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Ok so i dunno wtf to do....
I know I need to go and get it done, I have reschedualed 3 times in the past year+, having yet to even make an appointment before reschedualing.
Due to money issues & well anxiety etc.....
I am finding myself putting off my appointment for consultations towards SRS.
I want it done... now! Hell I have wanted it done decades ago, particularily a decade ago.
It is in toronto, the gender identity clinic... I do NOT reside in toronto, but a couple hours away,
The City, terrifies me, I have never been there alone & the only one whom may be able to help me, always has a new excuse not to :'( I have put this off this late partially because of it, I understand her did have several heart attacks and strokes within like a week a couple years ago.... so he is not really his old self anymore.... and even thinking like this even makes me feel like a spoiled self centered b****.....
I just dunno what to do
Like why can they not have this accessibility closer , hell I live in the Tri-cities for crying out loud, you would think there would be at least 1 in waterloo region at least
Like do I take the plunge & take a round trip train to toronto & use cab there and back... that would be maybe 2-300$CAD, even that I am scared to do.... I am not native to Toronto, I do not know what transports are legit and which are not, what if I was to get in or call the wrong one & it ends up being an undercover trafficking service, I have heard sooooooo many scary things about toronto like that....
If I was to do that too.... like I have no credit let aloe credit cards, if I miss my train back because (like 99% of the time) the appointments and meetings do not meet for hours within their own separation f intent..... I have literally more often then not had to spend over 24 hours in the waiting facilities in medical care & here it is under half a mill in population while toronto is in the millions.
Should I risk it all and go, take the plunge no matter the dangers, beg daddy again if he feels up to helping me.... or reschedual and this time be pushed back to the beginnining of the waiting list 2-4 bloody years, course by that time my financial issues etc may be much better.... but still I do not want to wait until im in my mid 30's to get 'Vagged'... I dunno wtf to do
It is all so bloody conflicted
I dunno what to do & need to make my mind up at the least 3 days in advance to my booked appointment... still over a week but I am freaking out
If you can please offer some advice, or whatever, thanks
Only times I was there I was ALWAYS escorted, never alone
Comments
This
may sound harsh but really? are you still in diapers?
Life is full of decisions, some hard, some easy but if its something you want, no scrub that, need to do you need to go for it. So travelling and 'big' cities are outside of your comfort zone, perhaps its time to make that leap to adulthood.
You have an appointment, that means they will see you that day at something close to the allotted time, making allowances for over runs is part of the planning process, maybe factor in an overnight in a cheap bed & breakfast. In reality, your chances of picking the 'wrong' taxi are stupidly small, sometimes you just have to take a chance in this life.
If you really want this you will find a way of keeping the appointment, if you back out now, well I guess you don't want it bad enough. Own the opportunity, life is too short to dither.
Madeline Anafrid Bell
Hang in there
Nervousness about life-changing decisions is completely normal. If you're in any sort of organized program in this area, you should have access to face-to-face counselors. Make use of them. If the program you are contemplating joining is one that would provide such access, then my recommendation is that you join up.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
im no expert on anxiety
But it is an old friend by now. I would not be the least bit surprised if your terrified of Toronto. Although they try to hide it very well, it is still fairly crime ridden in areas. If you don't know the area it's natural to feel scared.
Amythest is from that area so maybe ask her for advise on what to take and what not to take in reguards to transportation.
You are also very stressed out over this and that can increase anxiety. I would suggest finding something totally relaxing and distracting. I found hikes in woods work great for that. Even just going for an early morning mall walk when there is very few people around can help. Some malls have "mall walking"hours before stores open up.
Also helpful are videos of people actually sailing on open water. There is just something utterly distracting about it even if you fear water.
I live in Manitoba otherwise i would offer to drive you. And no i have no plans to move. I'm in my forties and am still finding new places to see and visit just here in Manitoba. I doubt I would learn them all.
Another way to relax is to visit, learn , and see history. Not just museums but old trails, forts, houses, camps(new one for me old catholic summer camp with steam pump, water tower, heat, special buildings etc etc) Old trails that are now roads but back in their day were wagon trails beside the "water highway" There is so much to see and experience that you can learn and see.
I know anxiety as well
if I lived closer I'd help, but maybe you can find something else to focus on - like carry a "good luck" item in your purse. good luck I'm pulling for you!
Talk to someone at the clinic
You can't be the only one with these concerns. Ask for a recommendation for a safe cab driver or other safe transport.
i would say you have to go with it
maybe you can ask your dad to go with you
but as Erin said there are many other services you can call and many TG support groups to give you help
I have suggested talking to Erin as she knows many different people and services you can contact for help
but you dont have to do this alone
You should go for it
Don't put this off. When weighing short term anxiety against long term discomfort from not moving forward with your surgery, the decision is pretty obvious.
I would suggest booking your train tickets as far apart during the day and see if you can get a medical discount since the trip is technically for medical reasons. Spreading the train bookings out as far as possible during the day will give you time to get to and from your appointment with a better margin for error or delays.
If you're that nervous about going, try to get someone to go with you if you can. As for cab companies, this link has a list of the most reputable cab companies in Toronto, including phone numbers. Someone else also mentioned contacting the clinic about your anxiety over this and they may have some suggestions as well.
My suggestion is to go, but be as prepared as you can so as to lower your anxiety. I know how it feels to be that anxious and having a plan in mind can help. Do some research before your trip if nobody can go with you, I could help you with that research if you'd like. I don't live in Toronto, I'm in Montreal, but I'm somewhat familiar with the area and I'm good at research if I don't know the specific details you need to know.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3