Chapter 7
Humpday madness is all the rage.

I know that I should have expected it, but nothing can really prepare one for the sudden rush of WFT from people. My day started off slightly different than normal. First of all, when I got up this morning I found that none of my old male clothing was in my closet, chest drawers, and dresser. In their place was nothing but the female clothing we had bought last night. I must have really been out of it after we got home. The last thing I really remember was mom, Issy, and Beth helping me haul everything in from the car. Then Issy saying something about making room for my new wardrobe. I guess that meant throwing out all of my male clothing. Those bitches will pay for that, I promise.

Anyway, with nothing else to wear and needing to get dressed for school I gave up the fight for now. With gaff, panties, bra, and tights I threw on my robe and headed for the bathroom take my morning shower. I was even more surprised to find my Old Spice shampoo and bodywash replaced with something out the girly-girl section of Bath and Body works. Crap that Beth would use. I was more than a little tempted to rebel and use Joey’s shower stuff but knew that it was a useless battle. Sooner or later I would be stuck using the crap, so I just gave up the fight. For now.

After showering, and drying my hair, I headed back to my room to finish dressing. It didn’t take me long to find something to wear for the day. The tan breeches, light blue turtle neck, and tall field boots would do the trick for today. Little did I know the impact my choice of clothing would have on the student body of BSHS. As I had pulled into the parking lot Joey spotted a couple of the gearheads waving us towards the front row. Not really understanding what they wanted I followed their directions. I knew that they won’t try something stupid in the parking lot. They may be dumb at times, but they were never that dumb, usually.

As I pulled onto the front row where the reserved spots were for the student council, head cheer leader, and the other privileged few, standing in the empty spot next to the band’s Majorite reserve spot, was Thomas Hart, Mike Sorenson, Dale Cartwright, and John Foxx. When they saw my car they started to wave me into the spot. Not one to pass up a good spot I quickly backed my car in. Yes, I said backed. I had always believed in pulling out of a parking spot head first. No way was I going to let some jackass rear end me in a parking lot if I could help it. Once parked Joey bailed out as usual to go find his friends. I took a deep breath and opened my door after grabbing my purse and keys.

As I stood to face the four main gearheads I wasn’t expecting to see what I did. All four stood there looking at me with the WTF face in full effect. None of them seemed to recognize me. In fact, Thomas didn’t. the boy actually demanded to know where I got MY car from. When I told him it was mine he said no way in hell could that car be mine. That it belonged to Robby McGuire not some girl. He and the other three were so set on the idea that I had either stole or bought my car off of me that it was too funny. I finally had to take out my driver’s license to show them that it was indeed me. That I hadn’t lost or sold my car.

If it hadn’t been for the intervention of Kelly and a few of the female members of the pit crews I doubt that Thomas and the gearheads would have believed me. My new appearance had even more of an impact on them. Kathy, Cassy, Sherry, and Charlotte were right there with Kelly as they all got the first real good look at the new me. My worse fears were realized the moment the four cheerleaders found out that I wasn’t wearing makeup. They grabbed me by the arms and dragged me into the school and to the nearest girls’ restroom. Talk about your ambush makeovers.

When I was finally allowed to step foot again in the hallways of BSHS the plane Jane look that I started the morning with was gone. In its place was a teenage beauty queen. Talk about turn heads just by walking a hallway. I hadn’t gone more than seventy feet down the main hall than Principal Corely stopped me with a confused look on his face.

“Excuse me young lady, but you need to sign in at the office. We have a policy concerning visitors. If you will please follow me?” Kelly started to giggle at hearing this. Kathy, Cassy, Sherry, and Charlotte weren’t far behind her in their own giggle fits. Mr. Corely gave them all a disapproving look. “This is not a laughing matter ladies. That policy is in place for your protection.”

“Mr. Corely you really need to take a second look at who you’re trying to keep out.” Kelly managed between giggle fits. “She is one of the students.”

“Miss. Ringwald, I know every student in this school.” Mr. Corely looked over at me. “And I can assure you that I do not know this young lady.”

I sighed and gave the man a dirty look. “Mr. Corely not only am I a student here, but I have been for the last two years. It’s me Robbie McGuire.”

It was like a light went off in his head as he finally recognized me. “Oh my! I must say Miss McGuire when I was informed of your change in status that I was most definitely wasn’t expecting such a dramatic change in appearance. Wait that didn’t come out right. What I meant to say.”

I saved the poor man any more embarrassment. After all he was a decent guy. “I understand what you’re getting at sir. Trust me, I wasn’t this dramatic of a change either. Personally, I blame my girlfriend and the ladies of my pit crew. They went and ambushed me in the parking lot for a makeover.”

The dirty looks I threw the girls got Mr. Corely laughing. “I would imagine so Robbie. Before you head to class why don’t you come on into the main office. I doubt that your old student id will do you any good anymore. While we’re in there I’ll go ahead and authorize the change in name for grades. No need for you to deal with that after you leave court tomorrow. You are due to be in court tomorrow?”

“Yes sir. I become official tomorrow.” I blushed and looked down at the floor. “I’m really sorry for causing such a stir this morning. I really do have a good reason.”

As Mr. Corely held the door open for me he just waved his hand. “No need to explain Robbie. I read your contract yesterday. Yes, I do go over what my students in the work study program are doing. Unlike that woman, I care what my students are doing with their time in that program. I must say that I was surprised about that particular clause. I never realized that a corporate entity could dictate the appearance of their employees.”

I had to chuckle at the very bluntness of the man. “Mr. Corely, you would not believe what a corporation can get away with in contracts like mine. My lawyers informed me that corporations can even put morality clauses in contracts for employees in the public eye. Why the major league sports franchises don’t use them is beyond this teenager’s understanding.”

“Sorry Robbie, but you don’t fool this old man. I know that you’re smarter than you’re putting on. But you’re right. I believe that if the major league sports franchises used morality clauses like the ones your lawyers talked about ninety percent of major league athletes would quit.” I could tell that I had hit on a passionate subject for Mr. Corely. Then I remembered one of the pictures behind his desk. It was of him and NASCAR legend Jeff Gordon. Not one of those fan poses either. This one taken in a living room somewhere, of the two of them sharing a few beers.

“Mr. Corely, I’m sorry about not getting a NASCAR contract.” I felt that I should apologize for not sticking with the heart of racing in Darlington County. Mr. Corely looked at me for a few seconds then busted out laughing.

“Forget about it Robbie. Just be sure to win one for the school and we’ll call it even. That and send me a signed poster for my wall. I want to rub it in Jeff’s face that I knew you before he did.” Mr. Corely boasted. “Yes, I can see it now. Local girl comes home to the heart of NASCAR after five years in the wilds of Formula one. I’ll be able to brag in more places than just the schoolboard.” That was it.

I busted out laughing. Right in the middle of the main office. If I could have I would have sign the poster then and there. Only I didn’t have any posters, yet. The advertising monkeys weren’t due to show up until next week. That meant the soonest I got a print of the posters would be next month. “You got a deal Mr. Corely. You’ll be the second person to get one. I promised the first one to someone special.”

“Good. I’m glad to see that you have your priorities straight by promising the first one to your girlfriend. I’ll hold you to that promised second one though, Miss. McGuire. No take backs. Understood?”

It took me a second before I realized that Mr. Corely was actually cool with me and Kelly. “Tell me something sir. What’s your stance on LGBT?”

The man sighed before answering me. “Robbie, I don’t care who a person loves or is attracted to. That is their business and none of mine. I live by the words of the great Chinese philosopher Confucius. ‘He who lives in glass house shouldn’t. Especially in day time.’ And ‘Man who makes love to woman on side of hill is not on the level.’ Remember those two sayings and life goes basically on the smooth.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Here was a man in charge of students and he is quoting half-backed jokes for a personal philosophy. He must have seen the confusion and disbelief in my eyes. “Robbie, before I became a teacher I served for ten years in the Army. I learned two very basic lessons in life during that time. One of which you have already learned the hard way. No one lives forever, we all have expiration dates. The other one is one that you need to learn.”

“What is that sir? And by the way thank you for your service. I didn’t know that you spent time in the Army. Why didn’t you stay?” I was actually impressed that there was a second veteran who was a teacher at my school.

“Keep on laughing. Life is the ultimate practical joke. Play on us poor dumb assed humans by a God with a twisted, truly fucked up, sense of humor.” Once again, my eyes bugged out of their sockets. The Principle of my school just cussed in front of a student. “So long as you remember those two rules you can do anything you want in life.”

Mr. Corely walked around behind the reception desk and pointed to the area with the camera. I walked over and stood with my back to the blank wall. He took my picture four times. Separating the pictures into individuals he handed one to Mrs. Miller the school’s secretary. Ten minutes later I had a new student id that reader Roberta L. McGuire. I was expecting the picture to look like the one you get from the DVM but not this one. It actually made me look good.

Mr. Corely handed me a note to show my teachers as I went through the day along with the id. “Just show this to your teachers Robbie. If they have any questions or give you crap. Don’t wait to call for me. Understood, young lady?”

“Yes sir. I hope I won’t have too. You have a good day, sir. You too Mrs. Miller.” I waved to them both as I left the office and headed for homeroom. I wasn’t surprised when I left the office that the girls had gone on to their homerooms. After all I was a professional racecar driver, and a grown teenager. I should be more than able to take care of myself.

My homeroom teacher just gave me a curious look as I entered the room. She must have thought that I was a new student that she hadn’t been informed of yet. Which in a very real way I was a new student. I handed her the note and took my normal seat after she read it, then handed it back. I knew that I was getting more than a few looks from the rest of the room. I decided to just say fuck ‘em and go with the flow. After all this was the new me. If they didn’t like then they could all go to hell and kiss my ass on the way. It was like Mr. Corely said. We all have an expiration date. Something I had indeed learned at a very young age. I watched as too many of the children on the ward were transferred to the hospice center for their final days.

No one asked any questions as to who I was until the end of class. I had a lot of fun with the guys. The second piece of advice from Mr. Corely kept running through my head as they fell all over themselves trying to find out who I was. When I finally broke down and told them it was a true Kodak moment. Maybe it was more like that commercial for Master Card.

Shower and hair, twenty minutes. Getting an ambush makeover by girlfriend and cronies fifteen minutes. Gaff, panties, bra, and tights thirty-seven dollars. Tan breeches one-hundred-twenty dollars. Light blue pullover turtleneck forty dollars. Tall black field boots one-hundred-ninety dollars. The stunned looks of my male classmates priceless.

Needless to say, word quickly spread like wildfire throughout the school that the hot looking new girl was really me. It didn’t take long for the bible thumpers to show their faces after that. Now I have no problem with God or the bible. No my problem is with organized religion and those that use the bible to spread hate. Not just the bible either. I don’t care what your religion is, but if you use God and his word for hate then you can drop dead. I know for a fact that he forgives everyone for their sins. I should know.

I spent enough time around death as a kid fighting cancer. I got to be real good friends with that boney mother fucker before I went into remission. There are times that I can still feel his icy grip on my heart and soul. I guess that’s one of the reasons that I race the way that I do. I lost the fear of dying a long time ago. So, a bunch of born again shit sticks with bad attitudes doesn’t scare me. The only one of that crowd that worries me is the school’s Queen Bee, Sara Rockford.

Sara is not on any of the athletic teams or the cheerleaders, but she is the Homecoming Queen and a shoe in for Prom Queen this year. She has the classical good-looking blond bombshell looks and piss poor attitude to go with them. She is the also the arch typical mean girl. She goes nowhere without her two heads right behind her, Lisa Carter, and Lorrain Smells. Between the two of them they might have a whole operational brain. They did have some redeeming qualities. Both girls knew how to use the Social Networks to get dirt on someone or spread that dirt.

I had just left second period and was heading for my last class of the day they cornered me in the east hallway. Sara lead off the attack as usual. “Who let you in here freak? This school is for God fearing Christians and upstanding morally correct people. Not gutter dwelling scum like you and that dike slut carpet muncher you call a girlfriend.”

I sighed and gave her a sad look. “You know something Sara. For an ignorant redneck self-absorbed condescending cunt, you really need to get a new book of insults. I’ve heard better from that ass wipe wind bag, Reverend Parker.”

Sara’s face was turning red with every word. She was quickly becoming blind with rage. Just as I hoped she would. When she went to slap me, she wasn’t expecting me to catch her hand in mid-swing. I pulled her in close and hissed in her face.

“Pay attention bitch. Pay real close attention, because I’m only going to tell you this once. Stay the fuck away from me, Kelly, and my friends. You don’t want me as your enemy. I’m not like the others in this school. I couldn’t care less about who the fuck is Queen Bee or who is the prettiest. But you come after the people I care about or me, I will end you. Not only will I end your sorry excuse for an existence, but I will take your whole gods be damned family with you.” With twist of my wrist I crank her arm over backwards and pin it there with enough force to send Sara to her knees. Like I said before. I learned how fight from a bunch of rowdy assed mechanics.

I looked up at the rest of her crowd. “Let me be perfectly clear, fuck heads. This is your first, last, and only warning. If what happened to the basketball team hasn’t sunken in yet. Let me break it down for you all. MRDI doesn’t play games. You come at us, and we fight back. Only we do it to fuck win. Nothing is off the board and all is fair in love and war. Like the old saying goes. If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.” I know that I was trying to growl but unfortunately the threat sounded more like a sexy purr.

“Miss. McGuire, I hope that you’re not planning on carrying out that threat on school grounds young lady?” The voice of Mr. Harper behind me was the only thing that kept me from breaking Sara’s arm just then. “I know that you have ample reason for breaking that arm, but this is not the place. Understood?”

Yah, I understood alright. So long as the bible thumping bitch was on school grounds she could act however she wanted. If she didn’t step over the line. As much as I hated it they were protect by the law and rules of the school. Until they stepped over the fucking line. Sadly Mr. Harper would protect the bible thumpers just as much as he would protect me and my crews. I let go of Sara’s arm and stepped back.

“Thank you, Miss. McGuire. I suggest that you take your seat while I deal with your ‘friends’.” I swear I could hear the air quotes when Mr. Harper said friends. I smiled and headed inside the classroom as Mr. Harper lit into the churchy crowd. I guess he must have been a Drill Sergeant at one time. Because I have never heard an ass chewing like the one he was handing out to the churchy bible thumping crowd. Even with the door closed everyone in the classroom could hear the old man going to town. Me, I wanted to cheer him on.

I knew that this wasn’t over with that bunch, especially Sara. That was just something I would have to deal with either on the streets or on the back roads of Darlington county. That was for later though. Right now I needed to just keep my mind on the problem at hand. U.S. Government studies. The one class that I hated more than Advanced Algebra. Thank the gods of education that I no longer have to deal with that pain in the ass class. I was more than a little surprised when Mr. Harper didn’t join us until almost halfway through the period. When he finally did return he just told us to open our books and read chapter 10 and answer the questions at the end. We all just did as ordered. Nobody wanted to piss him off today.

At the end of class I just grabbed my books and headed for my locker. After grabbing what I needed for homework I head for my car. As I exited the building I saw the guys and gals for the pit crews waiting at their cars. I waved to them and they all climbed in their cars. I throw my book bag in the back seat along with my purse. I knew where I had to be this afternoon. I was looking forward to it in more ways than one. Today is the first day of working with the pit crew.

Even as I was pulling out of the parking lot the music pumping out my speakers was already filling my blood. Steve Earle performing Copperhead Road. I never thought about the meaning behind the words but for Darlington County they fit. After all this was the home of the Southern 500. This song spoke to the heart and roots of NASCAR. Bootleggers running shine. I may have ended up with a Formula One contract, but my heart will always belong to NASCAR.

I was surprised when I pulled into the parking lot for MRDI. I knew that MRDI sat on just over fifty acres of land with ten of that just for the employee parking lot, office and manufacturing building. Those ten acres were all towards the front of the property. The rest of the acreage was paved over and used as a training area for pit crews. Mom and dad bought up the land around their garage over the years little by little until they had the whole fifty acres track just for MRDI. I asked why we need all that land once especially that back forty with all that pavement. Mom just told me that it was for the day MRDI got their first racing team. I never expected to be one of those making use of that land.

Off to the right side of the building were four Mobile locker room shower trailers from JAG mobile solutions. I knew that the garage had a locker room. I didn’t understand why we needed the trailers. I parked and reached for my gym bag as I got out of the car. Mom and dad were standing in the lobby as I entered. I swore that mom had that smile again. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that says I got a surprise for you and you’re not going to like it.

“You can use the shower trailers that the other girls are using Robbie.” She ordered as she pointed at the nearest two. “The far ones are reserved for the boys.”

“Hold on here a moment mom. I’m still technically a boy. Remember?” I countered. “And why aren’t we using the shower and locker room inside?”

“That may be true dear, but remember that little clause in your contract?”

“Ah shit! You got to be kidding me?” She had me, and we both knew it. I had accepted the bullshit about appearing as feminine as possible at all times.

“Nope. Besides, this is every teenage boy’s wet dream come true. Free access to the girls’ locker room. As for why we’re using the Jag Solution trailers we don’t have enough lockers in the normal shop locker room. That and we never figured on having to make accommodations for young ladies.” The smirk on mom’s face let me know what she felt about that. “Besides dear, with your current physical appearance it would be far too dangerous for you to use the boy’s locker room.”

I just grumbled and head for one of the nearest trailers. I ran into Kathy, and the other cheerleaders as I got near the first trailer. I was a little surprised to find my girlfriend Kelly with them. I didn’t even know she was in the work study program for the teams. “Hi ya Kelly. What brings you here?”

Kelly huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Talk about getting ignored. I swear there are times that I should slap on a pair of whitewalls to get her damned attention. I don’t know which she loves more. Me or that damned Judge of hers.”

That got the rest of the girls to laughing and me to blushing. “I am not that bad.”

It was almost as one as the gathered girls all shouted. “Yes you are!”

That was it. This means war. “You do know that I can always have an accident in the pit by running over your toes?”

“Let’s move it ladies. That means you too Robbie.” I looked over and was surprised to see Coach Hall. “We finally got both drivers here today and I want to go over team drills. Now move it!”

I looked at the girls as they hauled ass into the trailer. With a sigh I joined them. For some reason I had this feeling that Coach Hall won’t brook any arguments from me about being a boy. As I walked down the lengths of the lockers I found that there were dividers between each locker area. It took me a few seconds to realize that this trailer was lockers only. The two trailers acted together to form a full locker room. The other one held the shower stalls. These trailers were normally used in emergency response areas. I wondered who was paying for these monsters as I changed into my gym clothes.

Once changed I joined the others teens outside the trailer. Coach Hall was standing there in her dark blue track suite with her feet slightly apart and hands on hips. Laid out in the parking lot was a set of orange traffic cones. I took one look and dreaded the next words out of Coach’s mouth. “Okay people, we’ll start off with stretching and then some wind sprints. Pair up and help each other out. Bobbie, Kelly, you two find someone else to pair with. I don’t need the ragging hormones going into overdrive. Come on people we’re burning daylight.”

For the next forty-five minutes the woman busted our humps nonstop. Coach Hall was relentless in our physical conditioning. When we hit the time for wind sprints she was right there with us. She pushed herself as hard as us teens. After forty-five minutes of nothing but wind sprints she give us a fifteen minute break while she went to go find Jim Hailee and Bob Marks. Our respective Crew Chiefs.

When the three adults returned I knew we were in for a real ass kicker of a time. I wasn’t disappointed. Chief Hailee smiled as he stood in front of us. “Okay, boys and girls, time for you to get some hands-on training. Beth, Robbie, go suit up. The boys are bringing out both cars. We’re going to give your pit crews their introduction to pit stop procedures. Don’t worry we got ya covered.”

I wanted to say something but I knew better than to argue with Jim Hailee. I just did as the old man told me. With Beth hot on my heels I hit the locker room. Ten minutes later we walked back outside to find the new cars waiting for us in the back lot. I watched as the pit box equipment was setup on the far ends of the back lot away from the trailers. I knew what the two Crew Chiefs were up to the minute I saw the pit box setups. There were front and rear jacks, with the former having a swivel feature so the mechanic can move out of the way sooner and then release the car. The jacks have a quick release lever, no powered device can be used. Each corner of the car gets two pneumatic wheel guns, in case one of them fails, operating on compressed air. The system is hugely sophisticated and has changed considerably over the years. Mechanics have buttons on the wheel guns to signal when a stop has been made, but may also raise their hands too. There is also the light system, which hangs from the pit gantry. This also houses CCTV cameras, air lines and trigger wiring for the wheel guns.

With everything setup Chief Marks stepped in front of us all. “Okay kids, today we’re going to go over what actually happens in a pit spot. Now, each of you have been assigned your individual positions. Before any of you young ladies bitch about not being on the jacks we have a valid reason for that. None of these jacks are a powered device. They’re pure muscle powered. That means all upper body strength. They are also heavy son-of-bitches and have to be out of the way the second the car is dropped. This is why we have the guys on the jacks, fire extinguishers, and starters. All of these pieces of equipment are the heaviest and require a lot of upper body strength. Now the tires, tire guns, and wing adjusters don’t weigh near what those three pieces of equipment do. They require speed and dexterity. That’s where you gals shine over the lug heads.”

I had to keep from laughing at the way Chief Marks was describing why each member was assigned to each position. When he looked over at me and Beth I knew what was coming as he pointed at us. “Those two may be the ones in the spot light, but we’re the ones that make or break a team. A piss poor pit stop can cost the driver two to three positions on the track. A piss poor pit stop can lose a race. Understand kiddies, races can be won or lost on pit row. You lose me a race on pit row and you do not want to be in the garage the next day.”

Beth quirked her lips and whispered to me. “You can say that, again.”

I had to do it. In a gruff and gravelly voice just barely above a whisper. “You lose me a race on pit row and you do not want to be in the garage the next day.”

I must not have been as quite as I thought because Marks turned on me. “You think I’m joking, Robbie? You can just give me twenty for that wise ass. Start pushing.”

I just groaned and got down in the classical pushup position. I had forgotten that Chief Marks was a Marine Drill Sergeant at one time. In a clear voice I called out. “One Crew Chief Marks, two Crew Chief Marks.”

“About time you decided to show me the proper respect you little pain in my ass.” Chief Marks grunted before turning back to the gathered pit crews. “Where was I? Oh yes, drivers get the glory sure but we are the ones that give them the tools to get the job done. From the time a driver brings the car onto pit row to reentering the race is a total time of fifteen seconds for a good pit stop.” Kathy Hall held up her hand. “You have a question young lady?”

“Yes, sir. You said that the total time was fifteen seconds for a good pit stop. Could you break that down for us sir. Just so we understand each part.”

Chief Hailee chuckled as Marks stood there stunned by the teenager’s request. “I told you Marks. These are not your everyday grease monkeys. Every last one of them is a high school athlete. They need more than just an I told so for an answer. Think of them as recruits in Basic Training and show the same respect.”

“I know that you told me, we were bringing in high schoolers, but I thought this was just a show stunt. Sorry about not taking it seriously.” Marks looked over at Kathy. “Young lady you just asked a very complicated question that requires an exacting answer. Let’s take it step by step. One lap before the stop even starts I let the driver know that we’re pitting. With a countdown of ten seconds they enter pit row. This is when the pit clock starts people. At three seconds they approach the garage. Now by this time you are all in your assigned positions waiting for the driver to enter the box. This is where timing and choreography come into play. You have a question young man?”

Greg Stokes had raised his hand. “Yes sir. When you say choreography, what do you mean by that?”

“Just like in football Greg every team member has a set job to do at a set time. Think of it as running a passing play. Only this time the quarterback is sitting behind the wheel of a sixteen hundred pound demon of speed keeping it under control. As the front jack man you not only show the driver where to stop, but start the whole tire change process. Your position is one of the most dangerous and most important. Let me add one more thing people. Safety is rule one through ten in the pits. You disrespect these cars and they can hurt or kill you. Never take your eyes off that car. Does that answer your question?” Marks smiled at Greg as he answered the boy’s very clearly asked question.

“Yes sir. Thank you for explaining.”

“I want all of you kids to understand something right here and now. This is more than just a job for you kids. This is also a classroom. You will all learn more than just your positions in the pits. You will learn every inch of the cars that your individual drivers push to their limits.” Chief Hailee told us all. “You got questions you better fucking ask them. Like the old saying goes there are no dumb questions. Okay Bob continue with the breakdown.”

“Where was I?” Chief Marks asked.

“At the stop Chief Marks.” Kelly answered.

“Thank you, young lady. Oh I will learn all of your names over the next few weeks. I’ll also most likely stick you with a nickname. Think of it as a sign of respect people. Because I don’t give out nicknames to just anybody.” I chuckled at Bob Marks’ very blunt statement. He was notorious for forgetting people’s names. I think every member of MRDI has a nickname thanks to him.

“As I was saying the front jack man needs to be lined up and waiting for the car to pull in. The driver only keeps their foot on the break. They do not shutdown the engine. During the first second the wheel gun crews remove the lug nut while the jack men raise the car off the ground. By the one point five second mark the wheel off crew has pulled the old tire, and the wheel on crew is mounted the new tire. By the one point eight to two second mark the gun crew is tightening down the lug nut. By the two point one-five mark the jack men drop the car and the driver is on their way out of the box. That is a total time of two point five seconds for the actual stop. In the past we were allowed to refuel in the pits but due to changes in the rules we no longer have to worry about that.” Marks looked at the stunned and disbelieving faces of the teenagers.

He chuckled at this turn of events. “If any of you doubt the time just go to Youtube Crashyard.com F1 Top 10 Fastest Pit Stops of 2016. The world record time is one point nine-two seconds. The average time in the pit is two point five to two point six seconds. Now, we don’t expect you to have those types of times right now, but you should be able to get in somewhere around four to five seconds. Right now, we want procession over speed. Over time you’ll get your times down to the two to three second mark. Now head over to your assigned pit areas. Those of you on Robbie’s team have the forward pit and Beth’s team the back pit.”

As I slipped into the driver’s seat I knew that this was where I belonged. I waited patiently for the starter to kick the engine over. I knew that I wouldn’t be getting up to speed in the back lot but that didn’t matter. Today was all about introducing my pit crew to their positions and their jobs. I knew mine. I was a little surprised when Bob Marks took his position at my pit box. I was expecting Jim Hailee to be my Crew Chief. I took it in, stride as I knew that we would be moving crew members and Crew Chiefs around over the next few weeks. Beth and I didn’t have a lot of input on who went where on the pit crews. Our jobs where simple. Take the cars and drive them to the edge on the track to win.

For the next four hours Beth and I made pit stop after pit stop. Every time the crews got a little faster. Towards the end of the day I wanted out of the car badly. My ass had gone numb, my legs were starting to cramp, and I needed to pee badly. The less glamorous aspects of being a professional racer were making themselves known to me during the day’s training. Chief Marks wouldn’t let me take a break when I wanted one. He reminded that there would be hours of body killing stress spent on the tracks. He also pointed out that I won’t be able to just climb out and take a pee break in the middle of a race.

By the time Hailee and Marks called a stop for the day I was well done. So was Beth. We both needed help in climbing out of the cars. I was glad Coach Hall was here to help train us kids in the physical areas. Because I have a feeling, I too, need to get my happy ass in shape. If just practicing pit stops for four hours could do this to me. Then I was in need of some major PT. I thought that I was in good enough shape to handle driving a racer, but I was wrong. I felt like a ragdoll when I finally climbed out of the seat.

“Looks like both of our drivers need some good old endurance training.” Coach Hall commented to Marks and Hailee. “Don’t worry, I’ll get the little darlings whipped into shape in next to no time. The same goes for the rest of this sorry lot. The only ones that are in any type of condition for this type of work is the cheerleaders. I would have expected the football and baseball players to have at least kept up with their weight training. I’m even more disappointed in the girls. I had most of them in my PE classes. I know that they were better trained for their individual sports. To be totally honest I think we need to start with the basics for all of them. Weight training for strength, aerobics for conditioning, and endurance training to give the needed stamina to handle the stress.”

I looked over at the guys that made up the pit crews. They looked like they had been put through the meat grinder. The girls weren’t much better off. It was exactly like Coach Hall said. The only ones not wrung out were the cheerleaders. I had a very bad feel about the future under this woman’s eye towards training. I mean she was, at one time, a professional cheerleader and aerobics instructor, before becoming the Phis. Ed. Teacher and Cheer Coach for our school.

I looked over at the rest of the team. They were all athletes. I had never really thought about the toll that the stress of a race took on a driver’s body. I was in good shape for normal teenager, but nowhere near where I needed to be physically as a professional racer. If I wanted to win races, I needed to be in shape just as much as my pit crew need to be. If not more so. I was brought out of my thoughts by Coach Hall asking me a question for the second time. “Robbie are you going to answer me? I asked you what type of physical training, do you have?”

“Sorry Coach. I was trying to think about how to answer that question. I’ve never really done anything like physical training. Most just using the treadmill and elliptical trainer at the house.” I was honest with the woman. I saw no need to try and butch up what wasn’t there. When she heard this, Coach Hall gave me a smile. I felt a chill run down my spine at her smile. Turning to Kathy, her daughter. “Kathy, is it a good thing when your mom smiles like that?”

“Robbie, all I can say is you just gave my mom the keys to the candy factory.” The dead seriousness of Kathy’s answer made me want to run. Her next words just confirmed this. “She is a true sadist when it comes to this stuff, and you just gave her a dream come true. A virgin for torture on the alter of Physical Fitness. It’s been nice knowing you.”

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