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I think I have only mentioned this to a couple of people at Big Closet. But I'm deaf which is a challenge I use Amerivan Sign Language (ASL).I live in a foreign Country as well. My complaint or grouse is that people do not speak to me. They talk over me to my husband it's like I don't exist to them. What makes it worse is when he does the same. Although I have to say in his defense he's trying to protect me.
It is so frustrating when you talk to people and they ignore you. Then if you don't hear them then you are rude. Another thing is thta I've been branded as arrogant as sometimes myy tone of voice is not right. It's just as soon as they hear that I speak a little slower they think I'm dumb. Ok that's probably a little unfair. As an American I was aised to communicate with American Sign Language (ASL). I'm doing OK with British Sign Language (BSL) now. Happily none of our children have my problem.
I know some of their friends were freaked out at first. But they explained to them how I can;t hear. I'm sure that in time they will use that to their advantage at some point lol.
Comments
I'm sorry
that so many of my countrymen are so unhelpful and only hope that as you put them right, some will learn to change their behaviour. I saw a lady last week who is very deaf, even with hearing aids, but she lip reads quite well and because I know she has a problem I make sure she can see my face and speak slow enough for her to catch most of what I'm saying.
It's so easy to talk over the head of someone who has a disability and I recall learning a very humbling lesson when I was fairly newly qualified and full of the confidence inexperience can bring. I treated a man in a wheelchair and talked over his head to his wife. He simply pointed out that his ears worked it was only his legs that didn't and I was so embarrassed I nearly caught fire, I felt so hot. He did me a tremendous favour. My neglect of him wasn't deliberate it was because I was talking to someone at the same level as I was when standing, he was below immediate eyesight and thus, out of my attention. Since then I've tried to take into account any disability people I'm trying to speak to may have and to do so without appearing condescending. I think we should teach it in schools and in doing so make children understand that people who are deaf or blind or have other physical differences are not stupid, in fact they may well be very bright.
Angharad
Things to consider.
And I don't mean this as hurtful, but talk with your husband when people talk around you. If possible have him not answer, have him remind them that if they want to speak to ask about you, have him say "Her she is in front of you, talk to her, she's deaf not dumb and has to read your lips, so speak slow and clear."
Ask how they would feel if you spoke to them like a child. You are an adult and demand to be respected as one. Your such and such age not five or so.
Also this may sound foolish but have a pair of earplugs, ear muffs or whatnot on hand. Tell them to put it on for say 5 minutes and try to hold a conversation with someone and as how they felt or did they find it intimidating was it. They only had to suffer for a few minutes whereas you have to suffer for a lifetime. Don't let them get away. Say if they think your being rude, say how rude it is of them to think how dumb they're treating you. Yes you speak slower, you don't 'hear' the words, you think them so you must make sure your bringing the right words out.
If they still persist, walk away from them saying how ignorant they are. Would they treat a person who's handicapped with a missing limb the same way? Or is its because what they can't see beyond their blind eyes of thinking.
Be sure your husband stands by your decision and if he's doing the same, be polite to remind him of his mistake. If he's made aware, he may find how he's been falling into the same trap that others put you in.
it's
So sad that some of us who are, disable who get tweeted this way. My self I loss some of my hearing from being in the military. while station in Vietnam. it sucks.
Cheryl, I understand the
Cheryl, I understand the frustration that you're sharing with us, in your blog. Having been diagnosed, at the age of 14, with multiple learning disabilities, some of them, very severe. Some teachers have labelled me, as being lazy, due to my inability to process the written word, while having strong oral skills, to voice my opinion. As a result of my learning disabilities, I had a few teachers question my intellect abilities, while they failed me, in various academic areas. Never mind, I have an IQ that's almost, in the third deviation, from the norm. And fought my way through the education system, to earn a BA, in political science.
I do hope this blog helps you, Cheryl, to blow off some of your frustration. While, enlightening the rest of us, who take hearing, for granted. Thank you, for sharing this.
therisa
I know the feeling of being treated in a simualar manner
A few years ago while I was still working I was in an a car accident that cost me my left leg. Until I finally retired last year I would have to travel for my work. A lot of that travel was by airplane. My biggest problem was ALWAYS those fools in the TSA who thought my leg was being used to smuggle something. They aren't the only ones. More than a few Police Officers have given me crap along the same lines. Just because my prosthetic leg is hollow. AS for the a good many of the citizens in the US I have found that 90% of them don't understand or know how to act around those of us with handicaps, both visible and invisible. The main problem is the lack of education and exposure within our education system. I believe the attitude of sending our handicapped children to specialized schools has been both a cure and cruse within the US.
May the peace and happiness of the Goddess keep and protect you
as always your humble outlaw
Jessie Wolf
Disability
I have a blind friend who can hear and speak quite well. When we are out together at restaurants or stores, people address questions and comments to me instead of her quite frequently. I simply smile at them and look at my friend. It's effective and not quite as embarrassing as direct confrontation with people who are being rude without meaning to be so.
I met an aphasic once, someone who can hear but not speak. She had cards she handed out explaining her situation to people and asking for tolerance and patience. The card was quite forceful in telling people what sort of behaviors would not be acceptable. I wish I still had the card so I could share its content.
Workarounds for the situations people find themselves in will probably always be less than ideal.
Good luck. We all need reminders that not everyone is the same.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Hearing Issues And Other Disabilities
I understand you quite well regarding having hearing problems; due to ongoing middle ear damage, I will eventually be completely deaf.
I'm not sure exactly how much hearing I have lost so far, likely half or a bit more. What drives me nuts is that people assume that I can hear just fine and then almost whisper or use an accent that is so thick that I can't make out one word in ten, let alone one in five.
I could easily enough go out and get hearing aids, but there is where I run into another very significant problem. I am VERY noise sensitive, an emergency vehicle now can actually make me dizzy almost to the point of falling down. I had hearings aids back in the late '90s, and every time a vehicle like that went by me when I was wearing them, I WOULD fall down, no ifs, ands or buts about it. I ended up hurt several times.
It's actually safer for me when I'm outside to NOT wear hearing aids, which means I have trouble understanding people sometimes.
What makes it harder for me is that I know very little sign language, I was learning it many years ago, but things went haywire and I never got back around to it. I suppose I should do that soon, but I'm in the process of trying to find a new place to live at the moment.
I should also add that I am not good at reading lips at all and that makes it hard to tell what is being said when I can't hear someone.
I also have vision loss, roughly the same amount as the hearing, maybe a bit more, plus extreme light sensitivity. I went out a while back and bought five sets of the clip on sunglass lenses to snap onto my eyeglasses, and I still get blinded to the point I can't see sometimes.
Add to that that I have chronic Fibromyalgia which I have been living with for about 28 years. On a pain scale from 0 to 10, 0 being no pain and 10 being me blacking out or becoming unconscious, a good day would be about a 3, mid-range day a 5 or 6, bad day a 7 or 8 and a really bad day going to 9 or even closing in on 10. Today is a fairly good day for pain, about a four, with the migraine being worse, about a six.
I'm also at least one hundred pounds overweight which makes even simple walking more difficult for me.
Getting back to the hearing issues, what frustrates me the most is phone conversations. Many people talk rather quietly, and I can't tell what they're saying. Far too often while on a phone, I'll tell the same person several times to speak louder and/or more clearly. It gets even worse when they just ignore the fact that I'm trying to improve communication but they can't be bothered to reciprocate.
Talking to others in person, I can tell them right there that I have hearing issues; sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't.
As I said earlier, I can understand what you're feeling about unseen handicaps, on several fronts in my case.
I hope things begin to work out better for you soon.
Many thanks to all.
Thanks everyone for the support. I've read all the replys and I am going to give all your suggestions a try. What you all said made a lot of sense and clarified a few things for me. It really gets frustrating sometimes. I spoke to my husband about your suggestions Ibi. He just said try it, obviously, things are difficult for you I understand that. I'll always support and protect you any way I can. He thought the ear defenders/ear muffs was a great idea. As he said most hearing people have no idea what you are facing.
It's nice to have somewhere I can vent at times. The card idea is a good one too Erin I think I'll give that a try to at some point. Once again, guys, many thanks for your support and ideas.
Cheryl XX