“Eine Kleine Nachtmusik …”
(Apologies to W.A.M. Formerly titled…A Wee Bit O’ Seasonal Fluff – Version 6.0.1)

By Kelly Blake

This would be my first ‘adult’ New Year’s Eve party. Well… It wasn’t really mine. My sister Emily, I call her Emme, invited me to join her for the event. I’d been living with her for the past three years; ever since my folks decided that my method of ‘self-expression’ didn’t work well for them.

My sister believed differently. Emme believed that what I chose to show, how I chose to present myself, was indeed who I really was. She often said that she wished she was born beautiful like me and not simply smart. I always differed with her. In my eyes she was the absolute pinnacle of femininity. And if it wasn’t for the abomination between my legs, I’d like to think I’d be at least half way upward toward that peak.

I was hoping he would be at the party though there was little hope of that. Most of the students went home and the few that remained were mostly foreign or lived too far away to make the trip home. I thought he was gorgeous but we never had reason or situation calling for us meet let alone to converse.

I first time saw him, early in the semester, was during his playing a strange game with something that looked kind of like a hockey stick. Perspiration matted his brownish red hair down across his face. I had watched him play for some time hoping he would see me. I had no idea of what to say to him should we ever collide. But I would have given anything to gaze into his pale blue-grey eyes from up close…and personal.

I would go to the soccer fields every chance I could in hope of seeing him. I would rest upon a towel spread across the grass along with other students. Whilst they sunbathed or simply slept, I would sit up with a book open and search for him. I found that Tuesdays and Fridays were the usual gathering for this somewhat unusual game. The players were mostly foreign students.

He had this tattoo across his upper arm. The design was amazing because the lettering appeared to be like old English or Gothic. It read; ‘Níl Ach Dia Ag Breithiúnas Orm’. I had no idea of what it meant or even what language it was. But the complex design was in green and gold. On his other upper arm, ‘Tiocfaidh Ar La’ appeared in the same style.

Every time I spotted him I would get this trembling feeling; almost like an electrical shock. Whenever I saw him on the athletic field, I so badly wanted to run up to him and rub against his sweaty body. Whilst this wasn’t the first time I’d felt that tingling thingy around a guy, seeing him was the most amazingly intense sensation ever.

On occasion the sensations caused by simply thinking about him kept me awake at night. I would touch myself, what little there was to touch, just thinking about what he felt like, smelt like, and tasted like. I thought of how amazing simply kissing him would be with his strong arms wrapped around me and pulling my body into his.

But why would I think that could ever happen? It simply wouldn’t and couldn’t. We weren’t in the same universe. I never saw him anywhere else. And how could I explain myself to him? How could I explain myself to any guy…at least at this moment? ‘This kit comes with extra parts’ simply wouldn’t do. And until those ‘extra parts’ were ‘herstory’ (not a typo), I was doomed to a world of daydreams and ‘what ifs’.

My main concern at the moment though was looking good for this party. My sister’s colleagues would be there as well as some of the graduate students. As a freshman I would be the youngest attending. And now that I at least had just enough to fill out a ‘Barely There’ bra, I could be somewhat stylish and look ‘adult’.

It’s questionable who envies whom more. I envied Emme being a size six to eight and she envied my size zero to two. She was always saying how I had a model’s figure. Of course I’d grind my teeth and bite my tongue realizing that her off handed remark was really meant as a compliment.

We shopped together for dresses though. She’d admire my slinkiness and I’d envy her cleavage and ‘curvage’? That’s not to say we had a competition going because our sense of style and mode of dress was so very different. After all, she was an associate professor and I was but a student still in her teens, albeit late teens? So her hotness was on a different level than mine.

I was going to wear an amazing silver sequined bodycon dress. It was sleeveless with a cowl neck and an asymmetrical hem that fell to mid-calf at its lowest point. The price was way extravagant for my student work-study pay and my stipend. But Emme always came to my rescue making up the difference.

Emme always made up the difference and in many more ways than simply money. She was the one who took me to Planned Parenthood where I could get the hormones and treatment I needed. She went through the hassle of getting the state to list me as an ‘F’ and not an ‘M’. She arranged all the on campus professional appointments I needed.

Emme even did the name change thingy, which wasn’t all that great a stretch. Samuel became Samantha and Sammy became Sammi. And being over twenty-one she could sign whatever needed signing. My mom and dad would never have even considered doing so.

The joy I felt when she went through all the hassle was overwhelming. My tears of joy still flow even thinking about it all. The stretch of my ‘changing’ wasn’t nearly as far for her. She always thought of me as her sister from the first time she caught me in her shoes and wearing one of her dresses. I was at her vanity trying to put her cosmetics on my face.

Rather than become angry or hysterical with laughter, Emme simply smiled gently. It was as if she knew what I was only beginning to discover. I was in the wrong body, at least from a gender perspective. Emme sat down on the bench seat next to me, removed the disaster from my face, and began to apply the various semi-liquids and powders properly.

Emme was as stunned as I was with the results. What I saw in the vanity mirror was almost exactly what I pictured in my mind. From that day on, I became her sister and she treated me as such. We shopped together. She bought me things that actually fit me and cosmetics that suited a pre-teen girl experimenting with colors.

We kept my things in her bedroom closet where they’d go unnoticed by our mom. I would only dress up when she was around so she could keep me guarded and help me learn to do my face. Within several sessions I began to become somewhat proficient with the various applications and applicators.

Emme even helped me hone my already budding fashion sense. I would sit in her bedroom with her and leaf through the fashion magazines she purchased. I suppose that’s when I truly began to develop that exact image of myself that I spent the next six years chasing. And although that image is nearly perfect, I still had a wee bit, no pun intended, of chasing to do.

As I donned my sheer black thigh highs and slipped my feet into my new sparkling silver glitter kitten heeled pumps, I envisioned the true me emerging once again. I smiled at that image as I grabbed a black smock to wear during my makeup application. It wouldn’t do to mess up my newly acquired party dress with cosmetic residue.

Emme’s old vanity was now mine. I sat just as I had for so many prior years and began the ritual of doing my face. First came the moisturizer and then the various primers for my eyes, face and lips. Although the motions were now mechanical, I would stop at every stage to carefully gaze in the mirror as my true self emerged.

We had been to the salon just the prior day to have our nails done and our hair trimmed. Our styles were similar. She favored the modified wedge and I loved my classic bob cut. I had my hair colored silvery to kind of match my dress…sort of. Emme had her nails done in a rose tinted clear polish and I went more dramatic with a deep red wine color.

I wanted my nail color to match my lips. I’d read that the easiest way to draw attention to one’s lips was to bring one’s hand toward one’s mouth. The color of my nails would immediately draw attention to the lips if they matched. I think Emme was kind of past that sort of thing but I was only just arriving?

Doing my eyes always took the longest time. Their pale blue-grey color opened the door to almost every color in my various palettes. For this evening I would go with a metallic slate grey shade with smoke grey over it. The highlight in the center of my lids would be bright silver. This might have been overkill in lieu of my silver dress and shoes but hey…I’m a teenager and overkill comes with the territory.

I had a vast assortment of cheap silver wire jewelry purchased on the net. The crystal highlights were in shades of pink and rose. I think the most expensive piece was all of twelve dollars but I treasured each ring, earring, babble and bangle as if they were platinum and rubies or emeralds.

I had this ring fetish anyway and always wore at least four or five of them. I always purchased two sets of the same earrings so that I had the option of filling the double piercings in my ears with the same dangling sets. I could also wear two different pairs or, if I was feeling really rad, wear four unmatched earrings.

This would drive Emme crazy. She was slightly OCD and the unmatched earrings went right to the core of her sense of order. Sometimes I would wear sneakers that didn’t match which would really drive her bat shit. It wasn’t intentional. It would just kind of happen in an early morning rush to get to class or work.

But tonight would be a first. I was transitioning from the teeny look to that of a woman. I chose every ring carefully and tried on every earring set I owned until I was satisfied that the look was as perfect as I could envision.

“Hey…” Emme shouted from her room down the hall. “How’re you doing?”

“I think I’m almost there.” I shouted back.

I managed to clip the silver bib necklace with the pink crystals after three attempts. I gazed in the full-length mirror on my closet door. I loved the way the silver seemed to disappear leaving the crystals seemingly hanging magically from the dress.

I turned my head from side to side and watched the matching colored crystals swing across my cheeks. The three-inch length was perfectly accenting my long and slender neck. I gazed down at my hands and the same crystals overshadowed the silver ring settings. Their lighter color was a nice contrast to my nail color.

Just as I nodded my head and smiled at myself, Emme entered my bedroom. We basically had an open door policy. The only time the door was ever closed was for the need of a little privacy. Then a knock was required. Otherwise we roamed freely back and forth between our bedrooms.

“Jesus baby doll…” Emma grinned. “You look amazing.”

“Yeah…?” I blushed and smiled. “You really think so?”

“Honey bear… I wouldn’t say so if I didn’t think so.” Emme chuckled. “I swear you look like your primed to go hunting.”

“Pardon…?” What…?

“You know.” She giggled. “Like for guys…?”

“Oh…” I lost my smile. ‘As if…’ I thought.

“Don’t worry sweet heart. It’ll happen when you’re ready.”

I gazed at her sadly.

“And…” Emme quickly added. “It’ll happen when it’ll happen.”

Emme came up behind me and placed her hands upon my shoulders. She looked over my shoulders and into the mirror.

“You really look so beautiful. Why was I born smart instead?” She snickered.

“You look so amazing though.” I replied as I gazed at her reflection. “I wish…”

“You wish… You wish… There’s nothing wrong with the way you look; the way you are. You are perfect baby doll.” She hugged me. “You look elegantly slutty and perfectly attired for any party.” She laughed. “I wish I could look that good.”

Emme did look amazing. She wore the electric blue metallic halter dress that fell to just below her knees. The piece really accented the deep blue of her eyes. And it offered just the slightest hint of side boob which really made me envious. I was always a bit surprised that she didn’t have a steady boyfriend or something. But at least she was getting invited out on dates.

I sighed and pulled my hem down just a bit. I suddenly felt overcome with sadness. In spite of the acquaintances I’d made at work and at school, I felt lonely. I wanted direly to be with a guy who I could call a true friend. Thinking as I did always came back to the same issue. How do I explain myself and what happens next.

“Okay sweet heart…” My sister smiled at me. “Hit the perfume and let’s get going. It’s almost eight.”

I slipped back into my bathroom and reached for a scent that was a bit on the spicy side. Emme liked her scents more on the flowery or fruity end of the perfume spectrum. I misted the air and walked through it feeling the tiny droplets alit on my face and neck. I quickly glanced one last time in the mirror and finally felt complete; or at least as complete as I would be this evening.

I grabbed my silver metal clutch and my maroon woolen cloak. Emme already had filled the clutch with the very few essentials I would need; lipstick, tissues, student I.D. and my keys. I met her at the foot of the steps putting on a lovely silk coat. The night was chilled for us. Once the temperature drops below seventy degrees, our ‘winter coats’ come out.

Finding parking wasn’t a problem at all. We were in a lot just across from the student center area. A light breeze caused the palm trees to make a clacking sound. Several others people were walking toward the buildings. There was no mistaking the formal dresses or tuxedos as being people going to anything other than the same party.

I began to become nervous about being there with all those professor and grad student types. They would be so much more educated and certainly more sophisticated then I was. Indeed I would be the token ‘child’?

“Hi Doctor O’Neill…”

A voice spoke from behind us. Emme and I turned to see who it was.

“Oh…” Emme said. “Good evening Jerry… And happy New Year…”

Emme extended her hand and the tall man shook it.

“And this is my sister Samantha.” She turned to me. “Sammi… This is Jerry. He’s one of the graduate assistants in the department.”

I smiled coyly and blushed as I put out my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you Sammi. You both look so gorgeous tonight.” Jerry smiled warmly.

“Why thank you Jerry.” Emme chuckled. “It’s a change for all of us. It’s amazing how different our perception of people can be when we see them out of context.”

Emme and Jerry spoke as we all entered the building. I noticed Jerry kept sneaking glances at me. I couldn’t help but smile and blush. There was a student checking coats and we gave ours over. The sounds of laughter could be heard from what was the faculty dining room. I’d eaten there with Emme several times before. But usually it was a staff party or something.

Both our faces lit up when we walked it. The room was decorated quite brightly with various symbols of the time of the year. One of the male professors even dressed as ‘Father Time’ complete with scythe and a woman was dressed as a Baby New Year. There was a band from the music school playing classical music. Nearly everybody had a drink in one hand and an hor d’oeuvre in the other.

We stood at the door for a moment as Emme surveyed the faces. She finally broke into a grin and waved at a man and a woman at the other end of the room. Emme promptly took my hand and led me across the room to where they stood. I recognized the man as one of Emme’s colleagues. The woman was his girlfriend…or wife?

They greeted one another with handshakes and cheek kisses. After being introduced, I glanced around looking for the food and the bar. I was dying for something to eat and a coke. After the perfunctory greetings on my part I managed to slip away as they engaged in conversation.

As I crossed the room and slipped between the tables and chairs, I finally saw a woman walking around with a tray of munchables and, rushing up to her, I took one in each hand. They were stuffed mushrooms and they felt amazing going down into my tummy. I turned and saw the bar set up in the corner of the room; the next stop on my very short list of to dos. And, as I quickly walked toward it, I spotted a table with trays and platters of goodies. That would be stop number two.

Just as I was about to get in the short line, that guy Jerry came up to me. I mean he was kind of cute but def not my type. He seemed to be way to preppy and…full of himself?

“Hey Sammi…” His smile was too big. “You look gorgeous in that dress. What would you like to have?”

He worked his way in front of me. As if…! I was going to have a coke or something but I thought I would shit test him.

“Well…?” I gazed up at him with my best doe-eyed expression. “I’d love a white wine.” I smiled demurely.

“Are you even old enough to drink?” He smiled wryly. “How about a soda or something…?”

“Emme lets me have a glass of wine sometimes.” I widened my eyes even more.

“Well… Maybe she’ll let you have one with dinner. But I can’t get you that.”

Fail…!!!

“Okay…” I said sadly. “A coke would be okay.”

Jerry handed me the soda and began to talk away about himself; what he was doing and had planned in life and how great a professor my sister was. In other words, he was trying to entice me to get naked with him and rub up against me…or something. But the more he spoke, the more bored I became. I smiled and listened and nodded my head as I gazed over at all the food I was missing.

Just as I was getting ready to scream, a voice came from behind me.

“I need be speaking with you.”

It was a deep commanding voice. I couldn’t quite place the accent but his brogue sounded perhaps Scot or Irish; ‘Oye need be spaikin’ wit hew’. I turned to see who it could be and it was him! The very same ‘him’ I always wanted to meet but was too afraid to approach. He gazed at Jerry with his amazing blue grey eyes…just slightly paler than mine.

“Would you be excusing us for a few minutes?” He wasn’t really asking Jerry nor did his gaze waver. “We need speak.”

“Oh…” Jerry looked from him down to me and back up at him. “Oh… Sure… No problem…”

And off Jerry went…thankfully. I turned to look at my savior. He was a lot taller than I first thought. And a bit broader in the shoulders as well… He was wearing a tuxedo that was finely tailored. His white shirt was perfectly starched and the black bow tie was real; not one of those cheesy clip on thingys.

But what totally captivated me were his eyes. In the slightly dimmed light that reflected off my dress they appeared to be quite grey. And his smile was dazzling. I stood there simply staring at him and giggling like a fool.

“You appeared to be in need of a rescue.” He rolled his ‘rrrrrr’s’ as he spoke and then chuckled.

“Yeah…” I giggled and blushed. “Seriously…”

“Graduate students are full of themselves. Is he one of your sister’s slaves?” He asked and chuckled.

“Are you in the psyche department? You know my sister?” I’d not seen him up in the offices or around the building.

“No… I met your sister a few moments ago.” He smiled.

“How did you know she was my sister?”

“Oh… I have my ways you know…” He grinned. “Sammi is it?”

“She told you my name?” Now I was a bit put off.

“I did need to ask her.” He smiled so…so confidently.

“What else did she tell you?” I crossed my arms and tapped my toe. “Have you been stalking me or something?” I was slightly upset now.

“And if I was…? Would you not say you’ve been eyeing me when I was at hurling?” He smiled slyly. “And what do you call that? Lurking…? Or stalking I should think?” He laughed as I turned scarlet, smiled coyly, and gazed down at my shoes.

“What else did she say?”

Did she tell him my secret? And what was ‘hurling’? It certainly wasn’t the hurling my peers do when they’ve too much to drink.

“Nothing really other than on rare occasions you do like a glass of white wine.” He produced a glass of wine from behind his back with a grin.

“She didn’t say that.” I snickered as I took the glass from him.

“Well…” He looked off for a moment. “Perhaps not… But where I come from you can surely have a wee bit of a taste now and then. It’s almost a moral imperative. And I heard you ask for one.”

I looked around for a place to ditch my soda.

“Here… Let’s have at that.”

I handed him the cup and he turned and reached out to place it upon a table.

“What’s your name anyway…” I asked, smiling again.

“Well… For sure it’s not ‘anyway’.” He laughed. “I am called Brendan.”

“Brendan…” I repeated with a smile. “I haven’t seen you around the school except for the playing field.”

“I’m with the music school.” He said with a nod. “I play piano, violin, G-string harp, Irish flute...” He went on to name several other instruments I’d never even heard of. “But what I really enjoy the most is composition.”

“Why…? Aren’t you good enough to perform?” I teased.

“I’ve never had a problem, or a complaint for that matter…’ He said off handed. “…with my performance.” He grinned slyly.

‘This guy has no problem with shit tests either’ I thought to myself. But could he deal with the ‘real’ me…as I am?

“But…” His expression softened. “I have ideas…sounds and themes in my mind.”

Brendan hooked my arm and led me over to one of the tables. He pulled out a chair and motioned for me to sit…which I did. He pulled out the one next to mine and sat facing me, his arm on the table top.

“So… What do you study here?” Brendan asked, his eyes sparkling in the dimmed light.

“Psychology… It seemed like the way to go…at least for now.” I smiled and quickly asked; “Where are you from? It sounds like you’re from Scotland or someplace.”

“Well…” He laughed. “Someplace would be the more likely answer. I was born in a small town called Kilcar. We lived there for a few years. But when I was seven, our family had to move to Derry and then Belfast where they could find a proper teacher for me. But I now call Sligo my home.”

He’s Irish? I recognized the name Belfast but I’d never heard an accent as thick as his.

“Kilcar…? Dairy…?” I’d never heard of them.

“No…” Brendan laughed. “Derry… Some call it Londonderry. It comes from this word.”

He took a pen out of his inside jacket pocket and wrote on the cloth napkin. Then he turned the napkin around for me to see. He had written the word ‘doire’.

“It’s pronounced Derry and it means an oak grove.” Brendan smiled softly.

“So…” I was trying to understand. “Why do some call it Londonderry? It’s not like London…is it?”

“No…” He said sadly. “It’s not like London at all. As for the name…well…perhaps we shall save that for another time. T’is a long and not very pretty picture to be painted I’m afraid.”

He said ‘another time’. That caused me to smile…and my mind to wander just a bit.

“And your tattoos… They’re in what… I mean the language.” I giggled.

“You are the observant one.” He chuckled. “Well…” Brendan sat forward and closer to me. “They are in Gaelige. T’is our language you see.” He smiled.

“What do they say…or mean?” I said wide eyed.

“Aren’t you the one…?” He laughed. Heartily this time... “Full of questions and such.”

I giggled and blushed. Here was this amazing guy and I had to know everything. I mean… He wasn’t your typical douche bag trying to score. I didn’t think he had any problem in that area. I kind of felt special in that he bothered to find out a little about me; although asking my sister that stuff seemed a bit…weird?

“So… How do you say them and what do they mean?”

Brendan pronounced each word…slowly. The sounds were totally alien to me, but not without appeal. Of course the ‘ch’ sounds were sort of weird and the ‘th’ was simply not there. But the rolling ‘rrr’s’ delighted my ears and invoked a wee bit of envy. And from what I remembered, the letters didn’t match up to the sounds.

“What does that mean?” I asked, amazed at his seeming fluency in his language.

“It translates: ‘Only God judges me’.”

“That’s rather strong.”

“In Derry, and in Belfast, across the Shankill, you needed to be.” He laughed. “We did not live in the nicer part of those towns.”

“And the other...?” I expected something as…interesting? “What does that say?”

Brendan did the same with the few words. I was amazed that the letters didn’t seem to match up to the usual sounds at all…not at all. It sounded like ‘tookey are la’.

“It means; ‘Our day will come.’” He chuckled.

“And what does that mean?”

“Well… Truth to tell it shows that I’m a Republican.” He was quick to add. “That’s a very good thing to be where I come from.” He laughed.

“Oh…?” I giggled. “Derry and Belfast sound like and interesting places.”

“Well… Not as nearly as lovely as Miami for sure...”

“And why is that?”

I leaned in toward him lessening the distance between us even more. Now we were virtually inches from one another. He took my hand in his. In spite of my longish fingers my hand seemed to disappear in his.

“Because I never would have seen…or met you.” He smiled.

Our eyes locked for a moment. I blushed, smiled, and gazed downward at my shoes.

“Back home… In Kilcar…” My eyes glanced up into his. “When you’re thinking serious about a person…a woman…you ask her father or her guardian’s permission to approach them. We don’t hide the way we feel about someone.”

Sacred feces…! I didn’t know whether that was dumb…or très romantic. I mean who asks anyone’s permission to simply chat up someone else? The serious part was totally frightening to me. I would need to let him know sometime soon…and that sometime might come quicker than I ever thought…or wanted for that matter.

“Now mind you…” He sat back just a bit but held my hand captive. “Life is a wee bit different in the cities. And Derry for sure is a large city. But my people are from the West; a very small town where everybody knows everybody. And out there we still speak the language so that outsider’s know who and what we are. Not asking permission could bring…troubles.” He paused for a moment. “For sure…” He grinned impishly.

“I think it’s kind of nice. There’s no sneaking about.”

I covered our hands with my free one. I did it before I even realized it was done.

“And what of your mum and da…? I would guess you’re with your sister to go to school.” He asked leaning in.

“Well…” I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. “We have our differences? I’ve lived with Emme for several years now.”

“Pity…” Brendan said sadly. “It must be quite difficult for you…not having them around and all.”

“It’s not easy.” I dabbed the corners of my eyes with a napkin. “But things are what they are.”

“Yes…” Brendan nodded sadly. “I suppose so.” He suddenly smiled. “Would you like a wee bit of something to eat?”

I loved hearing that natural lilt when he spoke. I looked about and saw that the food table was crowded with people. There were still some servers going around with trays.

“Ummm… Yeah…”

I turned back toward Brendan and smiled. He began to get up when I realized that I would need to let go of his hand; something I was not anxious to do. His hand felt so very nice and warm.

“I’ll get a taste of everything.” He smiled.

I nodded my head and watch him head for the crowd around the table. I smiled as I watched him go. The view was excellent. I could see he had a great body; a nice tight butt beneath his almost too tight tuxedo jacket. I glanced around to see if I could find Emme anywhere amongst the rapidly crowding room but she had disappeared amongst the people.

I could see a number of students from other countries. Spotting them wasn’t too difficult. They tended to stay with others from their homelands. There was usually an older person, probably faculty, in their midst speaking and laughing with them. They were also a bit more casually dressed.

Brendan returned with two plates heaping with food. My smile must have said it all.

“I didn’t know what you’d favor so a brought a wee bit of the lot.” He chuckled. “I went heavily on the shrimp and such. I must admit this was the first time I ever saw a shrimp fly the way they were disappearing.”

I giggled. The thought of a flying shrimp brought back memories of Disney movies. He set the plates down and even before he was seated I grabbed one with my fingers. I was famished.

“You might be wanting one of these.” He laughed and handed me a napkin and fork from the place setting.

“Aren’t there assigned seats or something?” I giggled as I took the fork.

“Well…?” Brendan gazed upward for a moment. “I think these are ours. There are no placards and such. And I believe the need outweighs the formalities.” His blinding smile was dazzling. “I was never one for the those kinds of formalities.” He chuckled.

“So you go to these kinds of things often?” I said between bites of sweet and sour something; I think pork.

“When I have a paying engagement… I take the food and drink that usually accompanies such events. But I’ve been to but a few of these parties. It’s usually a faculty event of some sort, maybe a retirement or a birthday. I suppose I’m considered relatively cheap entertainment…” Brendan chuckled. “…and, of course, who amongst us can’t use a fine meal in kind?”

“But I thought you’re not into performing?” I smiled slyly.

“Ah my cailín…” He smiled slyly back. My name isn’t Colleen. Hmmm…

“I never said I wasn’t into performance. I only said I preferred composition. One does have need of eating now and then. And well…” He sat back a bit and swiped a lock of his lovely hair from his eyes. “You will have the chance to judge later. The powers that rule wish me to play a piece or two after the dinner. And…” He snickered. “What starving artist would refuse a free meal; and with such a lovely companion?”

I blushed. This was something very new to me. I’d never really been on a date and I certainly never had such an amazing guy take such an interest in me. I grant you I’ve been hit upon on rare occasions. Well…okay…so maybe they weren’t all that rare. But I never felt that magical tingling the way I felt it now; that kind of tingling that would cause me to reveal myself.

In spite of his age, whatever that might be, Brendan seemed to be quite sophisticated in a very charming, but ‘country-like’ manner. He was so charming without being drooling or ogling as if I was his next meal? And he seemed so…so confident. It was as if I might have been a good neighbor or, dare I say it, girlfriend?

Before I realized what was happening, and a second glass of wine appeared at Brendan’s bidding, people began to seat themselves. I looked around for my sister. I hoped Brendan and I wouldn’t be separated by some unknown seating ritual.

“So…” I heard her voice from behind me. “I see you’ve found one another.” She sat down next to me. “I thought you might enjoy meeting Brendan.” She gazed at me lovingly and smiled.

“Indeed…!” Brendan smiled across at Emme. “We’ve been having a grand time.”

“Good…” Emme exclaimed with joy. “She does have a difficult time meeting people on campus.”

“Oh…?” He smiled questioningly at me. “I should think it be quite the opposite.”

I felt kind of weird having them speak about me, their heads sticking out as if I wasn’t there. But then Brendan turned his chair toward the table. He placed his hand atop my free one. I hadn’t stopped munching on the various delicacies on the plates.

“You sure do have quite the appetite for one so…” He glanced off searching for the proper word. “…so willowy.”

“That’s because I was starving.” I giggled.

“You know sweet heart…” Emme grinned at me. “Brendan is going to perform tonight. He’s quite an amazing and renowned musician.”

I gazed at Brendon questioningly.

“I merely said I’d rather compose.” He shrugged his broad shoulders and grinned.

“I’m getting a language lesson tonight.” I said to Emme and giggled.

“Well sweetie…” Emme grinned. “You might say we’re cousins. His family name is also O’Neill.”

“Though I probably spell it a bit different...” Brendan again took out his pen and spelled out Ui Naill. “That’s the old spelling but many of us are going back to it. The actual spelling of my given name is Breandan.” He wrote it out. “It makes things much easier for all if I simplified things a wee bit and use the English version. Everyone tends to misspell or mispronounce it otherwise.”

I adored listening to his manner of speech. ‘Things’ came out sounding like ‘tings’. His brogue was so charming and almost musical to my ears. The very fact he could speak his language was kind of captivating. And that he had no trouble using it regardless of whom he was addressing was somehow indicative of his inner strength…and pride I suppose.

“So…” Brendan spoke as a server placed a shrimp cocktail down. “Tell me mo ghrá... What are your dreams in this life?”

“Huh...?” I wasn’t sure what stumped me more; ‘mo gra’ or my ‘dreams in this life’?

“Well...” He bit into a shrimp then looked from me to the half remaining on his fork. “I will never tire of eating these things.” He chuckled and gazed back up at me. “You’re at this fine school so you must have some plan in mind.”

“Well...?” And I began to ramble a wee bit...as Brendan might put it.

In truth I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I mean I was taking psych courses but I was basically in the liberal arts program. Growing up I was always my sister’s ‘shadow...much to her dismay when she was younger. I was the pest; always following her; doing whatever she did and always hanging around.

Thankfully Emme didn’t mind too much when she realized that I truly wasn’t her little brother harrassing her. I was, in fact, her little sister trying to emulate her. And when she began to treat me as such, my life was forever changed. So it seemed quite natural to Emme that I followed her to Miami.

My parents did a major boogie woogie when they discovered that I was attending school in a majorly androgynous manner and even putting on makeup once I got there. Seeing my picture in my first year book from upper school nearly caused them to throw clots. That was when I went to live with my sister. They were convinced that my soul was damned and no form of exocism would rid me of my demons.

Emme had been damned some time ago when they came home from an evening out to discover her doing the nasty with some guy on the living room couch. She had to leave until she repented and changed her wicked ways. They went so far as trashing the couch! So, in effect, I was totally following her...except for the nasty part with a guy on some couch.

Now here I was, chatting up this gorgeous guy and having him even seem truly interested. I must have appeared quite the fool as I rambled on with a dreamy expression on my face. I briefly gazed at my sister, without halting my speaking, to see her smile knowingly with her ‘been there…done that’ expression.

Every few moments somebody would stop by and say hello to him. I had no idea why they all seemed to be treating Brendan with such...such reverance? I mean it’s not like he was a rock star or anything. But we did manage to actually have a real conversation.

I was so intent speaking to Brendan that I failed to notice the removal of my partially eaten shrimp cocktail. I was so enrapt with his glorious attention that I failed to hear the musicians begin to play again. But suddenly he sat up and grinned.

“Strauss...!” He announced with great joy and with a perfect German accent. “A waltz...!”

He looked at me with a brilliant smile and, as he stood up, offered me his hand.

“Come mo ghrá chroi. Let us dance a waltz.” Brendon’s eyes sparkled.

“I can’t.”

Terror...! Sheer panic...! Nobody else was dancing. I didn’t even know how to waltz and I hadn’t ever danced with a guy; a real live living and breathing one! Seeing the fear in my eyes Brendan smiled softly.

“Come... T’is no hanging matter. I’ll show you how.”

As if in a dream, I took Brendan’s hand and got up. I felt as if I was watching myself as he led me by the hand to an empty area in front of the musicians. He turned and placed his right hand on the small of my back and grasped my left hand in his own. He must have felt me trembling. I was so not accustomed to being held in anyone’s arms; especially a man’s arms.

“Now this is easy love. Just listen to the rhythm.” He whispered into my ear. “The count is one, two, three, one, two, three, and then it repeats. Please allow me to lead you mo chuisle.”

And so Brendon did. He began with very short and steady moments. After a bit I kind of got into the rhythm of the music and I began to loosen up a bit. Our bodies began to flow more easily as I suddenly realized that I knew the tune. His body moved slightly closer to mine and our hips touched; my right to his left.

Brendon’s hold on my back became...comforting? And he held my hand just a wee bit more firmly as we began to turn in small circles. The feeling of his chest against my small breasts was electrifying. I really enjoyed being held by Brendon. His arms and hands felt so very strong and comforting.

“What does ‘mo grah cree’ mean?” I reddened and smiled coyly.

Brendan chuckled. “We really need work on your brogue.” He held me just a wee bit closer; if that truly was even possible. “It means ‘my dear heart’.” He gazed deeply into my eyes. “A term of endearment if you will… And mo chuisle…I don’t know…” He peered around for a moment. “Sort of like…my heart beat?” And he chuckled.

I gazed up into Brendon’s eyes and smiled coyly. I could feel color come to my face. This was everything I imaged...and more. I’d always been attracted to guys but I never before had the opportunity to interact so closely with one; especially one as hot as Brendon. I felt like I was in a dream world and I never wanted to awaken from it.

“I think you’ve the feel of it.” Brendon said with a laugh as we swirled around the small dance floor. “I think we need give you a bit more practice and you’ll be the one to keep up with.”

I loved the sound of his laugh. I closed my eyes and leaned back slightly, my face angled toward the ceiling. I felt like I was floating on air as Brendan led me about the floor. The movement of the air past my face as he swung me around was delightful.

When the music finally stopped, all too soon I might add, I opened my eyes and saw that others had joined us on the floor. Brendan still held my around my waist as I, and the others, applauded the musicians.

“You’re the quick learner.” Brendan smiled and chuckled.

“Well...” I blushed and smiled up at him. “You’re an excellent teacher.”

With his arm still around my waist, Brendan led me back to the table. He held my chair out for me as I sat and helped me move in closer. I bathed in the luxury of his manner. Although I’ve had doors held open for me and such, I’d never gotten even close to this kind of treatment. I felt special. I felt like this was all about me.

“I thought you’d like the fish.” Emme said to me as she smiled knowingly. “You two looked amazing out there...especially once you got into it.”

I grinned as I felt Brendan grasp my hand beneath the table. This was a dream and I felt like the princess awaiting the glass slipper but fearing the stroke of midnight when my coach would turn back into a pumpkin. This was what I’d always dreamed of ever since...well...ever since I discovered who and what I actually was. A guy holding me, dancing with me, talking to me about stuff, was all I ever thought about.

I’d always been to frightened to kind of seek out that kind of male attention? I mean I never thought of myself as being desirable or anything. And most guys, as friendly and as open as they might be, simply didn’t interested me. Guys like Brendan did. Big guys who did big guy things. I sat trembling ever so slightly as I took his hand and placed it atop my thigh.

This was a bold move on my part. I’d even felt the very slightest hesitancy in his allowing me to do so. But I didn’t care. This was likely as close to being with a guy as I was ever going to get; especially one as hot as Brendan was. And I also knew that relatively soon this all might end; fade into the ether where dreams disipate.

And I would need to overcome the rejection I felt sure would come. Brendan would be the very first I would tell. There was never any real reason before and being in ‘stealth’ mode allowed me to sometimes forget that my body image still didn’t fully match my mental one. That one damned detail…

But Brendon also emitted this aura of sensitivity. The worst case scenerio in my mind would be his total rejection. But I sensed that my secret would remain safe with him. I felt he was confident enough in himself to blow past it without having to announce to the world his not so very blatant error of naturally assuming I was...complete…and cisgendered?

I clutched his hand with both of mine as it rested upon my leg. I smiled up at him and watched him as he so non-chalantly spoke to Emme, and the others at the table. As the servers began to bring out food, one of the musicians approached our table. He stood to Brendan’s left and waited to be acknowledged.

“Why Anthony... How are you on this grand evening?” He asked with a huge grin.

“I’m good Mister O’Neil, thank you.”

Anthony gazed at me for a moment, smiled, and then looked to Brendan again. ‘Mister O’Neil’ I thought? But he looks only a few years older than I am.

“We were wondering... How do we sound tonight?” Anthony asked, looking most nervously down at Brendan.

“Well...” Brendan lilted and gazed at him with a most serious expression upon his face. He rubbed his chin with his free hand and frowned. “I’m afraid...” He paused to gauge Anthony’s initial reaction which was dread and fear. “I fear your little group sounds too...” He paused as Anthony paled. “...too good to be students any longer.” He grinned broadly. “I should have them give you all the boot. It may very well be time to make your way in the real world of performance.”

“Oh do you really think so?” Anthony was so excited I thought he might wet himself.

“Perhaps one day soon we might work on something a wee bit more…challenging…for a recital of course.” Brendan chuckled. “I think that would be good fun. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes... That would be amazing.”

The two spoke a few more moments before Anthony hurried back to his fellow musicians and Brendan turned his attention back toward us.

“You’re a professor…sort of?” I asked wide eyed.

“Well...” He lilted. “Some people believe such. I don’t take it personally though.” He chuckled.

“But you look so...”

“So young...?” He snickered. “It’s more of an appointment really. I fall under the catagory of the artist in residence? This is actually my second year. They seem to enjoy my presence at the music school.”

I stared in wonder at Brendan. Just when I thought he was becoming more interesting...he goes and becomes...well...even more interesting?

“Well...” He laughed again; no doubt at my expression. “I started early I suppose. It seemed so easy really. A neighbor had a piano that wasn’t being put to use and my mum and da bought it, at quite a dear price I might add. And I began to bang away at it. One thing led to another and I soon found myself in conservatory in Belfast.”

Brendan blushed as he related his little tale to me.

“Then there was my very first recital. At the Grand Opera House no less…” He snickered. “It was amazing really. I was quite intimidated. Every one of the eleven hundred seats was taken and then some.” Brendan chuckled. “Dublin was next of course. The National Concert Hall…” ‘Of course’ I thought. “And from then on I was musical flavor of the week in the formal music world.”

“And then you came here?” I was so taken I hadn’t noticed that my dinner was set before me.

“Good Heavens no...” Brendan laughed. “That was years ago. I was put on a touring schedule and had performances all over Europe. Then the states came about after that of course.”

‘Of course’ I thought…again. What else would be next? Walking on water perhaps? I was stunned. I’d never heard of him. But that wasn’t surprising since my fair was usually electronic dance music, trap or romantic pop ballads and such.

“So when I performed in Miami two years ago this opportunity arose. I was tired and, truth to tell, I was wearing myself quite thin. It takes a lot of energy to connect with an audience. I think my popularity was truly based upon that. It’s quite special when one can connect with a large audience on a personal level. But one does serve oneself poorly without a break every now and then.”

Then Brendan mentioned the names of several performers I’d never heard of though as I quickly glanced around the table the others seated with us had. They all seemed struck by Brendan’s words. And even though I hadn’t heard of any of those people, I knew that they knew the names quite well. I felt...embarrassed and...ignorant?

“I suppose to some extent I have the same ability to form that rapport. But to sustain that energy constantly is very spiritually and even physically demanding. So when the position was offered, against everybody’s good advise, I lept upon it.” He grinned like the Cheshire cat. “I consider this my yet to be misspent youth where I might play a little.

“Well...? Why didn’t anybody want you to do this?”

“There’s no money in it.” Brendan laughed. “So of course my manager and my agent and all the hordes of little leaches that come along with the territory were quite put off. And of course my mum and da thought I was insane to forgo the money. But I must admit it’s nice to sleep in the same bed for more than one or two evenings.”

“I think it sounds...exciting. I mean you get to go to all those different places and meet different people. It must be fun...sort of.”

“At first it is.” He peered down at his prime rib and then at me. “I love the beef here. It’s really quite good.” He cut a piece and put it in his mouth. “Mmmm...”

He smiled as I sat and watched. Brendan’s pleasure was so expressive that I smiled.

“Anyway mo chroi... After a little more than twelve years...”

“You’ve been performing for twelve years?” I was stunned.

“Yes... Well...” He blushed.

“How young were you when all this began?” I asked wide eyed.

“Ummm...” Brendan gazed off for a moment. “I suppose my premier recital occurred when I was...” He turned toward me again. “...eleven years of age?” He smiled. “Too young I think... I really had no friends and not much of a childhood. But I did so love the music…and the sound I could make on a fine instrument. I was mostly in the company of adults. Either my mum or da always came along. On occassion both would accompany me. Eat your fish before it goes cold.”

I giggled and blushed. I’d completely ignored the fact that everybody was eating. I took a bite but my mind still rested upon Brendan and his unusual childhood? Small wonder that he opted out for a while. As he continued I realized how very difficult his life must have been. How he would sometimes play in three different countries, one right after the other, exhausted me as I thought about it.

“And what of you?” Brendan asked as he pointed toward my plate with his fork. “Do you mind if I...?” I smiled and nodded and he reached over with his fork to have a taste of my fish. “This really is quite good. The fish back home is really quite different. Would you care to try some of this amazing beef?”

I reached over and cut a small piece. I wasn’t much for beef but I smiled and admitted it did taste rather good.

“And so mo chroi... What brought you here, besides your sister and I would guess free tuition?”

“Well...?” I sighed. “I do get to live with Emme so the cost is really nothing at all. And I do love South Florida...Miami...with all its weirdness.” I giggled. “And the school is big enough so that I can simply do my thing without to much...” I glanced off for a moment.

“Fanfare and ado...?” Brendan offered when I became stuck for the right word.

“Yeah...” I smiled at him.

“And about this business at home...” He spoke gently. “Or am I intruding too far?”

I glanced quickly at Emme. Evidently she’d been tuning in and out of our conversation. She smiled and nodded at me. I gazed down at my finger nails for a moment and sighed again.

“I see I’ve gone too far.” Brendan placed his hand upon mine. “It’s perfectly fine to not be ready. After all, we’ve barely met.” He said very apologetically.

“No... It’s just...difficult.” I said softly.

“T’is really no hanging matter.” He smiled. “Would you care for a bit more wine?”

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I giggled.

“Well…” Brendan let the word simply hang as he grinned.

I nodded with relief that we could move on to a topic a bit less sensitive in a seamless manner. If it, we, were to be more than a simple evening of company, then several topics would definately need be broached; the least of which being my relationship, or lack thereof, with my mom and dad.

Brendan motioned to one of the servers and in no time at all my third glass of pale golden liquid sat before me. I could feel Brendan’s stare as I ate. He once again reached to my plate with his fork after asking permission. And Emme did as well as we three sampled a bit more of the fare before us.

As we finished and the servers began to remove the plates, the musicians once again began to play. This time it was a slow more modern piece I think I recognized as a show tune. And once again Brendan stood to take my hand. I must have appeared terrified because he chuckled as he spoke.

“You need not worry. We just move side to side a wee bit. Just follow my lead and we’ll have you kicking it up in no time at all.”

This time he placed both his hands upon my waist. I wasn’t sure how to hold him so he smiled down at me and placed both my hands upon his shoulders. At first my movements were quite stiff. We were, if fact, way closer to one another and I was nervous...and a wee bit excited? I relished his body abutting mine as we slowly swayed and shuffled our feel to the slow movement of the dance.

I could feel his breath upon my ear as he rested his chin atop my head. Then he bent even lower till his cheek was alongside mine. Brendan whispered in my ear.

“Aye... You’re a right coaxing elf Sammi. Sammi...” He chuckled as he repeated my name. “It does play well on the tongue. Sammi...” He repeated my name again as his arms encircled my waist and squeezed me gently. “So tell me... How is it that you’re not with someone tonight? You are too rare a treasure to go unclaimed.”

I could almost feel Brendan smiling as he gently rubbed his smooth cheek against mine. All I could do is smile, blush most profusely, and shrug my shoulders.

“I might ask the same of you. After all, you’re kind of famous and not too harsh on the eyes for that matter.” I giggled...and blushed at my own boldness.

“Ah...” He laughed. “Well... I must admit that it wasn’t easy. I had to work hard at avoiding all those women throwing themselves at my feet.”

“No...” I spoke seriously as I slapped his broad shoulder. “Seriously...?”

“Well...” Brendan sighed as he laid his chin upon the top of my head. “T’is a long sad tale of woe..”

“Huh...?”

I gazed up at his sad and solumn expression. He then chuckled and smiled.

“Truth to tell... When I perform, I’m on the concert tour for weeks, sometimes several months at a time. It’s quite difficult to maintain friendships let alone any kind of intimate relationship. And of course there are the groupies who insist upon an evening’s entertainment that includes their most intimate attentions upon my most intimate of person.

“But you’ve been here for more than a year.” Now I was curious.

“Well... As an artist in residence the students are all off limits...thankfully I might add. And the other faculty, well, most are at least one generation, or more, older than I am.” He quickly added; “Not that age be a hanging matter... But still...” He paused for a moment. “And sometimes they take themselves...and me...too seriously. After all...I do enjoy thrash metal as well as jazz, and blues and rock and industrial, and just about any kind of ordered sound that appeals to my ear.”

“God...! That must be awful. You must get so lonely.”

“Ah...” Brendan put his cheek against mine again. “But every once in a very rare while I do see a jewel of uncommon beauty that I must have.” He chuckled. “And every once in an even rarer while I get the supreme pleasure of capturing that jewel if even but for an evening.”

I could have melted in his arms at that moment. I never even imagined anyone ever saying such an amazing thing to me. ‘A jewel of uncommon beauty’...? Oh... My God... I even felt a tear or two welling up. Or maybe it was simply that third glass of wine. Or maybe it was simply being valued by someone other than my sister; and by a guy no less. I bent my head and placed it upon his chest. I inhaled his dizzying aroma deeply and sighed.

The dance was over all too quickly. I continued to hold onto Brendan. I felt so comfortable and safely encompassed in his arms. He was in no hurry to release me anyway. I gazed up at him with a glassy eyed expression and he bent to gently kiss my forehead. That was truly a milestone in my life as his touch rushed through my body as if a light switch had been turned on.

After we applauded the musicians, we sauntered back to the table, our arms around one another’s waist. My entire being resonated with the exquisite feeling of his lips simply touching my face. Either the entire evening’s worth of wine had suddenly hit me or his touch was so very super intoxicating, or both.

As he assisted me in sitting, I continued to gaze at his visage and wonder how lucky I was, at least at that moment in time. I was totally taken by Brendan though I admit it really didn’t take much effort on his part. I knew what was rapidly approaching as the hour grew closer to the onset of a new year. The amazing carress and kiss to welcome the New Year would be one I would never forget.

Having never been held or kissed by a guy, I felt like not telling him my ‘little secret. But I knew if there was going to be a tomorrow I almost had no choice. My joy and glorious stupor somewhat disapated with the thought of what his reaction might be. As fear reared its ugly head I began to tremble.

In spite of his charming and proper bearing, Brendan was still a guy and I’ve heard, and read, of all the horror stories how guys react when they’re surprised by a little secret such as mine. I’d heard and read about the violence that can ensue whether it was physical or verbal. Pain was pain, whether it be physical or mental, and hurt was hurt.

The thought of being ‘outed’ in public horrified me. I could even, on rare occasions, forget I was born in the wrong body. The only reminder was that horrid little appendage between my legs that caused my facade to melt away. In spite of having to sit to releave myself because of its short uselessness, it was always there to remind me, at least several times a day, that I wasn’t truly complete.

But that wasn’t the full extent of the matter. Even if I was cosmetically ‘anatomically correct’, the issue of not having a woman’s ‘plumbing’ would always be there. The questions of why I never experienced a period or the more than inconvenient fact that I couldn’t bear children would forever be, as Brendan might say, a ‘hanging matter’.

Guys seemed to always want progeny. This was something that would never happen if one chose to take me as his mate. That truth would be as sad to him, if not more so, as it was to me. The one greatest gift a woman can give a man would be denied to me. All these thoughts set me close to tears.

“Are you feeling ill?”

I heard Brendan’s deep resonating voice break through my barrage of thoughts. I gazed up at him and smiled sadly.

“We need to speak...privately. There is something I must tell you.” I said weakly.

Brendan clutched my hand firmly but gently and smiled.

“I’m performing shortly with the others in a few minutes. We should have plenty of time afterward.” He smiled gently. “I wish there to be no secrets between us.”

Evidently Emme overheard us and for sure she knew what I was thinking and what I needed to do. She got up from her seat and gestered toward me. I knew instinctively what that meant.

“Excuse me please.” I said coyly to Brendan.

He smiled and nodded also knowing where I was going. Emme took my arm and led me out of the room and to the left where the ladies lounge was located. We entered; not even a second thought for me. I had been using the women’s room for some time now. Only the shedding of my panty revealed my...difference? Thankfully the lounge was empty.

“You really like this guy.” Emme grinned as she began to wash her hands.

“Yeah...” I giggled and blushed. “He’s really nice. He seems so...gentle.”

“You are going to tell him...right?” Again Emme made more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah...” I sighed and trembled slightly. “I am so frightened though. I mean suppose he freaks or something?” I gazed at Emme wide eyed as she redid her lips.

“Hey sweet heart...” She finished and looked at me. “Life is full of unknowns. Maybe he will and maybe he won’t. But you’re doing the right thing.” Emme gazed back at the mirror. “It would be far worse if he discovered himself. Whilst he seems to be every bit of a gentleman, not all men are and, in general, they definately do not like surprises...of any sort?”

“Yeah...” I sighed and gazed down at my hands.

“And there’s got to be a first time for everything. If you truly like him...” She wiped away a wee bit of color that strayed from her lip line. Emme then looked at me. “You owe the truth to him. You’ll be doing him, and yourself a favor before this goes any further. If nothing else he is a serious guy with serious intentions.”

I nodded whilst still staring at my nails. I knew that the midnight kiss might be a distance too far. My body continued to tremble as I gazed up at my image.

“Better do something with your lips lest he thinks we were totally plotting his demise.” Emme laughed. “You look so amazing tonight. I don’t know how any guy could resist you.” She chuckled. “I’m even a little envious.” She clutched my hand and smiled. “Don’t worry. What will happen will happen regardless of how upsetting this might be and trust me, you will survive. So you should at least enjoy the moment?”

Emme was right of course. It was all about the moment anyway. And as I put a slight touch of color to my lips, I had totally enjoyed the moments leading up to this one. We both washed our hands again and, after drying them, exited arm in arm just as several other ladies entered.

“Yeah... It’s just that this would be the first time...you know?” I glanced at Emme. “I’ve been purposely avoiding this from happening. I don’t need this to be all over campus. I would die.”

“Well...” Emme giggled. “Brendan is far more mature than your average post grad. You need to remember he’s been working in the field of the arts since he was a small child. In fact had you not seen him first...” Emme smiled slyly. “Anyway, he is very mature for any age.”

As we approached our table I noticed Brendan was absent. I looked toward the musicians as we sat and he stood amongst them. There was no piano in sight but he held a violin in his hands. The instrument appeared miniscule in his large hands. Suddenly the chatter in the room silenced as he began to tune his instrument.

“A merry evening to you all.” Brendan said as he stood in front of the others. “In times past, usually after dinner, the nobility...or the wealthy...would often assemble their guests in the palour to hear some music whilst enjoying a coffee and an after dinner drink. This was often referred to as ‘a little night music’.”

“Normally you would find me hiding behind a large piano. But it being the advent of the New Year I thought something a wee bit different would be in order.”

His smile was so very brilliant as his powerful voice travelled the entire room without any effort at all.

“I might also add...” He chuckled. “...that the budget wasn’t sufficient enough to afford such an extravagant exhibition.”

He laughed along with the others. I didn’t quite understand and looked toward Emme. She smiled patiently and explained.

“They couldn’t afford him.” She laughed. “Or hoisting a concert grand piano up here.”

“However...” Brendan continued. “In lieu of a fine meal and...” He looked directly at me. “...the more than brilliant surrounding company...” He then gazed across the room. “I thought a violin piece would be quite nice. And so we will attempt a new composition by my hand. But first I’d like to introduce you to our fine musicians.”

And one by one Brendan introduced them as well as their respective positions in the music school. Of course they recieved a hearty applause from all of us. They were so very good. Once the formalities were completed, Brendan spoke again.

“As some of you know, I do not name any of my compostions. I fancy myself a musician and not a bard.” That was kind of funny. “However I very well might make an exception with this piece. We will see.”

Once again Brendan gazed directly at me. I trembled, blushed, and smiled. What was Brendan saying? Was he thinking of naming his composition after me or in my honor? How totally cool would that be? With me still buzzing from his words and gaze, Brendan went on to briefly tell a wee bit about the piece; scales, keys, and musical stuff.

When Brendan finally raised up his violin, the room became so eerily silent. He nodded once toward the musicans and drew his bow across the strings. And thus the room filled with the most wonderful sounds as they played. The tune was easy to discern and the tempo quite uplifting. I kind of recognized the sounds as being similar to modern Celt music.

But, much to my dismay, the piece was all too short. Though they played for nearly five minutes the time seemed like only seconds. I must admit that in spite of the momentous disclosure that loomed in my immediate future, I couldn’t help but applaud wildly upon the music’s cessation. It was a wonderful experience in sound.

Brendan, of course, was elated. I’m sure he was sure the piece was very good. The performance was something all its own. I could tell that regardless of what he said about performing, he loved making music. I could certainly understand the conflict that might arise within him; wanting to be something other than what one is. After all, wasn’t that my direction as well...sort of?

Brendan placed his violin in its case and opened another somewhat larger one. He then removed a small harp. I’d never seen such a thing in my life. He sat in a chair and placed the harp upon his lap! After taking several moments to tune his instrument as the servers brought coffee and desserts to the tables, he spoke.

“This...” He beamed proudly. “...is my wee one. It is my medieval, or lap harp. The harp is our national instrument and so it behooves an Irish musician to at least give it a pluck once in a while.” He chuckled. “The inspiration for this wee piece came from growing up in the western lands of Ireland.”

And Brendan began to play a soft gentle tune. After a few measures the others joined in. The tune was quite memorable and as it repeated I softly began to hum along with the music. I was entranced as I closed my eyes and envisioned what the west part of his country must be like. I found myself slightly swaying with the rhythm of the piece, which also ended far too soon.

Whilst everyone around stood and applauded, I was still capitvated and continued to sway for a long moment after he had finsihed. Only then, upon allowing the world to re-enter my senses, did I discover I was the only one still sitting. I swiftly got up and applauded with the others.

The hour was rapidly approaching midnight as Brandan returned to his seat. I clutched my hands over my heart and smiled so brightly it hurt.

“That was wonderful.” I nearly shed a tear of delight.

“Thank you Sammi. You are most kind.” He grinned and blushed. “I like to experiment with smaller audiences. They generally don’t have much trash available to throw should the piece be less than...adequate?” He snickered.

“We need to talk.” I said softly, almost at a whisper.

“Ah...” Brendan smiled. “There’ll be time for that to be sure.”

“We need to talk now. But not...” I glanced around. “...not here.”

I suppose the serious expression on my face impressed the urgency of my request.

“Yes... Well...” He stood up and offered me his hand. As I took it and got up he continued. “Shall we go out to the hall? Or perhaps…” Brendan rubbed his chin in thought. “I know an even better place.” He grasped my hand in his firmly. “Come…”

Brendan smiled and led me from the room out into the hallway. We walked down the hall and came to glass double doors that led out onto a balcony. There were tables and chairs scattered about. The view overlooked the lake, which was lit up with multi-colored lighting, its fountain shooting water high into the air.

Brendan pulled out a chair for me and I sat on its cool metal mesh seat. There was a slight breeze blowing which caused goose bumps to rise on my arms. Brendan, without even asking, removed his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. His jacket, still very warm from his body, was quite comforting as was the scent it held; his own.

“So…” He smiled as he sat cattycorner from me. “What’s so important that it couldn’t wait until next year?” He chuckled as he took my hand. “Are you warm enough?” He quickly added.

I was trembling…but not from the cold. I was even feeling a wee bit nauseous and on the verge of tears. I had no idea of where to begin. I sat with my mouth open and my eyes wide in fright. This was like the dream I always dreamt. But it was rapidly turning into a nightmare for me.

“What is it girl?” Now Brendan looked concerned. “You’re not…leispiacha? Are you?”

“What…?” Clueless…of course…

“You know… Ummm...” Now he was uncomfortable. “A lesbian...?”

In spite of my terror, I had to giggle. If it was only it that simple.

“No... I’m...”

“Well then...” He chuckled. “You’re not married. Is there already someone...in your life?”

“No...!”

This was only becoming more difficult for me. If he was asking that, then he was...seriously serious about me?

“Look... I’ve seen some of the world.” Under his breath he added: “More than I cared to at times.” Brendan looked me right in the eyes. “I promise you there’s nothing you can tell me that would be a surprise.”

“I don’t know where to begin.” I sniffled as a tear fell. “It’s complicated.”

I pulled a tissue from my clutch and dabbed at a tear. I looked back up into his glorious eyes. I could see his concern as he held my hand firmly; warmly.

“Sometimes...” I took a deep staggered breath and slowly exhaled. “I was born into the wrong body.”

I could see the shock in Brendan’s eyes as he sat slightly more erect.

“Well now… That is a surprise.” He stared at me with a totally stunned expression. “So you’re transitioning...into a man?” He didn’t smile.

I didn’t know whether to smack him or strangle him. I scowled as fiercely as I could as I pulled my hand from his.

“Do I look like a man!”

He suddenly smiled and giggled a bit.

“Well...” He glanced down at his shoes. “Now that you put it that way... I see. That does put a rub on the situation I suppose.”

There was a long pregnant silence; like eleven months pregnant silence. I suddenly glanced at my hand as he recaptured it.

“Is this the issue with your folks?” He asked quite sincerely.

I simply nodded and gazed down at my nails and marvelled at their lusterous appearance. I thought of how perfectly smooth the polish appeared. The weird thoughts that cross one’s mind during times of unbelievably extreme stress.

“Well...” He shook his head. “This must have been difficult for you. Telling me and all that... And don’t think I am not appreciative of you being honest with me.”

I nodded knowing exactly where this was going. I was being nuked. I felt like my tummy was dropping out of my body and my heart was being crushed.

“You’re the first person I ever told.” I said sadly as tears welled up again. “Nobody other than my sister knows.”

“So...” Brendan said dully. “What’s your real name?”

Instinctively once again I pulled my hand from his. This was the number one question anyone like me detests...or so I’ve heard and read. But I never realized just how totally dispicable it was until Brendan asked me. I could feel my face color as I became so angry I began to tremble. It was nice whilst the dream lasted.

“I mean...” He gazed up at me and grinned impishly. “If we’re going to become...” He paused for a moment and grinned. “…quite close...and very dear friends, perhaps even more, I should know whether you’re a Samantha, Samara, Samya, Samelia, or whatever. Don’t you think so? Otherwise you have the advantage of me and I’m too competitive to let that occur.”

‘Very dear friends… Perhaps more…’? Did I hear him correctly? Could it possibly be? I felt all the anger and all the fear drain from me. As a tear welled up in my eyes, I reached out and took his hand in mine.

“By the way… I do feel quite honored that you’ve chosen me to be the first to tell. I imagine this is not general knowledge and let me assure you that it will not become so by my word.” Brendan’s expression was very serious? Then he grinned. “I know your people well.”

“My people…?” Huh…?

“Yes… Your clainne… We’re kinsmen actually; cousins as we like to say. We’re from County Donegal. I’m from…the western part. Indeed the county was named for our clainne. Perhaps, with your sister’s permission of course, when I go home next you’ll accompany me. I know our people who will be most pleased to meet you.”

Oh… My… God… This guy is super serious. I would need to tell him the absolute bitter truth. I felt all that angst rise up yet again. I hated my body…or at least that one tiny major defect. It must have shown on my face; in my eyes.

“What is it?”

Brendan’s eyes showed his concern. His hand encompassed mine holding his other one.

“I…” I took another deep breath and exhaled. “I need to have surgery.”

“Why…? You look absolutely gorgeous. I never would have imagined…” He was surprised.

“Well…” I cleared my throat and blushed. “Not at this end?” I barely whispered.

Brendan was silent for the longest moment. Suddenly I could actually feel the energy radiate from him as enlightenment struck. He grinned.

“Ah…” Brendon smiled and nodded. “There’s a minor detail that needs tending to.”

“Yeah…” I looked at our hands melding together. “You put it so…so politely.” I gazed up into his eyes and tried to smile. “Emme and I are both saving up to have it done.” I said sadly. “It’s expensive; especially for me because…” I blushed and looked away as I dabbed at a tear.

“Now that’s enough of that.” Brendon smiled. “T’is not the evening for such talk.”

“Well… I have certain…deficiencies? It would be like a double operation.” I sniffled. “And then there’s the aftercare. And I won’t be able to have children.”

“Let’s not talk about it any longer lest we waste more pleasant things to speak of before this evening’s done.” He grinned.

We suddenly heard the noise coming from within the building. And everywhere around us were the sounds of fireworks going off. The New Year had arrived. Brendan laughed as he looked off toward the campus proper. He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and stood as well. He placed his hands gently upon my cheeks and softly kissed my lips.

“Happy New Year…” He whispered in my ear.

I gazed up at Brendan as I felt tears welled up. As if in a dream, I placed my arms around his neck. I got up on my toes, closed my eyes, and parted my lips. If he was simply being very tolerant, I wanted one last moment of this dream before any rude awakening.

My glorious white knight did not disappoint me. Brendan put his hands upon my waist, bent his head down, and placed his very full lips atop mine. What an amazing sensation. We seemed to inhale and exhale quite heavily at the same time. His hands left my waist and his arms suddenly encircled me.

My heart just opened up and every emotion I’d suppressed over the years came flooding out through our kiss. Every guy I’d ever seen and wondered about, every day dream I’d ever had about what life might be like, every time I’d cursed the body I was given and couldn’t accept simply left me. And all the love I could give but had no recipient for now found its receptor; even if for only a mere moment in time.

When our lips finally parted and my eyes opened, I gazed up into Brendan’s smiling face. His hand left my lower back and drew a tissue from his pocket. He gently blotted the tears from my eyes as he gazed into them.

“I need tell you that not a single soul every kissed me in such a…” He gazed off for a moment. “…in such a fashion. Might there be a message in that?” He chuckled. “Perhaps…of course with your sister’s permission…we could continue this at a later date.” He shook his head. “Hmmm… That didn’t come out quite the way I meant.” He laughed.

I held him tightly to me. I could feel his excitement hard against my tummy.

“But I’m not complete. I still have…”

“Accchhh…” He grinned and shook his head. “T’is nothing at all. I may not have more money than God but I might surely be matching one of God’s angels.”

‘One of God’s angels indeed’ I thought. It certainly was a happy New Year.