Hi All,
I'm not mad at anyone. I don't think this whole thing had much to do with anyone else's actions.
A few posts seemed to act as part of a trigger but I think my anger was actually based on grief. Four years ago Halloween, I lost my partner of 21 years. Last year on the day after Thanksgiving, my mom went to the hospital and never came home.
It took me awhile of just sitting around petting my dog and quietly crying before I figured this out.
BC will be back up soon and I'm sorry that I took it down.
Hugs,
Erin
Comments
Hugs
Hugs, Erin.
Just hugs. *sniffle*
- Terry
Just Hugs
Big ones :)
Scott
-- Moliere
Bree
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy
http://genomorph.tglibrary.com/ (Currently broken)
http://bree-ramsey314.livejournal.com/
Twitter: @genomorph
Hugs
Hugs.
Glad you're okay.
no reply seems adequate
Everyone's allowed to have a bad day. Sorry you had to have one.
Thank you for letting us have this great place to post and read and share. It's too easy to take all you do for granted.
Hugs
Big big Hugs go out to you!! we love you tons =)
Aspin
(----HUG----)
(------HUG------)
Another hug
A nice comforting hug to add to the rest. We all have stress and stressors that affect us in different ways. Many you find a to relax some of that stress.
Site off-line
You're well - nothing else matters. Hugs
josie aka Peter
Love IS the strong force
Erin
I think that everybody understands loss. In the last five years I've lost a brother, 3 sisters, and my wife of 33 years. My wife died on labor day. our wedding anniversary was the 14th of this month. I try to escape in reading, but in fantasy the vampires have taken over, and in TG the main character always seems to lose. Holidays are bad news.
Hugs Erin
Been there.... as some like to say. Can't even pet my dog as I had to put her down after 14 years by my side just three days ago.
Just hugs. You do not have to explain to anyone.
Thank You for The Big Closet
I really appreciate your bringing The Big Closet site back up. It must take a lot of work and time, and it must often get in the way of other things for you. My heart goes out to you at the feelings of loss that you shared here. For you to think about others at this time shows a big heart and a selflessness that I can only wish to emulate. I know you may not know me very well, but I hope it's okay for me to add my hug to all the rest. My wish is that you truly feel the comfort of the expressions of love and support written here. Thank you for sharing. Sidney
Appology
Well, let me get this right, you don't charge for this site, and there are many good stories here, and you do not charge to post here. I am not getting your need to apologize.
I was thrown out two days before Christmas, I can understand your suffering at a certain time of the year. If there is ever anything I can do...
Many Blessings
Gwen
more hugs
Your efforts, abilities and all around wonderfulness are greatly appreciated, Erin.
Sorry today was a rough one for you. Hope you have a perfect Thanksgiving.
~~love, Laika
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
Grief
There is no particular time to be healed from grief. I lost my dad 45 years ago and on the anniversary of his death I still get mournful.
I can only say that whatever you do just keep doing it. If it works for you then it is yours and no one should tell you any different.
When I get depressed I usually isolate and if shutting down the site until you feel better helps then do what it takes to feel better.
Food for thought, think of this the next time, Imagine a nice calm peaceful intersexed female having a PTSD(combat related) moment while she is applying make-up. I'm sure its not going to go on perfect at all. In fact I am living proof. I never know when I'm going to have an episode, during a getting ready for the day routine is not a good time for me to have an episode as I am the target of my anger. All I can do when that happens is laugh.
In fact in my mental health group one of our principles is "humor is heallthy"
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
** hands you some tea and a
** hands you some tea and a box of tissues **
----------------------------
May the Stars light your path.
Joy
I understand
I lost both of my parents, my mother from an unexpected stroke and my father from complications from Parkinson's.
They died within 9 months of each other. I still miss them dreadfully even after 8+ years now.
Due to my transition I never 'revealed' myself to them.
Not all things can truly be healed and I sympathize deeply for your losses.
Kim
Hugs, Erin
I don't know what to say except hugs.
I do have a soft side...
Just another
hug from your crowd of adoring fans.
Melanie E.
Back up
ELIZA
Lots of Huggs and A BIG WELCOME BACK
ELIZA
ELIZA
Hugs Erin
Erin, we care for you deeply, I know hoe overwhelming life and loss can be. You really do have people that wish the best for you here.
Love,
Paula
Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune
Paula
Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune
Thank you Erin
I love this site Erin. I love it more than anything else in my life right now save for my sister. If not for this site I would still be Hidding from who and what I am. I have really opened up since I found this site and I don't know what I'd do without it. Thank you for bringing it back.
If there is anything I can do to ease your work load let me know. I'm willing to help.
Jessica Marie
As a rule...
I don't do hugs, but for you I'll break that rule if it helps.
Helps you as BC has helped me since I first found it years ago.
Thanks for all the hard work.
JC
*hugs* ;)
The Legendary Lost Ninja
Thank God for pets when the
Thank God for pets when the stress levels get too high.
Hugs
Brutus
Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
Awwwr , Huggles
I hope you start feeling better
or atleast better than me
because ive been verry sad
and stressed
(im guessing Some or most of yall may know what im feeling)
i just feel like ive already wasted many years of my life being a guy
and im stil wasting them and the longer i wait the worse a girl ill turn out to be
and i want to be the best girl i can
its all terrible
And horrific
and sad
Hope you start to feel better
(and no i cant remember what puntuation is)
Hugs
Grief doe's creep up on you and make's life hard for a while but know we are thinking of you .
HUGS .HUG.
Hugs
lots.
Jo-Anne
Erin,
I wish that one of us could be there for you.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Erin - Thank you
Erin,
I am sorry for your losses, some pains never really go away. ***Hugs***
Thank you so very much for all the effort that you put into BCTS, it can't be said strongly or often enough. You have created a place that is a wonderful community, and I know that I for one, truly appreciate all that you do to keep it that way.
Hugs,
Kristy
what's this apology?
You provide a place that gives way more than most of us give back. A haven, a lifeline a meeting place for fellow nutjobs. Er what's the femme of fellow? Oh never mind. Besides I have no real idea what it's all about as being on the wrong end of the world and disadvantaged by timezones I missed it all. I hate missing stuff. Though I did catch some by looking about, Geoff you're a dill, get back here. Oh, Erin I miss the comments link, I miss some due to that time zone thing, sulk.
This place means an awful lot to a lot of people and most of us take it for granted to a degree. It's just there and free and speaking personally there is no way that I could do it because I have no clue really what you do. So if it's 10 years I've been here nearly 3 so I figure you owe me 7, I'm rounding up. I won't say you saved my life as that's a bit melodramatic and not strictly true. But BC did help and does still in many ways and I am very sure I am not alone in that thought. Pain of loss is a very personal thing yet here you can share it. Many of us do. It may be hidden in a story or brushed against in a blog, but it's out there. I have no real correlation to your loss, never having a relationship of that magnitude, yet we all know pain and loneliness.
Just know that there are a great many people out there all over the world, most of whom you do not know, some you know a little. But you help them, BC helps them, you, it help me. See I'm a selfish bitch. I might take things a little for granted, but know this. If you called for help, thousands would answer.
Time heals. What a load of crap. It might soften, it does not heal. Shout and yell if you need to, we can cope. Cry if you want, we do. So just thanks for all of it, 10 years if it is. Just remember you owe me another 7 okay.
love and hugs
Kristina
Glad you are back with us
I am mostly selfish when I say that, because I would sorely miss BC. I am glad you got over your grief. Life is certainly worth living and something to look forward to every day. I hope to contribute something toward the endeavor in the years ahead. Thanks again for maintaining the site and all that goes with it. Hugs, Cynthiafarsorth
((((((hugs))))))
Hi Erin
Just a bunch more ((((((hugs)))))) and many thanks for all you do. As well as a wonderful place with many talented writers. This is a beautiful caring community with lots of love to share. Many of us are too far away to hold you in our arms but we all love you and hug you with our hearts from afar.
I hope this wonderful out pouring of love for you in your time of grief helps to ease your pain.
Lots of love
((((((hugs))))))
Always
Patti
More Hugs
Thank you for all you do!!!
Hugs and prayers.
super hugs
Erin hun you have done so much in ten years for both the community and writers,
there are alot of people out there that love you for you and not because of this site.We all have days where we mourn the loved ones we have lost and it creates a blackness in us that can swallow us whole.
my reply to those that moaned about the way you do things, well you got your stories hosted here for free. try setting up your own bandwidths to host fiction and even the software to make the site so easy to use.
yes Erin is sensitive and she has reason to be same as alot of us and we will always support her. Well I for one will and know the family i have made through the TG fiction world will as well.
I could turn this into a rant about how some people live up to the title of users of this site but Erin would not want that and i will respect it. Plus anger is a negative emotion that i try to avoid.
I will just say this to ERin
THHHHHHAAAAANNNKKKK YYYOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And to the rest of you add to the hug count
to hug is to be and to be is to be hugged
view the world through the eyes of a child and relearn the wonder and love
Allie elle loved and cared for and resident of the kids camp full time
to hug is to be and to be is to be hugged
view the world through the eyes of a child and relearn the wonder and love
Allie elle loved and cared for and resident of the kids camp full time
Erin, without tears
We would no longer be human.
Without tears, we could never show how we really care.
Without tears, the world will never be a better place.
TEARS and sorrow allow us to appreciate the joy which is available to us.
That little mention about "Sanctuary" is born out by all these comments.
The unsung work you do to maintain this site...
The expense you incur month to month in blood, sweat, tears AND financially
SHOW!
Big Closet IS Sanctuary...
Through your selflessness and loss, time and time again
others have gained in leaps and bounds.
You have and are nurturing everyone who finds haven here.
It is a monumental task only few may conceive and even fewer attempt.
You are the director of a legacy which one day shall allow us all to find place
in that great bad world out there when our courage and determination and spirit
come to match yours.
Allow a smile to go before you, for here you have us all as friends.
God Bless YOU, Erin.
Teddi
I, too
wish to add my feelings for you. I am a newby and take enjoyment from your site. Thank you for your grace and charm and allowing all of us to look over your shoulder.
Oh Erin
lots and lots of hugs girl. When my mother passed away of lung cancer in 1997, I put all of my energies into my cab driving, to take my mind off of how much I miss her. Even today I still get sad when I think about her and know she is not here. Chin up girl, because we never forget the hurt that grief causes, but too we have the good memories that keep us going. All the best Erin and go in the light of the Lord Jesus.
Be strong, because it is in our strength that we can heal.
Love & Hugs,
Barbara
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
One more hug, if there's room!
No pithy comments; you simply have my deepest empathy and all the support I can offer. You've been there for us, providing this wonderful (and at times so frustrating) place.
Please take care of yourself and give the pup a scratch behind the ears for me,
YW
He conquers who endures. ~ Persius
Waiting my turn
to give my hugs to you Erin. We can't stop someone from hurting, but we can all be there to try and make it better afterward.
Huggles
grover
Thanks, everyone
Things always look brighter after a good cry and I've certainly had one this morning after seeing everyone's encouragement. I really do feel better and thank you all. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
You are welcome, but ...
Thank YOU for providing a site that is well moderated, and maintained.
This is one of two general TG fiction sites I recommend the TG writers I edit for, post their stories.
The other sites that allow direct posting by the authors contain stuff I don't want a new writer associated with.
And the ones that do not allow direct posting are not as well policed as here.
The other site is Stardust, hosted by your compadre, Bob Arnold.
There are other clean well managed sites, but they are more single universe sites, MORF, Whateley's Crystal Hall, Gabyzone, etc. and there are probably a few that I am not fmailiar with.
But this site is number one on my evaluation.
Thank you again
Holly
Just don't let a few spoil the site for all of us. If I step over the lines you have drawn, and there have been a few times I almost did so, but thought better about my post and didn't, I will respect your right to removet it, without raising a stink about it.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness.
It usually comes back to you.
Holly
I registered just to say
I registered just to say that I understand. I host a number of sites myself, both for pay and for not, and I've never gotten angry at someone who stopped giving free things away.
I know it's trite, but it does get easier over time.
BW
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Really sorry to hear about your suffering
My heart goes out to you Erin.
XX
AD
To Erin
Thank you for your hard work in keeping this site alive. I really have enjoyed a lot of the stories that have been posted. I also want to give you great gobs of wonderful hugs. May your day be as bright as the Sun!
Huggs
meghan and becky
It's so unlike you
Erin,
You are usually a rock of calmness in this sea of loonyness.:)
I thought that there was more to it than a few posts and an author or two leaving and was confident that everything would soon be back to normal. (whatever THAT is!)
Next time you are feeling blue, just hug your dog, watch a movie, but stay away from the computer! it'll save everyone a lot of anguish.
Mr. Ram
Erin, You have nothing to
Erin,
You have nothing to apolgize for. You have provided all of us a wonderful, friendly, place to "meet and greet" and get to know each other. Please accept my sympathies for your grief as I and I am sure others understand fully how that one emotion can affect a person. I am very happy to have you back and look forward to spending lots of time in the "Big Closet" seeing what you are keeping on the "Top Shelf". Hugs to you, Janice Lynn
thanks
losses are hard and strike us at the oddest times.
Good luck,and thanks for years of enjoyment.
We love you, and your site.
hug
big hug
here im back
You're allowed
Erin,
You manage to deal with so much. I'm grateful that you've figured it out, and that you are doing better.
You are in my thoughts.
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Hugs
Erin, We can understand that emotions can cause issues. Hope you are feeling better. Lots of hugs
Jayme Ann
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
Sealed with lots and lots and lots of hugs!!!
swlalalohs!!!!
Hello Erin!!! ^___^ ;-D
Yes, everyone goes through an emotional day that they can not handle. If you need a day off again, please let us know. We all understand to a degree.
This week, Thursday in Orlando, Florida. We're having our 1st Annual Rememberance Day for the Transgender who paid the ultimate sacrifice. It is planned for 7 PM at The Revolution Night Club on Bumby Street.
I am planning to be there. We know it will be an emotional time for all. As always, everyone needs prayer.
Have a wonderful week Erin. Take care until next time.
Rachel
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