“Did you know that I do blame myself for what happened in December?” Modine asked her husband. “And I feel guilty for this whole crazy Molly situation too.”

“Well,” Modine looked up at him and she frowned, while shaking her head. “I went to Maggie’s and found Tracy that one morning. I gave Tracy a chance to come out, but only here and only when you were gone. But I could see that each time she came out, putting her back was getting harder. In October she decided to be just Troy, so Vance couldn’t find out and a part of me was relieved. I was so afraid that something would happen and that since I gave Tracy the chance to be out, it would be my fault. Then Thanksgiving happened and you found out, because of Bruce.” Modine wiped a tear from her eye.

Edits and help by Djkauf and the Rev. Anam Chara (including some well needed advice on the religious side of the story

A bit of fun with the Patterson family, and church

Saturday 19th 1983

Modine sat at the table in the kitchen, while her husband worked on making her dinner. The silence was slowly getting to them. The house next door had been quiet, since Maggie’s parents left early that morning. William was in the Bay area and not due back till Sunday evening. Modine was slowly dreading to see June approach. She didn’t want to lose all contact with her son and his family.

“Conner, do you think we were greedy by having William move his family next door, all those years ago? I mean we almost begged him to move with us. I hated L.A. so much and now…”

“No,” Conner answered, then he looked over to her. “What brought that question on?”

“Well, with Tracy and Maggie being moved away, and soon Vance and William, I wonder if we’re to blame for them moving from the L.A. area.”

Conner shook his head and answered her. “Baby, they moved from there because they wanted to. William wanted to get back on his feet after his injuries, but in a slower environment. And I’m sure that if they had known about Tracy before now, they would have done everything to put her through school as Tracy, so no one knew any better.”

Modine sighed. “Is it wrong that I wish that a doctor would find something and say she is like her friend, Sage?”

“Not at all. In fact, I bet Tracy is begging for that too,” Conner answered her and he nodded.

“Did you know that I do blame myself for what happened in December?” Modine asked her husband. “And I feel guilty for this whole crazy Molly situation too.”

“Modine, how is any of this your fault?” Conner asked.

“Well,” Modine looked up at him and she frowned, while shaking her head. “I went to Maggie’s and found Tracy that one morning. I gave Tracy a chance to come out, but only here and only when you were gone. But I could see that each time she came out, putting her back was getting harder. In October she decided to be just Troy, so Vance couldn’t find out and a part of me was relieved. I was so afraid that something would happen and that since I gave Tracy the chance to be out, it would be my fault. Then Thanksgiving happened and you found out, because of Bruce.” Modine wiped a tear from her eye.

Conner took dinner off the burner and he took a seat next to her. “I talked to William just around the first of the year and he said that in a talk with the new shrink guy, Tracy said that if Tracy had to be Troy, she would kill herself. In helping Tracy come out, you may have saved that girl’s life,”

“But look at all the trouble she has to put up with,” Modine stated.

“What trouble, Modine?” Conner asked. “Tracy is now in Livermore, living with her friends and living as a girl. No one knows of Troy and, if they did, she is living with Shelly and they could throw them off. She is safer there and no matter how much you think it, you did not cause Molly or Bruce to attack Tracy. I may not totally understand what is going on in her head, but I know she is not to blame for Molly or Bruce and neither are you and Maggie. People like them are just looking for an excuse to attack someone and then blame their victim for their actions.”

Modine sighed, shook her head, then said. “But I still feel guilty.”

“And I bet Tracy hates herself for bringing Bruce and his little jerks this way and the fact you got hurt defending her. But things happen and we can’t always control them. So you have to learn to let go.” Conner shook his head. “Why am I telling you this? You’re the level-headed one of us.”

“I guess. But even the Dalai Lama can have his off days, right?” Modine asked with a small, sad smile.

“Modine, no one said you have to be perfect. I love you, imperfections and all. But don’t dwell on the things that you had no control over. This move of theirs? This move would have happened sooner or later. Do you really think a girl like Tracy would have made it in school in a few years? I’m sure most schools won’t let her change with the girls and to make her change with the boys could cause a ton of problems. Taking Tracy to a new town to be herself, that may be for the best. And its three hours away. The two of us can make that drive and I’m sure they’d love to have us there around Thanksgiving, or Easter. This isn’t the end.”

“I know,” Modine replied.

Conner took her hand and gently squeezed it. “Come on, let’s get some food in you and maybe we can come up with an idea for a vacation in a month or two. Maybe we can help William and Vance move away.”

“Yeah. I think I’d like to help them, even if I can’t do much.” Modine gave him a sad smile and a slow nod of her head.

“That’s a start. Now you relax and I’ll get dinner finished.”

Sunday February 20th 1983

Tracy was walking down the steps of Rachel’s house. Sage was with her and they had just waited as Rachel quickly got dressed. The three of them were headed for the living-room, to tell their parents they were ready. They had come over to Lance and Lynn’s house early, that way Rachel could get dressed for church. Tracy had put on one of her dresses, not the pink one, but a nice one with nice shoes. They had stopped long enough for Sage to grab a nice dress and ask her parents if she could go. Brooke was with her Grandparents, and Stacey and Casey were on their way to the church their father went to.

The three girls were almost to the ground floor when Tracy finally voiced her concern. Rachel had known something was going on, so she waited to see if Tracy would speak. Finally she was rewarded and Tracy stopped at the bottom of the steps and looked to Sage and Rachel. “What if they know? What if people attack me?”

“I gotta admit I’m a bit worried too,” Sage stated.

“Relax, no one is going to attack you. Either of you. No one attacks little girls during church; God doesn't like that,” Rachel said trying to soothe them.

Tracy was unaware her father was now in the doorway to the living-room, watching them. Maggie was with him as well, as was Jamie. Tracy shook her head. “But Rachel, I’m not a girl. Well, not physically anyway.”

“Sweetie,” William spoke, causing his daughter to jump in fright. He didn't waste any time, he kept speaking. “As your father, my word is law, correct?”

“I guess.”

“The correct answer is yes. If I say do it, you usually have to do it or get in trouble, right?”

“Yeah,” Tracy said with a nod.

“Then when I say you’re a girl, you have to believe it.” William gave her a smile. “Besides, I’m with you. Someone has a problem with you and I set them straight. But honestly, I’m not telling anyone about your birth defect and neither will your mother or Rachel’s family.”

“Really?” Tracy asked as she looked from Rachel to Jamie. Both girls nodded in agreement.

“We know what could happen. Rachel told me about what you've been dealing with. I heard her and Sage talking about the crazy woman in the store,” Jamie said.

Lance had been listening to the conversation and he decided to help his daughter out. “Tracy, where we’re going, it’s not your normal, run-of-the-mill church. Lynn and Frank’s brother goes there and he is openly gay. There are others like him. This is a church built on love and acceptance. It’s not one that will condemn you for being you.”

“See?” William stated. “And if you like it, we can come more often.”

“I think you’ll enjoy it,” Lynn stated. “You just have to trust us that nothing will happen to you.”

Maggie bent down and touched Tracy’s shoulder, to get her attention. She whispered in her daughter’s ear. “You going to be okay in the youth services?”

“Yeah. Rachel said it’s just half an hour or so,” Tracy whispered back and nodded.

“Then you’re with us for the rest of the service. And after that, we’re going out for lunch. We’ll meet with the Millers and get Vance. From there, we’ll go to Shelly’s and get things in order, before I leave,” William stated. “And I believe that Harvey and his girls are meeting us for lunch. The girls are spending another night with you.”

And that one statement helped to perk Tracy up and make her forget her fears, even if just for a few minutes. “Awesome!”

The church was on the outskirts of Livermore, and it sat on a piece of land just about an acre big. There was only one building. It was in a large L shape, with a parking lot in the front and a side lot as well. It wasn't as big as the last church she had gone to, but it was a decent size. The lawns that were usually taken care of were gone for the winter. The only thing that was green were the shrubs along the road and fence line. Lynn pulled her van into a parking spot and William pulled up next to her. Tracy was still worried, but her father got out, opened up her door and offered her a hand. “Come on. I’ll keep you safe.”

As everyone went inside, the adults and the children all seemed to part ways and Tracy began to get worried that something would happen. William jogged over to her an put a hand on her shoulder. “We'll be inside. You get worried you come straight to me, but I don't think anything will happen.”

“Okay, Daddy,” She replied. Tracy followed Rachel down the main hall of the building, as their parents went into the large chapel area. There were several doors along the inside of the hall and Rachel told her which each one was for.

A few girls ran up to her. “Hey, Rachel! Who are they?”

“This is Tracy and Sage,” Rachel said. Then she gestured to the other two girls. “This is Wendy and Halley. They’re Reverend Banks’ girls.”

“Tracy? The Tracy? Like, the one who was attacked on her property a couple weeks ago and made sure you and the other friends got to safety?” Halley asked.

Wendy started with the next question, before the first one was answered. “And the one who was attacked in December and who hung out with you near Christmas?”

“This is her,” Rachel said. Tracy began to wonder what Rachel had told them.

Both girls looked at her with surprise and excitement. Wendy started the questioning again. “Rachel told us that some kids tried to beat you up and you beat two of them at once a couple of weeks ago.”

“Honestly, neither could fight,” Tracy said with a shrug, trying to think of a way to get off the subject.

“Wow! And I thought Oakland was bad when we lived there,” Halley replied.

“Why did they do it?” Wendy asked.

Tracy decided to give a quick telling, but not cover the whole story. “Well, see, back in November I caught a kid stealing. He attacked me on my parents’ property because he almost got sent to jail for stealing at school. It isn’t the first time he was arrested. Well, him and two of his friends tried to kill me and then when I got away, they caught me and beat me. My Grandmother came out to stop them but she has really brittle bones so they hurt her. I managed to get up and fight them away from her, but ended up in the hospital for almost four days after that. Then when I got back to school, someone tripped me and tore out all the stitches I had from the surgeries I had."

She took a deep breath and finished the story detailing just the key points of Billy, Clark and Bruce and how they were all related.

“Wow, so you can fight?” Wendy asked.

“Yeah,” Tracy said with a nod. “I learned Tai chi.” She wasn't ready for the thousand questions and a part of her remembered how her cousin Angie had been at Christmas.

Wendy stepped closer. “Rachel said you’d rather live here, is that true?”

“Yeah. I got more friends here than back at home. And Mom and Dad moved me down here last week.”

A shadow fell on them from the doorway. “Come on everyone, find a seat. Let’s get the class started.” Tracy looked and saw a woman that looked just a bit older than her mother. She looked to Tracy and Sage, then cocked her head slightly. “You’re both new here. I’m Abigail, the fifth grade Sunday school teacher.”

“Ma’am, this is my friend, Tracy, from Oroville,” Rachel said. “And my friend from school, Sage.”

“Ohhhhh!” She drew the word out. “So these are two of the girls you’ve spoken so highly of?” Both Tracy and Sage blushed at being so well known. A part of Tracy was still worried that people would find out what she had been born as.

“Yes Ma’am,” Tracy replied.

“So, are you here for a visit?” Abigail asked Tracy.

“I moved down here last week, but my parents may start coming here each week.”

“Well, then in that case, welcome!” The teacher happily exclaimed as she smiled at Tracy, then she looked at Sage. “And do you go to a different church?”

Sage shook her head. “No. My mother is letting my siblings and me all make our own choices in life. She taught us right and wrong, but she is letting me come, to see if it feels right for me.”

“I see. Well, welcome to you as well!” The teacher gestured to the door. “Please step inside, and we can start the class.”

As the adult services broke up, the preacher had found his way to Lynn and her husband. Then he smiled at Maggie and William and held out his hand. “Hello! It’s good to see new faces at our church.”

“Well, it’s just for the weekend, at least for me," William stated, shaking the man's hand. “We actually live north of Sacramento, about three hours away. But we are moving here, and when we do, you may see us more.”

“Well, if you do move, please feel free to join our family, you’ll find we’re a very loving church.” The man smiled. “I’m Ian Banks, the pastor here.”

“I’m William Patterson, this is my wife Maggie.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” the Reverend Banks said with his warm smile.

“Our daughter Tracy is here as well. She’s with her friend Rachel, Lance and Lynn’s daughter.”

“Wait, Tracy? Tracy Patterson? That friend of Rachel?” The minister asked.

“You heard of her?” Maggie asked with a smile. He wasn’t the first person who seemed to know of the tale of Tracy, bully fighter, defender of the weak and young.

“I have heard of all of you through Lynn’s daughter, Rachel. She has been speaking about how brave your daughter was in facing down two attackers two weeks ago on your property while making sure her friends, including one in a wheelchair got to safety. Plus, she spoke of another attack back before Christmas. Something about defending her grandmother?”

“That would be our daughter. She defended William’s mother when some boys tried to beat them both up,” Maggie agreed. “She’s with Rachel in the Sunday school.”

“Well, stop by on your way out. I’d love to meet this girl who Rachel speaks so highly of,” the Reverend Banks said with a slight nod of his head.

“We will,” William said with a smile.

“If you will excuse me, I got to make sure I’m ready for the sermon.” As he headed towards the front of the main hall, the children all walked in and started looking for their parents.

To Tracy, the preacher was an average man. Not too tall, not too fat and his face just seemed plain. Tracy wasn’t sure she had ever seen a person who just looked so plain. What he lacked in looks, he made up in charm and charisma. He had a wonderful speaking voice and it wasn’t one of those that would put you to sleep in a matter of minutes. His whole attitude was upbeat and friendly. He had a way of captivating the congregation. The half hour sermon went fast and soon she was listening as he gave the final prayer for the morning service, her head bowed and eyes closed. The congregation all said "Amen," then the pastor said a few more words and people started to stand up.

As everyone stood up, Tracy’s parents held her back, before she could run off with Rachel and the girls. “Hold on, sweetie. We want you to meet the preacher. If we’re going to come here more often, he should meet you now.”

She was a bit worried that the man would guess she had boy parts and attack her–like Molly had–but she trusted her father that nothing would happen. Rachel had insisted that people like her wouldn’t be hurt there. She had even pointed out a few men that Rachel claimed were openly gay, or women who were lesbians. But Tracy’s fear wouldn’t go away.

It took several minutes as the parishioners thinned out. Many of them stopped to say hello to Tracy and her parents. Finally they were headed out the door when they stopped and William held his hand out to the Reverend again. “I must say, it was nice to be back in a church again. You have a way with the crowd.”

“I had a great homiletics professor at seminary,” the Rev. Banks stated with a chuckle. “Helps to reach people if they don’t fall asleep on me!”

“Too true,” William replied and both he and Maggie chuckled as they thought about some of the preachers they had seen in the past and how bland they were at speaking. William put his hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “This is our youngest, Tracy. Tracy, this is Reverend Banks.”

“It’s good to finally meet you, Tracy,” the Rev. Banks said as he held his hand out. “I must say, when Rachel told me of this girl who can stand up to three boys who are bigger then her, and being injured at the same time just to protect her grandmother, I pictured you a bit bigger and taller, Like a Valkyrie from the old tales. Guess it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?”

Tracy gave a shy smile. “Yeah.”

William put a hand on her shoulder. “We’re quite proud of her for defending my mother. Mom has osteoporosis and she doesn’t move to well. And to see Tracy get back up, after a major injury, well, she was driven to protect my mother that day.”

Then Maggie added, “Then she made sure that her friends got into the house safely, when the brother of the boy who attacked William’s mom came back for revenge. She stayed between them and the girls.”

“Normally fighting is not something that the Bible allows, but Psalm Eighty-Two, verse four, says to rescue the weak and needy: ‘Deliver them out of the hand of the wicked,’” the pastor told her. “There may be a lot of verses that state not to fight, but there are some that say if you don’t defend the weak, you are just as guilty as those who harm them.”

“My Grandma said that,” Tracy said with a small smile. “But I never wanted to fight them. I just couldn’t let them hurt my grandma and I wasn’t going to let Brooke, Andromeda and Casey get hurt a couple of weeks ago. They were there to beat me up, not my friends.”

The Reverend Banks patted her on the shoulder. “Young lady, you have a good heart. Never, ever, lose that.”

“I’ll try not to.” Tracy’s smile got brighter.

Next up, more fun with Tracy, Vance, Maggie and William…