I lost my best friend today, I've now outlived all of my friends except the ones I've made here. I do have my family, or I probably would have done something stupid by this time. I have to admit that I'm not sure how much more I can take, my parents are gone, my brother wants nothing to do with me (and it has nothing to do with me being Holly), and now my only friend I could hug is gone. I'm so very afraid of trying to make new friends in my area, I've started dressing full time now and I don't know how well I would be accepted outside of my family. I spend so much of my time, in spite of living with family, alone as they all have lives of their own and are gone so much of the time. It is down to me and my wife most of the time, and with my cataracts I don't drive, my wife has had hip and knee replacements and is in pain so much of the time that I don't want to ask her to go anywhere, it is too hard on her. When my oldest son was a toddler, I found him standing in front of his bedroom window one day looking at some older kids play basketball, and with the usual lisp of a toddler he said plaintively "I need fwends". I can so relate to that little boy today. Thank you for tolerating my maudlin ramblings tonight.
Feeling very sad
A word from our sponsor:
Comments
Not a lot to say
There should be some resources in your area. Counseling, access to transportation, some kind of social support group. Easy for me to suggest you seek these things out. It's difficult, I know, to ask for help.
Down in the right hand corner of the screen, there's a number for the GLBT National Hotline in the box labeled Resource Hotline. Above that box is another with links to TransPulse. It may be painful to reach out, to seek help, but there is help available.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Hugs Holly Girl
Sometimes the hardest part of living is to keep going. You and your wife are in a lifeboat, survivors of a gathering of lives who came together over a lifetime of sharing friendship and common interests. As the years passed one by one those who joined both of you in life slowly slipped away until you feel it's only you and your favorite squeeze. Is it enough? Remember when you first were attracted to each other? It was just you and her back then even if family and friends were all around you. Refire that feeling, those love bonds, mutual attraction. You're certainly not alone by any definition.
I have no idea where you live but even out here in my part of the world there are social services for every need. Need a ride, there is a free service. Meals on Wheels deliver once a day five days a week. Ask around, Chamber of Commerce maybe? The hospital will have all the data for help services. If one doesn't live in or near a metro it might be a little sketchy. There are Federal Government services too. Check them out.
Hugs Holly
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Thinking of you
Suicide and thoughts of suicide are altogether too common in the trans community. We are our own worst enemies in that regard... which is a shame because we have plenty of other enemies already.
We only pass this way once: I respect the right of those who choose oblivion (I’m currently watching while a loved one succumbs to the later stages of dementia and I’m not going to go the same way, I can tell ya) but I still think it’s a crying shame to lose even one sister to suicide. If only because I wouldn’t want to give the haters the satisfaction.
I recall a statistic that women are more likely to attempt suicide, but men are more likely to succeed – because they tend to choose messier methods, I think. It may be that we suffer the worst of both worlds in this respect, existing at the confluence of male and female. Perhaps it’s all a cosmic joke, like chromosomes. (The y chromosome is steadily disappearing over time, by the way.)
Be good to yourself, Holly Snow – and know that we all value you.
Bx
Sugar and Spiiice – TG Fiction by Bryony Marsh
I have recently thought about
I have recently thought about my life to come. All the children have now left and I am probably going to have the first Christmas with just me and my wife. It makes you think. This is what happens to many of us as we grow older. I have friends I know I should reconnect with. I lost them by being too busy. Life and family get in the way. I agree with you. We all need friends.
Bryony, the theory that the Y chromosome was disappearing was wrong. The scientist that put that forward was right that it had shed a lot genes over millions of years. What he did not know was that it was getting rid of non-essential genes.
Researchers found that the human Y chromosome has lost only one gene since humans and rhesus monkeys diverged evolutionarily 25 million years ago. It hasn't lost any genes since the divergence of chimpanzees 6 million years ago.
So men will be around for a while yet. There are mammals that reproduce sexually without a Y chromosome, creeping voles, Transcaucasian mole voles (Ellobius lutescens) and three rare species of spiny rat from Japan. Sex determination does not have to be on the Y chromosome.
Males of the Amami spiny rat (Tokudaia osimensis) are not like most therian mammals -- a name used to group animals that give live birth including placental mammals and marsupials. Unlike in most mammals, these males have no Y chromosome, which has been shed over eons of evolution. And they only have one X chromosome.
Leeanna
We, as a group, tend to be extroverts
and crave the human touch, the sound of a warm voice, and the understanding of others. But, some are still introverts and afraid. Coming to accept ourselves is difficult and we tend to need support. Lots of support. And friends! Our journey is full of hatred and bigotry, scorn and ridicule. Yet, still, we travel that road. And some, like myself, stop at a small village and find our comfort, our little niche. Others go on to that elusive "Big City" and find their dream.
The one thing we should never do is try to go it alone, we need to stick together. Erin mentioned the Resource Hotline listed at the lower right of the screen; use it if you find a need. And keep in mind that while a voice is not a hug, it is still a personal human contact and sharing issues can be a great help, sharing a load makes it easier to carry.
These last 2 years have been difficult. Like you, I lost a dear friend and fellow troublemaker. She had a spirit too big for her body and I still miss her 14 months later. But we go on. Keep happy memories and all that. Cliched? Definitely! But that doesn't make it any less true. Write a story with their character in it. And even if you don't share it, you remember them. And don't forget, there are many people here, some who would be happy to meet with you if you are willing. We are all over the world, some more out than others and witho0ut exception, we are all getting older. Me? I am 58 going on 80 with a slew of health issues just trying to outlive my doctors :D
If you need a sounding board or just someone to stand outside and scream at the clouds with, send me a DM. Heck, even if you just want to group watch a movie, let me know. Oh, and yes, cataracts suck, but I figure if the other drivers can't see my SUV and get out of the way, ta heck with 'em. And that goes for the pedestrians on the sidewalk as well /smirk
Anywhos (sp? why do I always wan to put an "e" on the end of that?), enough stream of consciousness, find your path, find your scarecrow, your lion, and your tinman; follow that road you find yourself on and keep on carrying on!
Safe travels! Hugs!
Diana
Do We?
"We, as a group, tend to be extroverts." Really? Do you have any research that backs that up?
My personal experience, and anecdotal evidence I've heard, suggests otherwise. If there is solid scientific research that backs this up I'd love to see it!
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
I will see if I can find it again
but I was pretty sure it showed an inverted ration compared to the overall population. From Northwestern University maybe? It was around 20 years ago and was fascinating in their conjecture that it was related to strength of will and the drive to be ourselves that made us that way. I really need to follow up on that to see if it was ever debunked since several doctors from there later became trans-bashers and it might have been bunk (not enough time this month to start THAT discussion). I had found out about the study from my psychiatrist during one of our many discussions. I will look into it tomorrow hopefully but I am easily distr***---...
Oooh! New tech toys! (just kidding) It's getting late and I am loopy, tired, and cranky from my infusion earlier today. Remind me in a private message tomorrow maybe? Thanks!
Diana
I can imagine that a lot of
I can imagine that a lot of friends here sent messages or had you in their thoughts and prayers.
So sorry to hear of your loss because you clearly had a wonderful friendship. What would they say to you now? Life is not easy, but we owe a big debt to our creators for giving us chance to have the experience of life on Earth. We may only get one life so please don't throw it away. Some days may seem bleak but think back to what you've seen and experienced. Focus on the positives in your lifetime and I hope then that things improve as days go by.
You've always been so kind to me and that shows you like people and enjoy developing friendships. Don't lock yourself away.
all I got is huggles
but you can have as many as you want.
Being the last one left to turn out the lights……
Can be an awful thing. As you have already stated, a life without friends and family can be a terrible, lonely affair. Finding peers, or perhaps younger people to share your time with - and pass on the hard learned lessons of a lifetime, can be a hard thing to do. But very rewarding.
As Erin has already stated, there are resources that can make that effort easier. Where I live, not only do those include groups of seniors, but also a community center that is always looking for adults to interact with and help the youth of our community. Nothing fills your day so well as working with and enjoying the time of younger people. With the added benefit of the fact that the younger generation is much more understanding and accepting of transgender people than many our own age.
Don’t be afraid to reach out and take that leap of faith - a life lived in solitude can be too much for one person to handle. Sharing your life with others adds joy to your life.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus