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My apologies in advance for posting this here, but it was too good to pass up. I usually only send to a select few but.....
It's all how you look at it!
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash....... .
Twice a day...
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads..
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying..
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off
PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
Comments
Sunday Funnies
Why apologize for that? It was absolutely hilarious! More relevant to our lives as a lot of blogs posted here, since most of us do access BCTS via computers. In a slightly similar vein, here's one of my favorite comic pieces (that I was hesitant to post as a blog, because it wasn't relevant to this site at all...). An official Federal Aviation Administration dispatch regarding the famous aviator's poem HIGH FLIGHT. I wish I could credit the author but it was posted anonymously:
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High Flight, with FAA Supplement
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth(1),
And danced(2) the skies on laughter silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed(3) and joined the tumbling mirth(4)
Of sun-split clouds(5) and done a hundred things(6)
You have not dreamed of — Wheeled and soared and swung(7)
High in the sunlit silence(8). Hov'ring there(9)
I've chased the shouting wind(10) along and flung(11)
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious(12), burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights(13) with easy grace,
Where never lark, or even eagle(14) flew;
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space(15),
Put out my hand(16), and touched the face of God.
NOTE:
1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.
2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.
3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.
4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.
5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.
6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.
7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.
8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.
9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.
10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.
11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.
12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.
13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.
14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.
15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility.
16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.
~~~hugs, Laika
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(okay, I know I said earlier I wasn't using the letter R today, but I tried writing this comment that way and I wound up sounding like Roseanne Rosanadanna...)
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.
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What's That Sweat Ball . . .
. . . on the end of your nose?
Never mind!
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
One Of My Favourites
You jogged my braincell.
A doctor is talking to a man's wife in his office, having just examined her husband, who is still getting dressed in the examination room:-
"Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following he will surely die;
-Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast
-Be pleasant at all times
-For lunch make him a nutritious meal
-For dinner prepare something especially nice
-No chores
-No nagging
-Oh yes, and make love several times a week
Do this for a year and he'll regain his health completely"
Her husband rejoins her and as they leave to go home he asks her what the doctor told her.
She turns and looks him in the eye.
"You're going to die!"
100 % true
I can't seem to be able to find a computer brand,security software,or internet provider worth a damn.I hate the frustration of dealing with the crashes and software malfunctions but yet I'm in school taking Management Information Systems.Hopefully I don't have as many problems with a career in computers as i do operating them.
Lol Amy
Heh.
"Management Information Systems". You're taking fiction, then?
Penny