A Dark Comedy About Mistaken Identity
Chapter 2
I only laugh when it hurts
by Lulu Martine
When I first woke up I flashed back on that previous hospital awakening after the accident back in the fall. I hurt all over, just like before, but the pain was distant and dull, just like before, because of medication. My chest hurt, my face hurt, even my feet hurt but mostly, my groin hurt.
It was a front-to-back, deep-set pain, like getting kicked there but it didn't get worse or better, it just stayed the same. The hernia, I thought, although that could get bad, then worse, then worst. Maybe this was how it hurt after they fixed it.
I could move but that hurt, too. I could move my hands and arms and those did not hurt. Wait a minute, I thought, isn't my arm supposed to be broken, too? My eyes opened.
"You're awake," someone said in a mellow but concerned voice. I moved my head to see a heavy-faced blonde woman I didn't know sitting right next to the bed in one of those padded sleeper chairs hospitals have for visitors who are going to stay in them all night.
I opened my mouth but she said, "Ah. Don't try to talk yet. They said you shouldn't try to talk for a few weeks."
Weeks? They? Who they? And why shouldn't I talk, I wondered. So I tried anyway. "Ah. Tah?" I whispered. That hurt, a lot, even my lips hurt, feeling stiff and bruised. I brought my hand up to my throat and felt a bandage there.
The woman beside my bed reached out a rather large hand and put it over my mouth, not pressing, just holding it there. "I'm serious, no talking for at least two weeks? Remember what the doctor said?"
I stared up at her, noting the heavy brows, the coarse skin, the voice that seemed lower than alto and the too blonde hair. I shook my head, just a bit, suddenly frightened of this strange person in my hospital room.
"You don't want to damage your new voice, honey," she said. "No talking, okay?"
This time I nodded and she took her hand away from my mouth.
"I'll call the nurse to see if you can sit up, I've got a detachable keyboard here and a laptop you can use to talk with but it's hard to do that lying down. Huh?" She smiled at me. "Your face is all bandaged but I can't wait to see how pretty you're going to be." She turned away to use the call signal.
I checked my face out with my fingers. I had bandages all over, my nose, my forehead, my chin, my mouth. In fact, I had only small openings at mouth, nose and eyes.
Once again, trauma or anesthesia had removed memories. I did remember talking about the surgery with my parents but I didn't remember checking into the hospital. Had something else happened? Had I been in another accident? How long ago were my most recent memories? I didn't know.
A nurse came in, a pretty woman wearing cross trainers and a shapeless green tunic and pants . "Sure, she can sit up. I'll crank the bed for her," she said when the big blonde asked.
Her?
The bed cranked up to a sitting angle revealed more pains, I gasped, or I would have if I could have but my voice reduced the noise to a whine.
"Is that better, Miss Lewis?" the nurse asked.
"Martine," said the blonde.
"Miss Martine," said the nurse. "Is that better?"
I stared at them. Miss? Martine? I started to open my mouth but they both put fingers to their lips, so I just shrugged. Maybe, I decided, I hadn't really woke up yet and this would all be very funny when I did.
And maybe it wouldn't.
Comments
Oooooh, You inna heepa trubble now!
Very good. Wow, are their faces gonna be red! Especially after they tell his/her parents that he died...
Wren
They've made a real sausage of it
It's the wurst.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
Lulu - 2 - I Only Laugh When It Hurts
The image that you are using looks like a young teen girl of about 12-13. Very cute. When the truth is revealed, wonder how she will react to her new identity.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I like the picture
I'm not sure if it's really accurate for the character in the story but I thought it was a cute picture of a girl who would have been believable as a boy.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
It Depends on the Girl
I go to high school football games and the girl in the picture looks
like she is junior or possibly a senior. I can understand Stan's
viewpoint that she looks like 12 or 13 but that is an effort by some
girls to look older. I have seen seventeen year old girls trying to look
25 five but when they talk you know they are in the 17 age bracket. Beautiful
young lady in the photo. Adds to the story and mystery of what is taking
place. I believe this will be one of the better stories on BCTS but good and
excellent is a matter of taste and what one likes to read. Your off to a
good start and your story is interesting.
Emma Watson
The picture it turns out is a three or four year old one of Emma Watson (Hermione in the Harry Potter movies). I did not know that at the time I chose it for the story titles. I did flip it left to right and used photomanip software to make the colors brighter. Watson was about 17 years old at the time of the picture, I believe.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
This is reminiscent ...
... of a book by David Thomas called 'Girl' in which Bradley goes into hospital for a wisdom tooth extraction but ends up with someone else's complete GRS. I suppose it wasn't an original plot device even when Thomas used it so it depends on how each individual writer treats it. This is fine so far but I would prefer slightly longer instalments.
I'm looking forward to the next episode.
Robi
That's the one
I haven't read it but hearing about it helped inspire this story. There was also, many years ago, a SF/porn story about some guy goes into the hospital for something routine and ends up getting a brain swap with a girl by the resident mad scientist. That one was pretty funny, too.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
The girl in the picture
is quite famous, I do believe.
If I'm not mistaken ths gal is none other than Emma Watson a.k.a Hermione Grainger of Harry Potter fame.
She is now a very stunning young woman at the tender age of 20 years old.
Yes
It's Emma Watson at age 17, I believe. I didn't know who it was when I lifted it but someone recognized her and I found another similar picture with its identification intact. She has the right combination of cute, sassy and vulnerable looks to suggest my main character. I reversed the picture, left to right, brightened the colors and dabbed some blue on her eyes since Emma's eyes are a lovely, deep, toffee color and my character has blue-gray eyes.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
Been there, done that, ouchies!
There's a paperback book by David Thomas titled 'Girl' with a few used copies available on Amazon. Same premise, rather hilarious about how the hero/heroine comes to terms with his/her new life. I reread it from time to time for a chuckle. Happy holidays, Carol Anne
Carol Anne
In French?
All the copies I have been able to find are from the French edition or the seller wants $40 or $50 dollars for it. With a dictionary handy, I can read French, but a whole novel worth is sort of daunting. I think someone on FM did something with the same premise a few years ago and there are a couple of stories here where youngsters check in after accidents and end up with sex changes.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
In English
Secondhand paper back copies of 'Girl' by David Thomas available here
Robi
Now available
Wow! Wonder why there are copies now? I ordered one from Amazon USA. Thanks.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
You're welcome.
:) I can't remember what I did with my copy. I think I gave it away. However the illustration for the Amazon page looks very like the one on my book. My source is Amazon UK; are you getting yours from here(UK) or are there copies in the USA?
Robi
Yes
There were copies in the US, a store in New York had one for only a penny more than the UK store, so it will arrive faster. When you order from overseas through Amazon USA, you only pay shipping the same as for the States but it takes forever to arrive. It will be 5 to 10 days from NY but would be 8 to 21 from the UK, or something like that.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
Just In Case Some of You Think This Is Far Fetched
Something quite similar actually happened in one of the UK's overworked and muddled NHS Hospitals, a few years ago now. Two men, with the same, fairly common name, were admitted at the same time. One for a knee operation. The other for Gender Reassignment. Both survived, but one was pretty cross that his knee was now bad but otherwise he was still the same as before. The other was ...... FURIOUS !
They were paid compensation and it was all kept quiet and hushed up, and I am not going to tell anyone their name, nor which large city it happened in. But it was the laugh of the trade for some months. Naturally, some serious new precautions were then introduced. It probably won't happen again, not there anyway.
Recommendation to patients, get an indelible marker, outline with an arrow and circle the bit you want operated on and write next to it who you are, not just name but what you are in for, before being anaesthetised, as once you are out cold it is too late to tell anybody! And make sure you know exactly what is being done, dont sign for anything else!
Briar
Briar
That's the one that sounded plausible
I heard about that one and that got me off the dime to start this story which I had been thinking about after hearing about the David Thomas book. I think this one may have actually happened, the detail about the knee is always the same.
What I'm assuming happened in my fictional case is that the two patients were scheduled for operations at the same time and each was delivered to the wrong operating room, already prepped and groggy from oral sedatives.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
It Really Did Happen!
Hi Lulu,
I worked with people who were involved at the time, so I can assure you that it is 100% Kosher. It really did happen.
As someone on the inside of it i was told I must not reveal any details that could possibly identify the subjects, with no time limit, and I had to sign that i would not, ever, so I cannot. It soon became known in a general way that such a mishap had occurred, but any NHS Hospital asked by the press just denied it was in their hospital and that they didn't know about any other one, so to go and ask them themselves, but it sounded most unlikely.
They did a fantastic job of cover-up! But as you say, the story did get out, just.
I am serious about the advice BTW, do mark your self if going in for an Op under general anaesthetic.
Briar
Briar
Interesting
Initially I passed this story up as another, or too much of whatever,
but the picture and the name kept saying read me. I did, I was more
than impressed. I feel we are in for a real interesting story.
Thank You
Thanks
I'll try not too disappoint. It's been a while since I wrote for an audience.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
Mistakes
Hospitals make mistakes all the time, the vast majority are minor, caught before it becomes a problem, or hidden (if no one catches it, it did not happen, right?). I could see something this extreme as a possibility. While you would think the doctors would notice, they usually count on others to have done the preps, also there is no reason to believe that the doctor doing the surgery has had to meet the patient before. Sometimes they just get sent the information and fly in, do the work, and leave. Still, it will come out, the parents should notice, if not at first at the funeral. Superficial differences of looking alike, they likely did not look like twins. So, someone is going to be paying out the nose, big time.
Funerals
It's my experience that people in a casket almost never look like themselves. And there's always cremation.
Lulu
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
- Gender is between the ears, sex is between the legs and anywhere else you can get it. - Lulu Martine
I will read the other three chapters
Before commenting. I'm just a tad behind.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."