A family spiraling out of control.
A child forced to grow up too fast.
Is there any room left for a young girl to find herself?


Chapter 6 – Emergency Measures

 

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Author's Note: Cats can often get out of bags all by themselves. As ever please be tolerant of my failings, and forthright with your criticism. ~Persephone

Current Score: US Readers 7 – 2 UK Author

 

Photo by  Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
© Persephone 2019

~o~O~o~

Dad and Sean didn’t get home until well after Carl and Kath had gone to bed, although they made sure to leave plated meals made up for both of them. The next morning Carl made a point of staying well out of his brother’s way, even as they got ready for church, and it wasn’t until after dinner on Sunday that he heard what had happened after Sean had been arrested.

Aunt Megan and he were alone in the kitchen, finishing the clean-up, when he quirked an eyebrow in her direction.

“He got dealt with by the Night Court. As we suspected he was sentenced to mandatory drugs rehabilitation, counselling and regular testing. If he fails any part of it then he will end up in juvenile detention.” Aunt Megan sighed. “Your Dad added to that. Sean’s basically grounded until the rehabilitation order is successfully completed. He’s also forbidden his Xbox and TV privileges until he has a GPA of 3.0 or better.”

Carl winced.

“I know it sounds harsh kiddo but Sean is fifteen now. He may not be an adult yet, but he’s old enough to understand right from wrong, and consequences. There are kids his age who are already behind bars until they’re old and grey after getting sucked into drugs and gangs. Hopefully we caught this early enough to get Sean back on track with his life.”

“I just feel responsible.” He muttered, casting a quick glance at the kitchen door. “I just thought he’d get shouted at and grounded or something.”

“Responsible? Yes, I guess you are.”

Carl stared in shock. Aunt Megan’s comment was the very last thing he expected to hear.

She went on, “responsible for making sure Sean got help early, before things got a whole lot worse. Responsible for keeping him out of jail and with a chance to finish his education. Responsible for helping keep drugs as far away from Kathleen as possible.” She patted his shoulder. “Remember, I have forty years’ experience as a nurse, seeing the effects that drugs had on kids and their families. I’ve seen far too many boys and girls Sean’s age admitted to ER in my time. Stab wounds, gunshot wounds, broken bones, bruising, rape, both boys and girls.” She listed. “Malnutrition, addiction, blood poisoning, hepatitis, HIV, STDs, OD’ing, mental health problems, self-harming and suicide attempts.” Her voice was flat and emotionless as she carried on her recital. “I’ve also seen too many of them leave ER for the morgue rather than home or a ward. Given the same choices you faced kiddo, I’d be damn proud of being responsible.” After that Carl felt marginally better, but still kept as far out of Sean’s way as he could.

In contrast, Jimmy started taking a surprising amount of interest in his middle brother, allowing him to hang out at school and keeping an eye on his school work. With Dad’s approval he arranged for Sean to become the Varsity squad’s water-boy and volunteered to run him to and from the mandatory counselling sessions. He even made a point of spending hours just talking with Sean of an evening; sharing stuff he had picked up from the men’s group.

Another change was that Oak Vale’s Football team soon became regular visitors to the house. Dad invested in a new wide screen TV and upgraded the sports package on their cable subscription. Soon, most afternoons the living room was full of jocks good-naturedly jeering the action on screen and emptying the fridge of sodas; leaving Carl and Kath to retreat down to the cellar to find a quiet place to do their homework.

Carl and Gail were still together. He would have spent more time round at her home, but didn’t feel comfortable leaving Kath as the only girl in the midst of the testosterone laden frat house their home was becoming. Gail adored the Pandora necklace Carl had presented her for her birthday. It matched the bracelet he’d given her at Christmas. But more importantly she was happy to see that he was coming out of the dark fugue that had shrouded him for much of the last year.

“It’s like he’s my best friend as well as my BF.” Gail had confided in Kath as they sat together, cheering Carl on at a swim meet. “He even actually listens to me. Not even Dad does that!” She giggled. “You know last weekend? When we went to the movies?” Kath nodded in encouragement. “He let me choose, didn’t get grabby, and then told me he’d enjoyed it!”

“What did you go and see?” Kath asked.

“‘Pitch Perfect’. I know! Cheesy! But I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Anyway, we both had fun. Is he like that all the time, or is it just when he’s with me?” She asked.

“All the time. Promise!” Kath assured Gail when she saw her eyebrow twitch. “He’s more like my big sister than an obnoxious big bro, and with two Neanderthals at home, trust me I know!”

“You mean he acts femmy?” Gail frowned. “I’ve never seen it.”

Kath choked on her soda. “God no! No, it’s like you said. We talk, like ‘talk’ talk. And he listens, and looks out for me. Little things like thinking about presents that you want, rather than rushing out and buying cheap scent the day before. That sort of stuff.”

“Oh, I get it. You had me worried there for a minute.” Gail thought about it for a bit as she watched Carl lining up for the next heat, letting her eyes rove appreciatively over his lithe figure clad only in those brief Speedos. “I guess I’m really lucky with him.”

At Thanksgiving and Christmas, any sad memories that could have plunged the McCarrick family back into despondency were stopped in their tracks by Aunt Megan. She arrived the day before the holidays and immediately took charge, introducing new traditions into the household. Their meal was delayed until late in the afternoon, and the whole family was volunteered to assist at the local homeless shelter, helping cook and serve a festive meal to those less fortunate than themselves. Kath and Carl got Dad to help distribute little care packages they had made up from some of the stock used for the ‘Sassy’ kits.

When he saw the boxes being loaded into the van, Dad had pulled Carl to one side. “Uh, son, this is really generous of you and I’m proud an all, but can we afford to do this?”

Carl gave him a look. “Dad, four things. First, much of the contents are left over inventory from the summer rush, and getting close to their expiry dates. Second, we can, and will, claim it as a tax write off. Third, Mom would have wanted it. Fourth, it’s the right thing to do. Not necessarily in that order.”

Somewhat shamefaced Brian had just nodded, then went into the house to help collect the remaining boxes. He wasn’t comfortable with the feeling that he had just been put in his place by his child; one who was acting more grown up and savvy than he was.

~o~O~o~

As Carl grew more distant from his father and brothers, he began investing more in his relationship with Michael Braybrooke. The young marine Corporal made time to chat with Carl pretty much every week. Every time he had a weekend pass and could get home, he made sure Kath and Carl were included in his plans. Michael had six months left of his four year hitch and was already considering what he was going to do when he got out.

“The education benefits from the GI bill are good, but unless I get a part time job I’m going to struggle getting through college. The problem is that an engineering degree is pretty demanding, and I’m not sure mixing a job and study would really work.” Michael explained to Carl, while Kath was chatting and giggling with Peter and Charlie. He’d come to trust the youngster, despite his age, as he often had an interesting take on problems.

Carl chewed his lip for a moment. “Do you have to go to college right away?”

“I guess not. But I don’t want to keep living at home, mooching off my folks, if I can avoid it.”

“Are there other guys leaving the Corps who are in the same situation?”
“Yeah, about half my old platoon at least I guess. What’s going on in that brain of yours? You got a devious plan?”

“Maybe.” Carl teased. “Did you catch the news about the new rare earth deposits that have been discovered in Oregon?”

“Woah! Left field or what? And where did you see that?”

Carl giggled. “Middle school social studies. Our teacher, Mister Pangyros, loves these weird assignments. Anyhow,“ he got his thoughtful look back, “one of the big mining companies is building a processing facility out in the middle of nowhere, right next to the deposits. They’re planning on building a workers’ village, and then recruiting teams of workers to go set up house next to the facility for a fixed term contract. Like two or three years. If you got a bunch of guys together you could offer them a team and all save enough money for college. Wouldn’t be too different from going on deployment I guess. Except no one’s shooting at you.”

“Interesting idea. But one small problem Carl. I know zip about extracting and processing rare earth minerals.”

Carl rolled his eyes. “Helloooo? You’d all be US Marine Corps combat engineers? A pre-formed disciplined team, used to working together in tough conditions? All combat vets? All planning a college education? ‘Adapt, Improvise, Overcome’?” He snorted. “I bet they’d take your hand off at the elbow. And that’s after you hit them for a signing bonus.”

Michael’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Um, maybe, definitely maybe. I wonder how many of the guys would be…?” He muttered to himself, miles away already. Then he remembered where he was and looked sharply at Carl. “You sure about all this?” He demanded.

Carl nodded. “I’ll email you my research notes for my paper as soon as I get home. It’s got all the web links and everything. You can check it out yourself.”

“Carl, you’re a genius! You might very well have nailed this. If it works out, we are going to so owe you.” Michael reached over and, to his own surprise, gave Carl a massive hug.

While Michael headed back south the Camp Pendleton to do his own research and sound out his old team, Carl kept himself busy at school and with his activities. Miss Moreno was giving him extra math assignments to get him ready to fast track at High School, while Coach Andrews had already been having conversations with the swimming coach at Oak Vale High, despite Carl’s lack of physical development compared to the rest of his team.

This year Gail wouldn’t allow him to miss his fourteenth birthday and persuaded her parents to host a party for Carl, with her friends, Kath and the swimming team invited. The business was still getting along nicely and between their cards, Kath and he had now squirreled away nearly eight thousand dollars. Even his Kung Fu training was going great. He reached his first brown belt the day before his birthday.

~o~O~o~

The only place Carl now felt uncomfortable was home. Sean was coming to the end of his rehab program and had started to recover his snarky attitude. While he was happy to eat what Carl and Kath put on the table, he was no longer thankful or gracious about it. In part Carl blamed it on his continually hanging around with the senior football team, who had begun treated their home as some sort of unofficial club house. Dad even seemed to revel in the macho jock bullshit, making a point to attend all the team’s games, and often inviting them back afterwards to catch a game on TiVo.

Carl just shrugged and kept out of the way. He had enough to worry about, without bothering what his dad, or a bunch of jocks and jock wannabes, thought. His only concern in the family was making sure Kath was happy and content. Carl made a point of spending time chatting, studying, or working on the kits with her every day, and everything seemed to be fine. Which was why, when things did blow up, Carl seriously lost it.

It was gone five when Carl got home from swim training. As usual the TV was stuck on ESPN and both couches were covered with Sean, Jimmy and a bunch of jocks, while Dad had taken position in his lay-z-boy.

“Hey squirt, while you’re up get us another root beer.” One of the running backs called out to him.

“Make that two.”

“Three. And where’s those snacks?” A chuckle went round the room as Carl threaded his way past the outspread legs into the kitchen, where he met a harried Kath struggling to put together a pile of grilled cheese melts.

“I’m going as fast as I can.” She begged without turning round from the grill.

“Kath, it’s me.”

“Oh, thank god you’re here. Dad’s had me running around after that lot ever since I got home from school. Can you take these through while I get started on the next batch?”

Carl took a step towards the plated up stack, then paused. “Kath, have you had an opportunity to do your homework?” He asked.

“I’m sorry Carl. I’ll get on it right after dinner. I promise!” She was nearly in tears.

“Hey! Calm down. You’re not in trouble munchkin. Just put that down a moment.” Carl reached round his sister and turned off the grill.

“Come and sit down.” He guided her to a pair of chairs at the kitchen table. “Kath? How long has this been going on?”

Kath looked nervously at the door to the lounge. “It’s only once or twice a week. I get caught up with homework during the rest of the week, promise!”

Carl took her hands in his. “How long Kath?” He asked again. His tone kindly, but implacable.

Kath ducked her head to avoid her brother’s gaze. “Since Christmas?”

The door swung wide and Dad stuck his head through. “Those sandwiches ready yet?”

Carl kept his eyes on his sister and his voice icy calm. “Kath, you need to get your homework done, now, before you are too tired. Take your schoolbag and head up to your room. I’ll come and get you when it’s time to start getting dinner for our family ready.” Keeping her head down, Kath grabbed her bag and skittered past Dad out of the kitchen.

When she was gone Carl turned to glare at his father. “Since when has Kath’s homework been less important than her being your kitchenmaid?”

“We’ve got guests!”

“No Dad! You and Jimmy have ‘guests’. The same ‘guests’ who have been here several times a week, every week, for the last three months according to Kath.” Carl retorted with some fire. “If that bunch are ‘guests’ then maybe they should act like guests and not treat Kath and I as their personal slaves. And maybe, if you and Jimmy invited them, you should act like hosts!”

“WHOAH JIMMY, YOUR LI’L BRO SOUNDS LIKE MY MOM!” An obnoxious voice called out from the lounge, to be followed by snorts of laughter.

Carl pushed the door closed and turned back to his father before the man could open his mouth. “Kath and I promised Aunt Megan that we’d take care of the cooking for this family. Which takes up a damn sight more of our time than Sean running a vacuum round once a week, or Jimmy doing the groceries.” He stated as calmly as he could manage, pacing round the kitchen. “What we didn’t sign up for was to become the unpaid servers and short order cooks for the unofficial Oak Vale frat house. And as they seem to have stuffed themselves on food I had planned for our dinner tonight. I suggest you order some pizzas for later, because when your daughter and I have finished our homework we won’t have time to plan something else.”

Carl grabbed his school bag and pushed his way out of the kitchen. “Oh, those melts on the table are ready to go out, and the ones on the grill probably need another three or four minutes. And three of the guys wanted more sodas.” He called over his shoulder as he headed for the stairs.

Carl tapped on his sister’s door. “Kath? Can I come in?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah, come on in.”

Carl found his sister curled up on her bed, hugging a battered old teddy. Beside her, a text book lay face down and ignored.

“Are we in trouble?”

“If anyone is, I am. But I don’t think so.”

Kath sat up and pulled her big bro’ to sit beside her, before nestling into his arms.

Carl pulled her closer. “Do you want me to call Aunt Megan? Dad was getting pretty close to her definition of ‘not straightening out’.”

She thought about that for a moment. “Maybe not yet.” She decided. “I guess it’s my fault. I should have stood up for myself more, or told you what was going on.”

“It isn’t, and wasn’t your fault munchkin!” Carl said hotly. “Dad should have been looking out for you first! Not a bunch of Neanderthal jocks.”

Kath lapsed into silence and relaxed against Carl’s chest.

“You know, you’re becoming more like Mom than my big bro’.” She murmured. “You’re always there, looking out for me. You take time to talk, no matter what you’re doing. I feel safe and cared for with you.”

Tears stung Cassandra’s eyes as she held her little sister. Kath had just paid her a wonderful compliment and shown her a future that never could be. Even with the pills, she was finding it harder and harder to continue pretending to be Carl. The only thing that kept her going was keeping her promise to Mom and keeping her little munchkin safe.

Eventually Carl dabbed his eyes. “C’mon you. Having made that scene in the kitchen I guess we both need to make sure our homework is done.”

By the time the two of them finished, the living room was suspiciously quiet. Carl led the way downstairs to find his father waiting for them in the kitchen.

Dad shifted from foot to foot as they came in. “Um, Kathleen, I guess we didn’t think about all the hard work you’ve been putting in. I didn’t realize it was getting in the way of your homework. You should have said something honey.”

Carl bit his lip so hard he could taste blood.

“Anyway the guys were real appreciative, and came up with this as a thank you.” Dad shoved out a hand with a small bundle of various bills.

Kath smiled and accepted the peace offering. “Thank you Daddy. I guess I should have said something too.”

“So! Are you on top of your homework? Everything done okay?”

“Yes, Carl’s been really helpful and made sure I’m up to speed.”

“Uh.. That’s good honey. I ordered in pizza so you don’t have to cook tonight. It should be here in about fifteen minutes so you’ve got time to clear up and lay the table.” The he turned and headed back into the lounge where Jimmy and Sean were waiting for him to unpause the TiVo.

~o~O~o~

Two weeks later Michael was back in town, and he invited Carl to dinner and a council of war.

“Hey Carl, where’s the other Cookie Monster?” Peter called out as he came through the door behind Michael.

“Sorry guys. She’s got a far more important date than us.” Carl apologized. “Mass sleepover at her friend Suzie’s.”

Peter threw up his hands. “The horror! Back to back showings of both ‘Princess Diaries’ accompanied by non-stop chattering and Fandango pink nail polish!” He shuddered theatrically as they all burst out laughing.

“Is Fandango pink a real thing?” Michael asked skeptically.

“God yes! It’s between Paradise pink and Barbie pink. Look it up. Learning nail colors was one of the tortures my evil big sister inflicted on me. Carl you poor boy, add a couple of gallons of acetone and a squillion cotton wool pads to your weekly shopping list from now on.”

They all chuckled again before Michael called the meeting to order.

“Right guys! The old folks have decided to have a romantic evening out, so you’re stuck with my cooking… Or shall I order in pizza?”

“Pizza!” Charlie jumped in immediately. “I’ve tried his cooking and it makes MRE’s taste good.”

“Okay, okay.” Michael surrendered. “Pizza it is. Now we have a couple of things on the agenda tonight. First up, Carl, I have an update on the Oregon opportunity.”

“You’re going for it?”

“I have to admit it, but you were right. I spoke to the guys and at least seven were willing to sign up there and then. I also sent an enquiry off to Kenneport Mineral and Mining. They got back to me the same day asking how soon we could start. They’d provide all the specialist training we needed.”

“What are they offering? It’s not some sort of sweatshop is it?” Charlie asked his big brother.

“You’re going to love this. Half a mill a year for a ten man team and support staff, plus team medical insurance. We would also get our own bunkhouse with utilities included, rent free. There’s also cable and internet packages for a fee. If we ask, they’ll even do all our tax returns and business filings. They’ve also arranged for a couple of contractors to open up a cafeteria, restaurant, bar and convenience store at the site, so we don’t have to head into town for supplies.” Michael paused as he saw Carl whip out his phone and start feverishly tapping in numbers.

“How long’s the contract, and what do they expect in terms of hours?” Carl asked without looking up.

“Three year contract with an option to extend year on year for two more years. Ten guys have to be on shift for fifty hours a week, fifty weeks a year, less public holidays. Weekends are downtime for plant maintenance.”

“So you’re getting twenty dollars an hour before tax. Michael, are these guys pressuring you to sign right now?”

“Jeez Carl! Have you been reading my emails?” Michael asked, half-jokingly.

“Michael, you can’t sign now. You’re still a serving marine. But that’s actually good news. It makes them keener and gives us time to do some research and get you a lawyer.”

“But they said they’d take care of…” Michael faltered off as he thought it through. “Oh, yeah… I think a lawyer would be a good idea.”

“I can do some research into Kenneport Mineral. See if I can find guys willing to talk about how they operate. Get you a list of questions to ask if that’s all right?” Carl asked.

“Carl, if you were older I’d want you on the crew!” Michael responded. “Hell, we’re going to have to do something nice to make it up to you anyway. We’d never have thought of this.”

They continued knocking ideas around over pizza and sodas

When the last slice of pizza vanished, Peter leaned back with a sigh. “So Carl, is there any news from Oak Vale we need to know about?”

“We did hear one thing. Kath had just got home from dance class a few days ago. Marty Johansson was mouthing off again and mentioned about seeing Charlie outside the multiplex last Friday. One of the others, she thought it might have been Davey Younger but wasn’t sure, he doesn’t come round that often, started to say something about it being a good place to arrange something. Then they spotted Kath and hushed up.” Carl concluded.

Charlie looked over to Peter. “Looks like we need to find a new cinema hun.” He sighed.

Peter merely frowned and nodded. “We’ve only got a year and a half to go ’til we graduate. We can keep out of the way of the Neanderthals ’til then.”

Carl was shocked at how casually they were discussing the very real threat they both faced. “Guys, I think you are both awesome to be able to handle this so calmly.” He smiled self-consciously.

“I wish I can be that brave when they find out.” He added without thinking.

Suddenly three pairs of eyes pinned him to the couch.

Carl blushed and ducked his head. ‘Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Why did I say that? I’m an idiot. Oh shit!’ His thoughts cascaded as he began to panic.

Above his head the guys shared a long glance.

“Hey Michael, can you give me a hand clearing up?” Charlie suggested. “Mom will be back in a while and we don’t want her to find a mess.”

“Oh, er, sure Charlie. Let me take those.”

When they had gathered up the debris and vanished into the kitchen, Peter moved round to sit next to Carl.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, then chuckled softly to himself. “Silly question. No one wants to talk about it. I should have asked ‘Do you need to talk about it?’. I remember when I had to for the first time. It was like my guts were in a knot and I felt faint and nearly threw up, but the words were just behind my tongue, pushing to get out, whether I wanted them to or not.” Peter paused and looked sidelong at the youngster beside him. “You know, normally my gaydar is pretty damn good. I don’t think I’ve ever been horribly wrong, especially when I’ve spent time talking to someone. I don’t get any gay vibes off you Carl.”

Peter stopped and changed tracks suddenly. “Charlie is a really lucky guy you know? When he came out, he was terrified Michael would reject him, beat the shit out of him or something. He actually threw up all over the kitchen from nerves. Michael merely mopped up the mess. Then got a face cloth and mouthwash and cleaned his little brother up himself. Then he hugged him tight, and told him he loved him and would protect him from anyone who tried to hurt him. After that you couldn’t have asked for a better big bro’. He ferried him to support group meetings. Went in with him a few times when Charlie was nervous. Never judged. Just… an all-round good, good guy.”

There was a pause and a hand appeared in front of Carl’s face holding a tissue. He hadn’t realized he was crying. He’d been trying so hard not to.

Peter continued. An almost sing song voice, as if he were telling a bedtime story. “When Michael was in the Sandbox he started getting care parcels from two kids from his church. They were funny and kind and offered Michael a reminder of humanity and home, at a time when he desperately needed it. And despite the tragedy they themselves were living through at home, they always made time for him. He and the squad were so proud of those two kids.

Eventually they started to trust him, and even asked if he would be their honorary big brother. Did you know he talked to his Mom and Dad, Charlie and me about it? If Michael makes you a promise, you can trust your life to it. Hell! I have trusted my life to it. He made you that promise Carl. You and Kath. He made you family.”

Peter handed down another tissue.

“So, like I said, my gaydar is almost never wrong. However, I’ve been around a bit and met a lot of interesting people, so I think I can guess what’s going on. If I’m way off base now, I’m truly sorry and tell me to shut up. But, I need to ask. What’s your real name?”

Carl stared at the table. Its edges fuzzy through the prism of unshed tears. Like Peter had said, it was like a war was being fought inside him. The desperate need to share, to ease the intolerable burden of keeping secrets and being so horribly alone, fighting tooth and nail against the terror of scorn, rejection and betrayal.

It was so hard.

He sucked in a breath, then slowly let it out. Again. He focused on the technique Sifu Torrence had coached all of his students through. Again. When his voice finally came, it was barely above a whisper.

“Cassandra.” Then the flood gates burst.

She didn’t notice when Peter got up and stepped away, so wrapped was she in her own misery and relief. She just sobbed and sobbed, no longer caring who saw, as years of suppressing the pain, and fear, and longing, poured out. She felt herself being gently lifted and wrapped into an embrace. Warm, comforting, safe.

Eventually she made out a gentle voice murmuring reassuringly in her ear.

“Hey li’l sis. You’re safe. I’ve got you. Time to come back li’l sis. Come on Cassie. Time to come back.”

She sniffled, and uncurled enough to see who was holding her. “Michael? Oh my god! Michael! Oh god I’m so sorry!” She struggled to untangle herself. “Oh god, I didn’t mean…”

“Shush.” He snugged her closer, refusing to let her go. His strength far more than she could fight. “You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you here Cassandra. You’re safe and surrounded by friends… and family.”

She stopped fighting and slowly relaxed as Michael continued, a low drone of reassuring messages she needed to hear. “You’ve been so strong and clever. But it had to come out some time. We don’t hate you. You don’t need to be afraid of us, of me. We’ll keep your secrets. We’ll support and help you become who you really are. We care for you Cassandra. You’re my li’l sis. I’m proud of you. We’ll keep you safe.” The voice flowed around her, slowly steadying her.

Finally, she got herself under control. “Um, Michael? I think I need to go visit the bathroom.”

“Okay li’l sis. You might want to wash your face while you’re there.” Michael chuckled as he released her and helped her to her feet. “You did an awful lot better than Charlie. I still don’t let him forget that afternoon.” Cassie giggled as she unsteadily pushed off from the couch and headed for the hall.

When she had done her business, she looked at herself in the mirror. Red eyes and blotchy cheeks peered back from under a thick mop of auburn hair. Cassandra peeked out from Carl’s androgynous features for a moment, before allowing herself to hide once again. She washed her face before heading back to where Michael, Charlie and Peter were all waiting.

“Cassie. Sit here.” Peter called out so she ended up facing Michael and Charlie across the coffee table. “Are you up to answering a few questions so we know where you are, and how we can help sweetie?”

“I guess.” She allowed nervously as she sunk onto the couch.

“Let’s start with an easy one. When did you know?”

Cassie took a breath as she arranged her thoughts. “I can’t remember not knowing something was wrong. But the first time I knew what I was, I was nine.” The tears returned unbidden.

“Hey, hey, none of that, you’re safe now.”

“It was in church. My Grampa was preaching. I listened to his sermon and he… described me. What I thought, what I felt. Then told everyone what a foul sinner I was. And everyone agreed with him!” Cassie whispered fiercely.

“I remember your Grampa.” Michael said. “Sorry, but I always thought he was a hateful vicious S.O.B. So did Mom and Dad.”

Peter brought them back from those horrible memories. “Moving to the now, and what’s important Cassie. What have you managed to do so far? Have you dressed? Seen a doctor? Taken any ‘mones?”

She shook her head. “I daren’t. You know what my family are like. They’d kill me. The only thing…”. She hesitated.

“Go on, no one’s going to judge.”

“I got some anti-androgens online. I’ve been taking them since a year last Christmas.” She drew a shuddering breath. “I couldn’t face a boy’s puberty. I just couldn’t.”

Michael’s lips tightened into a grim line. He daren’t say anything, or criticize her taking drugs without a prescription, it would shatter the fragile trust they were trying to build, yet even so, he was conscious of the risk Cassandra was taking.

Peter pressed on. “So have you managed to dress?”

Cassandra snorted. “In our house? Sharing a room with Sean? Even if I’d managed to hide some things, the police would have found them last October when they tossed the room.”

“Wait up! What?” Michael spluttered. “The police?”

Cassandra sighed. “Sean was doing drugs and stealing from us. Dad found his stash and called the cops. They arrested Sean and trashed our room when they searched it. He’s been in some sort of rehab program since.” She paused and glanced around at the three of them. “That’s supposed to be secret guys. Only the teachers and family know.”

“No one will hear it from us.” Charlie promised.

“So, what’s next li’l sis?” Michael asked gently.

“Not sure. I’m making money and saving up for the surgery and stuff. I guess right now I just have to survive until I’m eighteen, and keep Kath safe while I do. Right now that means keeping Carl around.”