Synopsis:

Two young teens, life-long friends, discover each other though not in the usual way. A gentle "coming-of-age" tale.

Story:

Chapter 10

Riding Around "On A Carousel"

"Woof Woof!" I heard paws scratching at my bedroom door. It had been a very long time since Shandy had awakened me in this manner. I jumped out of bed and remembered I was naked. "Just a minute girl," I said as if she could understand me. She did quiet down though and I went through my hamper looking for some dirty clothes to put on. I wasn’t going to waste clean ones doing chores. Finally, I opened the door and Shandy bounded in and jumped up on my bed. Her tail was wagging at breakneck speed. "What are you so happy about girl?" I asked her. She almost seemed to smile at that and rolled over on her back, paws spread wide waiting for me to rub her belly. I did as she requested and hugged her tightly to my chest. Looking at my clock I noticed that it wasn’t yet eight. "Have you been out yet girl?" I asked her. She woofed again and I thought that this dog was smarter than some people I knew. I put on a pair of sneakers and we made our way downstairs.-

She ran straight to the backdoor and stood there looking back at me expectantly. "I’m coming," I said to her and opened the door to let her out. Thankfully she didn’t expect me to go with her and made her way to her favorite watering hole. A different kind of watering hole, I laughed to myself. Wondering whether I should eat first or mow first, I decided on the latter. Had it really only been a week ago that I was outside thinking about mowing Sam’s lawn for her? How could I ever forget about her with her bedroom window in sight of my front yard? I decided there and then that I was going to straighten things out with her today. I hope she hadn’t murdered teddy. I chuckled aloud at that and mowed the lawn in record time. Thinking it might somehow gain her attention I cut the grass from front to back instead of straight across as I normally do. The lawn finished, I made my way back inside the house. What to do next? Eat? Shower? Start a load of laundry? So many choices!

I wasn’t too hungry and decided to start a load of wash and then hit the shower. Laundry sorted and first load in, I made my way to the bathroom. As I finished up, I put on some clean clothes and fixed my hair. I decided to see if the new lipstick would be noticeable in daylight. It wasn’t and I made my way boldly downstairs. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in and I almost turned around and ran away.

"Good morning John" he said.

"Morning Dad" I replied doing my best to not think about my mauve colored lips.

"Got anything exciting planned for today?"

"Well, I have to finish my chores and I’m meeting Darla later. I’m not sure what we’re going to do though,." I replied.

"You mean you’re not getting together with Sam today?" he asked.

"I don’t think so Dad," I said as I made my way to the cupboards and began making my breakfast.

He sat there silently for a moment and simply said "Oh." Thank god for disinterested parents I thought to myself.

I sat there staring at the coffee pot and found the urge to have a cup. Dad meanwhile had gone back to reading his paper. I poured myself a cup and asked Dad what his exciting plans were for the day. He laughed at that and said that he had to go into the office as usual. For a brief moment I found myself worried that he’d sabotage the shopping trip with Mom this evening. Did I really want to go shopping with my mother on a Saturday night? It’s bad enough when others can’t figure you out. When you can’t figure yourself out, that’s something quite different. I told Dad I’d see him later and made my way upstairs to get the second load of laundry ready. Two hours later my chores were done for the day.

Mom was in the kitchen and smiled at me as I walked by. "You really have earned your allowance this week Joan" she said. "Are you going to be wearing that from now on?" She pointed at my lips.

"I don’t know Mom" I replied without missing a beat. "It just felt like the right thing to do this morning." She smiled at that and told me not to forget about our shopping trip this evening.

Mom gave me my allowance and I went upstairs to put a fiver away. I kept the funds in a tiny fireproof lock box. I was tempted to count it, but remembered the last time I had done that. I wound up wasting $75.00 on a stupid electronic game. I believe I’d played it all of three times before it became clutter in the back of my closet. I looked down at my remaining funds and realized I still owed Sally $3.00. That left me with $12.00 for the week. I hoped Darla didn’t expect me to pay for everything. Well, if she did, she was going to be severely disappointed. I smiled at that and found myself thinking of Sam.. It was just after eleven and I decided to give her a call.

The phone rang and rang and at length her mother picked up. "Hi Aunt Alice, can I speak to Sam please?"

"Well, you could if she were here," she laughed. Before I could say anything else, Aunt Alice went on to inform me that Sam had gone to the baseball game. What game was that, I wondered? Then I remembered Billy and the school team. My heart sank.

"OK then, I’ll catch her another time," I said as cheerily as I could.

"I’ll tell her you called John," she replied before hanging up. I thought back as to how all of this had come about. The entire matter seemed to hinge on my inability to tell her I loved her the last time we spoke. I was glad I’d called from my bedroom phone. No one would see me weeping into my pillow. I decided that it was probably for the best that she wasn’t home this morning. What if she’d wanted to get together? I’m sure she’d have been thrilled to know that I’d made other plans. Not wanting to give up hope, I resolved to call her again tomorrow.

I poured through my books just to make sure I didn’t have any homework to worry about for Monday. I didn’t. I had but one test remaining for the year. This was slowly shaping up as the best marking period I’d ever had in my life. I couldn’t help feeling good. I wish I had some mascara to go with this lipstick. Yes, I was reasonably certain that I was losing my mind. Perhaps it was hereditary? I fixed my hair "just so," but knew it wouldn’t stay that way. I made my way into Mom’s bedroom and borrowed her hair spray. I smiled at the end result. It was firm enough, but didn’t appear to be glued in place. I made my way back to my room and twisted my earrings as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. It was getting harder all the time to see John in there. No matter what I did these days, it seemed that this innocent young girl would stare back at me.

It was getting near time to leave. Should I eat something before leaving, I wondered? I didn’t feel hungry at all and decided not to. I thought back to the salad I’d had for dinner last night and was amazed that something so light could have been so filling. I had to drag myself away from the mirror. This was getting ridiculous.

I descended the stairs just waiting for the proper time to leave. I found myself wishing I had something to carry my lipstick in. It made a slight bulge in my tight jeans. Finally at 12:45 I bade my parents goodbye. " I’ll be home by 5:30, " I promised. There was no need to worry about walking past the Peters’ residence. Sam wasn’t at home. I took my time as I made my way to Darla’s. I found myself wondering just why she’d gone to the "salon." As far as I could tell, she looked perfect the way she was. I arrived at her house a few minutes early and decided that I wouldn’t take an extra trip around the block this time. I went up and rang the doorbell. Dr. Raspberry answered.

"Yes, may I help you?"

"Errrr, yes sir. My name’s John Johnson and I’m here to see Darla,." I offered with great timidity.

"Ahhhh! Come on in John, I’ve heard a lot about you." He’d heard a lot about me? What had he heard? I almost laughed aloud. "Darla and her mother should be here any minute," he announced at last. "Would you like something to drink?" I almost replied.. sure, I’ll have a scotch neat. I’d heard my Dad ordering that a few times, but wasn’t really sure what it meant.

"No, thanks sir, I’m good." He smiled at me and seemed to hold my eyes a bit too long. I was getting the creeps. Just then, Mrs. Raspberry pulled into the driveway. I exhaled an audible sigh of relief as Darla came crashing through the front door.

"Darla!" I exclaimed.

"John!" she shouted in return. It all seems so silly now, but at the time, it was something else.

"Let me look at you!" I said as I eyed her critically.

"John, what are you doing?"

"Well, I just couldn’t imagine how someone as pretty as yourself could possibly be in need of a beauty salon." She gushed higher than Old Faithful. Her father eyed me as if I was a snake oil salesman. Mrs. Raspberry came in the door carrying some bags.

"Mom can I take John up and show him?" she asked excitedly.

Her mother glanced at her father who said "I’m not so sure about that," when Mrs. Raspberry cut in. "It’s fine dear, go ahead."

Darla grabbed the bags from her mother and bounded up the stairs. I followed at a close distance behind. She made her way into the room, threw the bags on her bed, and ran to me and hugged and kissed me till my knees felt weak. I knew I had some reservations, but damned if I could think of what they were at that moment. "Joan" she said. "I love that you’re wearing my lipstick." My thoughts as to that stuff being invisible went totally out the window. "Stop thinking and just kiss me," she demanded, seeing the gears in my head attempting to turn. I did as she ordered and found myself wondering just who the hell someone named "Sam" was. "Earth to Joan" she issued in a monotone. I hugged her tightly before letting her go.

"I can’t believe it," I said at last. "You look even prettier than you did last night!" She smiled at me and told me to stop. I had more and began again.

"No, I mean it Joan. Stop!" Her last comment brought me back to reality and I did indeed stop.

"Are we OK?" I asked her.

"That depends" was her reply. Oh No! More games, I found myself worrying. "John, sit yourself down at my makeup table and let me fix your eyes" I hated to admit it, but I was hoping that she’d say something just like that.

I found myself seated at her table quietly, expectantly. She picked up her mascara and began applying it to my lashes. This time a light coating on my upper lids was not enough. She told me to keep my eyes open wide and stare at the ceiling as she did my bottom lashes as well. I didn’t think this could make much of a difference, so I complied without question. "That’s much better" she declared at last. "Here, have a look." I gazed at my reflection and said hello once again to "Joan" who had been staring back at me so frequently of late. I had to admit, this time Joan looked a lot cuter.

I smiled at her and simply said "Thanks." I also found myself wondering just where all of this was heading.

"Are you hungry Joan?" she asked.

I thought about it for a moment and replied "Not if we have to eat here." She laughed at that and asked me just where I’d like to go. "Duh!" I responded. "The boardwalk. Have you ever been?" She laughed at that and within moments we were down the stairs and bidding our farewells to her parents. Dr. Raspberry seemed much calmer by this time. I found myself wondering, for just a second, what Mrs. Raspberry had said to him.

We made our way out of the house and to the boardwalk. "Do you like the boardwalk?" Darla asked.

"I can’t get enough of it," was my reply. We entered at Webster Ave. and I asked her if she’d like a lemonade. The stand was in the middle of the boardwalk right in front of us.

"I’ll share one with you," was her reply. I made the purchase and considered the sensuality of it as we continued our walk. She sucked a bit of the sweet syrupy liquid and I did the same as we continued on.

"Have you ever played ski ball?" I asked her. She started laughing so hard I thought for a moment that she was going to fall down.

"Do you mean Skee Ball? You ninny" she said at last. Well I had no idea we were involved in a spelling bee but, ok, I said;"skee ball.’ (the pronunciation on the "ee" was longer than the simple "i") "Come on," she said. "I’ll show you where the last ten cent game on the boardwalk is," and we made our way to my favorite arcade.

"Have you got any money?" I asked her having paid for the lemonade just moments earlier. She smiled at that and pulled her wallet out of her purse. "Oh My God!" The assortment of bills in her wallet surely exceeded my entire life’s savings. "You had your wallet with you last night, didn’t you?" I asked her. She just smiled in response. Darla went up to the cashier and requested $2.00 in dimes. We then went off in search of the machines.

There were more than a few machines available. The tourist crowd didn’t care for them on two counts. One, they figured if it was that cheap something must be wrong. Two, the amount of coupons spewing from the machine at the end of a winning game was significantly less than the quarter machines. Never having seen Darla play the game, I told her she was in for the challenge of her life! When all else fails, there’s nothing like a bit of bravado. She was good. She was very good. Still in the end I managed to beat her at every game. "My Hero," she whispered in my ear as she hugged me close. Not that I doubted her sincerity, but I began to wonder if she’d thrown those last few games. She seemed to know what I was thinking, looked up at me and said "You beat me Joan, fair and square."

I took great solace in that and said, "let’s go for a walk."

We came upon the wheel where I’d won teddy just a week ago today. The same operator was there and greeted us "Good Afternoon Ladies." Rather than laughing out loud as Sam had done, Darla slipped her arm through mine protectively. For some reason I found myself drawn to number 3 that afternoon. I put my quarter down and Darla’s eyes danced in excitement. The wheel came to a stop and number 3 was a loser. "It’s all right Joan, come on, let’s go take a walk." I wasn’t done yet however. This time I put my quarter down on number 2. Yes, the same number I’d won playing last week. The wheel did indeed stop on number two and Darla squealed delightedly. She was not shy nor embarrassed with regard to what she wanted. She wanted the Teddy Bear in the first row. The exact same one I’d won for Sam. She took her prize from the hawker who kept yelling for all to hear "We have a winner here!" She cradled teddy delicately in her arms and I’m not sure why, but a feeling of pride surged through me.

"What are you going to name him?" I asked her. She looked at me with knitted brows.

"Name him?" she asked.

"You don’t name your stuffed animals?" I asked. Fortunately she didn’t ask me if I named mine.

She seemed lost in serious thought for a minute and finally announced "Jola, and it’s not a him, it’s a her." It only took me a moment to grasp the significance of the name. I gave her a huge smile and we continued walking.

"Darla, are you hungry?" I asked at last.

"I could eat," she said at last. We made our way to Fratelli’s Pizzeria and ordered two specials. We sat there eating our pizza and Darla said to me, "Thank You Joan. You have no idea how much this simple teddy bear means to me."

I smiled at her and replied, "I think I do" as I continued eating. She didn’t take my response as a challenge thankfully and we sat there finishing our lunch. I was now down to $8 till next Saturday. I hate to be such a bleeping accountant, but that’s just the way it was. "Want to take a walk on the beach?" I asked her at last. Her whispered yes told me that she thought I’d never ask.

We made our way to the ramp and removed our shoes. "Which way?" I asked her. Thankfully she grabbed my hand and pulled me in the opposite direction of last week’s journeys. The sun was high in the sky, it’s warmth embraced us gently. The waves seemed to whisper not crash on the shore. The gulls circled and cooed in delight. We made our way up the beach looking behind now and then to see the footprints we’d left in the sand.

"Why so sad?" she asked me staring deeply into my eyes. "You miss her, don’t you John?" The droplets fell from my eyes as would a warm spring rain. She gently steered me just beyond surf’s grasp. "Sit" she said soothingly. "Don’t you think it’s time you told me about it?" There was no need to ask her what "it" she was referring to.

"I’m not sure that I can or that I should," I replied as tears continued streaming down my cheeks.

"Joan, you can tell me anything." I heaved a sigh of relief and relayed the entire story. Well, not "all" of it, but enough to convey what had happened. I wasn’t the type to "kiss and tell."

I looked up into her eyes and I could see that she was crying too. "That’s so sad" she said and held me close. Suddenly a rogue wave crashed on the beach and we were drenched. I’m not sure why but we both started laughing simultaneously. Was mother nature intervening on my behalf? I smiled at that possibility. Darla pulled me towards her and wrapped her arms around my neck with a drenched teddy bear dangling from her left hand. We stood there eye to eye and embraced tenderly. We began kissing. There was no leader and no follower. We were mutually in control of the situation. I probed her mouth deeply with my tongue. She accepted it gratefully and allowed my exploration. When I was finished, she did the same to me. We stood there for the longest time searching each other’s eyes. I’d never known anyone like her. At length she said "Joan, my neck’s getting stiff." I laughed aloud and released her from the embrace. We moved a bit further up the beach and sat down again.

"Ah, Jola’s first bath!" I exclaimed. At that she burst into giggles.

"Did you bring your lipstick with you Joan?" I sat there and felt my face turning crimson. "You did!" she shouted. "Give it to me." I struggled with my wet pants pocket, removed the tube, and handed it to her. "Pucker up" she said. I offered no resistance and did as she asked. When she finished she gave the tube back to me and said "Now you do me!" I smiled at that, informed her that I’d never made an attempt at such a thing before. "You mean you never had any coloring books?" she laughed.

"Hold still," I told her as I delicately colored her lips.

"You better not have given me a clown face!" she laughed again. I assured her that she looked beautiful and she thanked me with her radiant smile. "Let’s walk" she suggested. She stood up first and pulled me to my feet. We made our way slowly back to the boardwalk fingers entwined. "When’s your birthday?" she asked me out of the blue. I told her and she teased in a sing song kind of way. I’m older than you are. I’m older than you are.

I laughed not caring how old she was but found myself asking "When’s yours?"

"It’s next Saturday" she replied.

"And how old are you going to be?" I asked her somewhat cheekily. She laughed and punched me playfully on the arm. "So, you’re ok with arm punches then as long as you’re the one doing the punching?" I asked her in that same cheeky tone. I pulled her close and kissed her passionately on the lips. She returned the favor then gently removed herself from my embrace.

"Come on Joan, it’s time to go." We made our way up the ramp and sat down on a bench to clean our feet and put on our shoes. I found myself keeping an eye out for Sarah, remembering the way she’d sneaked up on me earlier in the week. "Thanks for a lovely time" she said.

"Why, are you going somewhere?" I inquired jokingly.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I’ve agreed to meet some friends. In fact, if I don’t leave right now, I’m going to be late. I’ll see you at school Monday." With that, she left. She also left Jola sitting on the bench next to me.

"What the hell was that?" I wondered aloud. One minute everything was perfect and the next, POOF! She was gone. Did she really just leave me here sitting on a bench with a stuffed animal by my side? I sat there dumbfounded and watched her as she disappeared into the distance. She seemed without a care in the world. She was off to meet some "friends?" And I wasn’t invited? I sat there wondering if the word "sucker" had been tattooed on my forehead. I was really sorry to see her go, but also amazed that I wasn’t upset the way I had been with Sam. The only thing that made sense to me was that she’d agreed to meet Sarah somewhere and just couldn’t admit it to me. "What now?" I asked Jola. Jola simply smiled the smile of her twin brother Teddy and remained silent. I sat there thinking for a moment and realized how funny it would have been if Sam had done the same. Would teddy’s name have been "Samoan?"

After my brief bout of laughter at my own inane joke, I sat there silently. I watched the couples walking hand in hand down the boardwalk and began feeling sorry for myself. Something had to be wrong. She didn’t even ask if I’d walk her to school on Monday. What’s wrong with me, I wondered? Feeling myself near tears I headed off down the boardwalk in a direction opposite to the one Darla had taken. I found myself in the main arcade. The one that stood at the foot of the fishing pier. I walked inside and my senses were assaulted by the sounds of the carousel. I stood there watching as the ponies danced round and round in front of my eyes. Next thing I knew I was standing there, holding a teddy bear, with a ticket in my hand waiting for the ride to stop so I could board it. I hadn’t been on the merry-go-round in many years. I stood there surveying the horses as the ride came to a halt. I made my selection and quickly approached it: A "white charger." He seemed sleek and fast and was clearly the most attractive horse in the bunch. I climbed atop and waited for the ride to begin. Jola clutched firmly in hand. Anyone viewing this scene would have thought me totally mad. I didn’t care. The ride began spinning round and round and up and down and I found the cares of the day slowly slipping away.

The ride ended and I felt refreshed and renewed. Strange that a carousel could have such an effect I thought as I headed home. I found myself swinging Jola to and fro in an attempt to dry her off before I reached my destination. I was proud of myself for not breaking down and becoming a blubbering mess. I also took pride in the fact that I didn’t feel the need to conceal teddy as I walked in the door. If I was going to keep this toy, I was going to have to rename it. Teddy 2 (too) seemed like an appropriate name. I made my way inside and announced my presence.

"Is that you John?" my mother asked.

"Yes Mom, it’s me" I said.

"Your friend Darla called. She wants you to call her as soon as you can. Is everything all right sweetheart?" she asked in a tone that suggested an answer wasn’t required.

"Everything’s fine Mom" I replied. "I’m going to go upstairs, give her a call and see what she wants."

I walked into my room and gave teddy a big hug. "Welcome home," I whispered as I placed him atop his rightful place in the middle of my pillow. What did Darla want now? She hadn’t hurt me enough for one day? I stared at the phone wondering whether I should give her a call. I found myself dialing her number without thinking. It was weird, but once I’d heard a phone number, it stayed with me for life. I couldn’t remember names to save my life, but numbers, well, just hit me with a string of them and watch out.

"Is that you John?" the voice on the other end of the phone said. I hadn’t even heard it ring!

"Strange way to answer your phone, isn’t it Darla?" I said.

"John, I’m so sorry!" she began blubbering.

"Slow down Darla, tell me what’s wrong."

"I didn’t have any friends to meet, I just needed some time alone. I walked straight home and rang you as soon as I got in."

"It’s all right Darla, I understand," I said, though I wasn’t so sure that I did.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"Of course," I found myself saying.

"John? Will you walk with me to school on Monday? I do have your backpack here, you know"

"I’d love to walk to school with you on Monday. Thanks for calling, you had me really upset."

"I know," she replied. " I saw the hurt in your eyes as I was leaving. But, I’d already said what I’d said and couldn’t just stay and comfort you. I’m so sorry John." Well, at least she was calling me John, I laughed to myself.

"It’s really all right Darla. I’ll see you first thing Monday morning, ok?"

"All right Joan" her voice taunted me. So much for the John idea, I thought.

"Bye Darla."

"Bye Joan…" I heard a slight slurping noise as she hung up and realized she had kissed me over the phone. "Girls" I thought idly as I applied a fresh coat of lipstick to my dry lips.

"Do I have time to take a nap?" I yelled down the stairs.

"A short one," came my mother’s reply.

Not wanting to get into an argument about how long a "short one" was I said, "all right, just wake me up when you need me." I removed my clothes and snuggled up under the sheets with a now dry teddy bear. He smelled of the ocean and that made me smile as I drifted off to sleep.

"Joan, time to get up!" my mother’s voice brought me back to reality. I awoke and stared at the toy in my arms. My first thought was "teddy, you’ve come back." I shook my head at my own insanity as I got out of bed, donned my clothes and headed for the bathroom. The dried salt water on my skin was beginning to itch and I yelled down asking if I had time to take a shower. "Make it a short one!" came the disembodied reply. I selected some clean underwear and went into the bathroom to strip and shower. The warm spray always made me feel better. I finished up, got dressed, and made my way downstairs. The dirty clothes were piling up already, I thought as I put on my second outfit of the day. I entered the kitchen and asked where Dad was and what was for dinner.

"Your father won’t be joining us this evening. I told him about our planned shopping trip and he took it as an excuse to stay late at the office. As for dinner, I thought we’d eat at the mall. Does that sound all right to you? Now go upstairs, put your penny loafers on and while you’re at it, freshen your lipstick."

"MOM!" I whined.

"Do you want to go with me this evening or don’t you?" she asked. How did she know I was looking forward to this, I wondered?

"I’m going" I replied and made my way sullenly up to my room. I put on my shoes and studied my face in the mirror. I put on as light a coat of the color as I could and made my way back downstairs.

Mom looked me over and said "give it to me." There was no need to ask her what she was requesting and I removed the tube from my pants’ pocket. "Now pucker up," she said and applied a proper coat of the not quite red material to my lips. "That looks much better" she said at last and we were out the door.

"What are you in the mood for?" she asked as we began our journey.

"Huh?" I replied.

"To eat, silly" she said with a grin on her face.

"I don’t know, a salad sounds good," I told her.

"A salad?" Again?" I told her I was hungry, but only wanted something light. "Well, you have to get some protein Joan. Salad alone won’t do for a growing girl."

"Excuse me Mom, I’m your SON, remember?" I regretted saying those words as soon as they were out of my mouth. "Mom, I’m sorry."

"It’s all right John, and you’re right too, you are my son." I was sorry that I’d upset her but was hopeful that she’d remember "who" I was for the rest of the evening. We parked our car near the mall entrance and made our way inside. "Let’s eat first and then we’ll look around" she suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," I replied. We made our way into a small family restaurant that was tucked away in a corner. There was no hostess and we just walked around till we found an empty booth to our liking. We sat down and waited for the waitress to arrive.

"Good evening ladies" our waitress, Amy, greeted us. Mom laughed at that but made no move to correct her. With what had just transpired minutes earlier I sat there silently and said nothing. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked as she handed us our menus.

"I’ll have a diet coke," I said and Mom requested an iced tea.

Amy wrote our order down, smiled at me and said "We girls have to watch our figures" as she made her way to get our beverages. Mom just sat there beaming at me and I wasn’t about to burst her bubble.

"Did you change your mind about what you want?"

"No, Mom I haven’t. But, in deference to you I’m getting the large salad with the broiled chicken strips." She said that sounded perfect and ordered the same for herself.

Amy arrived with our drinks, placed them in front of us, took our orders and asked "what type of dressing?" I opted for the light italian on the side and Mom selected the bleu cheese, also on the side.

"You really are watching your weight, aren’t you honey?" she asked rhetorically. "I think your figure is just perfect as it is" she said before leaving. I found myself wanting to explode! I dearly loved my mother, but this was pushing it. Mom noticed my distress and looked at me sadly. I put on my best happy face and her mood lightened. In an attempt to get her mind off of this nonsense, I asked her where she’d like to go first when we were done.

"Well, I’ve thought a lot about last week’s excursion and decided that you were right." I was right about something? I beamed at her. "Yes, the one that we both agreed on at Monique’s Boutique." I remembered the dress well and told her I thought it was a perfect choice.

Our food came and we sat eating in silence. We’d both ordered the dressing on the side. Not because we were diet conscious, but often if you simply ordered it, the salad was delivered as dry as a bone. The food was delicious. Half way through the meal, Amy returned and asked if we needed anything else. I told her I could use another diet coke and she departed swiftly to fill my request. As we continued eating Mom asked me what was going on with Sam. I told her that I had no idea and for the most part, that was the truth. "You really ought to give her a call sweetheart" she said to me.

"I tried calling her this morning but she was off to the baseball game with Billy.

"Your friend Billy Roberts?" she asked.

"My former friend" I corrected her. I then told her that I’d seen Billy and Sam at the dance last night holding hands. Mom looked incredibly sad for me. "It’s all right Mom, it’ll all work out," I consoled her.

"My brave little girl" she offered without thinking. Now worried about my mother, I wasn’t going to get into the gender thing with her again. I gave her a smile of reassurance.

Amy came back to clear our plates and asked, "I don’t guess you two would like any dessert, would you?" We both told her no, paid the bill and started out of the restaurant.

"Mom, hang on a second. I really have to go."

"Good idea," she replied and we made our way to the rest rooms. The men’s room was first and as I headed to the door Mom grabbed me by the shoulder. "Wait a second Joan, you can’t go in there! You’ll get arrested or molested or maybe both!" Had Mom totally lost her mind? "Come here a second" she said and led me back into the restaurant. She pointed to a mirror on the wall, told me to look carefully at it and tell her what I saw. I did and oh my god, she was right. Smiling back at me was "Joan." "John" was nowhere in sight. What had happened to him, I wondered?

"Mom, I really have to go and if I don’t go now, I’m going to wet my pants." She grabbed my arm and led me into the ladies’ room. Where were the urinals? I laughed to myself. There were two stalls empty side-by-side and we both entered them at the same time. I thought just for a moment of standing to urinate, but I knew this would create quite an embarrassing scene. I sighed, slowly lowered my pants and sat down to pee. Mom finished first and was waiting for me when I exited.

I stood there in the mirror washing my hands when Mom said "You really need to retouch your lips." Could I do that under Mom’s careful scrutiny? There were others waiting. and not wanting to cause a scene, I removed the tube and expertly applied the lipstick. Just for effect, I grabbed a tissue and blotted when I was done. I’d never done that before, but I’d seen Mom do it countless times. I put the tube away and Mom muttered as we made our exit that I really needed a purse.

How far could I let her go with this? "Come on Joan" she said excitedly "Let’s go see if my dress is still there." We made our way into the store and this time no one paid us any mind. For a moment, I wondered why and then I saw my reflection in one of the many mirrors strategically posted throughout the store. Mom saw me looking at myself and smiled at me. "Over here" she said and dragged me off to the rack. The dress was still there. "Oh Joan!" she exclaimed. For that one time I was happy that she hadn’t called me "John." "Look, it’s still here and it’s even more beautiful than I remembered!" She grabbed the dress off of the rack. With one hand holding it aloft and the other holding me, we made our way towards the dressing rooms.

"I’ll wait for you here," I told her. For a moment I was afraid that she was going to drag me inside with her. Mom came out in the new dress and I told her how beautiful she looked. I wasn’t lying. Her grin was ear to ear as she did a twirl so I’d get the full effect. Sensing she wanted more from me, I gushed over it as best I could.

She went back and put on her sensible clothes and told me, "Come on, I need shoes to go with this!"

We reached the shoe department and Mom exclaimed "Oh Joan look! They’re having a buy one get one free sale!" Mom, ever the bargain hunter, began searching the aisles. She found a pair of pointy toed, navy blue pumps with a three inch heel. She tried them on. They fit her like they were made for her and her alone.

"Mom?" I asked her. "Don’t you already have a pair just like those?"

She laughed and replied "I see my girl has no fashion sense. The ones that I have are brown. They’d never do." Even I could understand the logic of that comment. "Come here a second, I want to show you something." She dragged me over to a large display of Mary Janes. I thought to myself that Mom would look quite silly wearing them. "Joan, sweetheart, what’s your size again?" My size? She couldn’t mean?

"Mom, I really don’t need any shoes" I gently informed her. I attempted to steer her away from the display, but she’d have none of it.

"Joan, these shoes are the exact same price as the ones I’m purchasing. They’re free!" she exclaimed.

I was done cooperating with her. I stood in front of the display and folded my arms strengthening my resolve. Meanwhile, Mom looked at my feet, looked at the boxes and said "Here,, these should fit you." Did she actually expect me to try them on? If I’d had a cell phone I’d have dialed 911 and requested an ambulance for my mother. She maneuvered me over to some empty chairs and told me to try them on. "Would you rather have that young man come over here and measure your feet?" she asked me.

At length, the young man in question did indeed come over and said "Can I help you ladies?" Mom told him that we could figure it out for ourselves and thanked him for his attention.

"Shall I call him back?" she whispered in a threatening voice. I thought this was going to be a fun evening with Mom. It was turning into a nightmare.

"No Mom, you don’t need to call him back." I took the box, reluctant to peer inside.

"Sweetheart, we don’t have all evening," she admonished suggesting to anyone listening that I was being uncooperative. I opened the box and looked inside. They were black with the rounded toe and the thin straps attached with velcro rather than a buckle.

"Go ahead dear, try them on." I looked at Mom, looked at the shoes and removed them from the box. I put them on and they fit perfectly. I couldn’t believe how comfortable they were as I made my way to the mirror.

Was I really going to let her do this? Mom smiled at me and said "Oh Joan! They’re perfect!" I went back to my seat and attempted to remove the shoes. "It’s all right darling. Keep those on, I’ll just put your penny loafers in here." She took my shoes and put them in the now empty box. She expected me to walk out of the store wearing these things. What could I do? Sure, I could cry out for help, but I knew Mom would wind up in a padded cell somewhere if I did. She looked at me expectantly. She didn’t expect me to thank her for them, did she? Apparently she did. "Joan, do you have anything you want to say?" she asked me. I gave her a look of disbelief. She looked as though about to break out in tears.

Finally, I replied "Thanks Mom, they’re beautiful." Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. So did my own, except mine was lit up like a Christmas tree on the Fourth of July. We walked over to the check out counter. I carried the shoes and Mom carried her dress.

"Did you ladies find everything you were looking for?" the clerk asked. By now I was used to being mistaken for a teen-aged girl.

Mom smiled at her and replied "Yes, thank you!" The clerk took the shoe boxes and the dress and began ringing up the items. When she opened up the Mary Jane’s box she noticed that something was amiss. "Oh, I’m sorry" Mom said "My daughter decided to wear the shoes out. I hope that’s ok?" The clerk looked over the counter, saw my feet, and informed Mom that it was indeed ok.

"They look lovely on you dear," she said as she gave Mom the total. She packed the items in two separate bags and we made our way back into the mall. What if someone I knew saw me, I worried. Sensing my distress my mother offered "Don’t worry Joan, no one is going to see anything other than what you are. A beautiful teen-aged girl out shopping with her mother." That was supposed to calm me down? I cringed as Mom said we have a few more stops to make.

I felt like crying. No one would have noticed a young girl crying while being led along hand-in-hand with her mother. Next stop, the drug store. "Oh look Joan" she intoned. Her enthusiasm was beginning to set my stomach on edge and I seriously worried about losing my dinner. She stopped in front of a display of makeup kits for young girls. "You’re really a little too old for this stuff, but as you’re just beginning to explore…" her voice trailed off. She picked out a kit that would best match my skin tones. She wasn’t done yet. She stood there examining the contents of the collection and said "Oh, just one more thing!" The next thing I knew she was examining the racks looking for the perfect mascara for me. I began to think that this was all my fault. I was the one who returned home wearing lipstick and mascara. Mom most likely felt she was being helpful. I did my best to "smile" at her choices.

"Thanks Mom," I said again. She looked at me as though my reply was somehow insufficient. "Thanks Mommy!" I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

I knew I’d have to sit Dad down and have a chat with him about the state of my mother’s mental health. The purchases made, Mom literally glowed as we made our way back into the mall. "Just one more stop Joan" she said in a commanding tone. Before I knew it we were back at the Piercing Palace and Mom was reviewing the choices.

"But Mom!" I reminded her "My ears are already pierced."

"Shush child" she said as she dragged me inside.

"How can I help you ladies?" the clerk asked.

"Well, my daughter got her ears pierced here last week but has been unhappy ever since." The clerk eyed me closely. I was indeed unhappy, but not for the reasons suggested.

"How can I help?" Andrea, the clerk asked.

"She told me after we left that she wanted two holes in each ear" my mother informed her.

"What’s your name dear?" Andrea asked me. I was now going to have to tell someone that my name was "Joan." This was a totally new experience for me. My mother just looked at me and smiled.

"My name is Joan," I informed her.

"Well Joan, have a seat right here and I’ll be right with you." I sat down in the barber type chair. Andrea had left momentarily to select the box of starter earrings.

"Mom" I said softly. "I’m your son, remember?" Mom hadn’t heard a word I’d said or, if she had, she ignored me. Soon Andrea returned and showed us the choices that were available.

"Oh look Joan!" Mom exclaimed. "They have exactly what you wanted!" What I wanted? What I wanted was to escape this entire situation without any more holes in my ears. Andrea and Mom exchanged a secret smile. Mom selected the earrings which were the same design as those I was already wearing but a tad smaller. She then proceeded to mark my ears with the felt tipped pen making sure that the new sites would align with those already there. SNAP went the gun in my left ear. As had happened last week, the clerk came around and made sure that the holes would align perfectly. Satisfied she walked around and I heard the gun go SNAP! once again.

I was beginning to miss myself. That may sound insane, but it’s true. I found myself wondering whether insanity ran in families. We made our way to the front of the store and Mom paid the bill. How was I ever going to explain the second set of earrings? Sure, there were plenty of guys out there with pierced ears these days, but aside from bikers and other low-lifes not many had two sets of piercings. I was very distraught as we left the store. I’d given up all hope of looking to Mom for help. She was gone. Lost at sea. I knew one thing though, I wouldn’t be accompanying her on any more shopping trips at any time in the near future. What was she trying to do to me, I wondered honestly?

Did I like the way I looked? Yes I did, I’d have to admit honestly, but I felt like Mom was pushing me somewhere I’d never intended to go. We made our way home and Mom talked animatedly about the evening’s events. "Oh Joan. Thank you so much for accompanying me this evening! I had such a wonderful time. I hope you did too?"

Remembering my response from earlier and wishing to arrive home safely, I responded "Oh yes Mommy, I had a wonderful time too!" She seemed like she was in eighth heaven. If seventh heaven was good, eighth had to be better, right?

We made our way into the garage and I prayed silently that Dad was either someplace else or asleep. For once my prayers were answered. My father was indeed asleep but not in front of the television. It seems he had given up on us and gone to bed. …."Oh Joan" Mom said. " I was so hoping that your father would be awake so we could show him your new shoes!"

Safely in my home, I beckoned her to the kitchen. "Mom, we have to talk" I said firmly.

"Sure darling would you like some hot cocoa?" she asked. The weather was far too warm for such a beverage but I acquiesced. Mom began making the hot chocolate and I sat at the kitchen table not sure of what to do next.

"Mom?" I asked her as plainly as I could "Are you all right?" She eyed me carefully.

At length she said "Oh John, can you ever forgive me?" Hearing my proper name, I’d already forgiven her.

"Oh Mommy!" I said as I rushed to her open arms. Where had that come from, I wondered? We held each other tight not sure which was crying more profusely. I only hoped that it wasn’t a contest. She’d probably win. "Mom" I begged her. "What’s going on?" I hoped that I wouldn’t have to call the men with the white coats and the nets for her.

"Oh Joan!" she sobbed on my shoulder. I stood up, made my way to the counter and finished making the cocoa. Mom was seated at the table with her head in her hands crying as though she’d first learned how moments before.

"Here Mom," I said sliding the hot beverage in front of her. She smiled at me faintly as she took the cup. "Are you all right?" I asked with serious concern in my voice.

"I’m fine Joan" was her reply. What could I possibly do to bring her back to reality? She started going on again about the makeup that she’d bought me. She told me that she didn’t want to see me leaving it strewn about and if I did, she was going to throw it away. I realized that there was no way I was going to reach the loving mother that I knew was hiding somewhere inside and found myself agreeing with everything that she said. The drink finished I told her I’d better make my way to bed. I was totally exhausted. "All right Joan" she replied. "Just take your bags with you up to your room."

I told her that of course I would and cleared the table. Mom sat there looking distraught.

"Could I have a hug?" I asked her. She stood and held me close.

She rocked me in her arms and I found myself saying "I miss you Mommy." Again with the "Mommy" thing.

Still, she smiled at my statement and offered "I miss you too sweetheart." We stood there holding each other for some time. I figured I’d hug her for as long as she needed. Finally, she released me and I bade her goodnight. I made sure that I thanked her again for a fantastic evening and slowly made my way upstairs. In my room I was happily surprised to see teddy perched atop my pillow. I smiled as I emptied the bags. One shoe box containing old shoes, and another containing a makeup kit. I viewed the makeup box hungrily. I knew in the morning when sanity finally prevailed that such things would be forbidden to me. I opened the box cautiously and carefully slid out the plastic sleeve within. There was nail polish in there and eye shadow! I found myself unable to decide which to try first. At length I selected the eye shadow figuring that would be easier than the nail polish. I put the dark blue coloring over my eyes and looked at myself in the mirror. I was indeed a "woman of mystery." I smiled to myself as I began the more difficult task. I surveyed the colors of polish in the kit. I finally decided on a dark red and attempted to coat my nails. My nails were basically in very good shape, all part of my daily grooming skills. I remembered my model painting skills as I applied a coat of polish to each nail on my left hand.

Doing my right hand was surely going to be something of an adventure. I filled the brush slowly and began drawing the polish from base to tip. All of my fingernails covered I surveyed my toes. It seemed a shame to leave them undone, but I was getting tired. I found myself posing in front of the full-length mirror one more time and damn, if I didn’t look beautiful. My lips, my eyes, my fingers, and yes, my ears, all screamed "girl" to anyone who’d notice. I stared as deeply into the looking glass as I dared, searching for signs of John. There were none. I smiled at myself and got ready for bed………….

Notes:

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