After another fight with ANOTHER girlfriend, Jake asks "God, why are men and women so different?”
...and GOD answers him!

The Creation — A Retelling

By: Frank

 © 2007 Wolf-Pup Publishing

Jake had just had another argument with his girlfriend Jennifer. She was mad at him for not remembering to buy tickets to the symphony. He told her that he didn’t want to go, let alone buy tickets for the thing. All his life girlfriends were mad at him for things he couldn’t understand:

• Jake you didn’t get the tickets!
• Jake you CHEATED on me with my best friend!
• Jake you forgot our 2 week anniversary!
• Jake you forgot Valentine’s Day!
• What do you mean you don’t want to go to my parent’s because the Steelers are playing the Browns??
• Jake why didn’t you call if you were going to be late?
• Jake, kiss Fluffy (the cat) so she knows you love her.
• Jake all you want to do is have sex! I want to go out dancing!
• You know what you did!
• Jake, I’ve been sad all day; couldn’t you tell something was wrong?
• Jake, you’ll be a great husband and father some day. (Actually this wasn’t an argument but scares the crap out of me).

Jake decided to just drive for a while. He came to a favorite make out spot of his that not too many people knew about. He just called it “the cliff.” He got out of the car and got up on the hood to lie down and think for a while. “God, why are men and women so different?”

“That’s an excellent question young man,” God replied.

Startled and scared, Jake fell off the car. “Who are you? Where the hell did you come from?” Jake looked at the strange person but couldn’t seem to focus his eyes on them properly. “Ummm…are you a guy or a chick,” he asked hesitantly.

God chuckled heartily and said, “Jake, Jake, Jake. We’ll take your questions in order. We are God, don’t come from hell, and yes, We are man and woman. Really Jake, chick is not the best way to describe women.”

“Okay, God huh? You realize there is no way in hel errr heck I’d believe that.”

“Let me make you aware, so you’ll know US.”

Jake felt a warmth in his mind, and he knew that it was indeed God.

“God, wow! Can I call you God? What do I do now? Should I kneel, bow, prostate myself?”

“The word is prostrate, but no, we’re not about all that silliness. Did you ever see ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail?’ No, you didn’t We don’t know why we ask things to which we already know the answer. You should watch it sometime, excellent movie and the part where they portray Ourself is not a bad representation of our feelings.”

“Okay, the Lord comes to me and tells me to watch a movie. I’ll be waking up any time now, I hope.”

“No, no, you asked us a question. We thought to help you by answering, so you will treat women with more patience and understanding in the future.”

“I didn’t ask anything that I remember…ohhhh right you’re God. What did I ask again, and why are you referring to yourself in plural?”

“You asked about why men and women are so different. To explain it to you, we need to tell you the story of creation. There are many different stories of the creation of the world, or to be scientifically correct, the universe. Well the Big Bang Theory comes closest, so we’ll start from there.”

<BOOM> The loudest blast of thunder Jake ever heard just about caused him to crap his pants and fall off the hood of the car again.

“Sorry Jake, We were being dramatic,” God said with a sheepish but blurry grin.

Jake wanted to ask why God was blurry, but didn’t want to interrupt, either.

“After the Big Bang, aside from the nature of the universe being changed from an inny to an outy, a tremendous amount of energies were released. These energies coalesced into the gods of the universe. Yes, gods plural. With an infinite universe, that is ever expanding, there came a need for gods in every corner of existence.”

“The gods each took a galaxy or solar system of their own to do with as they pleased. Most created life in their own way, some in their own images. Each god is a complete entity unto itself. There is no male or female, or you could say they are male and female in one. So the life they created followed suit. Mating or reproduction amongst the species created by these gods took many different forms. Without male and female, there is no gender, no heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual…etc. Among the higher intelligent species some wore clothes; others never discovered a need for clothing. Among those that do, anyone wore anything and everything. Love is not based upon superficial looks but upon an intellectual and emotional attachment. Looks play a part, but there is no plumage like the peacock to distract from the beauty within.”

“Excuse me God,” Jake interrupted. “Earth isn’t anything like you’re describing. I don’t think I understand. Why can’t I look at you without my eyes hurting? It’s like you are vibrating or something!”

“We were just getting to that Jake. We were giving you an overview of the rest of the universe first. This brings us here to Earth and the Milky Way galaxy too. The reason you can’t see us properly is because We are two in one. For some reason when We came into existence we had two minds, or two halves if you will. We are male. We are female. We work together and we work against each other. Everything We do is an agreement, compromise or a battle. When we created life on this planet we couldn’t agree on the nature of this life so we started with plants. As you may know, Earth plants have male and female parts, too. When it came time to create biological life we took the idea of cell division one step further and created male life in My image. At the same time we created female life in My image. We imbued males with our spirit while we imbued females with our spirit.”

Jake interrupted again, “Whoa, wait a second. You are saying the same things twice in exactly the same way. I’m getting a headache!”

“Sorry about that,” God replied. You see while my male mind was creating maleness, my female mind was doing the same for femaleness. We couldn’t agree on what the life should look like so we decided to start small and let life evolve in its own way. The very nature of man and woman is a reflection of the nature of God. The same can be said for lower life forms too. In Us male and female are together, that is why you are drawn to each other. It is also true in Us that we conflict within and this is reflected in the differences between males and females on Earth. The same differences that draw you together are the same things that drive you crazy about each other and keep you from understanding each other.”

“HUH??!??”

God sighed, then continued. “Jake, when you are attracted to a woman, you are attracted to the image of God. Loving each other brings you close to Us. Your differences are your strengths. When We created plants, the male part of Us demanded that they have roots and be anchored by them to the earth. The female demanded that flowers have beauty, that trees give shade. The male wanted trees to live long lives, and have strong trunks to protect them. The female wanted flowers to have lovely stems and be valuable because they are fragile. Males have greater outer strength, while women have greater inner strength. Women can bear children and despite the pain, have more. Men can make many more babies. That’s a design flaw, Our bad.”

Jake pondered a moment and asked, “So which is better, male or female?”

“Neither and both. Before you ask, let me try to explain. Everyone is a reflection of God. If you are a man or woman, makes no difference. A man like you comes to God via the love of a woman. A gay man comes to God via the love of another man; he is drawn to the maleness of Us. Same for a woman who loves men, or a lesbian who is drawn to Our femaleness.”

“People who like to cross-dress are drawn to our dual nature. Transsexuals are born in one image of God, but identify with Our other side. Everyone is normal, and no one is, because God has a split personality Ourself. Everyone has hard and soft, male and female.”

Jake was confused, awed, but confused. “God, how does this help me understand women? Why can’t I see you as anything but a blur?”

God said, “You cannot visualize Us, because We can’t agree what we want to look like! As for understanding women, forget it you cannot. You are a man. The only way to understand women would be for you to become a woman. Consider it a gift, I’ll check up on you in a year and see if you want to change back, or if you are happier as a girl. Nah, just kidding! Oh dear, you soiled yourself. Here, let me clean that up for you. “

The End

Extra special hugs and thanks to Holly Logan for quick and wonderful editing help! Thanks to Angel for help with the synopsis