With the impending future weighing down upon them, James and Julia try to decide the best way to keep their transgender daughter safe from a lunatic society.

Emily floated in and out of consciousness. She felt pain, sickening and sharp. Her body felt hollow and placid, like a decaying fish on a sandy beach. She kept her eyes closed in an effort to make the pain go away, but no matter what she did, it persisted. Memories danced randomly through her mind. She remembered the dream about her wedding, and she remembered hunting earlier that morning and tonight’s dinner. The world around her grew dark, and Emily could faintly see the shadowy outline of her mother sitting by her side and running her fingers through her hair. Her mother asked her a question, but her words were muted, indistinguishable sounds.

Emily passed out. When she opened her eyes, the world was darker, and the shapes and sounds around her changed until she felt she was floating through the air. Her father was carrying her into the house.He did not look at her but kept his vision forward as he brought her inside and laid her down on her bed. She felt her body melt into the soft mattress, and she drifted back to the realm of unconsciousness.

James brushed her hair aside and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Julia placed a damp cloth across her forehead, and together they left the room to let Emily sleep. Aaron stood outside the room in the cramped, narrow hallway, waiting for them.

“How is she?” Aaron asked.

“She’s asleep. She’ll probably be like this for the next few days as she gets better,” Julia said. “I’ll stay with her tonight to make sure there are no more problems.”

“So, where am I gonna sleep?” Aaron asked.

“Why don’t you sleep in our room tonight?” Julia said.

Aaron looked uneasily at his father before looking back at her.

“Don’t worry too much about it. Your father’ll probably sleep on the floor anyway. It’s easier on his back.”

“All right, I guess.”

“Good, why don’t you get to bed? Your father and I need to talk.”

Aaron turned and walked to his parents’ room. When he had shut the door, Julia walked into the family eating room, with her husband following closely behind. James took his usual spot closest to the fireplace, while Julia sat across from him. The lonely candle in the center of the table cast a dull light that accented the tired lines in James’s worn face.

“James, we need we figure out what to do about Emily,” Julia said. Her voice quivered and her hands shook. Her daughter had been assaulted and injured, and she couldn’t do anything about it. “Please tell me you have a plan.”

“I don’t know. After Aaron’s little brawl, I think we lost our only chance to get outta the contract.”

“Maybe, but I think that even if Aaron hadn’t knocked some sense into Jonathan, David would’ve done whatever it took to calm things down–but he would’ve never released Emily from the contract.

James sighed and let his head rest in the palm of his hand. “I don’t think we got any good choices left. It isn’t safe for her to stay in Seaton. We’re gonna have to send her somewhere.”

“What about your family? Could she stay with one of your brothers?”

“No, I haven’t heard from either Martin or Daniel since we’ve been livin’ here. Besides, the last they remember of Emily, she was still Erik; they’d prolly be very reluctant to take her in.”

“I forgot about that. It’s too bad that my parents weren’t still alive. I mean, they at least knew about her. I think they would have taken her in.”
Julia’s parents had died within six months of each other five years ago. The first notice she’d received of it had been a poorly written letter from her sister Maria a year after the fact. Her parents had been the kindest people she had ever known, and she vowed that someday she would make it back to New Antioch to visit their graves, but so far she hadn’t been able to fulfill that promise.

“I know, I still remember the first time they met Erik as Emily; it was just as if she had been there all their lives. They were really good people,” James said. He stared deeply into space, and silence filled the room as they tried to think of a plan.

“Is there any way that we could move, as we did ten years ago?” Julia asked bluntly.

“What, all of us?” James asked.

“Yeah.”

“Hmm, I don’t see any way we could do it. When we moved last time, we still owned our land and could sell anything to raise the money we needed, but now David owns everything, and if we try to sell anything that’s his, we could end up in jail.”

“Then what’re we gonna do, James? If she stays here, her life is as good as gone,” Julia said. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit her, and she couldn’t maintain her composure. “God, this isn’t fair! All I ever wanted in life was to be able to see my children grow up and have families of their own. But Sarah died young, Aaron’s a convicted adulterer, and Emily …” she paused to try to select the right words, “… can never marry.”

In spite of all her family had been through, Julia took pride in Emily and how independent and creative she was. Emily was perhaps the most intelligent person she had ever known. But at times she found herself wishing that Emily was either completely male or female and not somewhere in between. She loved Emily as a daughter, but she would never wish her situation on anyone. It was too much to handle. She lived under a cloud of fear that someone would find out that Emily was a boy and all the family’s efforts to keep her identity a secret would’ve gone to waste.

She worried even more when Emily turned thirteen. Julia watched Aaron grow from a boy into a man. He was nearly six feet tall, and his muscles rippled from the years of heavy farm work. He had thick patches of facial hair that matched his sandy-blond hair. She had worried the same thing would happen to Emily, that by the curse of nature she would develop into the man that she was supposed to be. So far, Emily had been lucky. Emily was nearly sixteen and still possessed an array of feminine features. She was only a few inches above five feet tall. Her voice had only broken moderately, and she only had a few hairs above her lip, which she meticulously plucked out. Perhaps her most striking feature of all was her long, flowing auburn hair. It flowed around her shoulders and down the length of her back, where it came to an end around her waist. Her hair was the color of autumn and as fine and smooth as the best Chinese silk. It was the hallmark of her femininity.

Ever since Emily had started living as a girl, Julia had worried. She vividly remembered the agony and the heartbreak that her daughter had felt, and she remembered the things Emily had done to herself. It had scared her when Emily had refused to eat because she couldn’t be a girl. Even though they were letting her live the life she wanted, Emily occasionally went through bouts of depression. There were days when she would stay hidden in her room, and on those days she’d scarcely do anything or talk to anyone. When Emily had been younger, she would sometimes talk about how she would grow up to be a woman. Julia knew it was absurd but humored her anyway, for fear of breaking her heart. But with each year that passed, Emily slowly came to the realization that it was nothing more than a childhood fantasy and there was nothing that she could ever do that would turn her into the woman she knew herself to be.
Emily had also seen what puberty had done to Aaron, and it scared the hell out of her. Julia remembered Emily saying one night a few years ago, “I’d rather be dead than to have to end up looking like Aaron.” That statement alone kept Julia up many nights. No child should ever say such things.

Now, James said, “I know. We’ve done the best we could. I think most people woulda given up on a child like Emily.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna let her go. We’ve already lost one daughter. I don’t want to lose her, too.”

“We won’t,” James said.

James winced as a sharp pain shot through his stomach. He was plagued with worry. He worried what would happen to his way of life once the wedding fell through. It was well within Marsh’s power to seize the land and force Julia and him out into the streets. He could even be arrested.

No matter what form of retribution he faced, nothing pained him more than the realization that he would never see his children again. But the only way that Emily would ever be safe would be if she fled beyond the borders of the Dominion. There was no way he could send her that far without someone to look after her and be her companion, and that job would fall to Aaron.

James tried to remember a map of the Dominion. Emily could be safe in the western parishes, as they were sparsely populated, but the land was less suited for farming. On top of that, further west there were the mountains, and James didn’t like the thought of his children having to cross them alone.

Sending the children south was out of the question, as he would only be sending them deeper into the heart of the Dominion, where the laws were stricter and more often enforced.

He couldn’t send them north, either. The Dakota Territories were teeming with Mormon refugees and extremists. The situation had deteriorated over the last year. Farms and settlements along the northern border were increasingly under attack. Last autumn, after the railroad bridge in Lewis Bend was bombed, Bishop Aldridge had announced that he would send soldiers to the northern territories to root out the Mormon infection.

Sending his children east was the only option left. Over the Missouri River was the Saint James Parish. It was less populated than the Seaton Parish, but if James wanted to make sure that Emily was safe forever from the Dominion’s laws, they would need to settle in the Great Lakes Territories, which began near the Mississippi River. The territory had fertile farming land and enough wildlife and game to live off for as long as they would need.

He rubbed his tired eyes. “I guess our only option would be to get her far away from here. The only thing I can think of is to send her east, toward the Mississippi,” he said.

“Where’s that?” Julia asked.

“It’s ’bout four hundred miles east of here.”

“But she wouldn’t make it that far by herself.”

“Aaron would go with her.”

Julia’s eyes widened. “So all of our children would be gone,” she said, the words barely escaping her.

“Julia, it’s the only way.”

“I know.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I know. How soon would she have to go?”

“The wedding’s in three weeks. When did Andrea wanna do the dress fitting again?”

“The sixteenth. Next Friday.”

“Okay, she’ll have the fitting, and I think I can get enough supplies and money for them to leave two weeks from now. That’s plenty of time for them to get out of the area before the wedding.”

“God, James! I never thought we’d have to see a day when we would lose all our children,” Julia said.

James could not imagine the pain and stress that Julia was feeling. In all their years of marriage he could scarcely recall a time when she had taken the Lord’s name in vain, and now, within a space of just a few minutes, she’d done it twice.
“But at least she’ll be safe and be able to live a long life.”

“What about Aaron? You know how stubborn he can be. Remember our last move?”

James did remember, and it wasn’t a pleasant thought. From New Antioch to Seaton, Aaron had thrown nonstop tantrums. He had asked endless questions and repeatedly harassed and blamed Emily for their having to leave their home.
“I don’t know. He’s grown since then,” James replied.

“Still, he hates change, and I know he’s still in love with Elizabeth.”

“Sooner or later, though, he’ll realize that she’s untouchable. At least this way he has a chance to find someone else and get married.”

“Hopefully, that’ll be sooner rather than later. We’ve almost run out of time. Speaking of which, what do you plan to tell Marsh? We can’t just not show up the day of the wedding. You’ll have to tell him something.”

“And what do ya suggest telling him? You know he won’t accept anything less than Emily at the altar.”

“You could tell him the truth.”

“What? That Emily’s really a boy, and that we’ve been raising what the church and everyone else sees as an abomination for the last ten years? I’m sure he’d love that!” James said.

“What else are you gonna tell him? If knows the truth, he might just call off the wedding.”

“Don’t you think that’ll just make things worse? I mean, if it just looks like Emily ran off, then we might be able to come through this with our livelihood intact.”

“But if it looks like she just ran off, then there’s absolutely no way she can ever come back. If David knows the truth about Emily, he might just end the contract himself, and we could stay together.”

James shook his head. “He won’t show us any mercy, ’specially after the wedding he’s been planning for ten years blows up in his face.”

“You know, despite what happened tonight, he’s always been fair to us.”

“Tonight will be nothing if he knows the truth.”
Julia sighed aloud. “You know we don’t have much choice. You tell him whatever you think’ll be best, ’cause you’re the one who’ll have to talk to him.” Julia stood up from her chair and looked at James. “You should try to get some sleep. It’ll be daylight before you know it,” Julia said. She turned to make her way to the children’s room.

“Julia,” James said.

“Yes?” She stopped and looked back at him.

“You know I love you.” Those words seemed almost alien to him. It had been a while since he had last said them to her, and with the weight of the world on his mind, his marriage at times seemed to be nothing more than a simple friendship. But now, as he looked at the careworn face of the woman who’d been his companion for the last twenty years, he realized he needed her now more than ever.

Julia walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I know you do, and I love you. No matter what happens, I want you to know you’re the best father and husband a woman could ever ask for. There’s not a man on Earth who would’ve made the sacrifices you have for your family.” She gently kissed his forehead. James lifted his head and their eyes met and exchanged a lifetime of moments, the good and the bad. Through thick and thin they had been there for each other. She lowered her head, and for a moment they kissed. Her warm, wet lips moved with him. A fire burned deep inside him; it felt like the first time they had kissed. Their spirits were one as they danced the dance of life and love. The burden of the future slipped away as he loved the woman who had always remained steadfast by his side. How long had it been since he’d felt this way? Too long!

Julia parted and closed her eyes, holding on to the moment for a little longer.

A smile flashed over her face. “I should go tend to Emily and make sure she’s all right.” She paused to take one last look at James and then walked to the children’s room.

A fresh wave of fatigue washed over James. He decided to try to get some sleep. He grabbed the candlestick and made his way to his bedroom. He opened the door, and the dim light cast an unearthly light over the room. James set the candle on an uneven end table and quickly stripped off his clothing down to his shirt and undergarments. Aaron was sprawled across his bed. Rather than moving him,

James grabbed a pillow, blew out the candle, and lay down on the floor.

Twenty-one days was all that remained before the wedding day. Only fourteen days remained before he’d have to say good-bye to his children for the final time. He hoped and prayed for the best, that everything would clear itself up and his children would be able to stay home. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. Time was his enemy. It was unbelievable that so much time had slipped away from him. Nine years had disappeared in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Just before James fell asleep, he made a promise to himself. He might not be able to stop the future, but he would right the things he had let go wrong in the past.

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