Halloween — Chapter 4

Walking from my car to Janet’s front door I was filled with conflicting emotions. I truly felt wonderful. I had borrowed my mother’s three-quarter sleeve Burberry swing coat and I felt perfectly natural walking and holding my handbag over my right shoulder while swinging my left arm. The silver bracelets and ring that decorated my left hand and wrist glinted in sharp contrast to my red nails that my mother had manicured to perfection. When I looked at myself in the mirror before leaving my home I felt like I was really seeing myself for the first time. Finally my six foot tall, rail-thin body looks elegant, rather than pathetically frail.

On the other hand I realized that I couldn’t appear too natural in this new role, unless I was willing to accept dire consequences. No one except my best friends, Michael and David, knew that my mother had helped and encouraged me to dress as a girl every Halloween. I wasn’t really that popular at school, so the last thing I needed was one more reason for people to pick on me. I need people to believe I’m doing this for a joke and not because I like dressing as a girl.

Why do I look forward so much to Halloween? Why do I like looking and acting like a girl? Am I really gay? I’m seventeen-years old and I’ve never really had a girlfriend. I like girls, but I really just want to be friends with them. I’m not really sexually attracted to either boys or girls.

With equal measures of trepidation and excitement I rang the doorbell and waited to see who would answer.

“Hello, Can I help you?” Janet smiled and opened the door.

“Oh, hi.” I tried to raise the pitch of my voice.

“I’m sorry, but this is a private party and my parent’s made me promise that I’d only invite people that I know.”

“You did invite me.” I smiled enjoying the fact that she didn’t recognize me.

Janet looked at me closely for a long moment. “Oh, my God! I can’t believe it’s you. You’re stunning. No one’s going to recognize you. Come in and let me take your coat; or your Mother’s coat. It is your Mother’s coat, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s my mother’s coat, silly, and my dressing like this was her idea. She has been begging me to dress as a girl for Halloween for as long as I can remember. I let her do it about six years ago; and she’s been relentless every year since. I think she wanted a girl when she had me or something.” Janet’s grinning. I think she’s okay with how I look.

“You’re the first one here. Come in; and say hello to my parents. They’re going to die when they see you. I want you to answer the door when everyone starts coming. Let’s play it straight. I won’t tell anyone other than Mom and Dad; and I’ll bet you no one will guess who you are.”

Janet’s parents had a mixed reaction. Her mother laughed and carried on like I was really one of Janet’s girl friend’s. Her dad was a quite a bit less friendly to me than he normally is. Perhaps he’s naturally stand-offish with girls?

Janet was right. No one saw through my costume, which allowed me to become comfortable in my role. Most of the boys seemed to think Janet’s parents had hired me to help with the party, because I ended up taking most of their coats and fetching them their first drinks. Michael and David even ignored me. In addition, I was the only one not in a traditional Halloween costume. The boys came as devils, ninjas, prisoners, gangsters, and clowns. The girls favored cats, nuns, Victorian ladies, and angels.

For the first hour I mingled unnoticed until I answered the door and saw Denise Woods and her two best friends, Linda and Sally. They were the most popular girls in our high school and never gave me the time of day. Janet wasn’t really terrific friends with them either, but she must have felt social pressure to invite them.

“Hello, girls.” I smiled. “Come on in. Can I take your coats?”

“Sure,” Denise replied haughtily as she scanned me head-to-toe, “These coats are a lot more expensive than anyone else at this party would wear. Soooo. . .could you do your job and make sure they’re put somewhere safe.”

“Certainly, Miss!” I smiled.

Walking upstairs to Janet’s parents’ bedroom with the coats I was thinking about how obnoxious Denise had sounded when I saw Janet coming out of the bathroom. “I can’t believe you invited Denise and her two arrogant shadows.”

“I had to, or none of the boys would have come. You know that.”

“She’s such a bitch. She nearly threw her coat at me.”

“You sound just like a girl . . . nice and catty. I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes my ‘hired help’ is just you in costume.”

“I’m not sure she would know me if I wasn’t dressed like this? I’m not important enough in school for her to care if she knows me, or not.”

“You’re important to me. . .and a lot of people.”

I grinned and touched her arm lightly to let her know how much I appreciated her friendship.

Ten minutes later I was down in the den where most of the boys were huddled watching a football game. I purposely went over and started smiling at David and Michael hoping that they would realize who I was. I was beginning to feel a bit lonely in my role because the “coat girl” didn’t have any friends.

Before anyone recognized me, Billy Crenshaw tapped on my shoulder. “Why aren’t you in the kitchen with the rest of the girls? I’m Billy, I don’t think I’ve we’ve been formally introduced. Do you go to Union High?”

“Yes, I do.” I smiled, brightly, happy for the moment my costume was holding up.

“Hey, you two,” Billy said to David and Michael. “Have you taken any classes with my girlfriend here, because I can’t seem to place her?”

After looking me over closely for the first time, Michael nearly doubled over laughing. “Billy, I think your ‘girlfriend’ is really one of my best friends -- John.”

Billy’s face turned red.

“I promise you,” Michael added hurriedly, “I won’t tell anyone that he’s your girlfriend.”

“Omigawd,” Billy said breaking out in a smile. “John, if there’s a vote then you have mine for the best costume. I would’ve never guessed that it was you.”

“Your mother did a great job getting you ready,” David said, “because you look better than most of the girls here.”

Billy continued to extract himself from being fooled. All three of them expressed their amazement that I would wear “my mom’s clothes.”

Janet came up. “John, it seems that we’ve separated into boys in the den and girls in the kitchen.” She winked. “I think you should join us in the kitchen.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “They already know.” I turned from her toward the boys. “I’ll see you boys.” I smiled as I grabbed Janet’s arm, “I’ll let you know what girls really say when we’re not around.”

When we were out of ear shot she asked me how the boys reacted when they found out.

“They’re cool. We’ve been friends for a long time and they’re used to me being a little nuts.”

“Denise isn’t quite so accepting. You wouldn’t believe how embarrassed she got when I told her who you are.”

Immediately upon entering the kitchen, Janet and I were surrounded by most of the girls who peppered me about everything from my wig, my skirt and blouse, and who did my makeup. While laughing at some of the comments and answering the others, I caught sight of Denise and her friends glowering at me from the far side of the kitchen.

When things calmed down, Denise slowly made her way over. “This can’t be your first time dressing as a girl. You look too good.”

“Uhmmmm.”

“And the way you were flirting with the boys, without them knowing it was you, makes me wonder which team you’re playing for.”

“You’re right. . .about this not being my first time. Mom asked me to dress as a girl a few Halloweens ago; and I did to make her happy.”

She raised an eyebrow so high I thought it might come loose from her face. “How did she make you do it? Did she hold a gun to your head?”

“No, but. . . .”

“No, ‘buts’. ‘Real’ boys would never allow themselves to be dressed as girls. And your skirt and top. . .? I suppose you’re going to try to tell us that they’re your mother’s?”

“What do you mean?” I whispered, feeling the floor give way a bit under me.

She somehow managed to look down at me even though I towered over her. “Unless your mother shops in the teen department, it looks like they were bought specifically for you.”

Several of the girls murmured around me. I tried to catch Janet’s eyes for support, but she had looked away.

Denise pressed her advantage. “Did you buy them yourself? I’ll bet you did. Didn’t you? You have pretty good taste,” she said scornfully, “for a girl.”

Janet finally stepped in. “Denise, why don’t you go make sure the boys are having a good time -- and leave John alone.”

Denise smirked. “That’s a good idea, but why doesn’t John come with me. He looked like he was having a lot of fun with the boys.” She got in my face, again. “Wouldn’t you like to flirt with the boys a little more? Come with me; and I’ll show you how you can just brush up to them and make their little peckers pop up. I bet you’ve dreamed about getting boys excited; haven’t you?”

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered, with tears forming in my eyes.

“Oh, don’t be a cry-baby, little girl. You know that boys love getting hand jobs from girls with their nails done as beautifully as yours. Wouldn’t you love to wrap your lips around one of their cocks?”

Several girls gasped. “Tell me you haven’t dreamt about that?”

“Stop it, Denise!!” Janet demanded.

My tears had turned into torrents and sobs.

Denise continued to mock me. “Oh, please don’t cry. You look so pretty. I’m sure one of the boys would like to take you home. I’m sure he’d want to stop somewhere romantic and pop your cherry. Have you dreamt about that, too? Having a boys’ cock up your ass? I’m sure it doesn’t feel as good as a pussy for the boy, but I’m sure you’d love it.”

Almost in shock and completely in tears, I ran upstairs to grab my coat.

Behind me I heard Janet. “You’re a complete bitch, Denise!”

“Well, at least I’m a real bitch and not a fake one like your friend. The next time you invite me to a party, why don’t you screen the guest list so that I don’t have to associate with losers.”

***

I couldn’t stop crying. What am I going to tell Mom? She worked so hard on my makeup. I looked in the rearview mirror. I’m a mess. Maybe I can sneak in without her seeing me.

Unfortunately, she was waiting in the living room for late trick or treaters. “Is that you, John?” She asked as I closed the front door behind me. “Why are you home so early?”

“The party was a disaster.” I spoke trying to hold back my tears. “Denise Woods decided to pick on me and I couldn’t take it.”

“Come here, and let me look at you. Oh, dear, you’ve been crying. She must be a horrible girl. You went to so much trouble; and you were just having fun. Why did she attack you?”

“She’s just a little bitch. She was mad because I was getting some of the attention when she normally gets it all. She’s just so mean.”

“Come here; and let me hold you. You shouldn’t let one person ruin your evening. You just have to learn how to deal with girls like Denise.”

“But, what could I have done?”

“I don’t know, John, because I wasn’t there. But sometimes it’s best to just smile and walk away.” She took me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes. “You know it’s way too early to end your night. Didn’t the girls downtown ask you to stop in?”

“They did but I thought you didn’t want me going there.”

“I don’t want you going there without me; and I’m going with you. It’ll only take a few minutes to repair your makeup. What do you say? Do you want to go?”

“I’d love to, Mom. Can you really fix my makeup?”

Forty minutes later we were nervously walking into the Velvet Underground. Anyone looking at us would have assumed that two modestly-dressed women had made a mistake when they entered the nightclub. I had tried to prepare my mother for what I was sure was going to be a wild party but she insisted that she had seen crazier things when she was younger. There were people dressed as ghosts, devils, and policemen and firemen, but the costumes were adult in nature with quite a few approaching X-rated.

As we approached the back of the club, my Mother yelled, “I forgot how noisy and dark nightclubs can be. Do you see your friends?”

“There’s Connie over there,” I said pointing to the woman dressed like an Indian princess. “Hi, Connie, what do you think?”

“Is that you, John? You are absolutely beautiful. Come over to our table and let’s see if Debbie or Leslie recognizes you.”

“Before we do, I want to introduce you to my mother. Mom, this is Connie. Connie, this is my Mother.”

“Hi, Connie,” Mother smiled extending her hand in greeting, “Everyone except my sons call me Julie.”

“Pleased to meet you, Julie,” Connie replied taking her hand. “I’ve heard nothing but praise on what a wonderful mother you are.” She looked toward me. “Dressed like you are I can’t keep calling you ‘John’. Do you have a femme name?”

“I always liked Lisa,” I replied looking quickly over to my mother who smiled suspiciously while lifting her eyebrows. Realizing that I answered too quickly I added, “Mom, the last time I was here, Connie told me I should pick a girl’s name.”

“I think it makes perfect sense.” Mother smiled. “You are one of the prettiest girls here.”

“Let me introduce you to my friends.” Connie led us to her table. “Leslie and Debbie, I’d like to introduce you to my two friends, Lisa and Julie. Let me get two extra chairs so we can all sit together.”

Five minutes later and still not realizing that Lisa was really me, Leslie turned to Mom and asked, “So what brings you girls here tonight? You look a little out of place without costumes.”

“Well, Lisa told me she promised all of you that she would come down and show you her Halloween costume.” Mother grinned.

“Omigawd. It’s you, John, isn’t it?” Debbie laughed looking back and forth between Leslie and me.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realize it was me.” I laughed.

“You are absolutely beautiful. I suspected that you would have made a good-looking girl, but I had no idea. . . .”

“I can thank my Mother for that. She works miracles with make-up.”

“You certainly have the canvas for your mother to work on,” Connie added.

Looking at Mom, Connie smiled. “I am so happy that Lisa has such a wonderful mother like you. You don’t know how lucky she is.”

“Thank you, Connie. But you keep referring to John as a girl. Why are you doing that?”

“Have you ever heard the term, transsexual?”

“Yes, I guess I’ve read recently about that tennis player, Renee Richards. I think that’s her name. But what does that have to do with my John.”

“Well, I don’t know how much John has told you,” Connie began, “but Leslie, Debbie and I are transsexuals. So are a lot of the girls in this club.”

“John did tell me that you were guys who liked to dress as girls, but he never mentioned anything about transsexuals.”

Connie took a little sip of her wine. “My guess is he really doesn’t know we consider ourselves as transsexuals. He’s just looking for someplace safe where he could meet other boys who like to dress as girls. If you look around you see quite a few of us. Some of us consider ourselves transsexuals; simply put, we think we are really girls who were just born in the wrong body. Most of the others are transvestites. Transvestites are really men who get a sexual thrill dressing as girls.”

While Connie and Mother spoke as if I wasn’t there, Leslie grabbed my hand and escorted me to the dance floor. "Lisa, have you ever danced dressed as a girl before?"

"No," I yelled over the music, "But I've probably dreamt about it more than you could imagine."

"Well, you just follow me and I'll teach you everything you need to know about dancing as a girl."

Meanwhile back at the table, Mother was still trying to understand everything that she was hearing from Connie. “Do you think I caused this by encouraging him to dress as a girl on Halloween?”

“Absolutely not, Julie! I’m only guessing but I think if you ask him that he will tell you that he always wanted to dress as a girl. Frankly, there has only been limited research done on both transvestism and transexualism but from my point of view I don’t see a sexual aspect to his dressing. He just appears natural as a girl and he is so lucky to have a mother who loves and supports him. If you do a little research you will find that most transsexuals get rejected by their families, like Debbie, Leslie and me. Our lives are not pretty, but his life can be different with your love. I just wanted to let you know what I suspect. I hope you can help him if I’m correct.”

Reaching out and softly grabbing Connie’s hand, Mother replied. “I want to thank you, Connie. I’ve always known that John was different than his brothers, but you’ve given me a lot to think about. I can promise you that I’ll do everything I can to learn more about this and talk to him about how he feels. No matter what, I will always love and support him.”

***

I would like to thank Angela Rasch for her help in editing my story. She has been wonderful and when I see the results I hope that someday I will be able to convey the emotion and feeling of a story that she is able to do. I look forward to Chapter 5.