr, Ionne was the only one who could possibly be my mentor.

“What about Estrid?” I asked, suddenly remembering the other convert who’d lacked a pillar. She was conspicuously absent from Ionne’s story.

“Estrid would have been atra,” Ionne agreed sadly. She scowled deeply before continuing, “She never should have been converted. She’d agreed to become Val Kyr, knowing what it would mean, but she did not…adjust well. She became angry and combative, complaining that she’d been cursed for the sin of worshipping a false god…” Ionne snorted dismissively at that. “I would have been Estrid’s mentor, had she been willing to listen and learn. Because of that, she never learned what it meant to be of the center.”

Ionne sat there with a sad expression on her face, one which told me that she took Ionne’s fate personally. In a way, I could sort of understand. After all, Ionne had been the only atra among the Val Kyr, and at that point, she would have been alone for two hundred years. I imagined that Estrid’s failure must have been quite a missed opportunity for her, and it was possible that she felt she’d failed as a mentor.

“I owe you an apology,” Ionne abruptly said, staring at me with a steady look. “I know the…difficulties you had, thinking that you belonged to no pillar…facing contempt from some of our sisters.”

I stared at Ionne, surprised at the apology. She was the queen of the Val Kyr, and she was apologizing to me. Of course, I knew I deserved an apology, I just hadn’t expected to get one.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, fighting to keep my voice calm when I really wanted to yell at her.

“Because you needed to prove yourself to our sisters,” Ionne stated calmly. “And because I needed to see what you are made of. I needed to see if you would surrender in the face of adversity…or if you would work to earn your place. I needed to see how willing you were to adapt.”

“It was a test,” I said in understanding, feeling a surge of anger and frustration.

Ionne could have made things easier on me with little more than a simple explanation, yet she’d kept quiet just to see what I’d do. I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I shouldn’t. Ionne might not be quite as intimidating as she’d been before I sat down to dinner with her, but I still remembered who she was and that she could make things very hard on me if she wanted. Even harder than they already were.

“I will not waste my time with someone who is incapable of learning,” Ionne told me, clearly referring to Estrid. “However, I believe that the time I spend training you will be time well spent. Lindrell does not know you are of the center, yet she is still quite confident that you will make for a valuable addition to the Val Kyr. After watching you, I agree with her assessment.”

I blinked at that, stunned by the unexpected compliments. It was also rather nice to know that Lindrell hadn’t been intentionally keeping me in the dark about the whole atra thing, and that she’d still had faith in me anyway.

“And as for the reason I held you back from the training mission with your triad,” Ionne started, obviously guessing one of the other questions that was on my mind. “I did this because you were not yet ready…”

“But…,” I began to protest, offended by her statement since I’d been a Val Kyr just as long as Julie, and there hadn’t been any problems with Julie going.

“Training for the center is not as simple as for the pillars,” Ionne told me in a patient tone. She gave me a steady look, one that clearly stated that she knew exactly what she was doing, and I wilted a little in my seat. “For most Val Kyr, they know where their strength and abilities lay and can focus on those. But for those of the center, we must train in all pillars. We must understand what each pillar is capable of in order to build the foundation to use our own gifts.”

“That’s why you’ve been having me go to each of the training halls,” I said in understanding.

Ionne smiled faintly at that and took a bite of her own dinner. Once she was finished swallowing, she explained, “We atra have no training hall of our own. Traditionally, as we are of all pillars yet none, we have always been free to train in any of the halls.” She paused at that, giving me a thoughtful look before continuing. “I have left your initial training in the hands of Lindrell and the pillars. However, as today has confirmed for me, you have developed enough of a foundation that we can begin your training as a center.”

I took a drink of my mead, not exactly enjoying the flavor but making a point to drink it since Ionne was. When I thought about starting my real training, or at least my training as an atra…a center…I felt a surge of excitement. It was almost enough to make me forget that I was actually upset at Ionne for the way she’d left me in the dark for so long.

I couldn’t wait to actually start learning some new tricks, the kind of things that everyone else could do…or more specifically…that only the atra could do. Then again, Ionne had already started doing that earlier today. A faint smile threatened to form as I thought about the way I’d been able to charge up my weapons with essence. Being able to do that had really made me feel like I was really Val Kyr, and I wanted more.

“And we’re the only atra?” I asked Ionne, though she’d already said as much a few minutes earlier. She merely nodded at that.

Though I didn’t know exactly how many Val Kyr there were, I did know that there were less than two hundred. And out of all of those, only two of us were atra. It was no wonder we didn’t have a training hall of our own. What would the point be of building an entire training hall just for two people? In a way, it was strange to realize that even though I did have a place among the Val Kyr, I was still a bit of an outsider. Then again, Ionne had been the only one for a very long time so I could only imagine what that had been like for her.

“Why aren’t there more?” I asked her quietly. “You said there used to be more atra…”

“Have you not guessed?” she asked me, looking faintly amused.

I stared at her for a moment, trying to think of what could have changed between then and now. Then I realized what it was and let out a faint gasp of surprise. Ionne nodded.

“When one first becomes Val Kyr,” Ionne explained in a calm tone, “their newly awoken val flows towards one of the three pillars. However, as you now know, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes…one out of every five times…when one is being converted, their val balances between the pillars and they become atra instead.”

My eyes widened as I realized what that meant. “You’re…”

“A convert,” Ionne agreed with a wry smile. “As were all atra, though very few Val Kyr remain who remember this.” There was a sad tone in her voice as she finished saying that.

After this, the rest of dinner was more subdued as there were no more major revelations. Instead, we continued eating while Ionne told me a little more about the past, back when the atra were a valued part of the Val Kyr. I listened in fascination, feeling hopeful about my own future.

When we were finished with both dinner and the conversation, I left Ionne’s quarters with a smile on my face. Sure, I was still bothered by the fact that she’d left me in the dark for so long, but after that talk I definitely felt a lot better about my place with the Val Kyr.