CHAPTER 8
The Woman Inside Begins to Awaken

I must’ve lied there for about an hour. I has helpless. I was depressed. I was full of fear and anxiety. I felt the chilly morning air hit my naked, shaved calves. Every time I stirred or moved, I felt the g-string ride up my ass or my dick and balls shift in my crotch. I wanted to stay very still.

Suddenly, John came back. He had a few dumbbells and other female exercise equipment. He dropped the equipment and went over to the kitchen.

“You didn’t touch your breakfast,” he said in a dry voice. “I want you to keep your strength.” Then he smiled and his tone lightened. “But... I understand this has been a very emotional day. So, I guess we won’t be as strict. Just don’t let it happen again. I want you to have your three meals every day.” He went serious again. “I’ll know if you’re not eating”.

He walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. I lied there, with a blank expression staring into the ceiling. Slowly, he placed his hand on my thigh. I reacted and turned away from him.

Very calmly, he said, “Don’t reject me. I understand today is a special day. A difficult day for you. There’s a lot you have to take in. But don’t disappoint me. Or I’ll throw you out on the street right fucking now.”

I sat up and looked at him. His eyes were cold and scary. I was very afraid. I looked down and softly said, “Sorry.”

“That’s better. Now get started on your orientation videos. You got a lot of work to do. I have to leave now. But don’t worry. You’ll be taken care of. If you need anything, just pick up the phone. Someone will make sure you get what you need.”

“What if I need to contact you?” I asked. John smiled.

“Just pick up the phone and ask for me. They’ll direct the call to wherever I am.” He got up and looked straight at me. “It’s nice to know you’ll think of me when I’m away...”. I didn’t really think that way. I was just wondering what would I do if something in the house breaks down or something. But the fact that he felt I was thinking of him, made me blush for a moment and I felt a hot flash in the pit of my stomach.

He held my chin gently, then left. I dropped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The thought of my castration sent chills through my spine. I closed my eyes and tried to get the thought off my head. To distract myself, I figured it would be better to look at the videos. That would help me calm down so I could think more clearly. I thought that if I was calm, i would be able to figure out a way to get out of this mess.

Slowly I got out of bed. The sweat suit was very tight. The g-string was very uncomfortable. I kept pulling it out of the crack of my ass. I sat down in front of the television and popped a disc into the DVD player.

It was an exercise series. It showed how to do pilates, aerobic dancing... the works. Obviously these exercises were designed for women. I ejected that disc and popped in another. This one was about how to apply make up. I kept putting discs in the DVD player to check them out. All of them dealt with women things: exercising, accessoricing, hair, make-up, fashion, etc. There were a bunch of taped shows on pregnancies, hormone imbalances in women, mood swings, menopause... etc.

I turned it off and walked over to the trackmaster. I got on it and started running. i guess I must’ve ran for about 30 mins. I was out of breath and covered in sweat. I took advantage of that and took off the cotton sweats and the g-string and took a shower.

I must admit, that the water felt great running down my body. But when I got out of the shower and back into the bedroom, I had chills shoot down my spine. On the bed, there was a pink and gray, spandex suit with pink tennis shoes and a white, sleeveless dry-fit women’s top. I kept looking around for cameras. How in the hell did anyone get inside?

The phone rang. It startled me. I picked it up, and a female voice on the other end, simply said, “our orders are to attend you at all times. Your clothes are ready. Would you care for anything to drink?” I simply said, “no, thanks”, and hung up.

I was scared shitless. I was being watched all the time. I had to do what they said. I started to put on the spandex suit. The sheer feeling of the fabric clung to my legs and body. It started to give me a hard-on. But my crotch looked like a circus tent. I tried to cover it up, unsuccessfully. So I turned on the television and started to work out again, in an effort to tire my body into submission.

And so it began, my slow pace into establishing a routine that would dominate my life for the next six months.

Now, the thing about living in a routine is that you lose your sense of time. Every day my routine began as follows: I would wake up at 6:00 AM and I would run 7 miles on the trackmaster. Then I would shower and change my sweats. I would have a light breakfast and I would take my pills. Then i would exercise with Pilates or another body-shaping routine until 11:00 AM.

After that, I would start on the make-up videos. I had been self-taugh for many years, and I was no stranger to applying makeup. But the videos gave me the direction and expertise I lacked. It showed me how to combine colors and styles depending on the social situation involved. It’s not the same to wear makeup to the office or to an informal gathering. So I would sit at my dresser and I would begin to follow instructions. I would apply makeup, then take it off for about two hours. There was a part in the videos about plucking and shaping eyebrows. That is the only thing I didn’t do. I guess I was trying to hold on to any shred of manhood I could.

At that time, my lunch would appear at the door. Usually a light lunch made up of salads and low-fat food. I would take it along with my hormones. I must admit, that not thinking about it, made it easier for me to take them.

in the afternoons I would look at the DVD’s about fashion and accessories. Around 6:00 PM my dinner would appear at the door. Again, low-fat. Again, with my pills.

The rest of the evening I spent watching TV. Only a few channels were available: Hallmark, Cosmo, etc. Mostly women’s networks. I watched those shows until i would fall asleep around 10:30 PM.

Settling down into my routine gave me a small sense of security. I kept thinking to myself, “I have to figure out a way out of this.” But I kept distracting myself with the daily agendas of working out and learning all I could about how to look and how to behave as a woman. And since in a routine you lose your sense of time, I kept thinking that sooner or later I would be able to figure out an end to my predicament. But time simply passed. And I really didn’t think of anything i could do.

I didn’t have any full-bodied mirrors, so I couldn’t really see myself begin to change. I started to lose weight really fast, with the low-fat food and exercise. And the hormones were also working fast on me. At first, I had to shave my body every two or three days. As the days passed on, I started to shave once every week. I noticed my balls were shriveling and my dick was getting smaller. The g-strings weren’t as uncomfortable to wear as before. Also, my skin had become extremely soft, silky and smooth. My hair, which was long enough to begin with, was also growing longer and longer. it took me longer to blow-dry every day and it kept getting on my face. So I started to wear a pony tail to get it out of the way.

About a month into my regime, I got a surprise visit from a masseuse. I was getting out of the shower and suddenly there she was, standing in the middle of my bedroom.

“Hi.” she said. “I was asked to give you an exfoliation treatment and a body-shaping massage”.

I was stunned. I hadn’t seen anyone in a month, and suddenly, this hot chick was standing in front of me. Instinctively, I tried to cover myself. She simply smiled and pointed at her massage table.

I got on, and she started to massage me. I could feel her hands all over my butt, my legs, my back and my arms. It felt really good. I was aroused, but the hormones were working on me, and my dick wouldn’t get too hard. It stirred, but when it got hard, let’s say it was like a... soft erection. I was a little alarmed at first, but since I could still get an erection, I simply figured I was a little thrown by the surprise of a girl in my bedroom.

I didn’t know this at the time, but she was helping the hormones spread fatty tissue around my hips and into my butt, and away from my upper back and waist.

I tried to start a conversation with her. i wanted to know if she would help me out of my mess. But she remained quiet. She never answered back. The only thing she said was:

“John sent you this little present.” She opened her hands and showed me a pair of pearl earrings. “He wants you to wear them starting today. Have a nice day, sweetheart. He also told me you would be getting a body-shaping massage every week. So I’ll guess I’ll see you next week.” She dropped the earrings on my nightstand and walked away.

“Wait. Please.” She stopped and turned around to look at me. “Listen, I... It’s just that... You see, the thing about me and John...”

She interrupted. “I’m totally aware of your arrangement with John. He spoke with me at length before I came here. I’ve been in John’s payroll for five years now. If you’re wondering if I can help you out of here, you’re wrong. John made me. He gave me all my rich clients. He can break me if I do something he disapproves. So... no. I can’t help. But I look forward to see you next week.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I simply watched her leave. Then I put the earrings on. It had been a while since I had pierced my ears, so the holes had begun to close up again. After I put the earrings on, it was a bit painful and there was a little blood. But I let them stay on my ears.

My routine went on for months. Every week this gorgeous girl would walk in and give me a massage. As hard as i tried to strike a conversation with her, she kept quiet and simply gave me a massage. She wouldn’t speak to me at all. In fact, if she wasn’t massaging me, she would hardly look at me.

With such a gradual change over an extended period of time and with no mirrors, I really didn’t notice the changes my body was going through. The only way for me to know that something was happening, was because the clothes, that were very snug when I first put them on, now felt comfortable and weren’t tight at all.

I did notice that my nipples were getting larger and my chest tingled. It was hard for me to notice at first, but as the days moved on, every time I put on my sports bra or tank top, they would feel more and more sensitive to the touch of fabric. And the tingling made it feel as if they were growing. But since it was so gradual, I wasn’t really noticing the growth of my breasts. Maybe I did, but I tried to fool myself into thinking everything was all right. And since the sport bra would push them in, that would give me confidence that everything was still normal.But I did notice that my dick wouldn’t get hard, even if I was aroused by something on the television. That scared me a lot. My dick was still sensitive. If I rubbed it, it felt nice. But it simply wouldn’t get hard. That worried me a lot. And I kept reassuring myself that it was the result of the stress I was under.

Another thing that I noticed was that my hips and butt were growing. I kept bumping into the edge of tables and furniture with my hips. The reason for this is, that we are used to our bodies. Unconsciously, we measure the distance between our extremities (hands, legs, etc.) and the objects around us. I hadn’t noticed how my waist had slimmed and my hips had expanded (in large part, thanks to the massages) until I started to bump into things.

And my hair was now shoulder-length. It was long enough to try different styles that the videos taught me. And I got into mood swings very often. I cried at commercials and got pissed off in a flash.

It’s important to mention one thing: my sex drive had gone really low. You see, when you begin a hormone treatment your body experiences an important shift in its development. Sex drive is regulated by testosterone. Since i hardly produced any, I had a very low sex drive. And even if I got aroused, that’s the reason my dick wouldn’t get hard anymore. So the shaving, waxing, makeup and hairstyling began to look normal instead of becoming the focus of my sexual escapades.

The routine and enclosed space eliminated any sense of time for me. I didn’t know if it had been two months or one year since the beginning of my “treatment”.

The only thing that told me how much time was passing, was when I would catch a mention of the date on TV.

And so it went. Slowly, but efficiently my body was changing. But I still felt like myself.

Until one day. When John returned. That was the day I stopped being a man. That was the day I realized, that without knowing, I had become a woman.