Since it's been a little while, I figure I should give all of my friends and readers a bit of an update, preferably before I pass out again.

Okay so, let's dial it back six days to last Thursday. I had been having a rough few weeks with not sleeping again and my anxiety and depression spiraling out of control. The doctor at the urgent care clinic who had me do the blood tests for the hormone levels and stuff never got back to me to discuss results and treatment. So after three weeks of nothing on his end, and a whole lot of mounting anxiety on mine, I had I spent the whole day trying to find out why I hadn't heard anything from the clinic, only for the receptionist to tell me that I had to schedule an appointment with another doctor for it, when they should have contacted me when the tests were in. Sheer bureaucratic nonsense, which really shouldn't have surprised me since I've been getting nothing but that since moving to this province and trying to get my medical needs taken care of. So then I spent the afternoon trying to find any doctor to get an appointment with sometime this year only to break down after hours of getting nowhere again. Martin then called the clinic back angrily and talked to someone else, to whom he explained my situation, current anxiety and depression, and the fact that I have a history of self-harm and suicide attempts. She pushed for me to get an appointment for the next day(Friday) as an urgent case at another clinic, in person rather than on the phone this time, and gave Martin advice on how to hopefully fast-track getting me a family doctor.

Friday was kinda disappointing/surprising/unnerving all at once. I got absolutely no sleep the night before due to anxiety and a PTSD flashback and then I had to wait for an hour and a half at the clinic before I got to see a doctor. He was able to get ahold of the bloodwork results but told me that for hormones I would need to go to the 'special clinic', the one I'm on the wait list for and might not get in for like ten more months with the pandemic still going strong. I actually had a really bad panic attack while he was doing a quick examination and all he was able to do about my hormone situation was go over the blood test results with me and have his nurse find a Quebec trans help-line/website for me. The blood tests looked pretty good overall though. My cholesterol is a little high but not alarmingly so, but it's been like that for years, so no better or worse than it was when I started transition. The hormone levels were a surprise though. He said they could use a little tweaking, but they're not dangerously low and despite being off my 'mones for 7 years my estrogen levels aren't too much less than a bio woman's. That was a pleasant and weird surprise, so it would seem that my biggest problem is really my anxiety, insomnia, chronic nightmares, etc.

Anyway, the upshot is that he did give me a prescription for Xanax for my anxiety and insomnia to take when I'm anxious before sleeping or when I have major anxiety attacks. I've only had to take the ones before bed so far. So I was hoping, hey problem solved I can get back to work right? Not so much. The Xanax is knocking me on my ass right now and instead of not being able to sleep and being anxious all the time, I'm way too relaxed and sleeping constantly. I figure that it's taking a bit for my body to get used to the new prescription, but once I can sit and concentrate without dozing off in my seat I'll be back to work and writing chapters again.

*big hugs to you all and thank you for your support*

Amethyst