Chapter 5
Two different worlds, that’s what Charlie lived in.

He wasn’t two different people. Charlie and Claire — they were one and the same inside.

The two worlds? One was the world of Windham Manor. It was the stately world that Claire was spreading her wings in. It was the world of endless possibilities.

Claire could see herself as a dress designer whose clothes were acclaimed by the world. She could see herself as an angel of mercy — much like the Clara Barton the women of the Sanitary Society talked about.

She could see herself fighting as a suffragist, fighting for the right to vote. She saw herself as a famous author like Jane Austen, or a physician or a scientist, roles she was told women weren’t supposed to play.

Her mother in this world was Mary Windham, a woman she considered her mother rather than the “madame” she once worked for.

Mrs. Windham’s lessons in the garden and in the parlor taught her about what proper lady was supposed to do. She learned from her and her new friend Becky about famous women like Cleopatra, Elizabeth and Catherine the Great, who were powerful leaders.

She also learned from Mrs. Windham that it was okay to be different. She told her about a Duke of York wore women’s clothes. France’s greatest king, Louis XIV, was one who seemed to blur the lines between genders.

In her time at Windham manor, there was no longer a question of what her gender was, body be damned.

The world of the slums was quite different. Charlie O’Hara was a prisoner in a world he could not escape. He could not be the person he was inside. He felt as much like the doll Beatrice, who made a journey across the Atlantic and brought one little girl joy, but condemned to stay locked inside a trunk because she brought joy to another little girl who was different.

The world of the slums was the one that seemed to condemn Charlie to a life of hard work with little pay at the mill. A life where he would be looked down because of the country his parents came from and because of the fact that his family had very little wealth.

It was also a world that condemned his true kinswomen to a life of servitude to both family and the upperclass..

There were parts of the world of slums by the river Charlie did appreciate. There was his birth mother — Meggie O’Hara — who seemed to bring out the Claire long before Charlie knew Claire even existed. He admired and enjoyed her presence. It was her gentleness, grace, beauty that Charlie sought to emulate.

There were also Eli, Samuel and Robert. They were the sweet cherubs that Charlie — or is it Claire — doted on with maternal instincts much like Meggie O’Hara. Like Meggie, he wished for a better life for them than the one they had.

The difference between the two worlds was as wide as the Atlantic. The world of Windham Manor had been a place of sadness and darkness because of a death of a child. But it was now springing to life because of another child who was more and more calling the place home.

It was a place of flowers, sunlight and education. The slums by the river were a place of dirt, darkness and ignorance.

*****
“Now where did that hoop roll to?” Claire giggled as she looked through the flowers near the fountain at Windham Manor.

“Have you found it, yet?” Becky laughed. “It couldn’t have rolled that far!”

“Oh I am just horrible at playing Games of Graces!” Claire exclaimed to her friend of a game the two were playing. They were trying to catch hoops with sticks. Becky said the game was all of the rage at the finest schools on Long Island.

“Nonsense, you’re just learning how to play!” Becky said. “I think you’re doing great. I can’t believe you’ve never played before!”

“Well, I am just a poor Irish lass,” Claire exclaimed. “Wait, there it is, right in the middle of momma’s roses!”

“Poor Irish lass, you’re really funny, Claire!” Becky said. “My mother said you’ll be the lady of Windham Manor one day.”

That was something Claire hadn’t heard. The story among the high society of Eden Hills was that Claire was a cousin of Mary Windham whom she considered her niece. The story circulating around town was that Claire’s mother had married an Irish immigrant, which accounted for Claire’s accent and “unrefiness.”

“Must have been quite the scandal in the Windham family,” one of the ladies of the Sanitary Society said.

The story also said Mary Windham intended to adopt Claire. It was a story Mary Windham made little effort to refute, if at all. Claire, for her part, didn’t either.

Mrs. Windham didn’t mind at all that Claire no longer called her “Madame.” She at first called her “auntie”, but that didn’t sound quite right either. It evolved into “momma”, which Mrs. Windham didn’t mind either.

She preferred Claire call her that. She didn’t tell Claire that Emily once called her that, too. She went out of her way to make sure Claire understood that she had no intentions of turning her into Emily.

There were similarities between the two, but Mary Windham did not point those out to Claire. Rather, she kept those things to herself, in her delighted heart.

Mrs. Windham bought Claire some of her own clothes and her own toys, although there were times that that Claire wore some of Emily’s clothes and at times played with one of her dolls or two.

Mrs. Windham enjoyed sitting by the fountain with Becky’s mother Lydia watching the girls play.

Becky was eager to teach Claire every game she knew, including another one where they chased a larger hoop. They also played marbles in the dirt, although they tried not to get that dirty and be as lady-like as possible.

“I was wondering Mary if you intended to send to send Claire to school at Cottings next year?” Lydia asked. Helen Cottings School For Girls was where most of the wealthy in town sent their girls to school.

Emily was once a student there until she took ill.

“I am thinking about it, Lydia,” Mary Windham said. “But right now, I’m tutoring Claire on my own.”

“I know you want to shelter her,” Lydia said. “Considering her background, that’s probably best right now. And I know it also helps you after you lost Emily. But you can’t shelter her forever. A girl needs an education if she’s going to make it in the world.”

Mary Windham understood. But she knew Lydia didn’t understand the challenges she faced.

Much like some haunting fairy tale, Claire’s world at Windham Manor ended shortly after sundown.

She turned into a poor, gentle Irish boy who lived in the slums after that. Only it didn’t take magic to do it.

*****
Mary Windham held Claire tight before she changed clothes and “became Charlie” again.

They both wept, as did Mirilla. All of them wished for a world in which Claire stayed at Windham Manor. The only change was that Claire wished for one way to spend time with his other mother — Meggie — and the little ones.

She wished for a way they could all escape the life of the slums. It would take the work of a magician, Claire thought, to make that happen. Little did she know that perhaps some magic would eventually be at work, even if it were being done by an evil magician.

She — or he — huddled in the back of the carriage, shielded from the outside world, as they made that somber journey back to the slums.

Myron helped Claire — or was it Charlie now? — from the carriage. Waiting at the door was Meggie and the little boys.

Meggie held Charlie tight and kissed “him” on the cheek. The only good thing about the journey back “home” was the fact that Walter O’Hara and Lucas were busy at the mill. They wouldn’t be home for hours.

That gave Charlie a chance to have supper in peace with his mother and three younger brothers, who had no idea about Claire. It was just his secret he shared with Meggie.

After he fed King George and helped his mother put his brothers to bed, it was “knitting time.”

It was at that time he shared with Meggie about Claire’s adventures. Claire lived a life Meggie only dreamed about.

“Someday, you’ll really get to live that life,” Meggie said. “Oh you’re father will be very angry, but someday you’ll be able to break free from here.”

“But I can’t leave you here,” Charlie said. “Or Robert, Eli or Samuel.”

“Don’t talk like that, Claire!” Meggie said. “It’s your destiny to break free from this life.”

It was the first time she ever called “him” Claire directly. It was usually in the third person when they talked about “her.”

Claire — or was it Charlie — gave her mother a strange look.

“You don’t think that I know that you’re really Claire inside?,” she said. “It’s as much my dream for you to live as Claire as it is yours.”

*****

Charlie didn’t mean to cause a scene. All he was doing was correcting Lucas’ language, that’s all.

“Do you think you’re better than us since you’ve been spending your time at that uppity woman’s home?” Walter O’Hara said before he slapped Charlie across the face.

“No!” he said, fighting the tears.

“I don’t care how much she’s been paying you, you are no longer to go there, do you understand?” he said.

“Don’t say that!” Meggie O’Hara protested. “You cannot forbid him from going!”

Her words brought a slap across the face from her husband.

“Don’t you dare tell me what I can or cannot do in this house!” Walter O’Hara said. “I’m the man of the house! If I say he can’t go, he can’t go. He thinks he is better than us, but he is not!”

“I do not think I’m better than you!” Charlie shouted before lunging at his father in defense of his mother.

His father grabbed his shirt and shoved him across the room.

“I’m tired of you acting like little Charlotte!” he said. “Tomorrow, you are coming with me and Lucas to work at the mill.”

Lucas was laughing.

“Now, you’ll understand what real work is about, little Charlotte,” Lucas said.

Charlie became enraged. He lunged again at his brother. His brother kicked him. He grabbed him by his shirt.

“Don’t you ever come at me or dad ever again!” he said. “Do you understand?”

He shook his head no. His mother came to his defense, but this time Lucas slapped his mother.

She protested to her husband.

“You deserved it for encouraging Charlie!” he said.

Angry, upset, Charlie slipped through his brother’s grip and bounded out the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” an angry Walter O’Hara shouted.

His “son” didn’t answer.

Walter O’Hara and Lucas gave chase, but were unable to catch Charlie, who ran deep into the woods. He ran so deep into the woods, he had no idea where he was.

He sat by a tree, cried, and tried to catch a breath. But he heard Lucas calling in the distance. He started running again, but couldn’t tell where he was going.

It was dark. He — or was it she? — had no idea he was close to the river until he slipped down a mud covered cliff. He grabbed onto a log before slipped into the water.

He clung to dear life as the log carried him down stream.

*****
Meggie O’Hara ran as fast as she could. She kissed Robert and told him to look after Samuel and Eli as she slipped out the door. Walter and Lucas were too busy trying to catch Charlie to notice

She ran to Windham Manor. It was a long run and she was completely out of breath when she came to the iron gate. It was chained shut. She kept slamming the chain and rang a bell at the gate to get someone’s attention.

“I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t let you in” a guard sternly told her.

“What’s his name, I need to see him,” she said, trying to remember Myron’s name. “…I need to talk to Mrs. Windham.”

“I doubt Mrs. Windham would have anything to do with you at this time of night,” the guard said.

“I need to see Myron!” Meggie O’Hara said, finally remembering the name of the man who would pick up Charlie — or Claire — and take her to Windham Manor. Yes it was “her.”

Meggie was fighting for her daughter’s life. She wasn’t talking about a son.

“Okay, I will go get Myron,” the guard said. “But if he doesn’t know you, you will have to leave.”

He was gone for only a few minutes before he reappeared with a tired Myron who had only moments earlier been in deep sleep.

“Mrs. O’Hara, how can I help you?” he asked. “Is there something wrong with Charlie?”

“Claire is gone!” she shouted. “I need to see Mrs. Windham.”

“It’s alright,” Myron told the guard. “Mrs. Windham will want to see her. Take her to the parlor while I go wake Madame.”

Meggie O’Hara tried to remain calm as she told Mrs. Windham what happened.

“Get every one of the men together,” Mary Windham said. “Have them carry every light you can find. I want Claire found. I want her brought back here, do you understand?”

“What about Mr. O’Hara?” Myron asked.

“Use whatever force is necessary,” she ordered. “Find some reason to have him thrown in jail, I don’t care. I want my daughter back here, safe!”

She hoped she didn’t offend Mrs. O’Hara.

“Take some men with you,” she told Mrs. O’Hara. “You bring your little ones up here to stay the night.”

She then realized she was giving her orders. She also called Claire her daughter in front of her.

“I hope you will accept my apologies,” she said as she tried to get things organized.

“You have no need to apologize,” Meggie O’Hara said. “She’s my gift to you if we can find her!”

*****

No one saw Charlie as he clung to life on the log. He — or she — found himself clinging to life in the middle of the Hudson River as it drifted more and more down stream.

He was wet. He was cold. He also knew he didn’t want to go back to the life he lived in the slums. He no longer wanted to be Charlie. He no longer wanted to be a boy.

He didn’t want a hard life at the mill. He no longer wanted to live life as Walter O’Hara’s son.

He wanted to be Claire. He wanted to be a girl. In fact, he felt he was a girl. And if she couldn’t live life as Claire and had to go back to life as Charlie, then perhaps life was no longer worth living.

She reached the point where she no longer had the strength. She reached the point where she no longer had a will to survive, that slipping off the log into the river was more acceptable than life in the slums.

She made up her mind to let go.

A voice stopped her. It was a girl’s voice, one he didn’t recognize.

“Don’t let go Claire!” the voice said. “Hang on. You don’t need to do this. I’m sending help.”