Leonora's Journal Volume One

The Sequel to 'Ring of Stone' by Bronwen Welsh

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Thursday 13th February 1813
I have not written my journal for two days, for reasons which will become clear. Two days ago on Tuesday 11th, I arose at about nine o'clock in the morning as usual, and the moment I was on my feet, I felt a strange sensation. Richard and I have been sleeping together so he was present for which I am thankful. Suddenly I felt a contraction and I let out a gasp. “Richard, dearest, my baby is about to be delivered!”

Richard was even more concerned than I was. I asked him to summon Marie who was not yet present in the room, and the moment she arrived, quickly followed by Anna, I felt more assured seeing them. I described what I was feeling.

“Well, ma'am, it seems that your child is ready to make an appearance,” she said. “Let me escort you to your bed.”

Marie and Anna helped me to my own bedroom which was prepared for my confinement.

“Is there anything I can do?” said Richard.

“No sir, everything is under control. With your leave, we will send for the midwife as soon as it seems necessary,” said Marie

“I will send for her now if you feel it is necessary,” said Richard, but Marie smiled and told him that her presence was not necessary for some hours. Feeling that he was politely being dismissed, Richard said he would be in his study if required. After he had left, Marie said: “A woman's confinement is a time for her to be assisted by other women. It has been so from the dawn of time.” In that I feel she is correct,

The first contraction was not intense and did not last long. I was assisted into my bed and prepared to wait for subsequent contractions. From time to time more contractions occurred; they were not severe, and I was starting to think that if this is the worst that childbirth had to offer, I wondered why women make such a fuss about it. How wrong I was. Over the following five hours the contractions gradually increased in intensity until they were occurring every five minutes and lasting for about a minute. They were also becoming more painful. Marie said it was time to send for the midwife.

While waiting for her, my waters broke, another sign that my confinement was progressing. I began to feel frightened, so I was very pleased to see the midwife, a Welsh lady called Mrs Jenkins. She appeared very relaxed and competent which gave me confidence. Up until now I had borne the increasing pain by gritting my teeth and clamping my mouth shut. Realising what I was about, Mrs Jenkins smiled and offered the following suggestion.

“If I may offer a word of advice, ma'am, we are all women here and if you wish to relieve yourself of your feelings by crying out, I have it on good authority that even the nobility and royalty do so and find that it helps to relieve the pain.”

I was quite relieved to know that I should not be considered weak if I expressed my feelings noisily and started to grunt as the pain took hold and gradually extended this to crying out. The pain was now intense and even though I followed Mrs Jenkins's advice and pushed whenever she advised, I began to wonder if the babe was doomed to remain for ever within me. I began to feel quite frightened, but Mrs Jenkins assured me that all was proceeding as it should. The time became a blur of cries, pain and pushing which seemed as if it would never cease.

At one point I realised that Anna was looking very pale and might faint. “Anna,” I gasped, and Marie saw what was happening and led her from the room to recover. Then finally I heard the blessed words from Mrs Jenkins saying: “Nearly there, ma'am. I can see the baby's head.”

I continued to push as required although I felt my strength fading fast and then to my intense relief, I felt the babe slide from my body. There was a moment's silence during which Mrs Jenkins said: ”You have a daughter ma'am”, and then I heard a lusty cry – which was more musical to my ears than any symphony.

In a fading voice I said: “Please let me see her.” and a few moments later, the babe was placed on my breast. Her face was red and very screwed up and she was still crying, but to me she was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, and a wave of love, amongst the most intense I have ever felt flowed over me.

My daughter! I gave her life, and I will love her for ever.

“Let me wash your face and comb your hair, ma'am.” said Marie, “Mrs Jenkins will wash the babe and then we can call Mr d'Anglais to meet his daughter.”

I felt a reluctance to let go of my daughter, but I understood Marie's reasoning. She washed my face of the perspiration from my efforts to give birth, smoothed my hair, helped me into a fresh nightdress and replaced the bedding. My daughter was wrapped in a blanket and returned to me. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Richard entered. He seemed almost frightened of what he might see, but all was made ready for him. I cannot help thinking that men must think that giving birth is a very easy process. Perhaps one day, men will be present as a woman gives birth and will appreciate the trauma to which she is subjected, but that will be far into the future. Richard walked to the bedside, almost on tiptoe.

“Mr d’Anglais, here is your daughter,” I said holding her up for his inspection.

“May I, may I hold her?” Richard said, almost timidly.

“Of course you may,” I replied, and he took her gingerly as though afraid she would break.

“Do you have a name for her, sir?” enquired Mrs Jenkins.

Richard looked at me and smiled. “She is to be called Elizabeth Emma,” he said.

Elizabeth is after his mother, and Emma after my sister, now an aunt, young though she is.

Richard thanked Mrs Jenkins, Marie and Anna profusely for their care of me and our daughter. I think that perhaps he realised more than I gave him credit for. I hear that he gave Mrs Jenkins double her usual fee, and a bonus for Marie and also Anna, whom I am pleased to say, quickly got over her reaction to watching me give birth.

Our daughter is already learning to suck at my breast and take in the early milk which is so good for her. I cannot describe the feeling of having a babe at my breast but any mother who reads this will understand my feelings.

Friday 14th February
Today I had visitors; my parents and Emma came to see me and Elizabeth. They were very complimentary about her. Emma was very proud to be her aunt and responsible for one of her names. Now that she has recovered from her own trauma of being born, she has become a very pretty baby. Mama very kindly brought along the silk christening gown and petticoats which had been used at her own christening as well as mine, John's and Emma's. We had not arranged a christening yet, not knowing the exact date when our child would be born, but now Richard said that he would wait upon Mr Irving of St Nicholas's church and organise a baptism for next Friday. He has also written to his parents to inform them of Elizabeth's birth. I do hope they are not disappointed that our first-born is a girl.

Saturday 15th February
Today's visitors were Lucy, Sarah, Freddie, Phoebe and Eloise. They were kind enough not to stay too long since I still find that I tire easily. However, they were very pleased to meet Elizabeth and very complimentary on how pretty she looks.

Monday 17th February
Today was the first day I took a walk around the bedroom. I am feeling stronger already. Elizabeth is feeding very well and quite demanding. For babies, there is no differing between night or day; when they are hungry they demand to be fed. Anna has really devoted herself to providing any service I require for Elizabeth, including rocking her to sleep if I am really feeling too tired to do it myself. I imagine all new mothers suffer from sleep deprivation, and not all have maids who can assist them. I am very fortunate.

Wednesday 19th February
I have been in something of a quandry. Richard kindly suggested that I might buy a new gown for Elizabeth's christening. I confess to being rather frugal with my gowns, especially when I have so many in my dressing room. However, after giving it some thought I decided to accept his kind offer, knowing that he would wish me to look my best at the christening of our first child, and it will reflect well upon him if our guests realise that I am wearing a new gown.

I sent a note to Studleigh Park asking if Lucy and Sarah, Phoebe and Eloise, would like to meet me at Miss Worthing’s ladieswear shop to help me chuse a suitable new gown. Of course they were most enthusiastic to do so, and we spent a very pleasant afternoon examining all that Miss Worthing had in stock, and accepting her offer of tea before I finally decided upon a very pretty gown made of muslin with embroidery of flowers upon it. Lucy also purchased a new gown since Freddie had promised her one recently and this seemed the ideal occasion on which to purchase with an event on which to wear it. I should record that in order to have a few hours to myself I had left Elizabeth in the excellent care of Marie and Anna with some expressed milk if she required it. All was well when I returned home, although I had not been far away..

Friday 21st February
At twelve o'clock we attended St Nicholas's church for Elizabeth's christening and baptism. Mr Irvine conducted the service very well. Elizabeth had three godparents as is customary, Lucy, Sarah, and my brother John, who had come from London especially for the occasion. Lucy held Elizabeth during the ceremony which is taken from the Book of Common Prayer. There was a bible reading and Mr Irvine made the sign of the cross on Elizabeth's head with consecrated oil; then taking her in the crook of his arm he poured warmed consecrated water from the font over her head announced her name saying: “Elizabeth Emma, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Elizabeth was very good and did not cry as I have heard it said babies often do. She was now returned to my arms. I confess to always being nervous when others hold her in case she is dropped. Some prayers followed, promises made and then the service was complete. Everyone present, including Mr Irvine and his wife were invited back to our house where a magnificent lunch was served. I must record that Mrs Danvers, Mrs Walker and the kitchen staff were responsible for the feast provided, and everyone commented on how excellent it was. I made a point of thanking them all afterwards.

I was surprised when Papa arose and made a most excellent speech. Not sparing my blushes, he said how pleased he was to now be a grandfather thanks to Richard and me. Turning to Mama, he said: “Of course this means that my dear wife is now a grandmother, but may I say that she is still as beautiful as the day I first set my eyes upon her.” Everyone cheered and Mama blushed more deeply that I can ever recall, but I could tell that she was very pleased at the compliment.

Richard then stood and thanked Papa for his kind words and added how pleased he was to have now become a father thanks to his beautiful wife (more blushes from me!) He took time to praise the efforts of Mrs Danvers and Mrs Walker in preparing such a sumptuous lunch. Neither were present but I'm sure the serving staff would make sure that the compliment was relayed to them, and no doubt Richard will have something to say when he next sees them.

Our guests were most generous in their gifts to Elizabeth which included a silver christening mug from Mama and Papa, a silver necklace from John and Emma which will be suitable for her to wear when she is older, an embossed silver jewellery box from Lucy and Sarah, Freddie and his sisters. Richard's parents Sir John and Lady Elizabeth also sent an antique silver christening mug together with a charming letter from Lady Elizabeth saying how flattered she was to have our baby named after her, and how they looked forward to the time when they can meet her in person. It must have been dispatched the moment they heard the news as it arrived on the morning of the christening. Enclosed with it was a diamond ring from Lady Ellen and a brief personal note of congratulations to me, saying she hoped that I will wear the ring in remembrance of her. I confess I was concerned that this implied that she feels her time is short, but fortunately Lady Elizabeth's letter assured us that Lady Ellen is in robust health.

I confess that by the time everyone had had their fill, I was feeling rather tired, and was indeed pleased when Anna approached me, curtseyed and informed me that Elizabeth was in want of a feeding. This gave me the perfect reason to excuse myself from the table. My dear little Elizabeth is indeed a vociferous feeder and hungrily attacked my breasts for sustenance. I feel so privileged to be her sole source of nourishment for some months to come. Afterwards I felt quite exhausted and leaving Elizabeth in the capable hands of Marie and Anna, I lay on my bed for a much-needed rest and was soon asleep.

When I awoke it was to find that all our guests had left. I felt quite embarrassed that I had not been present to thank them and bid them farewell, but Richard assured me that they were all understanding of my need for rest.

Late this evening when we were alone, I asked Richard if he felt that the day had gone well.

“Very well, dearest,” he replied. “I cannot fully express my feelings at present; to be married to the most wonderful woman in the world and to have the most beautiful baby with you. No man in the world is more fortunate than I.”

“I feel the same, my dearest,” I replied. “You are the most wonderful husband that any woman could have the good fortune to marry.”

With that, we sealed our love with a kiss.

Thursday 27th February
Today a small parcel arrived by mail for me. Upon opening it I discovered a first edition of the novel 'Sense and Sensibility' by 'A Lady' whom I know to be Miss Jane Austen. Upon opening the book, I saw written on the fly leaf: ‘To Mrs Richard d'Anglais, with Best Wishes, Jane Austen'

There was also a note, written in Jane's neat hand:

Dear Mrs d'Anglais, or may I upon such brief acquaintance call you Leonora?

Jane.

What a charming note and gift! I must certainly write and thank her.

End of Volume 1 of Leonora's Journal.

Volume 2 will follow shortly.