I've been praying that God would make me a girl and wishing that I was born a girl since I was 5.
I began to have PMS symptoms (migraines, cramping, bloating, and wild mood swings) when I was 12 for a few days every month. When I was 15, I started getting female curves, so I gained 150 pounds to hide them since I was beaten up on a regular basis for acting like a girl and I was afraid of getting beaten even worse, raped, and/or killed if I looked like a girl too.
On top of that, my testicles and scrotum are very small (it's been diagnosed as hypogonadism) and I never had an erection or ejaculation and my penis is only about the size of my pinkie nail (it's been diagnosed as a micropenis).
I came out as transgender when I was 27 and went on hormone therapy, after which I started bleeding out of my penis shortly after the PMS symptoms for about 5 days between two and six months apart, give or take.
I've been trying to get help for that, but I live in a very conservative area. In October, I had the worst bleeding I've ever had. I thought I wet the bed when I woke up, but when I turned on the light and lifted the covers, my bed was full of blood. I've been trying in earnest since then to find help. I went to Planned Parenthood, and the registered nurse who saw me said she'd talk to the program director and find me a specialist for my intersex issues.
They found an excellent endocrinologist in a more liberal town about 45 minutes from where I live. I just had a pelvic ultrasound done yesterday and the technician found a vaginal canal. She also thinks that I have a cervix and a small uterus as well, but because I am so overweight, she wasn't sure. The next step is a CT scan, as that will be able to show for sure exactly what organs I have inside of me.
42 is my favorite number, so it seems like pure serendipity that this all happened this year.
I've been so used to doctors telling me that having a period was impossible or that I was making assumptions for something that would have a logical, very male, explanation (a doctor told me that, bizarrely, my bleeding was related to me being uncircumcised, completely ignoring the fact that it happens every few months for 5 days and then stops until it repeats again a few months later). So, I'm pretty shocked yet really excited to learn that I actually was born as a girl after all.
Comments
Advice Too Late
This advice traditionally comes way too late, but martial arts or self-defense instruction would have helped at the time.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Get a lawyer
Sue those so called doctors for monetary compensation for malpractice.
They are not necessarily liable.
I think any doctor can say that they have patients who's symptoms have them baffled. If they made a good faith effort to diagnose the problem and even spoke with a specialist or two it isn't their fault for not finding something rare. Even common ailments can be difficult to diagnose at times as each person manifests slightly different symptoms. Even medical imaging can be misleading at times. My nephew had a rare condition that went undiagnosed for over a year until he happened to have an attack in an internists waiting room. The family's description of his symptoms didn't match anything but what the doctor saw in his office did.
True, but not necessarily liable is a judgement call
In this case, "I started bleeding out of my penis shortly after the PMS symptoms for about 5 days between two and six months apart, give or take." IMO it was incompetent to NOT follow this up with tests to determine what was occuring. A good lawyer would be the appropriate person to inquire if this was medical malpractice, and how strong a case there might be. I am no fan of lawyers, but there are some circumstances where they are badly needed.
Unfortunately, none of them
Unfortunately, none of them put in any reasonable effort. The first doctor mocked me for saying that I had period symptoms and told me I couldn’t have a period. He also berated me for being transgender, saying I lived an unusual life and calling me the male pronouns he, him, and his. He asked inappropriate questions like why I thought I was a woman. He never did any tests, assuming that my bleeding was because of the hormones I was taking and marked that I said I had a “period” in quotes on the side of the paperwork, outside of the various fields on the paperwork. There was no reason for him to do so, as doing it in large letters outside of official boundaries just brought attention to his derision of my condition.
My second doctor was dismissive of my comments about bleeding, never ordering a test, and making an assumption that it was due to infection because I wasn’t circumcised. He ignored the fact that my bleeding happened every few months for five days and then stopped before the cycle was repeated a few months later. He also ignored the fact that my penis was tiny and I never had an erection or ejaculated, saying that it didn’t matter because I was transitioning to female anyway.
One of the doctors did order an ultrasound, but ordered an abdominal one and when I explained that it was supposed to be to see if I had a female reproductive system, she just said that it was the wrong test, I had the wrong preparation as I didn't drink any fluids (which you need to drink a lot of in a pelvic ultrasound so the bladder pushes down the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, etc. making it easier to see the female organs via ultrasound) and just went through with the abdominal ultrasound and said that she didn't "think" I had any female organs. That was the end of that, and the doctor never did order the correct ultrasound.
On top of that, my first therapist told my mom that she was worried about me because I thought that I was something that I could never be.
My MRI is scheduled for the 21st of this month. When I find out exactly what is inside of me I might just consult a lawyer about this. I'll certainly look into it if I have a complete female reproductive system as I first started bleeding when I was 27, and I'm now 42, and they sat on their butts and ignored my concerns during what would potentially be my ideal child bearing years.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and E
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42
;)
The Question
The Question is "What is 6 * 9?" The base is thirteen.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
The US has one of the most primitive medical systems on Earth.
It only works if you have the money to pay rather than based upon need. The whole system has failed you, not just the doctors you have seen. Arguably the community failed you as well and you should have been sorted when you were a child. I'm not sure what would have happened in the UK thirty five years ago, but at least you would have had treatment without your family needing to pay. Looks l.ike you were born in the wrong body in the wrong place, but I hope that at least there is now some light at the end of a very dark tunnel and I hope you can lose the necessary weight to become who you should have been all along. Good luck.
Angharad
One of?
In cost-effectiveness, I think the US stands alone.
Yes, good luck, and glad you may be now be on a path to what you need.