“Come on Gab, anyone’d think you’ve been slacking on holiday,” Mand chided.

To be fair I was wallowing a bit as we toiled out of Neunahr towards Königsfeld.

“Go on, i’ll catch you up.”
“Oh no you don’t Gaby Bond, I’m not being your carrot and in any case your dad said piano today.”

Damn, she’ll want to talk all the way round. I grabbed my bidon and took a quick draft before returning my concentration to the job in hand.

“So,” de Vreen started as I drew level, “good kisser?”
“Eh?”
“Oh come on Gab, that was most definitely a love bite on your fun bag.”

How the heck did she see that.

“Don’t know what you mean,” I know, my protestations of innocence never work.
“Come on Gab, been there, done that, so spill already.”

Urgh!

“Okay, okay,” I sighed, “we didn’t do anything, just snogged a bit.”
“Or a lot,” Mand suggested with a crinkle of her brows.

And so I started on a somewhat edited version of my holiday ‘romance’, clearly I left out certain semi naked elements, its not that she’s a big gossip but something as juicy as that would almost certainly leak.

We weren’t doing a long session, only about sixty kilometres steady, a couple of hours, a typical pre race leg stretch except of course I’m not riding the Jungere series event tomorrow. Dad however was insistent that I keep up the training despite my suspension, I guess I get that but it still seems like wasted effort. As I’m going up to the kiosk, when we got back I rushed straight up to my room to shower and change.

“Any chance of a lift?” I enquired poking my head into the office fifteen minutes later.
“Hmm? I suppose so, I need to talk to you privately anyhow,” Dad told me, “five minutes okay?”
“Er right, I’ll grab a narna.”

I’d finished my banana before Dad came out to where I was waiting by the camper.

“Come on then kiddo, got everything?”

I rechecked my Handtasche, keys, wallet, Handy, lippy – that's where those earrings went, yup, looks like everything.

“Yup,” I confirmed following him up into our behemoth.

Dad got us out onto the Lech road before addressing me.

“I had a call while you were out.”
“From?”
“Natalie, from the testing lab?”
“Oh?”
“Well they are pretty sure we can clear you.”
“I thought the B sample was positive?”
“It was, which is why we came down to get the baseline sample from you.”
“And that clears me?”
“They think so.”
“Only think?”
“Okay, they’re pretty certain.”
“So I can race tomorrow?” I interrupted.
“Whoa, slow down girl, its not quite that simple.”
“It was when they suspended me,” I pointed out.
“Well unfortunately its not so easy getting it back,” he told me.
“So what happens now then?” I asked doing my best to hide my disappointment.
“The Federation are organising a hearing, hopefully sometime this week, if things play out as the Lab people expect you should have your licence in time for Spain.”
“Its cutting things a bit fine,” I noted.
“I know but lets not try crossing bridges before we get there eh?”
“I s’pose so,” I agreed.

“You look like you lost a Mark and found a Pfennig,” Con told me as I donned my apron.
“Just some cycling stuff,” I mentioned.
“Well stop moping and get cooking.”
“Why me?”
“Because I hate it, Kris hasn’t a diploma and you’re good at it.”

I rolled my eyes and took the slice from her hand.

We were quite busy which kept me from dwelling on what Dad said too much – of course I couldn’t help thinking about it in between times and during toilet breaks. Its only a week before we go to Spain, a lot has got to happen for me to make the journey and there’s no guarantee it will. Not only that but being Saturday there was no visit from Max either, I almost wish Dad hadn’t said anything.

“You coming tomorrow?” Dad asked over dinner.
I pushed the peas around my plate, “dunno.”

To be honest I wasn’t sure I could cope with being around the others, the excuse for me not riding is supposedly ‘womens’ troubles, Mand for one doesn’t believe that.

“I could do with extra hands for the feed,” he hinted.
“I really ought to help at the Kabin as I’m gonna be away for another week.”
“Well its up to you,” Pater told me without pressing the matter further.

Am I just dodging invisible bullets again? Last year it was about who I am, is this year going to be marked by this secrecy over this drugs thing? I don’t want it to but if I go to the race I’ll feel compelled to fess up and without a verdict I’m not sure where that’d put me with my friends and team mates, I’m not sure I want to find out either.

I knocked on Mand’s bedroom door, “Mand, can I come in?”
“Course, wassup?”
I went in and pulled the door closed behind me, “what’re you up to?”
“Maths revision.”
“I thought you’d finished school?”
“So did I but I failed a couple of my GCSE’s and your dad ‘suggested’ I resit them as a sort of prerequisite to staying here.”
“I suppose its a good idea to have some qualifications,” I noted, “ so what apart from maths are you doing?”
“History and chemistry.”
“Never did chemistry and German history isn’t much use to you for that so I can’t help much.”
“You can give me some pointers on German language.”
“Didn’t think you did German?”
“I didn’t but while I’m going back for the other stuff it seemed like a good idea to get a bit more proficient.”
“You speak it pretty well now.”
“I get by, but sometimes when you and the girls are gabbing away I get a bit lost.”
“Why don’t you say something?”
“Well its sort of embarrassing, I’d be interrupting every other sentence.”
“So you going back as sixth form like Jules did then?”
“Well sort of, a lot of my classes will be with the Y12’s, I think there’s only about three of us going back.”
“Yeah I think that happened with some of Jules classes, I guess its not long until I start college too.”
“There’s a few more weeks of freedom to go, so what did you want?”
“Want?”
“Oh come on Gab, you didn’t come in to talk about my academic exploits, so what gives?”

What indeed. I sat myself on the end of Mand’s bed before starting.

“Did you read that bit in Radsport about Lance?”
“Something about him supposedly using EPO? Sounds like bunk to me.”
“What if it was true though?”
“Don’t be daft, he must get tested all the time, they’d’ve caught him straight away.”
“You’d think.”
“This isn’t about Lance is it? You got a positive result?”
“How’d you know?”
“Well I didn’t think you were being rested, then there was all the cloak and dagger stuff last week oh and you’ve been walking round like the condemmed. I’m guessing its not EPO and that you’re innocent?”
“Course I’m innocent, they reckon I’ve been taking Testosterone.”
“Really? wouldn’t you be growing a beard and talking with a deep voice? That's just silly.”
“Do you think anyone else might’ve sussed the suspension?”
“Doubt it, they don’t live with you for starters. So what’s the crack?”

And so I started my tale of woe.

“So this extra test proves your innocent?”
“Looks that way from what Dad said.”
“Thats good right? You can do Spain.”
“It should be, we’ve got to wait for the Federation to organise the hearing and then hope they accept the labs findings, whatever they are.”
“So there’s still a chance you could get sanctioned?”
“I guess, I’d lose my titles for a start.”
“At the very least,” Mand agreed.
“I should let you get back to your maths.”
“Thanks Gab.”
“What for?”
“Putting me in the frame, its been a bit awkward being the only one in the house not knowing, I mean I knew something was up and your rents kept clamming up when I was around.”
“We shoulda told you straight off.”
“I can understand your dad’s thinking, don’t worry I won’t say anything to anyone else.”
“Thanks, you want cocoa?”
“I could be tempted, I’ll be down shortly okay.”

I felt better for having told Mand, troubles shared and all that. The fact that she hadn’t for one second thought I was guilty certainly boosted my confidence. I’m not sure where our friendship would’ve gone if she did consider that I could be doping, but it would be difficult but I guess not impossible, to hide it.

Its ironic really that anyone could think I could be doping, BC are very strict and that whole mindset has been drummed into me by not just my parents and the Federation but pretty much everyone I know in cycling. Oh I'm not so naive as to believe no one dopes but I’d like to think the vast majority of my fellow competitors are clean. I guess there will always be that tiny percentage who think they can get away with something that’ll give them an edge.

“Have a good race Mand,” I called after her departing back.
“Will do, laters!”

I know Dad was a bit miffed that I’ve opted to stay here today but whilst I’ve told Mand about my suspension I really don’t want to tell anyone else. Oh I know I could just not but I’d feel compelled, someone would want chapter and verse on why I’m not riding and I’m not exactly a good liar. So safest for my reputation if I don’t put myself in that situation, nope keep away and avoid the possibility.

The Hymer chugged off down the lane and I shuffled back up to my eyrie to get ready for a day at the kiosk.

Maddy Bell © 02.02.2018