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Confessional
I was a young man once; it seems
So long ago – a different place.
The landscape’s still familiar, though.
Familiar as that young man’s face.
I had a young man’s dreams, back then –
The race to run, the world to win –
But other dreams I had as well,
Because my Emma was within.
No looking glass would show her face,
Nor could another soul then see
The woman that I felt inside,
The woman I could never be.
But when I put the world aside
Ignoring all I’d ever been,
And listened to my woman’s heart,
I knew my Emma was within.
But Emma had to share her life,
The young man’s dreams were easier
Than trying to live what none could see,
And young men’s lives are breezier.
I skated through triumphantly,
And faced each challenge with a grin,
But late at night, the tears would come,
For Emma had to stay within.
I see her in a pastel dress –
The years have been so kind to her!
Her smile is mine; her eyes as well,
Her gaze is steady, strong and sure.
I see compassion there and hope
She can forgive my life’s long sin
Against the truth I’ve always known.
But Emma Tate must stay within.
Comments
Beautiful..
Goodness, Emma, that is just absolutely beautiful.
You've also nailed the issue of "the girl within" as Maeryn would term it.
Of course, for some of us, there is no choice but to let the girl out into the light.
Lucy xx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
Well Said, Well Done
Hugs Emma, it's those like yourself who keep me going trying to guide those I meet, physically or electronically. My ENDO and I were having a discussion last week about male and female. I responded there is no definitive line between the two. Describe a hundred percent no doubt male. Now describe a hundred percent no doubt all female. Between the two will be a thousand shades of gray which is neither. Sadly, the majority of society plays God drawing a line and on one side is male and on the other is female.
You made my day Emma, from my heart, thank you
Barb
Life is a gift to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
staying within
yeah, I tried that. failed.
huggles!
Well expressed
And I’m glad that despite hiding, Emma can write. (Wow, can she write!)
Continual struggle
There are many paths one can choose in life, and those greater choices come at times with tremendous personal sacrifice. The hardest are those where there is no clear delineation of which is right and which is wrong, only trade-offs that must be carefully measured where ultimately the heart must answer. And in those answers is your true self revealed.
Finding peace in the balance between one's own needs and the needs of those for whom your heart treasures most of all is a continual challenge. And a thorough examination of all consequences and potential end results as weighed against whether such would fulfill your -true- needs can be the biggest challenge of all as it requires astounding levels of self-honesty. Each of us are unique, and the resolutions therefore are as well. To thine own self be true states it well, but requires a deep understanding of the values of the self and who you are at your most inner core - beyond perhaps even thoughts of being male or female.
At least here and in your fabulous writings, dearest Emma, your inner soul is granted voice that she may be heard, seen, and deeply appreciated. And we therefore are blessed that we may join with her our shouts of joy and fervent desires, and offer our comfort and love as our tears fall alongside yours.
- Erisian <3
Really Emma
Did you intend this to be posted as a blog? It should be on the main page for all to see and enjoy. There a many who visit this site and never bother to read the blogs. This is as fine a piece of poetry as I've ever read. The soul searching depth of it is astounding.
Really... you should consider re-posting it on the front page.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Says it all
Neither path is an easy one, be it one who transitions or the one that does not.
The struggles are different and requires encountering different kinds of pain.
I am lucky to be passable and can live a quiet life but even so there is a huge potential for loneliness and emotional pain and alienation as we all know.
The two paths yields complementary pains as the ones who do not transition will forever face their pain of gender identity yet they may find fulfillment in friends, families etc that being conventional provide.
This is to say the least a wonderful piece.
Complicated
I never would have thought I would transition after I retired. I never planned on getting cancer, but thankfully I'm still kicking. I never would have done this had my wife stayed faithful. They say 'man plans and God laughs'. That is certainly true for me.
Your stories reflect your passion Emma, and your conflict. Your writing is awe-inspiring. My hope is that you find the balance in life that you seem to have. And that you have a support system around you that loves you as much as I and your faithful readers do. Much love Emma. :DD
DeeDee
I hardly know what to say
I hardly know what to say, except that we do what we can. I think we're in the same boat, if that's any consolation.
I'm always amazed at your power of expression and like now am often struck too deeply to be able to say anything as articulate in return.
hugs,
- iolanthe
Beautiful poem Emma
You will find that your specific circumstances echo those of many of us on the site. It is the main engine that drives us to write in this particular genre. And we are forever thankful that so many out there are interested in reading our existential testimonials.
We write from different points on the globe, varying political points of view, disparate lives at work, at home, and in leisure, yes, even divergent anatomical construction, but we are all sisters in arms.
Hugs,
Sammy
"I see compassion there and hope..."
As do I, dear one!
Love, Andrea Lena
Thank you all.
This is poetry, and it’s pretty deeply personal, so I won’t say more about it. But, from the very bottom of my heart, thank you Lucy, BarbieLee, Dot, Catherd, Erisian, Patricia, Kimmie, Dee, Iolanthe, Sammy, and Andrea. Your words touch me deeply. I love you all.
Emma
Beauitful beyond words.
I have read this poem a dozen times since you posted it. I find myself returning to read it, over and over again. Each time I find myself moved to tears. I'm often transfixed by the image you posted. I'm of a different generation. And sometimes I feel I don't belong here. I'm different, I was born when the world is about to turn. But this poem echo's something I scribbled one day in one of my high school composition books. I have long since tossed that composition book into the trash, or it's been burned or lost to to time. It was my idea book, and in that book such private thoughts I could not trusth with anybody or anyone was written. Emma, you poem echo's this line that has come bounced back and returned to me, some nineteen years after it was written. "I feel, inhuman, and out of touch/I wear green, and march in formation/ JROTC Ribbons adorned my chest/ Honors and medals of valor/ I wish I could exchange them for the homecoming crown" The thought that comes back to me, is this, we all struggle. I have through this site been given a measure of peace.. but your poem echoes a place I think we all find ourselve. I wish I could hug you through the computer screen. Thank you again, for sharing this poem with us, for being you and for keeping our sagging spirits from deflating. With much love and respect, Sunflower.
Somehow I Missed This
I was trying to find out more about this mysterious Emma Anne Tate who had landed at BC with such a devastating impact. I came across this verse which explains it all. I always knew you were one of us and your poem says it all. Maybe one day Emma will watch the sun rise when she's dressed in her pastel dress. That's if she's a morning person, a sunset will do just as well. Hopefully I'll be there to greet her.
Joanne
Beautiful! When I read the
Beautiful! When I read the text the melody of "The days of Pearly Spencer" came to my mind, so maybe this could be made into a song. :-)
Thx^^
Predictability
My poetry tends to be linear. This poem should scan with any music written for lyrics in iambic octameter. ;-)
Emma
I can't believe I missed this beautiful poem
It speaks the truth of many who visit this place as there are no right answers. If those who mock would read these words they might gain a little understanding.
I've recently thought a lot about Frost's 'The Road Not Taken', about how I read it as a child and how I read it now. The path looks different when you're standing at the crossroads. Many people linger at the crossroads but like Neil Peart wrote, 'If you choose not to decide, You still have made a choice'. I think the happiest people are the ones understand the path they trod while knowing there are no right answers. And like Frost's traveler, then do their best ages and ages hence to convince themselves it has made all the difference.