Chapter 25

The rest of the day was partially planned. Eve had managed to shift her schedule so that we could still do the singing lessons and gym, even if I was at school. Eve had her lesson or practice session, starting at three and mine was at four pm. Jane was due to start the personal training at five. In the meantime, I had to make some choices as to what to study. Eve and Laura were going to call some friends and see if they had any recommendations regarding therapists.

Essentially there were seven periods in a day. Some subjects were mandatory and some were elective. My choices also had to fit with what was available in terms of class scheduling and I wouldn't know the order of the subjects for the same reason. I could just choose the subjects that I had already studied to make my life easy, but I actually enjoy learning so I wanted to try something new. I didn't have that many choices though. I had to take English, Maths, Science, Gym and Social Studies. Each of these mandatory subjects had a bit of variation. English could be English language or English literature. Science covered individual subjects such as Physics, Chemistry and Biology. It also included combinations and one general, which I guess was a bit of everything. Maths was just a series of levels with descriptions of what was covered. Gym was just Gym, but Social Studies included US history, and since I knew very little about that, it was an easy choice. My two electives were going to be Basic Piano which included music theory and Spanish. I thought if I was getting singing lessons anyway, being able to read and understand music better would be a good idea. I had always wanted to learn Spanish, but it was not offered at my school previously. I then had to add a couple of others in case it was not possible to create a schedule with my options, so I chose Home economics and Typing. Typing sounded a bit boring and I was pretty fast with my finger poke method, but I had always wanted to learn and was tempted to start learning anyway. I (groan) had another two and a half years of schooling in front of me, just when I thought I had almost finished and typing would come in handy with any assignments.

I had to be a little careful in my selections, since I didn't really know that much about Richards life and what he had studied. Gem didn't know either, so there was no one to ask. The school transcripts would be interesting. I hoped I would also get a chance to look at them, then I would have more of an idea what I was supposed to know. Maths was going to be boring. I was taking double maths, which was the equivalent to the first year in university and now I was going to have to pretend a lower level.

Eve came in to look at my choices. She approved my primary options and laughed at my alternatives. She also promised to help me with the music lessons one way or another. While she was with me she got a surprise call from the principal. A quite distinguished psychologist was going to be the new school counsellor. Regardless of whether I saw another therapist, the school counsellor would still like to touch base with me. A new appointment was booked for the next day at the school to meet the counsellor, Dr Barn. After the conversation Eve said she was going to check out the name she had been given and see what information she could find out. She also suggested that it made sense to meet her first before we tried anyone else.

Over lunch she explained what she had found out. She believed that Dr Barn was over qualified and probably only on a temporary assignment. Eve's best guess was that it was due to what had happened with the LGBT student body. This could work out well for me, though.

The rest of the day went well. The singing lesson and gym sessions were fun. Hard work, but fun. I still had to spend quite a bit of the day on my own. Gem was mostly occupied with wedding stuff, Laura would come and chat to me, but she also had her own things that she was doing. Eve likewise would come and see me during her breaks, but she had some new songs to work on, so that is where her focus was. I think I needed to be able to go to school or I would get bored quickly.

That night, Gem slipped into bed with me. I did wake myself up with a scream and Gem did her usual comforting. Within a few seconds of my scream, Laura opened the door to check on me. Saw that I was in Gem's arms and went back to bed. I don't think Laura can help herself from caring, she is such a sweetheart. She is going to make an amazing mother one day. How anyone can even think of betraying her, I don't understand.

The next day Laura took me to school. She wanted to have a look at it herself or, at least, that was her excuse. I think she was like a mother hen and trying to guard me from more potential harm. I didn't think I would have any problems with this therapist. She was female, so my anxiety should not surface. We went straight to the school counsellor's office, fortunately, I knew where it was from my tour the day before. Laura and I were in our disguises. The students were in class and those that were not, did not notice us in the same way they had with Eve.

Dr Barn was a woman in her late fifties, maybe early sixties, with warm brown eyes and a ready smile. Her clothing was professional and very neat. Her hair was more grey than brown and swept back into a bun on the back of her head. Laura wanted to stay and I had no problems discussing anything in front of her. Let's be honest, she had seen me at my worst.

None of my anxiety was present so I had no problem describing all my issues with Dr Barn. She asked me to go through each episode in as much detail as I could and just encouraged me to talk. She occasionally asked a question, usually to make something I said clearer. Also demonstrating that she was listening closely.

Talking about my anxiety attacks didn't stir up my emotions too much. I felt more embarrassed than anything else. Then she asked me to talk about the assault and that was a whole different kettle of fish. As soon as I thought back to it, I started to struggle. By the time I had described the opening scene, where I had woken up and seen Richard in the doorway, I could vaguely feel Laura holding me, my breathing was out of control and my heart rate was going crazy.

Dr Barn stopped me, gave me a few minutes to calm down and then asked for me to imagine going to the cinema. She talked about the foyer with the snacks, popcorn, drinks and people moving around. She mentioned the sounds, the smells and the feel of the cardboard box holding the popcorn. Then I had to picture myself stepping into the projection booth with the projector in front of me and a thick glass window in front of the projector, through which I could see the movie screen. Then we played the movie of the attack, but from a third party point of view. I was separated from the scene by distance and the glass window. It didn't take very long since the event was over pretty rapidly. I still could feel my heart beating fast, but I managed to get through it. Then she asked me something really strange. First she asked me to rewind the tape and imagine Richard walking backwards away from me, followed by playing it again, but Richard had big red clown feet and a red nose clipped on his face. Lastly, after another weird rewind, picturing these clown feet in reverse, we played the movie again, with ice cream van music, an purple afro hairstyle, clown nose and feet. It was getting easier to go through it, so I think it helped.

At the end of it she gave me the go ahead for going to school. She admitted that I might find certain situations stressful. She would speak to the football coach and ask him to speak to his players. The vast majority of the larger boys would be in that group and they would be asked to try and keep their distance. I wasn't sure that would be a good idea. I sort of felt that was like pointing out to a wolf pack the weakest member of the herd. Still, I presumed she knew what she was doing. She did want me to come in early each day for a quick half an hour session with her before the day began. She was hoping that my exposure at the school would help cure me of my anxiety around men. If I was to get too anxious at any point, I had her permission to come straight to her office. So I was starting school tomorrow.

After I had finished with Dr Barn, we gave our filled in forms back to the school receptionist. Tomorrow, they would hand me my schedule and locker designation. They would also try and find someone with a similar schedule to accompany me on my first day. I also got permission to give Laura a quick tour, which also helped me lock in my knowledge of where everything was.

It was only when we were travelling back that I started wondering if I had called my attacker Richard or Dillan. A cold sweat with a chill caused me to shiver briefly. Laura noticed and asked if anything was wrong. I put it down to feeling wrung out from my session with Dr Barn. We spent the rest of the limo drive with Laura cuddling me, trying to make me feel better. I wish I could tell them the truth. I debated getting Gem to show them the diary. The problem was that there was no real evidence and the truth was really hard to be believed. I think Laura might believe me, she is less sceptical in general. Eve on the other hand doesn't seem to believe in anything. Telling her would almost certainly be a mistake. I may have to tell Laura anyway. If she heard me say Richard, then she may start to question our story soon. I would check with Gem, but I think we should tell Laura and then ask her whether we should tell Eve.