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I know some people do not quite understand what that means. I have it, and apparently, rather bad at times.
There is not specific trigger for my attacks. They just happen and they build up. Sometimes they only last for a couple mins, say 15-20. Other times they last for hours.
During an attack I cannot think straight. My mind goes from one thing to another to another to another increasing my anxiety. Other times I focus on one thing to the exculsion of everything else, no matter how irrational it is.
My bp and pulse can increase quite a bit during an attack but not always.
My back twists itself into knots from the neck down. So much so i have trouble walking or standing as my knee will suddenly give out.
Trying to talk is..interesting. Sometimes I stutter so bad, which annoys me making it worse, that nobody can understand me. Other times I can talk so fast even dorothy has a hard time understanding me talk. (during this time I can also type well over a hundred words a minute, close to 500 words to be honest)
But all of that pales in comparison to the real hard part. The one that terrified my father when he saw me go through one and was completely helpless to do anything about breaking his heard.
There are times where fear consumes me to the point there is no hope of walking or talking. I just huddle in fetal position on ground terrified of anyone and anything. Yes even my own cats. I cry and huddle and can't think all I feel is fear. I rephrase FEAR!
I can't control it, no matter how much I want too. I have medication, some I really don't react well too, it helps. Makes me stupid but it helps. Doesn't stop them from happening but it helps.
If you haven't figured it out. Employment is not really feasible for me. This kind of disability is not something people put up with, because half of them think "its all in her head" or I am faking it. I wish that was true.
Good days I might have a nap after an attack or two.
Bad days after I calm down from one of the attacks I crash. As in I go to sleep for awhile.
Its hard on the body. My muscles have jerked and pulled things out of place more than a few times, which is kinda painful.
I don't wish these on anybody.
But for me this is daily life
Jacilynn
Comments
I wish I could do something to help
huggles
Hugs...
Wish I could wrap you if a protective hug that shield you from all fear...
Peace and Love tmf
Sorry you are suffering too hun
I have similar issues myself
Generalized & Social Anxiety
Dissociative fogue/amnesia
Boderline personality disorder
Schitzophrenia
OCD
pseudocyesis
& sooooo many others
So I certainly feel for you <3
I am here if you need a confidant
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
Anxiety
I know how you feel Jaci. I also have crippling anxiety that makes it impossible to work or even function normally some days. I sounds like you might have it a bit worse than me, but I know what it's like to curl up in a ball and fear everything and everyone around you and having your mind race with all the various bad scenarios that could happen in any given situation or if you happen to say or do something that might offend or upset someone.
Anxiety and depression pretty much war over me constantly, especially when I can't afford the meds that help me to sleep without my thoughts constantly racing or to ease the anxiety attacks and depression. It's not easy and my heart goes out to you. I'm just happy to see you commenting more on the site again and reaching out about this.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
You're Not Alone
Forty years ago, I was working at a horrible job. My boss was paid according to employee count and had cut the staff of our division from 165 to 100. Service had gone from average to horrible. Every day when the mail came it was put in a mail bin which was dated. It wasn’t even opened until five weeks later to start processing. Every other artery in our operation was similarly clogged.
I grew up in a farm where excuses are never acceptable. If you don’t milk the cows on time twice a day they develop mastitis. If you don’t weed the garden frequently it becomes over-run. If you don’t plant the crops in the spring there’s nothing to sell in the fall. It was my nature to think that when there’s work to be done -- you do it.
I worked sixty-hour weeks and pushed myself relentlessly to counter the chaos around me.
It wasn’t long before I had jolts out of the blue. I finally took a week off, but my fears were so strong I could not leave my apartment. I was the proud parent of a two-year old and scared out of my mind that I was having a “nervous breakdown.”
I forced myself to go to a bookstore and buy a self-help book for people with mental issues.
Luckily, I stumbled on to a series of books by Doctor Claire Weekes. I had taken quite a bit of psychology in college and understood what she had to say.
Following her advice, I was able to reverse what was happening to me. Within a year I was giving speeches to large audience. I still had the occasional panic attack but understood them for what they were and eventually they quit happening altogether.
1.) Eat well
2.) Avoid alcohol
3.) Get plenty of rest
4.) Get plenty of exercise
5.) When the adrenalin hits you out of nowhere no what it is and face up to it, float by placing yourself in a restful place in your mind (Mine was a haystack from my youth.), and let time pass allowing the adrenaline to run its course.
As you can see -- this is opposite of the fight or flight your body is demanding.
What worked for me might not work for you. I’ve had several friends who had panic attacks who have read the books and experienced the same results that I had. However – my daughter has had anxiety most of her life and it didn’t work for her. She takes a pill a day and manages to teach ninth grade math.
Good luck.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
ive heard most of this already
There is lots and lots of self help books, a number ive read, but most of them rely on two things.
Identify triggers- I have no idea what they are or when they happened since my anxiety is more of a delayed reaction.
Identify attack- half the time I don't even know I am into one till its already progressed to a bad point. When you live with high levels of anxiety most of the time its hard to see when it is going bad.
Break the cycle- anxiety is a cycling effect. It starts small, you think about it a little, ignore it, it doesnt feel too bad. Then it comes around again but a bit worse. It can be emotions or thoughts or combination of two.
Eating well/watching what you drink such as caffenie levels. - Yeah that sounds good and all but when your more than a little broke all the time its more of "ok what can i afford to buy to eat today"
Most of them though stress relaxing, finding way to relax, meditation etc. Yeah thats a problem for me. I have a VERY active imagination, and a good IQ. I learn things fast, faster than most people. I become bored far to easily so I have to find something to do or learn, which is about the only way to relax as I become solo focused on something....which does not happen as often as it used too when I was younger.
These are not excuses. Just my observations. I am still looking for answers that work for me. I want to live a normal life.
My mother in law takes Mirtazapine
She had a similar condition to what you describe. Possibly she was a little worse. She had been taking 15mg but she felt fine so she stopped taking it. 3 months later she was whimpering, pulling her hair, rocking backward and forward and unable to decide what to eat. We took her to see a GP who put her on 15mg and upped the dose within days to 30mg. Her social worker says the change is miraculous, she changed within 3 weeks from being unable to buy food or live on her own to being back to her usual self.
Unfortunately her usual self is a sociopath with narcissistic borderline personality disorder, but hey, she feels better.
Maybe you should ask a doctor if a similar treatment might work for you?
I'm not medically trained, so don't take this as anything other than an anecdote, but it had a dramatic effect on her. I have no idea what the long term effects are, but, from what I saw, it's a bad idea to decide to stop taking it without medical supervision.
Mirtazapine
Mirtazapine is what I'm usually on for my anxiety when I can afford to be on my meds and it seems to help me a lot. But yeah it really sucks when I can't afford my meds, like now. Still a good doctor can work with you to help make anxiety and depression manageable Jaci.
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
Tried it.
I have a mild allergic reaction to it so I cannot take it.