Look, I know that my chosen sport has not exactly been at the forefront of catching drug cheats and sometimes the clean / not clean line has become somewhat blurred. On the other hand if you compete at the top level the chances of getting caught are quite high with after race and even out of competition testing becoming more common. BC in particular have been very hardline and when you are at international level the testing can be almost intrusive.

Now its been drummed into me by Mum, Dad, the guys at BC that drugs are bad and will not be tolerated at any level. You remember the hoops we had to jump through last year just so I could take properly proscribed medicines. So to be ‘accused’ of drug abuse and especially Testosterone is like, well devastating.

As you might imagine I didn’t sleep much, how could I get a positive result?

 
My enthusiasm for breakfast, work – well life was, well, zilch.

“How’re you doing kiddo?” Dad asked.
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“We’ll get it sorted, i’m taking the B sample to the lab this morning, they’ll process it straight away.”
“It can’t return positive can it?”
“I don’t know Gab, I really don’t know, now are you gonna be okay today?”
“Are we still going up to see Nanna and Gramps?”
“I should be back for that, you sure you’re alright for work?”
“What will I do otherwise?” I queried.
“There is that I suppose,” he allowed, “just try to not get in a state eh.”
Might be easier said than done, “I’ll try.”

 
I tried to stay upbeat at the Kiosk, i agreed with the rents to keep things private for now and a hint at ‘womens issues’ prevented extended interrogation of my malais. I was getting through the day reasonably well, I think, considering so I was surprised when Mum rolled up just after twelve.
“What are you doing here?” I asked after decamping to a garden table.
“The girls were concerned and rang,” she told me.

I shot an accusatory look at Con and Kris over in the cabin.

“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not Gab, this is a major thing kiddo, we’ll get through this together eh?”
“Hmm.”
“Your Dad rang from Bonn, we should have the results on Monday.”
“Monday, that's days away.”
“Only a couple, the tests take time kiddo.”
“I was supposed to be going with the girls next week, I guess that's out now.”
“I don’t see why, regardless of the outcome it won’t make any difference where you are.”
“Why now Mum, the Rundfart was weeks ago?”
“They don’t need to rush through their tests, the lab will get loads of tests and just work through them, we on the other hand need a quick turnaround so we pay for it to be done quicker.”
“I guess,” I allowed, “so what if this comes up positive too? I never took anything Mum, I swear.”
the tears started to flow, quickly developing into bigger sobs.
“Here,” a wodge of tissues were thrust into my hand, “lets not jump the gun eh? We’ll wait for the results and then decide what to do. I spoke to Caro earlier.”
“I thought we weren’t telling anyone?” I accused. Regardless of the final result, if it gets out i’ve been suspended and why everyone will be finger pointing.
“Its Caro, she won’t go spouting it about kiddo.”
“I guess not.”
“Anyhow,” Mum went on, “there might be some complication and potentially a loophole if we need it, as you were not riding as a German citizen at the time BC could potentially issue you a licence for Spain.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“Like I say its a loophole.”
“What about my titles?”
“You might have to forfeit them kiddo.”
“Thats so unfair, I haven’t done anything wrong,” I pretty much spat.
Mum patted my hands, still gripping the soggy tissues, “I know you haven’t luv but sometimes life isn’t fair.”
“I guess,” I agreed.
“Look, I’m not racing this weekend, how about the two of us have a girls day out?”
“I’m racing though.”
“No you’re not luv,” she mentioned squeezing my hands.

It was harsh but true and set off the waterworks again.

 
With Mand working at Der Mühle again and Jules conspiring to be in Bonn it was just me, Mum and Dad who drove up to Adenau to see the rels before they go home in the morning. I wasn’t exactly in the mood, my parents were doing their best to keep conversation light and off the Elephant. Mum cajoled me into one of my nicer dresses and Mand braided my locks before she left for work, I might not feel great but at least I look okay.

The holiday let wasn’t actually in Adenau but just outside in Wimbach, i’d seen foreign cars there in the past so I was able to tell the olds where it was – Uncle Sam’s directions having been a bit ambiguous. We were in Mums car, just as well as the British contingents vehicles filled the lane, Dad parked us in a tiny space on the main road.

“No Juliette?” Aunt Kath queried as she led us through to the garden.
“Up in Bonn sorting stuff for Uni,” Mum supplied. Well it wasn’t strictly the truth but she could hardly tell the truth could she?
“I guess we’ve got all that to look forward to eh? You look very nice Gaby.”
“Er thanks.”

The flock of cousins were a bit less timid with us this end of the week, not that Ollie was much better behaved but Rosie, Violet and Daisy were at least more forthcoming. Indeed I found myself being dragged off to see their holiday ‘treasures’ and the pictures on Rosie’s little camera. Yeah, not exactly David Bailey as Dad would say but she was proud of them.

I found myself being instructed on the rides at Phantasialand, how German people say ‘bitter’ after everything and there was a ferry across the river too.

“Where’s Max?” Violet asked.
“He has to help his daddy in their restaurant.”
“West wont?” Daisy queried.
“Its a fancy place to eat, they live in a castle,” I boasted.
“Max is a pwince?”
“Well,” how do I explain this?
“That makes you a princess,” Violet stated with some authority.
“Wow, Pwincess Gabwielle!” Daisy announced.
“Ah,” I started but I was perhaps saved by their mother.
“Come on girls, time to wash up, dinners nearly ready.”

 
Of course whilst the ‘cottage’ could sleep six adults and seven littlies, the dining arrangements were somewhat stretched, I guess the owners never expected the incumbents to want to entertain. My Aunts had somehow put together a kiddy friendly sausage and mash, I guess they brought the meat tubes with them, for my older cousins, at least I got the ‘adult’ menu, a pretty standard lasagne with a green salad.

“Your Mum was saying you got some award at school Gabrielle?” Nanna prompted.
Muu-um.
“Er yeah,” I admitted, “I got the best marks on the final exams, they give a prize for it.”
“On everything?” Uncle Jim asked.
“Well,” I mumbled.
Dad interjected, “not everything.”
“I didn’t do so well in English,” I admitted.
“She was best at German,” Mum stated in my defence.

My relatively poor English skills were chortled at, much to my further embarrassment.

“Erm, I got the little ones some presents,” I offered in an attempt at diverting the conversation.
“You shouldn’t have,” Uncle Sam told me.
“Well its not much, really, I’ll go fetch them.”
“I’ll give you a hand Gaby,” Gramps stated.

“Are you really okay Gaby?” Gramps asked as I opened the cars hatch to retrieve the bag of goodies.
“Yeah, course, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Your Dad told me about this test business."
“Oh, does Nanna know?”
“No, and she won’t hear it from me, so?”
“Its so unfair Gramps, I haven’t done anything wrong but I’m not allowed to race, what happened to innocent until proved guilty?”
“I guess they consider the test as proof,” he tempered.
“Its still not fair,” I sighed.

Gramps pulled me into a hug, what is it about that simple contact that is so comforting?

“Your Mum says you’re going out shopping tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You got spending money?”
“I do work Gramps.”
“That isn’t what I asked, here,” he slipped some paper into my hand, “don’t tell your Nanna.”

I didn’t look to see what it was, i’m guessing money.

“Thanks Gramps,” I gave him another squeeze.
“Now come on, they’ll be wondering where we’ve got to.”

 
The littlies were well taken by their gifts, not so sure Aunt Kath was quite so happy with the makeup for the older girls but ke sera. Not that the kids got much chance to play, they were soon bidding goodnight and being hurried to their beds. With Mum driving us home Dad joined his family for some alcohol, I did sneak an extra glass of wine.

“I’ll speak to you soon Son,” Gramps mentioned to Dad.
“As soon as I know Dad.”
“Don’t tell your Gramps,” Nanna instructed pushing more paper into my hand.
“Thanks Nanna,” I allowed giving her a farewell squeeze.
“And Gabrielle?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t make me a great grandma just yet eh?”
“Sarah,” Gramps admonished as my face turned quite warm and pink.
“I won’t.”

There were more inter adult farewells, promises of actions and so on but eventually we climbed into the A and with Speedy von Bond at the wheel we set off for home.

 
“That wasn’t so bad,” Mum opined.
“At least I didn’t end up babysitting,” I stated.
“You would’ve been outnumbered,” Dad noted.
“Ouch!”
“Whats up?” Mater enquired.

I fished into my decollotage and recovered the paper Gramps had given me, well I didn’t have my bag handy did I?

“Wow!”
“What?”
“Two hundred euros.”
“Eh?”
“Road Jen,” Dad suggested as she had us squiggling down Adenau Hauptstrasse.
“Gramps gave me two hundred euros.”
“I hope you thanked him,” Dad mentioned.
“I didn’t know, I’ll ring in the morning, oh I nearly forgot,” I opened my bag and pulled out the crumpled note Nanna gave me, “woo, that's three hundred!”
“Guess you’re buying lunch tomorrow,” Mum suggested.
“Mu-uum!” I moaned.

 
Maddy Bell © 12.01.2018