I was unemployed at the time and had virtually no money left. Thankfully my best friend and room mate was picking up what I could not. Most days I would wake up and I couldn't decide who I was going to be that day, him or her, and I spent most of the day agonizing about who to be.

One day I had to be my true self. It also happened to be a federal election day. So here I am walking in as a woman and all my ID, my voter registration card were in my male name. I think the poor old lady who had the misfortune of trying to help me must have had a mental breakdown as she never said a word. She just didn't get what I was trying to explain to her. Fortunately the other woman at the registration table was a few years younger and more capable of handling the contradiction in front of her. Thankfully I got to have my vote that day.

It was because of that incident that I finally said enough indecision. From that day forward with few exceptions I was me. No more pretending to be a male. It was a few months after making the decision that I finally found work again.

So yes stress and the situation with that old lady were what pushed me to be me.

Arwen

I first partially came out - back in '87, but circumstances caused me to "pull back" and continue to pretend to be a guy...

Things gradually got worse over the intervening years. I would periodically "suppress" this side of me. About a year and a half ago, I came to the conclusion that I either needed to come out to my wife - in a controlled way, or it might just "come out" at some point and explode. I couldn't find a "good time" (as a few friends can attest). Last summer, got a medical diagnosis I'd rather have not known about - and then got a cancer scare (turned out to be a bad spot on the x-ray film)... But the two combined to tell me I NEEDED to do something NOW. Well, now took a few months, and I actually came out to a cousin before I did my wife... And that required a little help from another friend (At the time my cousin was REALLY busy, so the friend clued her in that I needed to chat). Coming out to my wife was the hardest thing I've ever done, and continuing to be not just tolerated but to be accepted and loved anyway has been WONDERFUL!

So, was there something that "pushed" me over into coming out? I guess so. But, it was more a long series of things, and one finally "broke the camel's back" as the saying goes.

I'm now moving forward, slowly but surely. We expect a transition is in my future. Surgery? Who knows what/when. Circumstances and finances will govern that.

Annette

I knew 'transition', counseling, hormonal therapy, surgery was possible but I also knew I had way too much to lose, a wonderful spouse, children. Add to that, a career as both a RN (Registered Nurse) and software developer. I have 2 degrees, 1 in Nursing the other in ComSci. So much to lose.

Eventually, even my wife said that I needed to 'talk with someone' about my 'problems'. It took me a while longer to admit that I couldn't deal with 'it' by myself. I couldn't keep holding 'it' in, trying to ignore 'it'. I went to several counselors who were blunt in saying that I, my wife and my family, had to come to grips with the issues. The even trying to contain them or ignore them would make the issues, and me, worse. I eventually found one that would try to help me contain the growing pressure. The counselor/therapist I went to is a PhD in Clinical Psych with significant experience in working with people who have gender issues. IMO, the psychologist worked very diligently and honestly to try to help me control this 'beast', this 'pressure'.

I'll jump forward a bit. For medication reasons, I was also seeing a psychiatrist but the psychologist was my primary therapist. As I found out later, the psychiatrist thought I was suicidal and talked with the psychologist about involuntary committal for my own safety. The psychologist, while very concerned about my state, thought she could 'get my through it'. Obviously, she was right, since I'm writing this.

Not that I told the psychologist at the time, but I decided that I, 'it', was hopeless. I had nothing to lose since I was going to be dead or lose everything. So I reluctantly agreed to start hormonal therapy. Again, without telling my therapist, I would give the medication therapy, spironolactone and estrogen, 90 days. At the end of 90 days, I was going to be better or dead.

And so it went, fighting "tooth and nail" as the saying goes. I fought 'it' every step. It was about 3 years after beginning HRT, and MANY sessions with the psychologist, some sessions between the psychologist and my wife. Both myself and my spouse very reluctantly decided that complete transition, aka surgery, was necessary.

My spouse even went with me for surgery. We even went a week early and made a vacation out of it. That was over 5 years ago.

I am incredibly fortunate! We are still married though a few people try to argue that. If I even bother to reply, I tell them that I can show them a valid marriage license and ask them if they can show a divorce or annulment document or where one of us has died. :) At that point, I typically walk away.

Our children still come to visit, in the same house they grew up in where we've lived for 27 years. And we go to visit them. Our daughter has 5 children of her own now.

I'm still with the same company where I worked before transitioning. The company has added gender identity and gender expression to the corporate diversity policy. Two more people have transitioned since then. One of them went full-time a week ago, July 1st.

It's been a wild ride. One that I wouldn't recommend to anyone. IMO, It's something a person does because they "have" to. There is no other choice.

Everyone, take care of yourselves!

hugs,
Brenda