Editing by Djkauf

This is kind of a one shot Tracy story, but will fit in when I reach October 31st of 1983. I have added some new people, and yes, Tracy will meet them in the coming chapters of Through the years. I have done my best to keep spoilers out, but this post focuses on her feelings in October.

Tracy looked in the full length mirror hanging on the closet door and she took a moment to see how everything looked. From the fancy looking costume shoes, to the cheap princess dress, all Sage’s idea, including the plastic crown, she looked the part of a princess. Except for one thing. She was missing her smile. And as she smiled, she realized something important.

This was her costume today. Not the frilly princess dress, the fancy-looking shoes, the scepter, or the crown, but a smile. It was the opposite of how she felt. She hadn’t felt like smiling in months now, despite how many good things had happened to and for her. She didn’t want to be out looking for candy tonight. She wanted to hide, to run away and never be seen by people again, but her mother insisted she would be safe this time and that she needed to not become a hermit.

As she came down the steps in Shelly’s home, she looked to the kitchen table, where Harvey and one of the officers who frequented Beth’s deli were sitting. They were talking with her parents, and the parents of her friends, laying down the ground rules. This was how her life had progressed. Guarded, constantly watched. It made her feel like a prisoner. Again.

She had looked to the sofa, where Rachel was busy watching MTV with a pair of little girls next to her, when she heard the sound of the clip being slid into Harvey’s gun, and Rosa Hernandez worked the action on her gun. Her smiled faded as she looked up again as both cops slid their weapons into holsters. Harvey was sporting his on his back, under his coat, Rosa had her’s in a shoulder harness.

There was a knock at the door and William went to check it. Tracy was at least a bit happy that her father was there and would be walking with them. He looked through the peep hole, then he opened the door and a pair of local lady officers who used to see her at the deli came in, each of them in street clothes and one of them had her children with her, as did Rosa. Each of these cops were aware about her, and her current situation. Some of the male cops knew, but only a few still talked to her.

She hated how her life had come to this. She felt like a criminal. Tracy knew that everywhere she went, there was someone watching her, waiting to strike. They had proven this with their detailed account of her life, each time she had to deal with them. That was why she no longer lived at Shelly’s place and was now just visiting. However, she knew the bad people were there, so it wasn’t a surprise, just that feeling of constant terror in knowing they were out there, waiting, watching.

They hadn’t stopped since April and she was getting physically sick from living in fear and regret. And with having a constant guard on her, she wasn’t feeling all that free. She knew her mother checked on her almost every hour at night. She could hear the door to her room open each time, at least on the nights she slept in her bed. Other nights, Tracy managed to find her way into her parents bed, only when the dreams were really bad

And their bed seemed split, just from the events of the past few months. Her parents were busy arguing about what was best and how to deal with everything, so each day there was a new screaming match and Tracy felt guilt over that as well. She still saw Jaio, but now for special training sessions on the weekend and only at Jaio’s and Lok’s house. Every part of her life seemed micro-managed and she was never given the choice about anything anymore.

Her friends, plus Yvette, Heather and Carrie all came into the room from the kitchen, and Tracy began to worry how they could be hurt, being this close to her. Tracy knew she’d have to leave them, in order to keep them safe. If her new antagonists were following her, and knew almost every little move she made, she knew that they could find out about Sage, Yvette or even Carrie. And then they could become big targets to the lowlifes. So Tracy had made the decision that afternoon, to stop hanging around them after Halloween, and her parents had been speaking to the man in the state about moving them, until it was all safe for her again.

She was still a million miles away when her Dad put his hand on her shoulder and made sure she was ready. She never replied, she just shrugged. He was getting used to the silent treatment, as were her friends, but that didn’t stop Sage from hugging her and letting her know they’d keep her safe.

Either way, Tracy’s life was a shambles and she hated it. Her friends gathered around her and she had to put the costume on again. Her lips pulled back into a smile she didn’t feel, and she tried to look happy, but she wasn’t. They knew it. Each person in the room could see how false that smile was. They knew she was sad and quickly nearing the end of her rope. After All, everything that had happened to her would have been a lot for an adult. For a kid, it was a hundred times worse.

Yet Tracy knew she had to smile. If not for her, then for her friends, so they wouldn’t worry anymore.

I know it is a bit of a jump, but I so wanted Tracy in on the contest. Yes there are new people coming soon and hopefully a new chapter or three, so you all get to see how these people are meet each other.