If It Was Your Husband 19 and 20 of 20 Plus Epilogue

By Patricia Marie Allen

Chapter 19
Outerwear

  Carrie was just putting her phone down when I came out of the shower Sunday morning.

  “That was Lisa. She was concerned because she remembered that I told her that you always liked to wear dresses or skirts on the weekend, and she wanted me to tell you that you don’t have to change that on her account. She says that seeing you in a dress or a skirt is a kind of baptism by fire to drive home the fact that I really am good with you cross-dressing. She feels that seeing you will hasten her acceptance that Mike needs to do the same thing.”

  “Good,” I said. “I was just mulling over just what to wear. I really don’t know if Mike and I are going anywhere or not. And if we do go, do I go in all my feminine glory or do I go butch?”

  “Which would you rather do?”

  “I’m torn. Going to Ann’s all dressed was exciting and I’ve been thinking of doing it again. But I’m a little nervous. I mean, Ann knows all about me and she’s definitely Trans friendly.”

  “Well, unless you want to greet Lisa and Mike in a bathrobe, you really should put something on. After we leave, if you have second thoughts about what you’re wearing you can change.”

  I opted for butch. Women’s skinny jeans, a V-neck tee-shirt and a lightweight plaid Big Shirt left unbuttoned. The tee-shirt was tight enough to make it plain I had enhanced my bust. Anyone who didn’t know me would assume that I was just one of those unlucky guys whose hormones had given him some man boobs. I wore trouser socks and my “Italian” loafers. I styled my hair in such a way that it could have gone either way.

  Lisa and Mike showed just as I poured myself a cup of coffee. Coming in, Lisa looked at me and got a strange look for a moment that softened quickly.

  “Didn’t Carrie tell you that you didn’t have to alter your weekend plans because of me?”

  “I didn’t choose my outfit because of you. There were two factors that swayed my decision. I’ve only been out in a dress the one time when Mike and I went to pick up his lingerie. So I’m not all that comfortable with flaunting my feminine side that blatantly and if I was uncomfortable, I reasoned that it might make Mike uncomfortable to go out with me.”

  “OK, so long as I’m not putting a damper on your choices.”

  “After we get back, I’ll probably slip into something more comfortable, but today is about expanding Mike’s wardrobe.”

  The girls headed out and Mike and I looked over the list of stores. We ruled out the ones that wanted us to have an appointment. That left three women’s wear stores and a shoe store.

  “I assume you’re underdressed. What do you have on for socks?”

  “Crew socks.”

  “That won’t do for trying on shoes.” I went to my drawer and got a pair of white trouser socks that I had only worn once. They weren’t suitable for work and I didn’t need them around the house. “Here, change into these. They are the same thickness as nylons, so you’ll get a good fit.”

  We made the shoe store our first stop. It was a small shop in a strip mall. I was a little leery of going in. I wasn’t sure just how to explain why we were there. I felt better as soon as we stepped inside. There was a poster for the upcoming pride event in the window by the door.

  We were greeted by a woman with short hair. Not a businessman’s cut, but close. She was wearing an Oxford shirt, slacks, and lace-up shoes. But more telling than that was almost no makeup. If she wasn’t a lesbian, she should have a button made to wear that said, “No, I’m not lesbian.”

  “Hi, you were recommended to us by Ann at Ann’s Lingerie and More.”

  “Yes, we get a lot of referrals from Ann. What can we do for you today?”

  The knowing look she gave us said plainly that she pegged us as cross-dressers. Just to be sure to remove any doubt, I nervously (well I acted as if I was nervous) played with a button on my shirt to make sure she noticed that it was a woman’s shirt.

  “Well, this is a shoe store, so shoes? We’d like to see something like I’m wearing, for my friend, and then perhaps something a little…” I couldn’t quite get myself to say it.

  She looked down at my shoes and smiled. “… more feminine?” she finished the sentence.

  “Ah, yeah.”

  The whole while, Mike had a dear in the headlights look. The woman led the way over to some women’s shoe displays. I glanced around the shop and was mildly surprised that they carried both women’s and men’s shoes. But given what she was wearing, I supposed that some lesbians would want masculine shoes… but what do I know? Up until Thanksgiving last year, I had been totally vanilla straight, so I had no frame of reference.

  She looked at Mike and asked. “Do you know what size you wear?”

  Mike licked his lips and managed a “No.”

  “Sit here,” she indicated a chair, “and I’ll measure you.”

  Mike sat and she produced a Brannock Device like I’d never seen before. There were two scales on it. One in pink and another in blue; clearly intended to measure both women and men on the same device. ‘Clever,’ I thought.

  She helped him off with his shoe. She smiled when she had her hand on his heel. No doubt that she could tell he wasn’t wearing men’s socks. Placing his foot in the device, she had him stand.

  She fiddled with it some and said, “It says 10 ½, but we’ll have to go with an 11 since not many shoe companies make women’s shoes in half sizes above 9 ½. I’ll bring a selection of colors and styles for you.”

  She headed into the backroom. Mike looked at me with a silly grin.

  “I’ve never been fitted for women’s shoes before. The ones I had, I got off Amazon and really didn’t fit that well. They were size ten and when I first got them, they were really tight. I’d just about got them broken in when Lisa caught me and broke the heel off before throwing them away.”

  The clerk returned with a stack of boxes. Sitting on the ubiquitous shoe-fitting stool, she opened the first box.

  “These are a close match for what your friend is wearing.”

  They were indeed. Just a rich brown shade as opposed to my cordovan and a very similar style. She slipped the right one on his foot; then removed his left shoe and put that one on as well.

  “Walk around a little,” she advised.

  Mike complied

  “How do they feel?”

  “Pretty good.”

  “I’m usually pretty good at getting the right size first try. Sit down and I’ll show you the rest. There may be some that you like better.”

  The next pair were about the same cut but had tassels. Just a shade more feminine but still close enough so that he could wear them anywhere. I’d seen men’s shoes with tassels before. They too, fit well. She had six in all. One of them we ruled out because they were two-tone black and white. Another was patent leather and they were ruled out as well. In the end, we were divided between the first one, a penny loafer and the second with the tassels. Mike got brave and went with the tassels.

  “I don’t know if I’ll be able to bring myself to wear them anywhere but at home, but I want the tassels. They speak to me.”

  Mike had obviously relaxed. He was smiling like a kid who just got a new bike.

  We both ended up buying some shoes. I don’t know why I bothered, but I kind of got swept up in the moment. I bought some patent leather flats that would go with my most recent purse and a pair of blue heels that I thought would go with the last dress that Carrie had brought home for me. Mike got a total of three pairs. The loafers and two more, both decidedly feminine. The last pair, he later told me, were similar to the ones that Lisa had caught him wearing.

  “Why don’t you wear your new loafers while we finish up our shopping?” He blinked at me. “You know you want to.” He nodded and put them on.

  A few minutes at the register, where our plastic took a hit, and we were on our way.

  “I can’t believe that I’m really wearing women’s shoes out in public. You don’t know how many times when I was dressed that I wanted to go out. I only did it once in high school. It was late at night, after midnight, I snuck out and did a two-block lap. I was scared to death. It was such a stupid thing to do.”

  “Yeah, well that trip to Ann’s was my first, and I was just like you are now. But the butch clothes I’ve got on today; I’ve done that so often, I hardly think about it.”

  At the next stop, we were greeted by an older woman who welcomed us with a smile. When I explained that we had been referred by Ann, she took us to another part of the store and through a set of doors marked, “Plus Sizes.”

  “We serve the transgender community here. It makes them feel a bit more comfortable to be away from the windows and gives us a chance to let the plus-size women know that we have a transgender customer in the store.

  “Now, what can I show you?”

  I didn’t buy anything, but Mike bought two dresses. He was beaming as he tried them on. He actually tried on seven dresses. Some were too tight and some hung like a potato sack. Another new experience for him. I should talk. Carrie had bought all my dresses for me and it was her expertise that managed to get things that fit me. I decided that one day, I’d be back and try on a few things.

  We went to the last store where Mike bought two skirts and three tops. I got carried away and bought a top myself. That store had more casual wear, so Mike also bought three pairs of women’s jeans and two pairs of slacks that would go with his sports coat that he sometimes wore to work. I talked him into an Oxford shirt with the buttons on the distaff side. And a couple of polo shirts, similar to what he had on. As a matter-of-fact, one was nearly an exact match in color. Only the buttons and the fact that the sleeves were a half an inch shorter would give it away.

  Back at home, we put his new clothes away and after much cajoling, I got him to wear a pair of his new jeans and the polo shirt that was such a close match and, of course, his new tasseled loafers.

  “I think you owe it to yourself to see how it looks all together.” We laid out the outfit and I left him to change. We may have both been cross-dressers and maybe we’d be OK fully dressed around each other, but to see the other guy in his lingerie wasn’t something I was comfortable with.

  When he’d finished, he came out to let me have a look. Honestly, aside from the shoes, he didn’t really look that different. Of course, to my discerning eye, the buttons on the shirt and the fact that the jeans fit close were easy to see.

  All of a sudden, the front door burst open and Lisa and Carrie came in, shopping bags rustling and they were laughing at something.

  “Hi guys,” Carrie said. “You beat us home.”

  “Yeah well we didn’t have that many places we could go.”

  I could see Mike was about to panic.

  “Mike and I were about to have a beer. Would you guys like something?”

  “There should be a fresh four-pack of Seagram's Strawberry Daiquiri in the fridge. Why don’t you get us a couple?”

  “Come on Mike; we’ve been assigned a mission.”

  I spun him by his elbow and gave a little nudge. He took the hint and nearly ran to the kitchen. By the time I got there and opened the fridge, he was starting to hyperventilate.

  “I’ve got to change. How can I get back to my clothes without Lisa seeing me.”

  “You can’t, and you don’t need to,” I told him as I opened the bottles.

  “But Lisa…”

  “Has already seen you. Anything you do, like go back and change, will only draw attention to you, and then she’ll notice. Why do you think that I wanted you to get that particular color polo shirt?” He looked at me totally lacking comprehension. “Because, it looks so much like the one you had on when you came over. She was expecting you to be wearing that one, and so that’s what her mind registered when she saw you. Don’t make waves. Allow her to roll with it. As far as the shoes are concerned, you could be proactive and call her attention to them. You did say that you’d promised no secrets. All you need to tell her is that the shoe store we went to sold both men’s and women’s shoes and that you bought them. Then ask her if she likes them. You won’t be lying. The store did sell both and you did buy them. If I were you, if she doesn’t twig to the idea that they are women’s shoes, then I’d wear them home.”

  “But what if she figures it out later?”

  “Then you point out that you showed them to her tonight, and she thought they were men’s, and so will everyone else. Then, offer to bring them back over here if it bothers her.

  While I was talking, I’d put some ice in two glasses and poured the daiquiris in them. I handed a beer and one of the daiquiris to Mike and motioned with my head back toward the living room. When we got there, Lisa wasn’t in the room.

  “Thanks hon,” Carrie said as I handed her, her drink.

  I sat next to Carrie on the couch and Mike sat in one of the Queen Anne chairs at the end of the table.

  “Where’s Lisa?”

  “She needed to tinkle.”

  I nodded to Mike and lifted my bottle.

  “To being proactive.”

  Mike sucked his lips between his teeth for a long moment, then lifted his beer and nodded.

  “To being proactive,” he repeated.

  “Is this a private toast or can anybody join in?”

  I lowered my voice.

  “Mike needs to be proactive to tell Lisa what he bought. All part of no more secrets.”

  Carrie lifted her drink.

  “To being proactive.”

  We all took a drink. Shortly thereafter, Lisa reappeared.

  “So, are you gals going to divulge just how badly you bruised the credit cards?” I asked.

  “Not really badly, I don’t think,” Carrie offered.

  “We had lunch and, well, you saw what Carrie brought in, just three bags. Less than two hundred dollars, wouldn’t you think Carrie?”

  “Yeah, it was more about the outing for me than the buying.”

  “So what about you Lisa?” I carried the ball for Mike again.

  He was having a hard time coming up with the words to say what needed to be said.

  “I’ve probably got just a little over two hundred dollars’ worth in the car.”

  Just as I’d hoped, she turned the question to Mike.

  “So what about you?”

  Mike smiled; at ease at last.

  “Not quite as much as you, I don’t think. Remember, we only went to three stores. I’m willing to bet you visited more than a dozen.”

  I felt the need to offer something in support.

  “We kept it to the basics. The big purchase was at the last store.”

  Mike looked down at his shoes.

  “I’m not so sure about that Alex. We didn’t buy much at the first store, but they were high ticket items.”

  “That’s right. They had some nice stuff. I even bought something there.”

  Carrie had been paying close attention to where this conversation was going and caught Mike looking at his shoes. By the grin on her face, I knew the penny dropped.

  “What kind of store and just how big a ticket?” Carrie asked me

  “Not too bad, they were between thirty and fifty dollars each.”

  Mike plucked up his courage.

  “It was a shoe store. I intended to buy only one pair, but I ended up with three. They had both men’s and women’s shoes.” He stood, and put out a foot displaying one of his shoes to Lisa. “I bought these there; do you like them?”

  The moment of truth. Just how observant was Lisa?

  “They’re nice, but they’re a little out of your usual fare.”

  “I know, but when I saw them, they just kind of called out to me. Sorry, I should have just stuck to the original plan.”

  “No, no, if you like them, you should have bought them,” Lisa said. She looked at Carrie and continued, “Happens to us all the time, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah, like me and that purse today. God knows I don’t need another purse. I’ll have to give one to Alex. He only has one.”

  Lisa showed no sign of realizing that Mike hadn’t said he bought men’s shoes, but only that the store sold men’s shoes as well as women’s.

  Lisa got quiet for a moment and then forced a smile on her face. She looked at Mike.

  “Did you get everything you need?”

  “For now. I’m sure that I’ll want more later.”

  “What about the things like Alex is wearing? Did you get some of those?”

  I noticed Mike take a sharp breath.

  “The last store we went to had a lot of casual clothes, so I bought those…” he paused again “…these things there.”

  He did a little twirl.

  “I know you didn’t want to see me dressed in what Alex calls ‘butch.’ I just tried them on to see how good they looked. I really thought you guys were going to take longer. I was planning on putting my other clothes back on before you got here.”

  Lisa looked at him and blinked.

  “Turn around again, slowly,” she told him and he did.

  When he was facing me, I gave him a wink and a nod.

  “You know, aside from the shoes, I thought you were still wearing what you left the house in. You could have just worn that home and I would never have known.”

  “I suppose,” Mike said, “but I promised no more secrets.”

  “I know you did. I’m proud of you.” She studied his chest for a moment. “Are… are you underdressed as well?” she patted her chest.

  Mike swallowed hard and nodded. “Yes, both today and yesterday.”

  “I suspected that you would today, given what the mission was today, but yesterday, what you were doing was so ‘manly’ I’d have never, I didn’t guess.”

  “Regardless of what clothes, under or outer, I’m wearing, I’m still your husband. The man you married.”

  Lisa put down her drink and stood to hug Mike.

  “Help me Mike. I really want to be an understanding wife.”

  “I know, I know, but it’s hard. Look, why don’t I go change? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  “No, please don’t. Baptism by fire. I’ve seen it, so I can’t unsee it. As a matter-of-fact, why don’t you just bring all the ‘butch’ clothes home? Now that I’ve seen it, I know that I can live with it. It’ll be a while yet before I’m ready to see you in a dress though, so leave all that stuff here.”

  “OK,” Mike said.

  “You did buy some of that, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, hon I did.”

  “Good, maybe next weekend, you can come over and get your cross-dressing fix.”

  Mike looked at me.

  “You know me Mike; I’m dressed every weekend, so anytime.”

Chapter 20
Happy New Year Mike

  The following weekend Mike did come over before lunch and Carrie helped him get some basic makeup skills. She also picked up a wig from somewhere, since his hair was just too short to style. After a time for us to get comfortable with interacting with both of us in dresses, she had to have some pictures of the two of us.

  “Lisa might want to see pictures before she sees you face to face,” she told Mike.

  But I just think it was just a perverse twist of her personality from watching the Phil Donahue show.

  While Carrie was helping Mike, I fixed us some lunch. We settled in and played some cut-throat pinochle. Before dinner, Carrie called Lisa and invited her to come eat with us. Mike changed back to his butch clothes. But Lisa had asked straight out if we were dressed and Carrie confirmed to her we were and assured her that Mike was going back to what he came over in. Lisa had told her that she appreciated that but also said that I didn’t have to.

  “Mike, in a move for solidarity, I’m willing to change as well,” I told him.

  “No, if Lisa is willing to see you in a dress, then let her. I think the more she sees you, the sooner she’ll be able to see me. I doubt that I’ll ever have carte blanch to wear whatever, whenever like you do, but I hope that there’ll come a time when I can have my dresses in the closet like you do and when I dress that I won’t have to make the mad scramble to change when she comes home unexpectedly.”

  “I’m hoping that there will come a time when she can spend time with you while you’re dressed.”

  Mike smiled weakly.

  “Dream on buddy, dream on. But maybe, if I live that long.”

  That set the standard. We didn’t do girly time every weekend, but about once a month. We went back to visiting each other like before. Mike and I, of course, were in butch for those visits. On the girly weekends, Lisa always came for dinner. Mike was sure to have changed and scrubbed off his makeup before she showed up, but I continued to wear my dresses or skirts.

  Of course, you know that Carrie, who was the engineer of my cross-dressing, pushed me to get out in public. And Mike aided and abetted her. While my foray out to Ann’s shop was exciting, I was still too concerned that someone would clock me. But Mike felt the need to get out and about.

  To that end, the three of us, Mike, Carrie and I, started out just going to a mall, a good distance from home, just to do a “mall walk,” you know, like they recommend for seniors. The first time, it was just enter the mall at one end and walk to the other and back. That was a real eye-opener. There wasn’t a person who seemed to take notice of us.

  The excursions progressed from that to doing some window shopping and on to stopping for an Orange Julius, then later, lunch in the food court. That created a problem. Liquid in means that, at some point, the liquid must exit. The first time, Carrie went in and confirmed that there was no one in there before Mike and I ventured in.

  By the time summer rolled around again, it was commonplace for Mike and I to find someplace to go for our girlie time. Eventually, that included shopping for clothes and not just at the trans-friendly shops. We became quite comfortable in our feminine skins.

  It was the second week in October, two years later, Lisa showed up at the house unannounced. Like we often do, she just waltzed right in through the door.

  Mike nearly had a heart attack.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I wasn’t even sure I was coming over here when I left the house. I mean, I knew I had to sooner or later. Carrie has been showing me pictures and I thought it was time I faced my fears, so here I am.”

  I couldn’t believe she got that all out in one breath. She turned to look at Mike.

  “That’s a nice dress. It looks like something I might wear.”

  Mike just looked at her. The dress he was wearing had a peasant neckline and was loose over the bust with cap sleeves and an elastic waist.

  “It’s a very forgiving fit,” I told her. “So you probably could. Maybe, if you treat him real nice, he might lend it to you.”

  There was an awkward silence for a moment while Lisa acclimated herself to her husband wearing a dress. Finally, she smiled again, a little genuine smile. Meanwhile, Mike was still standing where he was when she came in with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

  “Well not right now, Mike, it’s obviously what you wanted to wear today. Don’t let me put a damper on this party. What were you guys doing when I so rudely interrupted?”

  “We were talking about watching a movie. I was just about to see what Vudu had to offer. But I think I know what we should watch. I managed to find ‘Just Like a Woman’ on YouTube, and I downloaded it. I burned it to a CD. It’s the 1992 British one with Julie Walters, Adrian Pasdar, and Paul Freeman,” Carrie said.

  She went to the entertainment center and fished out a clear CD jewel case with that title handwritten with a sharpie on it.

  I’d heard about a movie by that title, but I was sure it had a later release date, sometime after 2000. I don’t remember who starred in it, but I think it was two women, not a woman and two guys.

  This one turned out to be about a yuppie-like transvestite in his thirties. His wife arrives home earlier than expected from a trip and discovers female attire spread over their apartment. She misinterprets this and throws him out. Later, he hooks up with a slightly older divorcee who encourages him.

  I really liked it. From what I’d been able to understand about cross-dressers, it showed every fear that they have to deal with and the hero/heroine triumphs over them all in the end. We were all smiling at the end of the movie and quietly contemplating what it meant to us. Then Lisa’s mood darkened.

  “I was like her, wasn’t I?”

  “Like who?”

  “The wife. Gerald’s wife at the start.” She looked at Mike with a tear forming in the corner of her eye. “Had she taken time to actually listen to him, she may not have been happy that he was a cross-dresser, but she could have found some middle ground and saved her marriage. I almost did what she did.

  “When I stormed out after I caught you, I needed to get away from you, or it was going to get physically ugly. I came here looking for Carrie to confirm my justification for throwing you out. When I left her, some of my anger was directed her way for even suggesting that cross-dressing was no big deal.” She looked at Carrie. “Do you remember what I said when I stormed out of here?”

  Carrie smiled. “You said, ‘If it was your husband, you wouldn’t think it was so cool.’”

  “Yes, that’s it exactly. You didn’t know it and neither did I, but your response saved my marriage that day. You telling me about Donahue and the cross-dressers on his show… that kind of planted a seed of doubt in my mind. I didn’t really want to be a divorced woman, but I married a man and I wanted that man to be a man.” She chuckled a little. “How’s that for circular reasoning, wanting a man to be a man?

  “Anyway, I figured that what clothes a person wore was a choice they make every time they get dressed and a man, my man, was going to make a choice to be a man or … well, we all know what the alternative would be.

  “I’m sorry Mike. I tried to force you to be something you aren’t. Fortunately for us, Alex and Carrie took some bold actions to prove to me that I might be able to compromise, but it wasn’t until the suicide rate for transgender men was mentioned, and I confirmed it, that I saw the need to compromise.” Mike started to say something, but Lisa held up her hand and went on,

  “I’m determined to make this part of your life a part of our lives. I may falter a time or two, but with Carrie as my model, I’m going to be an understanding wife.”

  I was the one who asked for clarification.

  “Does that mean you’ll be coming over here with Mike for our girlie time then?”

  “I don’t want to intrude, but yes, sometimes. And eventually, I’ll become enough OK that Mike can have some feminine outerwear at the house, so he doesn’t have to limit his time to when he can come over here.”

  She stayed for dinner and when it came time for them to leave, she hugged Carrie and I thanking us. Mike left just after her.

  “Well that was a surprise,” I said when they had gone.

  “Not as much as you might think. What do you think I’ve been doing when you and Mike go out shopping?” I shrugged. “I’ve been going over to see Lisa. I’ve shown her some of the pictures I’ve been taking. She, in turn, asked questions about how you becoming a cross-dresser affected our marriage. She also asked about how many dresses Mike bought and if they looked good on him. If you remember, last year, she decided that if Mike wanted, he could grow his hair out like you did.

  “And that movie we watched today. I saw it mentioned online and looked for it. It’s not available here in the States. Well I guess it was at one time, back in the VCR days, but it’s not been released on CD. Anyway, I found it on YouTube and watched it there. Then I saw it was downloadable. I’ve been waiting for a time when I could show it to Lisa. I figured that it would be best if she and Mike saw it together.

  “She seemed more and more interested in seeing pictures of Mike in a dress and asked me specifically if I would take pictures of him in anything new he bought. I mentioned in a throwaway remark that she could always stop by sometime and see it firsthand.”

  “Planting a seed, huh? How long ago was that?”

  “The first part of July. Last time I was over there, she wanted to see the latest pictures and I told her that the batteries had died and I didn’t get any pictures, but I promised that I would this week. I again said she should just stop by sometime.”

  “The batteries died? And she bought it? We all know that you’re such a photo nut that you pack extra batteries whenever you take the camera out of the drawer.”

  “She didn’t question me, and she showed up here.”

  A couple of weeks later, when Mike came over, Lisa came with him. Carrie, being her pushy little self, insisted that we all go out somewhere. It took a little convincing, but the four of us did a mall walk. Lisa was as amazed as I had been that first time that Mike, Carrie and I had done that.

  Only this time, we all stopped for an Orange Julius. Carrie insisted, and to mollify Lisa’s concerns, we let the girls go order first, and then Mike and I went up to the counter after they had found a table nearby to enjoy their drinks. When Mike and I got ours, we then joined them at the table. That was a real eye-opener for Lisa.

  Christmas fell on a Monday that year, and Mike and I did a last-minute gift run on Saturday. En femme, of course, and we each bought our wives a really nice gift from our feminine side and made sure that they would know it was our alter ego that gave it to them. Mike called late on Christmas day.

  “Oh my God, Alex. You’ll never believe what Lisa got me for Christmas.”

  “Oh? What?”

  “A dress. Not just a dress, but the kind of thing you’d wear for a formal occasion. And guess why she got it?”

  “I’ll bite; why?”

  “This year is our turn to host New Year’s Eve. Carrie told her about the New Year’s that you guys spent the year that Lisa caught me. She wants to recreate it with you coming over in a dress as well.”

  When Mike hung up, Carrie wanted to know, “What was that all about?”

  “I think I need another new dress.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to wear that old dress to ring in a new year.”

  “We’re going to Mike and Lisa’s this year.”

  “Yes we are, and she bought him a dress to wear.”

Happy New Year Mike!!!

  

Epilogue
Looking Back

  Our New Year’s party was both amazing and surreal. Instead of two guys and two gals, there were four women. (Two cis and two trans) We were all dressed to the nines. Other than that, it was like old times. A party buffet, some adult beverages, taken with some restraint. As always, Carrie’s eggnog was a big hit.

  It seemed a bit surreal in that the movie choices were all chick flicks and the conversation was mostly about what the characters, women that is, were wearing and how the period clothing compared to modern day clothing. I spent some time watching how Lisa interacted with Mike. It was evident to me that she was just a little out of her comfort zone, but I’ve got to give it to her; considering where she had come from three years ago. This was a far cry from the divorce that had been foremost in her mind.

  I waited with some anticipation as well as some foreboding for midnight. Lisa came through again. I don’t know if it was just the prolonged time seeing Mike dressed or if the little bit of alcohol she’s imbibed in, but she seemed at ease when she initiated the midnight kiss.

  Of course, Carrie and I kissed. After; we all took up our glasses of champagne and toasted the new year. In the morning, I dressed androgynously and after a light breakfast we made our goodbyes.

  “Thanks for coming over,” Lisa said as we were at the door. “And thanks again for saving our marriage.”

  Carrie started to say something; I’m sure it was to belittle our efforts, but Lisa cut her off.

  “I know you’re going to tell me that I should take the credit for the change in attitude, but I’d never have considered that change if you two hadn’t intervened. So thank you for caring enough to take action.”

  

  That was a real turning point for Mike a Lisa. Mike and I got together for some girl time. Mostly shopping trips. The thing that made it different and showed Lisa’s real change of heart was that Mike no longer needed the closet space that we allotted him. His femme clothing occupied the closet in their spare room.

  Mike and I learned the art of shopping without buying. Just to be out for the day and do something women would do. One afternoon we broke off shopping a little early, mostly because we had come to the conclusion that we needed to cut back our spending. We had each bought a pair of shoes and some accessories and it was just too tempting to buy just one more dress.

  We pulled up at Mike’s place thoroughly expecting the wives to be out for the afternoon. They were going to attend some function that was sponsored by Lisa’s company. Mike invited me inside. We were sitting in the family room drinking a Seagram’s Black Cherry Fizz. We’d both become fond of these “frou-frou drinks” as we used to call them when our wives would prefer them over a beer or even a glass of wine. As we embrace our feminine side it seemed like the thing to do.

  To our surprise, Lisa and Carrie came in unannounced. Mike blinked a couple of times and then chuckled a little.

  “After all this time I still have to fight the urge to jump up and hide,” he said.

  “No need for that anymore,” Lisa told him. “But I know what you mean. You know it wasn’t that long ago that I’d have blown a gasket finding you here all girlied up. But when I saw Alex’s car was here, the first thing I thought was, ‘I bet they’re still en femme,’ and I was right.”

  That shows you just how far they’d come.

  We decided to get together for St. Paddy’s day, the four of us girls. So some time was spent deciding what we would do for dinner. We ended up with Irish Coddle, with Guinness Brownies for desert served with Irish Coffee. Of course we were all decked out in green.

  We decided that after dinner, we’d like to watch a movie. We were going to let the girls pick the movie while Mike and I cleaned up but Carrie had other plans.

  “Now, now, none of that. Every time we get together with you guys en femme, the two of you let us pick the movies and you do the ‘women’s work.’ That’s a bunch of horsepucky. If you’re going to be feminine, don’t be misogynistic. You two pick out the movie, Lisa and I’ll do the cleanup.”

  I thought it would take at least a half an hour for them to bring things up to their standards. I already knew what movie I thought we should watch: “Romancing the Stone.” It was perfect; a romantic/comedy/adventure movie. Something for everyone. Mike didn’t have any suggestions; when I called up Vudu and found it we sat down to wait for the girls.

  “I know that Lisa’s the one who sings you guys praise but I want you to know that I really appreciate your sacrifice to save our marriage,” Mike told me as we sipped yet another Irish coffee.

  “I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice exactly.”

  “I would. Carrie told Lisa the whole story of how she talked you into the experiment. After hearing the gory details from her, I’m impressed with how you took it and didn’t crack as she forced you to become a cross-dresser.”

  “I would say that ‘forced’ might be just a little strong. I mean, had I not shared her goal of helping you guys, I could have put my foot down and told her that I couldn’t do it. But…”

  I found that I needed to share just what I really went through. I hadn’t said anything to Carrie. At the time I was afraid to, and later, there seemed to be no time without bring it up out of the blue.

  “I did some deep thinking when I finally admitted to myself that I was a cross-dresser and wasn’t just experimenting. I dredged up some repressed memories. It was my dad’s brother, my uncle who laid a number on me.

   “When I was eight, he took my cousin and me on a fishing trip down to the Tualatin River. We were catching crappie. I was horrified when he took his knife and cut the first one up for bait to catch more fish. I started crying. My cousin was ten and said, ‘What a crybaby. It’s only a fish.’ Then my uncle chimed in and said, ‘Big boys don’t cry. Only sissies cry. You don’t want to be a sissy do you?’ My cousin didn’t let it go for the rest of the time we were on the river. Every time one of them baited a hook with the flesh of that dead fish my lip quivered. I never rebaited my hook. I had repressed that memory and with it any and all things that might label me a sissy.

  “My appreciation for the softer things in life suffered. It wasn’t until I met Carrie that I got any approval for being touched by some of the ‘dreaded’ chick flicks that I seemed to like and would watch on television when no one was around. Somehow, she unlocked my softer side and then when we started this cross-dressing experiment all those feelings surfaced. I just didn’t know the source at the time.

  “I was honestly surprised by how quickly I enjoyed what was going on. I really felt there must be something wrong with me. It wasn’t until I began to visit cross-dressing websites and got a feel for what cross-dressers felt about themselves that I began to be at peace.

  “The site that really did it for me was called “The Gender Dysphoria Bible.” I’d heard of gender dysphoria, but I really didn’t know anything about it. So I decided to take a look at it to see what it had to say. I don’t know who the author is but they deserve a medal. There are twenty-two sections, each one cross-referenced with real documented studies and professional explanations of what they are talking about. It took me two days of extended computer time in the evening to read it all. It was the things on that site that allowed me to identify and come to terms with what was happening here.” I tapped my head. “As the memories surfaced, I realized that there was a whole part of me that I’d been stuffing in a box labeled, ‘Sissy Stuff: Beware!’ That site helped me sift through it and accept that I really wasn’t who I thought, no make that, I pretended to be.”

  “So you don’t have any regrets then?”

  “None. In fact, I’m indebted to Carrie for uncovering all this. I think I’m a happier, more whole person than I was before. Oh for sure, Carrie did move things along at a faster pace than I was comfortable with. It did get a little bumpy along the way, so while the journey wasn’t as enjoyable as it might have been, I’m happy with the destination.”

  “I’m glad for you,” Mike told me.

  We fell silent for a time. I don’t know what Mike was thinking about, but I was considering my life as it had been compared to how it is now. I hadn’t been really unhappy, just unfulfilled.

  “You guys want me to bring the rest of the brownies when I come in?” Carrie called from the kitchen door.

  “That would be nice. I think we could use some non-Irish coffee to wash them down. Two of those and I can feel a buzz coming on. Not good for whoever is going to drive home.”

  We all enjoyed the movie. Plenty of adventure to satisfy the masculine side; plenty of romance to satisfy the feminine side and plenty of comedy to temper both of the other parts.

  As Carrie and I lay in bed that night, she cuddled up and was unusually quiet. I was just enjoying the closeness. We had been close before all this, but now it was enhanced by a factor of ten.

  “I have a confession to make,” she said quietly.

  That took me by surprise.

  “Oh, what kind of confession?”

  “I’m guilty of eavesdropping. Lisa had gone in to tinkle and we were through cleaning up. I stepped to the door to ask you guys about the brownies when I heard Mike ask you about being forced. I wanted to hear what you had to say, because Lisa had talked to me along the same vein. I had tried to defend myself as best I could, but it nagged at me. I never saw it that way.

  “But did I … if not force you, did I push you into something you would never have done?”

  I had to think about it. How to answer? The fact remained that if she hadn’t come up with the crazy idea, the likelihood of me thinking of it was virtually nil. I decided honesty was the best policy.

  “The truth is that I seriously doubt that I’d have come up with the idea myself. But once we started… I was along for the ride. You know, with your guidance and … ok … pushing, we compressed about ten years of cross-dressing progress into about eight months’ time.

  “Ah… yeah… that’s about the way I see it looking back. But at the time… I guess I had tunnel vision.

  “Look, if you want to ash can all this and go back to being plain old Alex, I’ll understand. I mean, I loved you, the old you, for six years before this all started, so I’m sure that I can still love you that way.”

  I smiled. It was my time to put the bug on her.

  “But I think, if you’ll be honest, you would miss me all dressed up… wouldn’t you? Be honest.”

  She looked down and was silent for a long time.

  “I’m pretty kinky, aren’t I? You’re right I would miss our times like this when you just relax into your feminine side and we enjoy something like that movie together. But just because you gave up cross-dressing it doesn’t mean that you’d have to totally give up that kind of thing. I mean I can enjoy a good John Wayne shoot ‘em up cowboy movie, why can’t a manly man enjoy a chick flick?”

  “That’s true, and I did allow myself to enjoy them. But that’s not really the question is it? Isn’t the question really do I give up wearing all the luscious clothes that I’ve accumulated over the last three years? When you and Lisa came home from shopping the day that we bought Mike the androgynous clothes and she realized that Mike was wearing them he offered to change and she said, ‘no, I’ve seen it and I can’t unsee it.’ Well, I’ve lived it and can’t un-live it.

  “No my dear, the genie is out of the bottle and there’s no putting her back in. I may not have always enjoyed the ride, but we’re at the destination now and I enjoy where I am.

  “If anything I should thank you for pushing and whatever else there was to it, because it got me something I’d have missed altogether even if I’d never have known it.

  “Let’s face it; we both get off on me in a dress and lingerie.”

  “So you forgive me?”

  “If there’s anything to forgive, I forgive you and I love you.”

  I pulled her into a kiss; a long lingering kiss. I really enjoyed the lipstick to lipstick feel of our lips touching.

Author’s Note:

  The character, Ann Murdock, of Ann’s Lingerie and More, is or was a real person and the shop was a real shop that was trans friendly. What’s more, she really was my wife’s high school friend.

  Also, the website I mentioned, “The Gender Dysphoria Bible” is a real website and it’s pretty much as I described it. If you want an insight to things going on in your head, or know someone who has doubts about themselves or someone they know look up the sight. Just do an internet search on “The Gender Dysphoria Bible.”