“Wait, is that her over here?” I pointed toward a sort of outcropping of trees by the road where I thought I was seeing something, or someone. Remy squinted and slowed down a bit. I sort of fidgeted in my chair, pulling at my top. It was way too tight for my tastes but Remy had been curating my wardrobe. She’d told me that there was no point in having boobs if I didn’t have the tops to show them off, and with that, every top in my wardrobe was like one size smaller than it should have been. “I think..no that’s not her.”

“We really need to talk,” Remy said as she pressed on the accelerator and moved us out of the little patch of forest, back out into the more urban area, houses dotting the road on either side. The afternoon sun beat down hard on the hood of the car and Remy’s hair glistened. God she was beautiful. “Why are you staring at me?

“Why wouldn’t I stare at you?” I giggled a bit, a lopsided grin defining and betraying my mood.

“Oh my god,” She laughed. “You need to focus, remember what we’re out here for. Okay anyway, I need to tell you…I’ve been super distracted lately and it really hasn’t been fair to you. There’s some…stuff with the house that I’ve been trying to figure out and it hasn’t exactly been easy. Your mom’s…budget cap for us hasn’t exactly been kind. We can’t go all out like we did back when AG was in charge.”

“My mom,” I chuckled a bit. “She’s always been about letting people ‘figure things out’. You know she only gave us ten dollars a week for allowance?”

“Um, isn’t your family loaded?” Remy asked as she looked from left to right, surveying each side of the street.

“Yeah but I guess she was hoping we would find a way to double our money, or invest it or something.”

“And did you?”

“Nah,” I said, shaking my head. “I was never really that smart. But Brianna, she saved her weekly allowance, bought stock in some startup company and started quadrupling her allowance.”

“Um, question,” Remy raised an eyebrow as she veered down the street to the left. “Don’t you have to be eighteen to invest in the stock market?”

“Yep,” I nodded. “And she got her ass chewed pretty hard by mom for that one. But hey, she’s doing a lot better than me now so it must have all paid off in the end.”

“Honey,” Remy reached over and laid her free hand on top of mine. I smiled inwardly as her soft skin came into contact with mine. I could feel the warmth; my heart fluttered. “You’re in college, you’re going to graduate and you’re going to do amazing things, okay? Stop using her as a measuring stick for your own success, it’s not healthy. Besides, you’ve already done some amazing things, I mean look at you. Do you remember what you looked like when you first came to Alpha Gamma? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? How do you feel?”

“Remy,” I said quietly and flatly. “I still look like that if you take the makeup off. I need facial feminization surgery or something, you know?”

“I know that,” She nodded. “But how do you feel on the inside?”

“Honestly?” I said. “Sometimes I feel like an imposter. It’s like…I’m just wearing a mask or just pretending, or just going through the motions. I know I pass and I know it’s because you and everyone else at the house put so much work into me, but think about it. If I didn’t have access to the best makeup or the top tier insurance or the people around me, I could never have become who I am. There are so many trans people out there who will never get the opportunities that I’ve been given. I’m an anomaly, I feel like I didn’t work very hard to get here at all.”

“Oh sweetie,” Remy smiled. “Listen, you can’t compare yourself to other people, your struggle is your own. Do you know how many trans people struggle with stepping out of their front door for the first time? No, I don’t have to tell you, you already know, and guess what? You did that sweetie. You took that first step and started your journey. You did that, it’s all you.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “And now that I’m here I feel like it’s my job to help other people take that step. People like Angela.”

“One thing at a time sweetie,” Remy patted my hand before returning hers to the steering wheel. “Let’s try to find her first, okay?”

“Okay,” I smiled. “We’ll find her first.”

As I finished that sentence, Remy’s phone rang. She held it up in front of her – a horribly dangerous habit when she was actually driving.

“It’s Laura,” She said, sliding the green ‘answer’ button toward the center. She talked for a few seconds and then hung up. She turned to my briefly “They found her, they’re taking her back to the house.”

“Well I guess I failed the whole ‘helping people’ thing on the first round,” I sighed. “I couldn’t even find her.”

“Yeah don’t think like that,” She said. “Just be glad someone did find her, even if it wasn’t us.”

Remy took a really dangerous u-turn in the middle of the street and I held on for dear life as her tires screeched, my stomach clutching the side of my torso for the duration of the motion until we were headed back toward the house. I kind of wanted to scream, but what good would it do? I finally released my death grip on the handle just as we pulled up in front of the house. Remy smirked a bit as she watched me let go.

“Hey, Allison,” Remy said, looking at me as we took our seat belts off. “Don’t yell at her or anything, she’s in bad shape and I don’t know how much she heard when we were talking in the other room. Just…”

“Yeah,” I know I smiled as I opened the door and climbed out onto the sidewalk, straightening my skirt as I rose from the seat.

“You ever consider wearing slacks?” She asked as she walked up next to me.

“Uh well, not really,” I admitted. “I spent most of my life being told that I had to wear pants, as a guy, and I was really, really scared to put a skirt on. I thought I’d be laughed at, you know? Now that I can, and now that it’s…acceptable, I really don’t want to go back. It’s kind of dresses and skirts from here on out.”

“I think I can understand that,” She nodded. “You wanted to be a girl, and now you can be. I dig it.”

We walked up the from sidewalk and through the front doors of the house where Laura was sitting with Angela, along with a few of the other girls. As I walked in I heard Veronica say “Okay you know what? Just sit right there, I’ll make you something to eat.”

“Oh!” Remy said as she walked in, smiling. “We have some leftovers in the fridge, why don’t you heat those up?”

“But I could make-“ Veronica started to say before Remy cut her off.

“Um, we uh…we have that rotisserie chicken! Angela loves chicken!” Remy was doing everything in her power to make sure Veronica didn’t cook.

“Well actually-“ Angela started.

“It’s settled then!” Remy said. “Rotisserie chicken! Yay!”

Veronica walked to the kitchen looking confused, and I could hear the ‘beep’ of the microwave a few moments later. I sighed with relief.

“So…Angela,” I said, taking a seat in front of her. “Do you…have a place to stay?”

She shook her head, I could see that she was worried. I would be too.

“I just…I left because by law they had to let me I think, but I haven’t really had any place to go. I’ve just been kind of wandering around. I know my parents don’t want me back and I saw you in on this website…I still have my phone, it was in my stuff when they sent me to camp so..”

“I’m on a website?” I looked to Remy and Laura.

“You’re on a lot of websites,” Remy said.

“Okay,” I said, trying to sound the least but authoritative . “First we need to find you a place to live, there are shelters, but maybe we can get you enrolled next semester and see about a dorm. There are financial aid programs, you probably qualify for at last one of them.”

“At least,” Laura nodded.

“I think my next question…” I trailed off a bit, I wasn’t quite sure how to put this. “Angela, do you want to live as a woman?”

She looked up at me, her face a portrait of confusion.

“What? I can do that?” She asked quizzically, it was as if she’d never considered it to be an option before. Maybe she hadn’t. “I mean…I’d need a lot of help and I don’t want to be…I don’t want to be trouble for anyone. That’s why I ran off…I felt like I was being too much trouble…”

“No honey,” Remy reassured her. “You’re not being trouble, we’re just idiots. We shouldn’t have been having that conversation out where you could hear us, okay? I’m really, really sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” Veronica said, walking out with a plate of chicken and handing it to her. “You need help, we’re going to help, right?”

“Yes we are,” I said. “And I’m going to start by calling a few shelters and talking to some people. We’re going to get this sorted out, I promise. In the meantime, we could teach you some girling basics and get you on the right track. It’s not going to be easy, but Laura and the others kind of whipped me into shape a few months ago.”

“We’re not done yet,” Remy said, looking at me firmly. “We’ve kind of taken a break because of house stuff but trust me, you have a long way to go. But hey, don’t sweat it, I absolutely, positively love you and I’m going to make sure you’re the best girl you can be. Oh, and Angela, you’re both going to get lessons.”

I blushed. I didn’t realize I’d been screwing up so much.

“Well um, you heard that,” I said to Angela. “So while I make some calls, maybe the other girls could take you upstairs and get you started.”

Her face kind of lit up. I knew that expression, and I knew what she was feeling. I’d probably felt it many times myself. Being transgender is…wild, to put it simply. You walk around seeing other women, seeing the clothes they wear and how they fit into them, and you think to yourself that you could never possibly look like that, that it’s impossible. It’s like your body is a cage, and you’re just trapped inside, screaming, pounding against a soundproof glass wall, and no one outside can hear you, or see you. You want to cry, you want to scream, you want to die, but you can’t do any of those things. So you just smile, you go through the motions, you go to school, you go to work, you talk to people, you laugh with them, but you’re never really you. The real you is locked away in that room, inside your mind, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, dying to get out. Part of me was still there. Part of me always would be.

“Come on upstairs lady,” Laura extended a hand. “I definitely have some stuff that would fit you, but you’re going to need a shower first.”

“Okay,” Angela smiled timidly and took her hand as she was led toward the stairs. As soon as they disappeared onto the second floor I turned to Remy.

“Let’s get to work.”