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At this time I'm working on a rewrite of "All the Bar..."

01 Preamble to the show

Although I had grown up in a non smoking family, long years of being split between the commandments of family and the enticement of new and exciting relationships at school resulting in my smoking while in high school. Now I couldn’t shake it. If I was not asleep, I smoked. My sister had done the same, but one night she or her boy friend had let a live one fall unnoticed into the couch, he got out.

I had moved on, going to school at the University of Minnesota followed by a stretch in defense of the president’s right to determine how another country is ruled. Now I lived in Little Falls and worked as a ground support technician at the air field on Camp Ripley. It works out pretty well, I’m a member of the Minnesota National Guard one weekend a month and two weeks a year, and employed at the same location full time.

Camp Ripley is in the middle of nowhere. The terrain is mostly second generation forest and small farms. I know of one homestead only eight miles away that is all solar powered, even the local millwork runs on solar. Only the main county roads are paved roads with most roads being either packed dirt or gravel. Sign are mostly useless and the few you see are likely to be shot up and useless.

Now out here there are some great restaurants, and the bars also have a pretty good spread. Neither Judy nor I had learned to cook while growing up and now that we were “out of the nest” we would eat out more often than not, it was better than choosing to nuke a dinner from the freezer and great for socialization. Oh by the way, the only good TV reception around here is if you have satellite, all the public establishments do, so why should I shell a “C” note each month.

What is the problem? The PC types in government had passed a no smoking ban for both restaurants and bars and with it my diet and sociability both took a hit. If we don’t get out of the house soon, Judy and I might just start swinging at each other and that will be justifiably “all she wrote”.

As I ragged on my fellow sergeants at work (there’s no smoking on base either), John tried to get me to chill. He had an idea for all of us to take a weekend in St. Paul, get in some good food and cheer, and smoke while doing it! He had in his hand a section of an AP report that had come from the comm. room.

All the world's a stage at some of Minnesota's bars ... a new state ban on smoking in restaurants and other nightspots contains an exception for performers in theatrical productions. So some bars are getting around the ban by printing playbills, encouraging customers to come in costume and pronouncing them "actors."... the smoking ban, which the Legislature passed last year, allows actors to light up in character during theatrical performances as long as patrons are notified in advance. About 30 bars in Minnesota have been exploiting the loophole...

Well, John had taken it upon himself to locate several of these fine establishments and set up a charter event for us and our spouses. Wednesday night, all whom were interested, along with our significant others would meet in the drill hall and he would explain the details.

Come Wednesday the proposed weekend was explained to us. The Act II Bar and Grill had developed several programs that would involve patrons. Options included lunchtime theater weekend, a live local access TV program on Fridays as sports commentators covering local sports, or Saturday night improve. On Sunday morning we could participate in non denominational lay services but no alcohol would be served during services. As a memento the weekend would be recorded and edited with the final result presented to us on DVDs to enjoy again and again.

We had the option to participate in all, some or none, of the programs. Only those actively performing could use fired up tobacco products as props. The result is that every one signed up for the Friday Night Lights High School Sports Program. Each table was assigned a team and provided with a folio of information on both of the two teams and their schools that they would provide commentary on. The game highlights would be presented in sports center format with a countdown guide on the left side of the screen and a ten second warning light at each table to prompt the next group of commentators of their impending turn to smoke and indecently provide wisdom on the broadcasted battles. One problem, each table must have a one female commentator for every two to four male counterparts at the same table, no sharing.

Not everyone chose to sign up for the lunchtime theater weekend. In this program, patrons would be in an interactive play, and some would be onstage actors who, along with the bar’s staff actors, would facilitate parts of the weekend performance. The overall program was loosely scripted and could take many twists and turns, mostly unplanned. To make this program more interesting, we would draw numbers out of a box. These numbers would be markers for the characters we would play. Once we arrived at our hotel next to the Act II, we would be met by a staff member who hypnotized us and while hypnotized we would be informed about our character and provided with our costume. Now this is devious!

I am really looking forward to the Saturday night improve program, my father, god bless his soul, had enjoyed many an evening on a live stage with his well received wit. Miles from home, I expected to feel no backlash using my own growing up and family as source material. What I did not know then was that this would be an open show, the public was also welcome to attend as regular non smoking patrons, we would be the actors for their enjoyment. Also unknown to us a local community college’s communication arts program would be filming the weekend for a documentary on innovative responses to the new law.

As for the Sunday morning service, no signup required, but all who attended would participate, smoker or not.

Well as can be imagined there were many questions. The news spot had noted one example of an acting bar which was nothing more than a regular bar. Their example, a hard-rock and heavy-metal bar named AT The Rock, in St. Paul, where the "actors" do little more than sit around, drink, smoke and listen to the earsplitting music. Here a black stage curtain covers part of the entrance, and a sign next to it with an arrow reads "Stage Entrance." Along the opposite wall, below a "Props Dept." sign, there was a stack of the only props needed: black ashtrays. At the door is printed playbill for the program, with a list of names of people portraying bartenders and security guards. "Brian." Is playing the owner.

John explained that the state’s Health Department is threatening to bring the curtain down on the sham productions and had vowed this week to begin cracking down on theater nights, with fines of as much as $10,000. Besides, we were going to be spending the whole weekend, we might as well make it something to remember. The cost for the weekend would be one hundred fifty each but that was all inclusive, the rest would be covered by the base recreational services fund.
Well all said and done, forty eight of us agreed to go along. We signed drafts for the payment of our share of the expenses and were measured by a tailor and seamstress from the BX. Lastly, we drew numbers, what character this number represented we would not know until were met by the hypnotist and the people from wardrobe. My number? 13.
The bus would load at five Thursday night, after that, well the show must go on.

Sorry about this, I created this clipboard to allow me to try out ideas and formatting changes so that I can see how they work out with out damaging what I have already written.