The Twelve Days of Christmas - Day 4

The Twelve Days of Christmas By Tiffany B. Quinn I went over the story again as I made my rounds setting tells and making sure the house is secure before turning in for the night. I still don’t get it.

Thursday Dec 29, Day 4

First thing in the morning, I stumble half awake into the bathroom looking for another note. There is not one there.

A glance in the mirror informs me that I can skip shaving again this morning. My hair grew another inch or two overnight and now covers my ears, reaching almost to my shoulders. The softer version of my face staring back from my mirror has a serious case of bedhead. At this rate, I am sure that my hair will be below my shoulders by the end of the day. I don't think that the John Denver looks is going to make it through the day but at least it is growing out nicely... for a girl.

Looking around the bathroom, I see that all my newly purchased personal hygiene products have been replaced with the ones we removed last night. There also is a new hairbrush on the counter.

I go searching for the products that I bought last night but can’t find them anywhere.

Doing a quick check of my tells shows that no one has entered the house. What I do find is a note on the kitchen table.

Good morning Karl,

Anita was right the other night; you are getting a little pudgy. Girls like toned bodies. You really should be eating healthier and work out more often.

You really need to stop by the gym after work today.

Love, Mom & Dad

This note seems innocent enough and she’s right; I have been eating mostly fast food and drinking lots of coffee and soda — not the healthiest of diets. Mom used to try to convince me that pizza was not a basic food group. It was a sad day when she informed me that Cheetos weren’t either.

Looking in the fridge, I find skim milk, yogurt and berries that weren't there yesterday. I notice decorative jars on the counter with rolled oats, granola, and crushed nuts. My cheerios and whole milk are nowhere to be found. Neither is my bin of chocolate chips.

Today's note reminds me that I do have a gym membership, but so far it has been a bad investment since I only make it there a couple of times a month. The gym belongs to a former navy seal who encourages you much like a drill sergeant encourages a raw recruit who doesn't quite make the grade. The gym is popular with guys who wish they’d been in the special forces. It is not so popular with women.

It looks as if mom was kind enough to pack my gym bag for me. It is sitting by the door to the garage. Given all of the changes lately, I better check it before I go to make sure she didn’t include anything feminine in the bag.

Before heading back upstairs to shower, I text Anita and Joanna images of the note, the breakfast food in my refrigerator, and my gym bag by the door along with a note telling them that I will be going to the gym after work.

Anita texts me back asking if I’d like to meet her and Jane at the coffee house for lunch. How can I pass up a deal like that?

I end up using mom’s products again as I prepare for the day. I’m sure that the toothpaste and mouthwash are messing with my vocal cords since the pitch of my voice is, again, slightly higher today.

Maybe the floss seems to be having an effect as well. I may be hallucinating, but my jaw line seems a little softer this morning. It doesn’t seem so square. I take my daily selfies, and compare the face shots from the last few days. If you look closely, you can see subtle changes to my facial structure.

The topaz necklace rides a little lower again today and my shirt collar is definitely very loose. I will need to buy some shirts with a smaller collar if this keeps up.

----<0>----

As lunch time rolls around, I am happy to escape the office. Virtually everyone in the office asked me about my new hair style. The new pitch of my voice has not gone unnoticed either. One woman in the office suggested that my jaw didn’t look quite as rugged as usual. I met briefly with Jim and told him about my doctor’s visit. I think that he agrees that there is no stopping whatever is happening if this really is caused by the supernatural. If there is no way to stop the train, then we’ll just have to find a way to deal with the fallout. We both agree that it would do no good try to hide the obvious. How do you hide a change in gender? I just don’t want to make a big deal out of it. The sooner people come to grips with what is happening, the sooner we can move on.

As I am leaving the office to meet Anita and Jane, I receive a call from Dr. Lake. He wants me to swing by the office to donate more blood. Apparently, he is finding the current lab results hard to reconcile so he wants to try again. He is a little vague about what the issue is.

----<0>----

Anita and Jane are already seated at the coffee shop when I arrive. Jane’s daughter is noticeably absent. Apparently the little angel is spending time with her daddy today. Joanna arrives right after me.

Once we’re settled, Joanna opens the conversation, “Today’s note was pretty short.”

“It looks like you’re going to be changing your diet,” Jane adds with a smirks.

“And start getting some exercise,” Joanna smiles.

I am saved from responding by the arrival of the waitress.

I start to place an order for roast beef and onion panini sandwich and get an “oh no you don’t” look from my three companions.

“What would your mother say?” Jane asks with another smirk.

I sigh and order a green salad with avocado and chicken. I’m sure that I can pick up some junk food on the way back to the office if I am still hungry.

“And don’t stop off for junk food on the way back to the office,” Joanna cautions me as if she is reading my mind.

“So, it was yogurt for breakfast,” Anita picked up the prior inquisition. “How did that go down?”

“It was actually pretty good,” I admit. “You know, it seemed to be enough for this morning. I expected to get hungry by mid-morning, but I didn’t”

“That’s good,” Jane approves. “Anita and Joanna tell me that there are usually some changes around your house each morning. What happened today?”

I tell them about the return of mom’s personal hygiene product gifts.

“She must really want you to use what she gave you,” Anita commented. “Where did your Walmart stuff end up?”

“I don’t know,” I answer her, “I couldn’t find any of it.”

Joanna quips, “That trip to Walmart was a waste of time and money, as is usual for that place.”

I ignore her.

“What other changes did you find, other than the food?” Jane wants to know.

“Let’s see,” I ponder. “My hair gained another of couple inches.”

“It looks good,” Joanna interrupts.

“My voice has gotten a little higher,” I continue.

“It has,” Joanna interrupts again, “if this keeps up for a couple of more days, anyone hearing your voice without seeing you will think you are a woman. By the way, didn’t you have an Adam’s apple? There’s not much left now.”

I ignore her again and continue, “I found my gym bag all packed and by the door.”

“Did you check it out?” Anita asks. “Knowing what your mother is doing to you, you might find pink gym clothes.”

"Or a sports bra and yoga pants," Joanna adds.

This comment brings a chuckle to the assembled women.

“That would be cute,” Jane says with a smile.

“I don’t think so,” I don't find the humor.

“Please don’t tell us that you belong to that male chauvinist gym downtown,” Joanna almost begs. “What’s it called? Asshole’s Hardcore Fitness?”

“That would be Joe’s Hardcore Fitness,” I correct her. “And, yes, that’s where I go when I get around to working out.”

“I like my name for it better,” Joanna grumbles, “I represented his ex-wife during their divorce. Believe me, Joe is a certified asshole. Come to think of it, the idiot ex-husbands of many of my divorce clients have memberships there. You should find another gym.”

“You might be able to try my gym soon,” Anita smiles. “The Fitness Club for Women.”

“Bryan and I joined that national chain club,” Jane offers, “It is very reasonably priced and they go way out of their way to make everyone feel comfortable regardless of their experience or conditioning.”

I am noncommittal in my response, “We’ll see.”

Changing subjects, thankfully, Jane asks, “What new things did you find in the master bedroom? Isn’t there normally some new addition there?

“I didn’t have time to look there,” I admit. “I’ll do that when I get home tonight.”

“You will have to let us know what you find,” Joanna suggests. “This is an exciting adventure. Much more exciting than watching Law & Order reruns.”

“Maybe we could come see for ourselves?” Anita asks hopefully. “There’s not much else happening around here.”

“Can I come too?” Jane asks hopefully. “I bet that I can get Bryan to put Amy down.”

“I’m in,” Joanna invites herself.

Just what I need! It looks like I am this week’s entertainment.

“Sure,” I reluctantly agree. “I will text you all when I get home. It should be around 7:30 or there abouts.”

----<0>----

On my way back to the office, I stop by Dr. Lake’s office to give more blood and urine. I am given an appointment for after lunch tomorrow.

I don’t feel the need to supplement my lunch salad, so I skip my anticipated junk food lunch extender.

----<0>----

I should have checked the contents of my gym bag. While everything in it is technically for a male, not all the contents scream masculine.

Take, for example, the shorts. They are pastel baby blue. The T shirt is a very light grey with a math geek saying: “Avoid Negativity, f(x) = abs(x)”. As I said, they are made for a male, but with slightly different tailoring, the same clothes would look even better on a woman. The “Avoid Negativity” message doesn’t fit well in the particular gym that I belong to.

The clothes coupled with my, now shoulder length, brunette hair and higher pitched voice invite more than one jab at my masculinity by the owner and patrons of the club. It is not a pleasant experience.

As I finish up with some weights, which seem heavier than usual, I decide to look into that national chain gym that Jane and Bryan belong to. I am starting to see why women avoid this place and I wasn't even hit on. If I end up female I am sure that I would have to endure that additional indignity at this gym.

I wonder which is worse: the snide remarks about my increased femininity as a guy or enduring being hit on by arrogant macho men as a woman?

The only good thing about the experience was that I managed to work up a sweat (not hard to do with my poor fitness). I really need to exercise more often.

Instead of showering at the gym, I just gather up my clothes and drive home to clean up.

I send a group text/conversation to the girls as I leave the gym telling them that I will be ready for their company in 45 minutes. I send them the code for the garage man door in case I can’t get to the door when they arrive.

At home, before running upstairs for a shower, I look in my freezer for something to toss into the microwave for dinner only to find that my normal quick food items are gone. What I do find in the freezer is a homemade chicken and broccoli casserole just like mom used to make. It is accompanied by a note specifying how to heat it up. I hate chicken and broccoli casserole.

My beer is gone too. Instead, there is a bottle of white wine chilling in the fridge.

Lacking any better alternative, I pop the casserole in the oven to heat before dashing upstairs to shower.

The warm water feels great after the workout. If anything, my skin feels more sensitive than usual. The shower feels so good that I take longer than normal to finish up.

I am starting to get the impression that long hair takes more time to deal with than my usual short crop. There is a hair dryer on the counter that wasn’t there this morning but I am not certified to operate it. I skip the dryer and just brush out the snags in my hair after giving it a good rub with my towel. There are a lot of snags.

By the time I throw on a clean T Shirt and jeans, the ladies are already here.

I find them in the kitchen invading my space looking through my cupboards and refrigerator.

“Good evening, ladies,” I greet them with a hint of sarcasm as I head to the oven to retrieve my dinner. “Are you finding what you are looking for?”

“We’re just checking things out,” Joanna casually replies. She either didn’t get, or ignored, my sarcasm.

“You have a very nicely equipped kitchen,” Jane observes as she investigates the cabinet with various cooking implements. I haven't got a clue what most of them are for but decided not to get rid of them along with the other stuff. The engineer in me views the cooking implements as tools and you never get rid of tools. You never know when you will need one.

Anita is checking out the refrigerator. “I would have expected a bachelor to have more quick dinners and junk food. It looks like you have a lot of healthy stuff in here.”

“You should have looked in there yesterday,” I say dryly.

“Ah,” Anita says knowingly, “your mother has been busy today. I am seeing fresh fruits and vegetables, yogurt, grains, and healthy prepared meals. I bet there were frozen pizzas, frozen hamburgers, and other fast foods in here before today. And I’ll bet that you didn’t put that vase of fresh flowers on the breakfast table either.”

“You got it,” I tell her as I extract my dinner from the oven.

“That smells great,” Jane says with longing in her voice. “Is that chicken and broccoli casserole?”

I smile at her, “There’s enough here for four. Grab some plates and help yourselves. I am sure that, between you three, you know where everything is. Anita, can you get down some wine glasses? There is a bottle of white in the fridge.”

For the next half hour, we eat, talk, laugh, and generally enjoy each other’s company just like a group of old friends. I suppose that the three of them are, indeed, old friends but they generously include me as if I am just a normal part of the group. I can’t remember the last time that I had such a pleasant time with an intimate group of friends. I learn a lot more about my three guests as we chat.

It occurs to me, as we finish eating, is that I actually really liked the chicken and broccoli casserole!

As we finish up, I suggest that they go explore the master bedroom for new additions while I clean up the kitchen. Anita and Joanna are familiar with the room, having investigated it last night, so I figure that they can give the grand tour to Jane. I’m not sure that I want to see what may have appeared in the last 24 hours.

Anita decides to stay and help me with the cleanup while Joanna and Jane troop upstairs. The two women are still up there when we finish cleaning, so Anita and I go up to join them.

“What did you find?” I ask as we enter the room.

There is a very colorful array of clothing spread out on the bed.

“We found these in a drawer in the walk-in closet,” Jane explains.

To me it looks like an explosion of color. I can only guess at what some of the items are. “Tell me what we are looking at.”

“Well,” Jane gets the job of identifying everything for me, “we found a complete set of women’s exercise clothing. We have sports bras, crop tops, athletic panties, loose shorts, form fitting shorts that extend to mid-thigh, yoga pants, women’s tank style shirts, a few fitted T shirts, athletic socks of various types and a rather pretty set of trainers. They are all new, never been used.”

Joanna adds, “In the en suite, I found some hair ties and scrunchies that weren’t there yesterday.”

“And,” Jane continues, “I forgot to mention that there are a couple of leotards, a one-piece bathing suit, and a really cute bikini, all with the sales tags still attached. They are all from upscale brands.”

Jane gives me a close look, “Everything seems to be about your size, if you had the requisite body parts.”

I sigh, “It may come to that, I’m afraid.”

As one, the women engulf me in a group hug without saying anything. It is very comforting and almost makes me cry.

After breaking the hug, Jane says, “It has been a great evening, but I really should be getting home to tuck Amy in for the night. Karl, please keep me posted as this all unfolds. I am fascinated by the things that are happening to you. We know that it is not what you want, but just know that we are here to help you adjust.”

The other women express similar sentiments as they fold everything to go back in the drawer they found them it.

----<0>----

I see the women to the door and help them with their coats as they prepare to leave.

“I almost forgot,” Joanna says as they are heading out the door. “Are you still planning your football marathon on Monday?”

“Yes. Five of my guy friends have said that they’d be here,” I inform her. “And Sarah and Jim are coming. Are you still thinking of coming?”

“If the offer is still there,” she says hopefully.

“Sure,” I agree. “I’m supplying pizza and beer. Everyone else is bringing something to add to the debauchery. Come when you want, leave when you want. The first kick off is scheduled for 9 in the morning and there should be at least 12 hours of football. I should be up and ready to receive guests by 8:30.”

“Can I come too?” Anita excitedly asks.

“Sure,” I shrug my shoulders. “What about you, Jane?”

“Thanks for the offer,” she graciously declines, “but we have plans to spend the day with Amy.”

It looks as if my day with the boys is changing. I hope that they don’t mind. I better let them know that they can bring dates/wives with them.