Synopsis:

This is my first effort, with a few minor tweaks. Some of you may have seen it at FM some months back. For those that haven't...
The follow up will be posted in a few days.

His wife's infidelity forces a young man to re-evaluate his life. A gentle tale of self realisation.

Story:

This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected. That said I don't think it's too far out there. However you be the judge. Copyright KLS 2005.

People are Complicated

By Kristina.L.S

1: Introduction

I was sitting there waiting for the receptionist to call me. Eighteen years old straight out of school with a lousy final grading, nervous as hell. I wanted this job.
Not that I was a dummy or anything. Up until high school I was up near the top of my class and had been called on a few times to read to the younger kids when the teacher needed to leave the room for a while. I'd enjoyed it too. There had been a few occasions when I didn't quite mesh with the world around me. But I guess most people feel that from time to time.

Things changed when I got to High School. I just couldn't fit the mould, got distracted, daydreamed and generally didn't try very hard. Due to a bit of drama in the first few months I got a rep as being Gay; but not a snitch. So for the next few years I was virtually friendless. Then in my final year I fell in with a couple of girls who treated me as a friend. This made a noticeable difference in my general attitude and things started to improve, socially and academically.

Then came the 'accident'. In Hospital for 2 months, missed the exams. Once I was discharged I had to sit them while still sick and weak. Bombed badly. Schools out, my parents moved interstate and I was on my own in a crummy little flat rapidly running out of the 2 grand they'd given me before leaving. I think I disappointed them.

"Mr Williams, Mrs Johnson will see you now." Well here goes nothing.

" Andrew good to see you. Please have a seat."

"Thanks Mrs Johnson"

"So young man, you would like to work for me would you? That is, for The Johnson Agency. You will find I'm very hands-on. I take an interest in everyone that works here, professionally and personally. So even a raw kid straight out of school has a chance to improve themselves through dedication and a willingness to help out when needed."
There was silence for a few seconds as we looked at each other.

"Your final grades are rather poor, yet you seem an intelligent young man. Would you care to explain that?"

With minimal details I gave her an outline of my inability to adjust to high school, then how the accident had disrupted my final year just as I was getting things together. "Hmm I see. What do you know about this Agency?"

I went on to give a run down of what I had researched. "Ah, the agency was started by your husband Graham Johnson and his partner Bill Adams. Adams & Johnson was born. Um, this new ad agency gradually became well known and respected within the industry. Then with you, Mrs Johnson, guiding the proposal, the two partners agreed to diversify into a full, one stop shop. Covering all the stages from creative concept, through marketing then on to production of the finished campaign. Ah, if and as required you would sub-contract any and all models or other outside personnel."

"Umm, you then went on to organize the purchase and renovation of two turn of the century houses set side by side on a combined 1.6 acres of ground and connected to each other by a covered walkway. These houses, or offices slash studios I should say, became known as the East and West wings. East being production and design, housing all the arty types. The West being home to the management, sales and legal side, all the good wardrobes in other words."
I was briefly interrupted here by a sharp muffled laugh. At a gesture I continued.
"Umm, shortly after that with everything looking pretty rosy, both the main partners were killed in a plane crash, sorry ma'am. Following this disaster a major downturn occurred. What with legal wrangling and business manoeuvring the Agency was in trouble but you pulled things together and took full control. You held most of your existing accounts and gradually pulled ahead again."

" So that brings us roughly up to date. Ah, sorry if I missed anything significant. So just 5 years later the Johnson Agency is back up top with me looking to come in at the bottom of the East wing as a junior whatever."

She looked at me for a couple of seconds then laughed and said, "I see you've done your homework. That's a pretty good summary of the Agency history. It must have taken a bit of effort to find all that. There may be hope for you yet. You're references are O'k, but don't really sing do they. I see your doing the communications diploma at night."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be done in 3 years. It will be tough. But having this job would sure help... (Another laugh) ...I'm willing to do whatever needs doing to get my foot in the door."

"Well young Andrew I have another to meet yet. But you have managed to impress me so there is a good chance." She paused for a moment giving me a long steady look. " Hmmm, Ok then. I will be in touch by the end of the week Andrew, one way or the other. Thank you for coming in."

" No thank you for seeing me and hopefully employing me."

Another laugh. "I'll be in touch."

As I went past the receptionist smiled and said, " You got her to laugh which is a good sign, good luck." I thanked her and left.

Tuesday morning at The Johnson Agency.

"Frank?"

"Yes Mrs J. "

" I have two job applications that need vetting, nothing too serious, just a basic background...Yes pick up the files from Helen this afternoon. ...Thursday would be fine.... thanks Frank see you then.. .. about 2? .. good."

Thursday afternoon.

" Hello Frank, come in. How did you go? Anything interesting on our two lads?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary on Simmons, pretty much as described. Williams however..."

"What, he seemed perfect?"

" Well, I suppose that depends on what you want to make of it"... he handed her the file and pointed to a paragraph half way down. She read for a moment then went through it again, then looked up..."I see. Interesting. Still, not enough to ruin his future by my standards."

" Just thought I should point it out. Seems like a nice kid that's had it pretty tough. Your decision though."

"Hmmm, yes, thanks Frank. I think he'll do." Frank smiled, nodded and left.

Friday morning the phone rang at quarter past nine. "Hello?"

"Andrew Williams?"

"Yes speaking."

" Andrew its Gale Johnson here. I'm pleased to offer you the position with us. Could you be here at my office 8.30 Monday, we have a busy week. I will show you around and introduce you, then you hit the ground running, Ok?"

"Yes ma'am, that's great thank you, I'll see you then."

"Andrew, please call me Gale, ma'am sounds so old."

"Yes ma'.... Gale, thank you. I'll see you Monday."

For the next 3 years I worked my butt off days and nights. Got to know the business, especially the creative side. Got my diploma. Got promoted steadily. Made friends with most of the people here, with a couple of exceptions. Then met Kate. She was gorgeous, smart and tough as they come. Straight out of law school with top marks and at the age of twenty-three already handling 50% of the legal stuff for the Agency. Damn I was impressed.
Despite everyone thinking we were total opposites we got on famously. Six months later we were married. I got promoted again to head of the East wing. Life was looking good.

2: Revelations

"Andrew, Kate, thanks for coming to my little end of year do."

"Our pleasure Gale, we wouldn't miss one of your parties for anything." She smiled and kissed us both on the cheek and invited us through.

Gales end of year parties were legendary. Held at her house on the hill looking across the valley just north of the city. Ocean visible to the east and the city to the south it was a mansion that took 20 people full time to maintain. She always said it was too big for 1 'old' woman to rattle around in on her own, so the staff gave her a little company. Five of them lived in. It had been Grahams dream home so she stayed rather than sell up. At forty-three she was hardly old and looked great.
We mingled, nibbled and sipped champers. The whole crew, with assorted partners were here. With business associates, band and caterers that meant about 300 people. Not a bad little get together. We smiled at each other then separated to mix.

About forty minutes later, holding an empty glass, I'm not much of a drinker, I headed to the kitchen to refill and find Kate. It was almost sit down time.
Refilled my glass. Bollinger Grande Annee, nice. Then I heard Joanne from sales voice. She's a friend of Kate, but I have to admit to being a little disapproving. She had a reputation, which she cherished, as a real man-eater. Still she was nice enough.

"... so Katherine dear, how's married life treating you a year or so down the road. Still sticking with that wimp of a husband after comparing what, 6,7 seriously masculine contenders over the last few months. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all ... but seriously, after John and Bill there how can you compare. Be honest now... against those 2 alone, any comparison?"

" God you know how good those two are.... in a purely get down and dirty physical sense... no comparison at all. Then there's Tim from legal at Thompsons'... hmmm .... unbelievable!....still..."

I froze. Everything stopped.... My wife had just admitted multiple affairs. With guys from work and other companies we dealt with. I headed back through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of vodka on the way. Totally unaware of the tears running down my face, I headed back out, getting a couple of odd looks that barely registered. Then headed around by the pool grabbed a bench and started drinking. It was half a bottle later that I registered someone was standing beside me. Gale looked at me for a moment, then sat beside me. She put an arm around my shoulders and wiped my face as she took the bottle. Setting it beside her she looked closely at my face...

" I've never seen you drunk before. It really doesn't suit you Andy. Tell me what happened." After staring into the middle distance for a couple of minutes I did. She sighed, then helped me back inside to the kitchen. Two coffees later and feeling vaguely like living, we headed back to the party. Half way there I slipped and fell to one knee, then threw up on the tiles. Kate came running and Gale suggested she get me home and not to worry about anything here.

"Are you sure you're Ok Andy, you don't have to sleep here. I'll keep you warm in our bed..."

"No Kate thanks, if I have to get up to the bathroom I don't want you awake all night too. The world is still revolving slowly like one of those animations of distant galaxies but I'll be fine, really."

She gave me a worried look..."What happened? I've never seen you drunk before, you had me worried when you fell with Gale."

" Just stupid, you know I don't drink champagne much. What with no lunch it just hit me. Sorry to ruin your night as well."

She looked concerned and felt my forehead..."You know I don't care about that as long as you're OK."

" I'll be fine, you go to bed. I'll sit up for a bit to make sure I 'can' lie down when I want to ", this said with a rueful smile. She smiled back, said 'Ok see you in the morning' then after a quick kiss went next door to the main bedroom. I lay there on the bed feeling awful for about 20 minutes till the light went off in our bedroom. Then I grabbed a pad and pen and started writing.

I packed for about a week. My clothes were in this room as the main closet was overrun with Kate's clothes. Propped the note against the toaster. Then headed for the garage.

Kate roused slightly as she heard the garage door open, Andy's car back out, then the door shutting. She frowned, glanced at the clock... 2am. Mumbling to herself..." Hope he's not still drunk enough to get pulled over... Probably going for Chinese... he hasn't eaten all night." She sighed, then went back to sleep.

I drove to the beach and walked and thought for hours. Then sat waiting for the sun to come up.

Kate was up at six and got ready for her run. Poking her head into the spare room she frowned at the made up and empty bed. Heading downstairs she checked the garage, Andy's car was not there. She was getting worried as she headed back to the kitchen. Spotting the note she smiled to herself. Typical she thought beat me up and out, probably wants to meet for coffee and act contrite but superior. Laughing she reached for the note..." Oh God!".... as she collapsed into a kitchen chair. Tears started to run as she read.

"Dear Kate. Sorry I couldn't face you this morning. I've packed enough for a week or so. I'll buy extra, as I need. Last night you asked what happened just before going to bed. Well, I walked into a conversation between you and Jo just as you were discussing my merits as a husband versus several other men. Seems I don't come up too well in the stud department.
It felt like I'd been stabbed in the guts, I do know what that feels like by the way, by the person I loved and trusted the most. You have no idea how much that hurt. Then I grabbed a bottle and proceeded to drink, hoping to erase things. Didn't work.
I'm moving to a motel or something to think for a while. See you at work on Monday, I wont tell anyone what's happened.
We'll talk in a week or so, when I've had a chance to sort my head out.
Love Andrew

"Oh Christ what have I done." Her run forgotten Kate sobbed at the kitchen table tears staining the note.
After thinking for about an hour Kate grabbed the phone..." Hello Gale, it's Katherine Williams...ummm... that's why I'm ringing... yes.... could I come up and have a word.... Thanks see you in about 45. "

".... so you see he left this note and I think I've blown the best thing I've ever had for the sake of a few tumbles with macho studs that I don't, for the most part, like very much!" the self disgust she felt was evident to Gale who was watching her closely.

"Kate you have fucked up badly. I'm very annoyed with you." Gale got up and began to pace back and forth in front of Kate as she watched the older woman like a rabbit caught in a spot light.
" I found Andy last night out near the pool after a couple of people told me he looked a mess as he left the house" ...taking a deep breath Gale continued..."he was sitting on a bench by the pool working his way through a bottle of vodka. You know how little he drinks. That's how upset he was. I got the bottle form him pretty easily. Getting him to tell me why was a bit harder. But he did.... I like Andy a lot. He was a kid when he walked in here straight out of school five years ago, living in a dump of a flat because his parents had basically disowned him and moved interstate. I don't think he had a friend in the world. But he had a brain and impressed me. I think he's probably one of the nicest guys I know, period. Everyone here at the agency, well, the east wing anyway, would kill for him." Pausing she waved the coffee pot, Kate shook her head mouthing "No Thanks"

Taking another breath Gale continued, "He is worth his weight in gold to the agency, therefore to me. I don't want him messed up. Damn!" she paced some more.
"Do you understand the reference to knowing what it feels like to be stabbed in the guts? "

"No I don't. He's never said anything like that before" Kate looked miserable.

So she bloody well should, thought Gale.
"I didn't even know about his life before here, I thought his parents were dead. Will you tell me? " Obviously upset Kate started crying quietly.

Gale looked at her hard for a second, then sighed and sat beside her. "He is a very generous man. It is not my story to tell. I only know because I did a standard background check before employing him. The same as I do for everyone." Kate looked up eyes wide with an un-asked question.

"Yes you too. Anyway my investigator found something he thought interesting about Andy's last year at school. The accident that cost him 2 months in hospital and screwed his chances of a decent mark was not an accident." Surprised Kate went to speak. Raising her hand Gale said," No sorry, you'll have to ask him. Its not mine to tell."
She paced some more then said," What It would mean to you I'm not sure. I've never told him I know. I think it would embarrass him, perhaps hurt him unnecessarily."
Frowning, Gale sat sipping coffee silently for a minute. Then looking at Kate,
" Katherine you're a smart girl and I respect you for what you do. I hope you two can work this out. But don't make me choose sides, you may not like where that goes."

"No Gale. I know I do good work for you, but if it came down to a, him or me, I know where that would fall. I'd think exactly the same. There are plenty of decent lawyers out there. But there are not too many people that could handle Andy's job. I don't think there's even anyone internally you could promote without a lot of work."

"I'm glad you understand that. I have no desire to loose either of you. So please work this out if you can. Short of a major blow up both your jobs are safe, OK?"

Smiling ruefully Kate placed her cup on the table nodded and said 'thanks Gale' as she left.

3: Repercussions

Weeks went by, then one month, then two.
Andy's thoughts had been running wild. Circular arguments bouncing around never stopping or reaching an answer.
"Christ ... I need help." Looking up his old diary he found the number and dialled. " Hi ... yes ... my names Andy Williams... no not the singer I think he's dead.... Ummm well I haven't seen the doc for about 5 years... Yes that's me...5.30 Wednesday, great thanks."

For the next month he saw Doc Overton 3 times a week.
"So Andy are you clearer about your future now. I know this is hard but you're tough. Still plenty young enough to create a life from where you are. At a guess I'd say Gale would support you 100%."

"You know Mrs Johnson"

" Oh yes for a long time." He paused, thinking for a moment, then continued.

"What exactly your wife will make of this I don't know. But from what you've told me you have a pretty good chance of at least maintaining a good relationship, even if a divorce features in the not too distant future. She's a smart woman, whom you believe loves you, despite your supposed shortcomings as a man. I have no evidence about that either way, as we've never met. This will probably hurt her a great deal; but love may find a way." Smiling he glanced at his patient and saw the indecision and fear on his face.

"Whatever happens you owe her an explanation. Secrets like this do no one any good over time. They just poison any possible goodwill. Please be honest with yourself and with her. What happens will happen. Yes I know, easily said. But still true. People are complicated they never cease to surprise me. You must be true to yourself before you can be any good for others. That is on a personal level at any rate. Take a little time to order your thoughts. Then sit down together. Good luck. You have all the necessary referrals. I'll be here as needed. See you in week or two."

To say I was nervous is a gross understatement. I hadn't spoken to Kate for nearly three months except for some basic work related stuff. All at work. This was going to be tough.

It was just after 7.30, I figured Kate would have finished dinner by the time I knocked on the door.

I took a long look as she stood there not sure what to say or do. She looked tired and... what, sad and maybe a little afraid. I smiled a lop sided smile, "Can I come in Kate?"

"Oh... umm... sorry, please, it is still your home too."

I handed her a bottle of the soft Italian red that we both liked, "I thought we could talk over a glass if you've nothing else planned."

"No. No nothing, have you eaten. There's some there if you'd like?" She looked at me hopefully...for answers or a distraction of some sort?

" No thanks Kate I've eaten earlier; please..." as I waved the bottle at her.

"Oh yes... sorry, just be a moment." As she went into the kitchen I looked about. Everything looked pretty much the same, just slightly neglected. I felt guilty at that. I'd just left, 3 months ago and she didn't know if or when I was coming back.

" Here you go", as she sat the bottle with two glasses on the coffee table, poured and sat back with her legs tucked under her. I smiled at that totally natural gesture and relaxed a little myself.

" So...", we both started at once.

" No you go..." we both started again. Laughing we both sat back then.

"Ok Kate, we both know what's happened up to now. But despite the hurt you caused me that night I don't really blame you."

"What... " she started.

"No wait, please let me finish. You cheated on me", she winced at that but nodded,"... and that hurt like you wouldn't believe."

" Oh I think I would," she muttered... "...these last couple of months...not fun."

"No I bet. I'm sorry about that. I need to explain why I just didn't front you then and there. Have a good screaming match and sort it out on the spot. Quite apart from airing our dirty laundry in public; in front of all our work colleagues no less, part of me understood and accepted what you'd done." She looked puzzled at that.

"How could you... unless....?" She suddenly looked upset.

" No Kate it's not that. I've never cheated on you." She slumped back looking sad and hurt.
"Kate look I have never been the jock slash stud. At five nine you stand an inch taller. Wearing heels you tower over me. It never mattered to me, but obviously at some level bothered you." She started to object...but I held up my hand in a stop gesture.
"Kate please think about it, I believe you do love me in a way, but perhaps not quite enough. I am in some way not quite man enough for you." She squirmed in her seat at that and took a big sip of wine.

" You may have subconsciously picked up on a part of me that is well hidden. But we have been pretty close for the last eighteen months, so... "

"What are you saying ... are you gay?"

"No Kate, I'm not gay ...exactly."

"What does that mean?" Kate was crying now and looked a little angry.

I took a deep breath. " Do you recall in the note I left you. About being stabbed."

She nodded... " Yes. I realized I knew almost nothing about you before we met. I thought your parents were dead."

I started at that.... "How...?"

"Gale knows about whatever happened. She does background checks. She knew your life story before she hired you."

I was just a little surprised at that and Kate noticed, sat back and waited for me to gather my thoughts.
"Ah... sorry Kate that threw me a little. Anyway, back in school I was a skinny little kid. First year: 3 months in, my best friend and I were singled out as faggots. There was no real reason. We spent a lot of time together, had known each other since the age of four. Our birthdays were a week apart. Anyway we were teased, taunted, shoved; hit and kicked occasionally and generally treated like dirt for two months. He couldn't handle it. He cracked at home one night and spilled his guts to his parents. They rang mine who knew nothing. When I confirmed his story they were shocked. Why didn't I say anything? ... Anyway that destroyed our friendship. I spent the next five years pretty much alone, with a bit of hassling thrown in now and again. Then in final year a couple of months after my 17th a couple of girls got friendly. It seems they thought I was perfect to round out their trio. The three musketeers or something like that. Anyway I started going around with them, just as a friend. Then they wanted to dress me up as one of them. With not too much persuasion, I agreed."

I stopped for a minute for a sip of wine and to catch my breath. Kate was sitting back looking at me with a sad, wide-eyed expression.

"Okay where was I. We started going out as three girls. After a little initial nervousness I had a great time. Suddenly not just my two girlfriends thought of me as someone interesting. I went from being a total pariah to being desired, a heady mix. Three months before the final exams we were at a local club having a good time. I went outside to get a breath of air when I was grabbed from behind.

'You little bastard gay faggot.... Your going to die you scum...' I remember that very clearly. They beat and kicked me to the ground. Three, I think. Then one rolled me onto my back. My vision was blurred, slight concussion. Then he said slowly... '...die you piece of shit', and pushed a knife into my belly. I can still feel the slow burn as it went in, then a cold spreading outward from that point. I passed out. Apparently one of my friends came out and found me there in the car park. I woke up two weeks later, minus a couple of feet of bowel including my appendix. Yes that's the scar on my right stomach. I was there for 9 weeks before they released me. Nearly died from septicaemia and almost lost my right kidney, it got nicked by the knife.
Big scandal. High school transvestite stabbed in lovers spat. Hah... The cops didn't look too hard. No one was arrested. I was generally considered a disgrace. Banished to the outlands as it were. As soon as possible after my eighteenth birthday my parents handed me 2 grand and took off interstate. I don't know where exactly. So here we are."
I took a long slow breath in and out a sip of wine then looked directly at Kate. She was weeping openly with compassion mingling with anger rolling across her face.

Before Kate could gather her thoughts I continued. "Kate you should know that part of the reason it's been 3 months since the party is that I've been seeing a psychiatrist. The same one I saw five years ago. With his help I've resolved my identity crisis. In short; I, um, I ... I can't be your husband anymore, because I've decided to undergo gender reassignment to live as a woman."

Stunned she just stared at me with her mouth open.
"So you see why I can understand that you would need to seek something outside our marriage. You may very well love me. I know I love you a great deal. But you like men and I'm just not quite man enough." Then under my breath "...people are complicated. Shit!"

It hit me then, I put my glass down wrapped my arms around myself and started sobbing quietly. Blinded by tears I didn't see Kate move, just felt her as she sat beside me, wrapped her arms around me. Crying also but saying, "Shush baby, shush, it's all right my love. It'll be all right. We'll work it out."

4: Resolution

I moved back home, initially to the spare room, then at Kate's insistence back to our bed in the main room. "God I've missed you."

"Likewise..." I said with a slight smile on my face. With tears in both our eyes we settled into sleep.

The medical, slash, legal process to get me to where I was going, plodded along. I told Gale and she offered her full support. After about three months I began to look a little more femme. Hair was longer and softer, as was my skin. Electrolysis was just about finished. Thank god my beard was light.
I talked it over with Kate then with Gale and agreed that I would announce to the assembled masses in the east wing, everyone else would know in about 20 seconds, my intention to begin dressing next week as a woman in the lead up to Reassignment surgery in about 12 months.

Kate and I, once I got past my nervousness, spent the weekend shopping for clothes etc for me. 4 grand later I was all decked out. For now, said Kate.
Phew... couldn't do that too often.

Over the previous month Kate and Andrea (yeah that's me) had gone out several times. She coached me. Cajoled me and generally helped me along. We became in one sense closer than ever. But apart from a bit of kiss and cuddle, no sex.

Feeling reasonably comfortable about things on Monday afternoon I called Jenny, my secretary, friend and personal lifesaver in. "Jenny I consider you a friend and I need your help."
She smiled and nodded as if to say, 'yeah ok, I know already, get on with it'. Slightly flustered I continued as she chuckled at my discomfort.

" Umm... anyway I have to make an announcement to the gang here this week. When is everybody likely to be here?"

Without pause she smiled and said, "Everything's set up for Wednesday morning 9.30."

Seriously flustered now I blushed bright red, then said, "Ah thanks Jen. I suppose you know more about this than I do."

" Oh I doubt that. But you're a good boss, so I try to look out for you. I've noticed the last couple of months or so touches of makeup and polish. Ears pierced. Softer more feminine look overall. Your good to work for as a man, I'm sure you'll be just as nice, maybe nicer as a woman."

" Nicer...? " I said with raised eyebrow.

"Sure you seem to be more at ease lately, less stressed. I figure you've taken a load off with the decision to go with this. So yes.... Nicer I think."

"Ah... Ok thanks you're a sweetheart. Anyway... Ah... next Monday you start to work for Andrea officially...."

" Cool..." she kissed me on the cheek as she left. Blushing, but with a big smile on my face I went back to work.

Boy did that week drag. The big announcement went over with hardly a raised eyebrow, let alone any drama. Anyone that wanted to discuss anything with me was welcome to drop in to my office anytime. Two of the girls did just that, straight away too. Just hugs and kisses.

" Hey I'm still your boss!"

"Oh pooh. Welcome to the club hon. You'll make a cute girl.... boss." I scowled as they scuttled out laughing. Then laughed myself and called out "Thanks guys."

"Your welcome..." chorused back across the office. Every one else just nodded or gave the thumbs up sign.

Even Phil the house photog just said in his laconic way, "No worries ... uhh ...Andrea everything will be sweet." I blushed again at that which got a general laugh from everyone close.

The weekend came with another, though less intense, shopping trip. Which included the works at the local salon. Wax job (legs bikini brows underarms), nails, facial, massage and hair. Overall very nice I could get used to that.

Kate laughed and said, " Lovely isn't it, wait till you see the bill though." She was right, that took the wind out a little, but only a little.

Kate and I went to the beach, late Saturday after any crowd had left and wandered arm in arm along the sand. " You know Kate..." I started...

" Shush", she said. We walked a little further. Then, "Um... you know Andy" then laughed, "Sorry; Andrea.... No I guess Andie is still fine isn't it. Still works for Andrea."

" Yep. No one can hear the spelling." I said with a smile.

"You know..." then laughed shaking her head. "Some vocabulary, 5 years at law school and still can't come up with a fresh opening to a sentence, sheesh. Anyway, you know, I think you're nicer this way. As a girl, I mean. You seem more comfortable with yourself. Which makes everyone around you more relaxed as well. Including me."

" You're not the first to comment."

"Jen?" she asked smiling.

"Jen." I confirmed.

We walked along some in silence. "You know.... Arrrgh! Ummm, I haven't had sex since the ahh... Gales party. First it was guilt and you being gone. Then oh, I don't know, it didn't seem important. How about you? What do you think; men, or women still?"

"Jesus Kate! I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. To be honest I can't see myself bar hopping with you and Jo. Much as I'm curious about the whole business from the opposite side so to speak. It will be months yet before it's more than a moot point. Even then I have no intention of rushing out to check out the new equipment."

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's just with you starting to look so girly. Umm. Do you still find me attractive?"
I stopped dead, totally floored. Kate stopped a couple of paces further when she realized I wasn't beside her.

Then regaining my composure,"... I never thought of it as something you might consider. I know you like men and though the idea of lesbian sex doesn't disgust you, it's not something you want either. I thought."

"Hey you, you are my husband, well sort of, I do still love you. So I wondered if you wanted to try."

"What right now, with me wearing makeup and a dress. Here in the sand dunes."

" Sure why not. No time like the present. A little bit of wicked never hurt." She walked up close, pressed herself against me. Cupped my bum in her hands then with a wicked smile kissed me hard on the lips.

With a slight moan I melted against her. She carefully lowered us both to the sand never breaking the kiss. After a minute or maybe an hour. Who knows? Kate broke contact. Then looking deep into my eyes she kissed me again. I jumped as I felt her hand brush my left nipple. She pulled back for a second, looked at me with a smile then continued. The feelings she aroused in me were heavenly. Jolts of pleasure shot from my nipples to my groin and all over. For the first time in about 2 months I had an erection. Kate took control and made love to me. It was beautiful and loving. The first time in months we'd been even remotely this close.

" Well how was that?" she asked with a grin, looking at me while propped on one elbow in the sand. I just lay there on my back with a smile on my face.

Blowing out with a slight tear in my eye, I replied. "Kate I don't think I've ever felt closer to you. That felt amazing."
With a twinkle in her eye she kissed me again, "Yep, definitely a lesbian." then laughed and flopped to her back next to me.

" How about you Kate, how did that feel? I know it's not the complete les experience... but...ummm ...well?"

" Nice, probably not enough to give up men for." she said with a grin, "But it is you and I do love you. So maybe we can keep things together when it becomes necessary to dissolve our marriage officially. I'm not looking forward to that you know"

"No. Me either but it's the law, no way round it."

"Yeah I know. Intellectually I understand it. It's just emotionally I have a little trouble..."

"Oh hell Kate I'm sorry to do this to you."

As the tears started, Kate hugged me saying "Hey it's alright you need this for your emotional sanity. As I've said before. We'll work it out."

"But what if we can't. You like men and I'm not sure I can face you going off with some guy while I'm in the same house. It may not be fair but there it is. I'm sorry."

Taking a deep breath Kate looked at me, kissed me then said, "Well you always were honest. We'll just have to see how it goes. Won't we lover? Come on let's get home."

5: Progression

Monday morning I was a nervous wreck. Gale greeted me from my office with a bunch of flowers. "Welcome Andrea, good to meet you at last." With a kiss on the cheek she smiled shook my hands gently with both of hers then headed back to her office.

" Thanks Gale I appreciate it." She smiled and waved as she headed out. With a general round of applause I was greeted to the office. Then blushing deeply said "...thanks everyone, back to work Huh."

A moment later as I got settled Jen walked in with a soft whistle. "Damn I knew you'd look good. A skirt suit and heels huh. Trying to raise the tone here are you. I'll have to start dressing up. Can't have my former male boss showing me up. Wouldn't be right."

"Thanks Jen, but your making me blush again, so back to work eh." She laughed waggled her fingers at me and headed out.

The week flew by. With a few minor disasters that we managed to pull back I didn't have time to worry about things. Using the mirror to touch up my makeup seemed completely natural and apart from a couple of slightly amused smiles, no comment was made. The time just flowed by, everything pretty much as normal. The only glitch in my composure came from two of the guys in sales. Yep you guessed it. John and Bill both saw fit to compare rather pointedly.' ...Kate is one hot piece of arse. How the hell can she stay with that pathetic little sissy boy? Jesus he was useless as a man. As a woman... god ... not worth a look. Should be put out of his misery. Let her get on with a real man. ...' , you get the gist.

I heard later that Kate blew her stack very publicly at that. "How could I have ever been so stupid as to look for something worthwhile in either of you? God, the sweetest most decent human being I have ever met both loves and believes in me. And I betrayed him. With you pieces of shit! Christ I should be shot for that. You're not worth the spit off Andy's old shoes. I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking there was something worthwhile in either of you! Andrea is a better man than either of you could ever be!"

She stormed out of the west wing and paced the garden for about a half hour before she was cool enough to get back to work.

Gale called her in, when she came back inside. " Feel better," she asked with a grin.

" Sorry Gale that was unprofessional. But hell, those two got to me."

"Quite alright my dear. I understand. I'll sort those two out later believe me" and her grin turned feral. "Now, how are things between you two these days."

" Well not bad actually. We pretty much understand each other. There is still love surprisingly. I'm not sure I deserve her. Nothing is set in stone; we may still split when the time comes. That will be hard if it happens and I know I'll be the villain there again. But should it happen it will be friendly, although very sad."

"Well I'm glad that at least there will be no bad blood. I don't want to lose either of you. Please treat her gently. This is a very hard thing for anyone to go through. I'll help if I can."

"Thanks Gale you're a peach."

As the week came to an end I started to feel down. Friday as everyone gradually left was worse. When I was alone I just sat at my desk and started to cry. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind, "Hey what's up
gorgeous, no crying you'll wreck your complexion." Jen whispered in my ear and handed me some tissues.

"Thanks Jen, sorry about that."

"No prob, but what brought this on, I thought the week went great?"

"Well as the week wound down and then this afternoon as everyone left I started feeling so alone. That I had to be insane, even to contemplate this. It's unnatural, perverted if you will. So what does that make me? At the very least screwed up."

"Well that's probably a discussion for your psychiatrist. But from where I sit you seem pretty well adjusted. A little too introspective sometimes but then nobody's perfect. From a work perspective, you handle people and situations better now. You're more at ease generally, so there's less potential conflict.
Not that that was a big deal before, just... well it's subtle." With a big smile she looked at me and said, "You're, well, nicer this way, told ya." Then she poked her tongue out at me, which got a cough like laugh. "Come on Boss. I'm meeting some friends at Buchananns, go fix your face and come with me."

"Umm, Ok Jen let me ring Kate, and then I'll get fixed and come. Oh and thanks again."

Jen looked at me again with a serious expression on her face. "What..?"

"It's what I said about you being nicer. We could never have had a conversation like this 4 months ago. You make a very attractive lady. If I were into girls you would be in trouble here, 'cause you're pushing all my buttons. So go get fixed up, I'll meet you in the car park", and with a peck on my cheek she headed out.

I sat there for a minute with a bemused expression on my face. Then with a mental shake, picked up the phone.

Buchananns is an upscale bar not too far from work. Jen was greeted by a group of about 10 people. A couple looked vaguely familiar. She introduced me then whispered in my ear, " Don't stress, I've told them roughly about you and they're cool. So relax Ok."

She handed me a glass of wine then started chatting with her friends. I found myself talking with a gorgeous blonde that I felt a tinkle of recognition for. "Umm... sorry but do I know you?"

She smiled and said, "Slightly, I did the last 3 shoots for Sabina Designs with you guys. I remember you quite well. Though you're looking a whole lot nicer today than I recall." This last was said with a wicked twinkle in her eye.

"Ah, well things have changed a little in the past few months." I shifted a little nervously.

She smiled softly and put her hand on top of mine, "Look my names Shelley if you didn't catch it before. I know all about you. I liked you as a guy, almost enough to turn straight for. But I heard you were married." With a shrug she continued, "So you don't bother me at all in that sense. I've worked with girls like you, so no biggie."

I'd recovered myself by now, so with a glint in my eye said, "...almost enough huh."

With a big smile on her face she responded, "Oh yeah. But you're much nicer now and if not a free agent yet, you soon will be. I can wait." She lent over and kissed me lightly on the lips. A slight electric jolt shot through me at that. "Besides I'd rather wait till your complete and settled in yourself. Doesn't do to rush these things." That got me blushing like you wouldn't believe. Shelley turned aside and started chatting to someone else. Jen caught my eye and raised her glass to me. I smiled and nodded back. It was a pleasant couple of hours.

As I excused myself to leave Shelley slipped up and handed me a card, " That's my number. When you're ready, give me a ring. We'll go out some night, no pressure. Just a get to know you. I'm unattached for the time being, so call me huh." With a one handed hug and a peck on the cheek she turned back to the group. Something to think on that's for sure.

The months flew by. Work was going well and I was pretty comfortable en femme now. Barely even thought about it most of the time. Kate was leaning against my car on the Friday night. "You know Gales big party is in two weeks. We need to go shopping. Got to get yourself organized girlfriend." This said with a chuckle and a gentle elbow to the ribs. With a soft kiss on the lips she continued, "I feel I still owe you for last year. So lets head out tomorrow and find you a dress. My treat."

"Kate you don't owe me anything. Last years debacle was more my fault for reacting as I did. So on that level we're square. Ok."

With arms crossed a stamp of one foot and a big pout "Well I don't quite see it like that. So I insist."

Laughing I surrendered, "Ok, tomorrow, thanks Kate."

Kate made a beeline for an exclusive boutique and dragged me behind her.
"I spotted the perfect thing for you the other day," turning to the assistant,
" could you get the dress held for Kate Williams please?"

It turned out to be an absolutely beautiful Colette Dinnigan navy silk and lace confection. When they saw it on me, both Kate and the assistant had big smiles on their faces, "We're not going to better that one hon. Trust me." And so it was.
Next were the shoes. After 4 attempts we found a pair of 3-inch strappy Sergio Rossi sandals that matched perfectly. "Well that was a success. I'm already sorted with basic black. The appointments are made at the salon for next Saturday at ten. So no partying Friday night, Ok."

Saturday morning as I emerged from the shower Kate was lying on the bed looking at me. "You've really blossomed in the last couple of months hon. What's your waist now?... 26...cute buns ...I'd say a full B up top. With that sandy auburn mop of yours, a really nice package. Almost makes me wish I was gay."

I don't think I've described Kate before, so: picture, athletic slim body, 5'9, C cup, great legs, thick shoulder length rich coffee dark brown hair. Face a slightly tougher Monica Belucci. An absolute stunner. Hmm must be a little bit of male left yet.

Kate smiling pulled me down on top of her, "Ah... Hon I can't really do anything anymore you know?"

" I'm sure you'll think of something." I did. About 40 minutes later Kate swatted me on the bum chuckling, " Definitely a lesbian, go on back to the shower you slut. We've only got an hour." Laughing I complied.

The party was a great success, helped greatly by the salon and my gorgeous outfit. John and Bill got frozen out, but their dates were separated and shown a good time. One of the best nights I've had, ever.

6: Conclusion

Over the next month or so everything started to come to a conclusion. I had my two Psychiatric assessments clearing me for surgery. The medical side, bar the final op was complete. That was booked for late March. Legally Kate and I were no longer husband and wife, although still living together. My one year RLT was almost up. Over several weeks and many bottles of soft red, Kate and I decided our future. She was to keep the house and I would find an apartment. We both had hols' booked for 3 days before and 3 plus weeks after my surgery. She would see me through this at home. Then we would split with a good deal of sadness but no bitterness.

I began a half-hearted search for somewhere to live. Then mid Feb found the perfect place. A nice two bed + sunroom w' balcony and bush view. Nice kitchen. En-suite and 2nd bathroom. 2 secure car spaces. Bright and airy. Perfect. All this in a nice block of 12. With a sigh and some regret I signed the lease. We both got a little weepy that night. Only two weeks before I moved out of our home for good. Well, barring a brief recuperative visit in March.

Andrea was by now fully established. My voice which had been a bit rough for a while, had now after a lot of practice settled into a nice sexy (so I was told by Jen and later Kate) contralto. A week before I was due to leave for surgery Jen presented me with a bottle of perfume. " I don't think you've sorted a personal scent out yet so try this one. I think it's you to a tee. Then you're joining us on Friday at Buchananns. Shelley keeps asking after you." This last added with a slight smirk. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

Jen left smiling. I checked the bottle, Giorgio, dabbed a bit on my wrists and sniffed. Hmm.... not bad. Later as I walked by, "You've got nice taste Jen, I'll be there Friday. Thank you."

"Sure thing boss." With a big knowing smile.

I was more or less settled in my new place. Kate had helped with the expenses, furniture and such. It was a little lonely at night but starting to feel like home. Jen quietly told me one morning that Kate was dating. There was no hard edge to this as there might have been six months previous. I sent Kate half a dozen white roses with a note wishing her well. Several hours later Kate wandered in, walked up without saying a word, kissed me softly, then turned and walked out, with I think a tear in her eye. Wishful thinking perhaps.

Friday I was dressed in another suit and heels combo as Jen called them. Dark Rose suit, dark tan shoes and bag with a cream sleeveless, collarless blouse and silk finish nude hose. Not exactly risqué but hell I was still trying to come to grips with all this colour co-ordination. Then there was the makeup. Christ it was sure easier as a guy, but just maybe not as much fun.

Same basic group as before with maybe a couple of extras. Shelly's eyes sparkled when she spotted me. Jen gave me a playful swat on the bum," Go on, get re-acquainted then."

" Bleedin' liberties, you'll get yours missy." We were both laughing. Shelley walked straight up and kissed me full on the mouth. That little electric jolt struck again and I let out a very soft groan. She smiled like the Cheshire cat and drew me to the booth they had appropriated.

After a drink and some general get caught up chat round the gang Shelley neatly slid me into a neighbouring booth. "So only a few days to rebirth eh. Nervous, scared?"

"Sure a little of both, mixed with a big slice of anticipation. This lot hasn't really worked for months anyway." My vague downward gesture raised a grin.

"Look I really want to get to know you properly, would you be willing to skip this joint and have dinner somewhere. Just the two of us?" Shelley seemed for the first time slightly uncertain.

"Don't suppose you have somewhere booked do you?" I was playing a hunch that raised a blush, which made me laugh.

Jen glanced over at that, and then laughed as she caught Shelley's face. Jen gestured me close and whispered in my ear, "Shelley is really good people. I would never hook you up with anybody not worthwhile. As long as you're both honest there's a better than even chance. For both of you. She's been through a few disasters and after I mentioned your situation. Well she said she remembered you from the photo shoots we did. And that she liked you even as a guy. Which for her was a big admission. Anyway. Go for it and best of luck eh." With a thumbs up gesture to both of us she turned back to the gang.

We bade farewell with a wave, then headed a couple of blocks down, to a nice little Italian place with a rear open air bistro. As we were shown to our seats Shelley brushed her hand across my rear in a proprietary manner. As I raised an eyebrow at her she just blew me a kiss, which got a blush on my side.

" Ok we're even" I said with a grin. The rest of the meal went just as well. Lots of pleasant conversation, food, wine and more than a few laughs.

As we finished up Shelley announced, "My treat. If there's a next time you can get it. Ok." When I nodded she continued, "Would you like to come over to my place. It's three blocks over..." for the second time tonight she seemed a little nervous.

With a slight smile I said sure and linked arms. Then rolling my eyes, "Lead on my lady. I can't wait to see your etchings." That got another blush and a laugh as she led the way.

Shelley had a nice place, larger than mine as there had been up to four people living here but they had all moved on over time. It was done out in a gypsy caravan style of décor. Not sure that I could pull it off but it worked here. Made you feel right at home. Mind you the company helped. Two bottles of wine and four hours later we each had a rough outline of each other's lives to date and a slight buzz on.

Then Shelley leaned over and looking deep into my eyes kissed me hard on the mouth. That little frisson struck again, causing me to groan slightly. She pulled back and raised one eyebrow in question. When I explained, she beamed at me and kissed me again, while gently massaging my right breast. Some minutes later she led me by the hand to her bedroom. Gently stripping me to my underwear, while maintaining a wide-eyed gentle expression. Bra off she reached for my pants.

I took her hands and shook my head, "Not 'til...after. Ok." She smiled gently, stroked my cheek softly with the back of her fingers and then smiling, proceeded to strip slowly.

We made love for the next, ...well... hours. I fell asleep spooned into Shelley who hummed softly in my ear as I nodded off. The next morning was easy. Shelley was not a morning person. So I borrowed some sweats, pushed my hair into a scrunchie and headed down to a bakery I'd spotted on the way here last night. Armed with croissants and butter. I headed back. Shelley had coffee; I'd checked that before leaving. Warmed up the croissants and made the coffee. Plunged. Then headed back to the bedroom with a tray.

"Damn. If this is the treatment you give every morning, you can move in tomorrow. Nice outfit by the way."
After a pleasant breakfast, we shook the pastry out of the sheets and remade the bed. We talked easily for about an hour. Shelley lent me a dress and we walked down to the local markets. Browsed around and generally did the lazy Saturday thing. A few knowing looks came our way. Especially from one big West Indian, maybe Jamaican with a food stall. He gave us each a wrap of meat and vegetables with a rich chilli sauce and a "Shelleee me honn. Nice job dat one dere."

This, with a huge wink and crude gesture at me. We both cracked up at that and waving, walked away. "That was Jules. He fancies me. But cries out for me to find a 'nice girl' and settle down. He's outrageous, but great fun. These wraps of his are great by the way."

"Yes I know." I replied around a mouthful. We both laughed again and kept strolling.

We spent the rest of the day easily and pleasantly. Enjoying each other and the weather, which was mild and gentle.

Shelley dropped me home after a light dinner about 9. I gave her the cooks' tour; she acted impressed. Then went quiet. I stopped and waited for whatever she wanted to say.

" Um. Ahh. Andy. Andrea. I like you a lot. I liked Andrew and there aren't many guys I'd say that to. But Andrea is, well. Shit." She sat on the lounge. I sat as well but further down. After staring at her toes for several minutes, she took a deep breath. Looked over at me with tears in her eyes.

" You are just about my ideal girl. Smart, sexy, slightly submissive." This last said with a slight laugh. " You turn me on like you wouldn't believe. I find that just a little ah ...disconcerting. I know you have a dick. But hey nobodies perfect. I really want to get together with you and...um...I don't want to push too far. I have a habit of taking control. Some of my 'friends' find that a bit much at times. So..."

I shushed her there, "Shelley. I like you too. Ok. Jen's recommendation counts a lot. You haven't fallen short. I have no problem with a slightly bossy girlfriend. I was married to a lawyer. If you push too far I'll let you know. But I won't bite you to do it. I have to leave for hospital in 3 days. So you won't see me for a couple of weeks at least. Then I need to recover. I'm doing that at Kate's house. So in about 5 weeks we can get together and as long as you go gently ... I ah.. have it on good authority that chances are you're in there girl."

At that Shelley let out a whoop that buzzed my eardrums and jumped on me. After a big kiss she stood up and paced like the energizer bunny. " That's great Andrea I ahh ... I'll call you in about 40 days. Ok." She grabbed her bag and keys and headed for the door.

"Ah, Shelley. Andie is fine. Ok."

"Great call me Shel if you like." She jumped back and kissed me again, then bounded out the door humming. I stood for a minute with a silly smile on my face. Then with a mental shake started straightening up.

Surgery came and went without complication. If you're reading this I'm sure you know the general methodology. Kate was a great nurse come teddy bear. She was also greatly amused at my antics with the stent and wanted to know why it had to be that hard. 'Surely a nice rubber dildo of appropriate size would be better'. I said I'd ask next time. Which got a big laugh.
I met her current beau one night. This surprised me by only causing a slight stab. When she apologised I assured her it was fine "He seems like a nice guy."

I explained about Shelley, which got a big smile, "Yup, definitely a lesbian." I threw a lounge pillow at her. After two weeks it was time. With a big long hug and a few tears I headed back to my apartment.

Shelley called up about 4 days later. We hooked up for dinner a few times. The little frisson was still there. We got close. Talked about moving in together. I wasn't quite ready for that... yet. Still getting established as it were. We got keys to each others place and pledged one to one. As long as we were honest and trusted each other we'd be good, fine, maybe great.

Two weeks later I went back for the final little minor touch up. Forgot to ask Kate's question, too embarrassed, ah well. Got a green light for two weeks, 'but go easy'. When Shel and I finally hooked up for the big one; candle lit seduction, Diana Krall playing moody in the background, a few wines. Well it went really well. Make that fuckin' fan' bloody 'tastic. She said if she didn't know and apart from a slight lack of natural lube, she wouldn't know.

7: Epilogue

Six months. Shel and I are going great guns. Happy as Larry or some equally silly expression. Love, yeah could just be. No surgical complications.
Work is going really well. Jen teases me constantly. So I blow raspberries at her and generally behave like a juvenile idiot. Maybe it is Love.

Anyway work is good. Gale is happy with the whole gang. John and Bill both left and were replaced by a woman who bettered their combined sales within two months. She's nice too.

Joanne seems to have toned down a little.

Kate has been through a couple of guys, poor choice of words maybe, but assures me she's happy enough. Ah well hope springs eternal or something like that. I tell her she should try a threesome with Shel and me. Which gets a laugh. I don't think any of us really want to go there. So, that's the end of this little missive. Always seems bigger and longer when you put it down on 'paper'. It can run through your head in about a quarter of the time. Anyway life goes on.

Any thoughts or comments I can be contacted - [email protected] Anything short of abuse welcome.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

Want to comment but don't want to open an account?
Anyone can log in as Guest Reader -- password topshelf to leave a comment.