Hello out there,

I hope you're all keeping safe. I was looking for some opinions. I've been working with an English teacher and she has been going through my book "Adrian" and giving me suggestions. I feel that my book is looking a whole lot better. In this particular instance, I was hoping for an opinion from you all.

So I wrote this originally:

***
12:07 Nov 24

It was pretty reassuring that both the boys and the girl's rooms had stalls. At least if someone came in I was covered.

Claire and Anne headed out of the stall and closed the door.

I could hear Anne say, “Take your clothes off and put on the ones in your pack.”

“Ok,” I said.

There was a slight pause and then I heard both Claire and Anne say, “Don’t put your clothes on the floor!”

*Yikes,* I thought. I looked down at the floor and wondered if girls somehow managed to pee on their floors too.

I put the toilet seat down, sat down, and started going through my bag. There was a green shirt, a black skirt and a bra which I had no idea what to do with.

“Am I supposed to wear the bra?” I asked.

“No!” I heard Claire shout. I put it back in the pack.

“Adrian,” I heard Anne’s voice again.

“Yeah?” I asked. I was beginning to get annoyed with talking through the door.

“C-can you use your girl's voice?”

“I only tried once with Scott,” I said and then sighed, “It made him walk out of my room.” I giggled a bit at that.

“Start using it then, will ya?”

“Ok.”

I swapped shirts to the green one, it was a bit tighter than I was used to. I ended up stuffing my clothes into my pack as I took them off. Getting the skirt on was awkward, it was a little tight but manageable. What I didn’t understand was what side the zipper was supposed to go on. I just left it going up the front as I would normally. The skirt draped down just below my knees but it made me smile when I looked down.

“Ok, done,” I announced. Claire and Anne came inside the stall as I finished putting my shoes on.

“Something looks off,” Anne stated. She walked around me and lifted up my shirt and looked at the skirt. She then pulled it up just over my belly button which felt kind of weird. I wasn’t used to wearing anything in that area. She then tried to move the zipper to my side but she ended up having to unzip it.

Claire somehow managed to see my underwear and asked, “You didn’t swap underwear?”

“There’s underwear in there?” I asked.

They both sighed in frustration, Anne moved the zipper over to my side, zipped it up and they both walked out.

I looked down and the skirt was slightly above my knees now. I set my pack down on the toilet seat and ran over to the door and locked it. My heart was racing mostly because I’d never worn women's underwear. Nervous, me? Yeah.

I ended up going through my pack again and found the underwear at the very bottom. I was going to take off the skirt but then remembered that I didn’t need to, I did, however, have to take my shoes off again. Claire’s underwear was a bit uncomfortable but it reminded me of wearing those tighty-whities mom used to get me. Everything else seemed to fit a little bit tight but I wasn’t sure if that was because girls wore more fitted clothing or if I was overweight.

I unlocked the stall door and said in my best girlish voice, “Finished.”

Anne and Claire came back in and I wondered if I should have been locking the stall door this whole time. Probably, I decided.

I stuffed my boxers into my pack and turned around.

Immediately Anne said, “You should tuck the top into the skirt.”

I nodded as Anne helped with the zipper again and I stuffed the shirt under the skirt.

“What are we going to do about my hair?” I pointed at my curls.

Anne zipped the skirt back up and said, “Here.” she dug through my pack getting the wig out. Inside the scalp of the wig was a small net I guessed it was for my hair.

***

If you notice the top area doesn't really go into how Adrian feels about wearing the clothes. Like at all. So with some help from my friend I re-wrote it to look like this:

***
12:07 Nov 24
Through the closed door, I heard Anne say, “Take your clothes off and put on the ones in your pack.”

“Okay,” I said.

There was a slight pause, and then I heard both Claire and Anne say, “Don’t put your clothes on the floor!”

I looked down at the floor and wondered if girls peed on their floors, too.

I sat down, and looked through my bag. I saw a green shirt, a black skirt, and something I had no idea what to do with. “Am I supposed to wear the bra?” I asked.

“No!” I heard Claire shout.

I pushed it back into the pack.

“Adrianne,” I heard Anne’s voice again. (NOTE: Another change is that Adrian decided on Adrianne as her name and this changed only at the very end of the book)

“Yeah?” I was beginning to get annoyed talking through the door.

“C-can you use your girl’s voice?”

“I only tried once with Scott,” I said and then sighed. “It made him walk out of my room.” I giggled a bit at that.

“Then start using it now, will ya?”

“Okay.”

I swapped my shirt for Claire’s green one; it was a bit tighter than I was used to. The skirt was a little tight but manageable. I didn’t understand what side the zipper was supposed to go on so I just left it in front as I would normally. The skirt was a silky black and draped down just below my knees. It made me smile when I looked down and saw myself in it.

“Okay, done,” I announced.

Claire and Anne came inside the stall as I finished putting my shoes on.

“Something looks off,” Anne stated.

She walked around me, lifted my shirt, and looked at the skirt. She then pulled it up just over my belly button which felt kind of weird. I wasn’t used to wearing anything in that area. She then tried tugging the zipper to my side, but she ended up having to unzip it first.
Claire caught a glimpse of my underwear and asked, “You didn’t swap undies?”

“There’s underwear in there?” I asked.

They sighed and walked out.

I set my pack on the toilet seat and quickly made my way to the door and locked it.

Something came to my mind and I asked, “Did you two plan this out?”

“Sorta,” Anne said.

“It was my idea,” Claire admitted.

“Ah,” I said.

I searched through my pack trying to find the elusive underwear. They had somehow buried themselves under my speaker.

I pulled out the pink crumpled up bit of cloth that was supposed to be underwear. I examined them wondering which side I was supposed to use in the front. One side was larger than the other so I assumed that side was the back.

Everything sort of just stopped for a moment as I took in what I was doing. My heart began pounding. I looked down at my shirt noticing how different it fit. The skirt around my waist draped to just above my knees; tickling them.

I kicked off my shoes and when I pulled off my underwear I suddenly felt exposed. I tossed my boxers on top of my pack and turned my attention to the panties in my hand. For some reason I began shaking.

I drew in a slow shaky breath of air.

“You okay in there?” I heard Anne ask.

“F-fine.” I lied.

I leaned against the stall to help my balance and meticulously donned the underwear. They were a pretty tight fit which pushed down my genitals making me look flat down there. I shivered. I finally looked like how my brain told me I should look down there. It was like there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

I slipped my shoes on and took a moment to calm down. For once the meditation my therapist had taught me seemed to work.

When I felt okay again I unlocked the stall door and said in my best girlish voice, “Finished.”

Anne and Claire came back in.

Immediately Anne said, “You should tuck your top into the skirt.”

I nodded as Anne helped with the zipper again, and I stuffed the shirt under the skirt’s waistband.

Claire asked Anne, “Ready for the wig?”

Anne zipped the skirt back up and said, “Almost.”

She swapped over to my pack and slowly pulled the wig out.

It was this deep amber almost brown color. The hair on it was straight and looked like it would drop just below my shoulders. I caught a glance of the front while Anne fiddled with it, it had bangs that reminded me of Zooey Deschanel.

Anne pulled out a net from the scalp of the wig and said, “Let's get this sucker on,”

***

The second one feels more "real" to me. Please let me know what you think.

Thanks,
Katherine