When I woke up this morning I groped behind me to make sure my wife was still there in bed. My hand found hers and we gripped each other in a morning embrace, just our fingers entwining. We’re both too old now for much in the way of shenanigans but a touch just gives you that warm feeling of lifelong companionship.

“You OK, love?” I asked her and she smiled at me.

“Stay there and I’ll go and make the coffee,” I said as I got up. First stop, bathroom, put on dressing-gown, and then on to the kitchen.
So I made the coffee and by the time I had done that she was sitting comfortably in her armchair in our living-room.

I sat opposite her on the sofa and we watched the morning TV show together. It’s entertaining, but I have to leave the room for five minutes when they allow Alan Jones his spot. I can’t stand that bigoted vitriolic bastard and his always nasty opinions.

With that behind us we carry on watching until it’s over at nine. Then it’s shower and dressing time. She chooses her usual pants and a top with ballet flats. She rarely wears heels these days. I go for a nice skirt, chocolate brown with white flowers and an orange blouse with a Peter Pan collar. Today a pair of white sling-backs with just a two-inch heel. I think she approves my choice as she shows no disapproval.

We both apply a little make-up, not too much as we’re only going grocery shopping and finish off with a brush of our hair and inserting our ear-rings. We both love ear-rings and she has a pair of jade pendants and I have three-inch hoops. We’re ready to go and we grab our bags before heading down to the car.

Off to the shopping village, where our main stop is Coles, but as usual, we have to go to the pharmacy to get the meds that I need to keep me alive. We picked up some fresh orange juice at the greengrocers and a cask of Chardonnay at the bottle shop. A day without wine is a day without sunshine.

With the basics taken care of we could relax at ‘The Smoke’, my favourite bar in the corner of the complex, where I would have my regular two glasses of wine, making sure I stayed sober for our trip home. She just sits quietly, watches and smiles while I drink. Today my friend Paul is there too, so we solve the world’s problems over our wineglasses.

Nobody remarks any more on my choice of dress. It’s been years since I “came out” so it’s no longer a topic of conversation. I was worried the first year but it seems everybody has gotten used to Joanne now and realize that the woman inside was the real me. My wife’s quiet acceptance, following many years of denial, is the greatest gift of all.

My kids and grandkids are also accepting and share my wife’s attitude to the change in my life. It was not always so, but that was due to my cowardice in not telling my deepest darkest secret.

After the relaxing interlude of the drinks we head back home. As with most women it’s shoes off when we settle in and a little snooze in the afternoon. Later, I cook a couple of pork chops for dinner, with potatoes, peas and apple-sauce before washing up and turning on the TV for the evening news and an episode of Janet King after that.

Like most of our evenings these days it’s not exciting, but then we’re just about over all that. It’s now about being comfortable in each other’s company.

She always seems to get tired before me, so we get her into her nightie and into bed. I kiss her goodnight and go back into the living-room for a last glass of wine before joining her in bed.

She’ll always be with me after fifty years of marriage. I really hope she is happy with my lifestyle these days. It was never about hurting her.

It’s ten years since she passed away.