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.1). THE LIMITS OF ACCEPTANCE

"Mom? I have something to tell you..."

"Goodness, this sounds serious. Let's sit down here. What is it, Honey?"

"I'm......... I'm a Tr-"

"You're Transgendered? I knew dear. I was pretty sure anyway. You've always seemed more like a daughter. Your father and I were expecting this. We love you no matter what."

"Ohhhh that's wonderful, Mom! I was working up the nerve to tell you someday."

"But you just told me..."

"That's not what I was gonna say though. It's............ something else."

"You can say it. My brave girl!"

"I'm.............. a Trekkie."

"Oh God!! Where did we go WRONG?!!"
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.2). GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS. (for Julie O.)

GOOD NEWS: You meet this Adonis at a bar.

BAD NEWS: He's from Romania.

GOOD: He speaks English perfectly.

BAD: He brags incessantly.

GOOD: You want him anyway.

BAD: You're not technically a woman yet.

GOOD: He says he has a thing for T-girls.

BAD: In the parking garage, the "thing" turns out to be a crowbar!
He has restraints, surgical equipment.

GOOD: You're a witch, working for the Magical Justice Department.
You've been on this monster's trail for months. You easily subdue him.

BAD: Before his trial, he's extradited back to Bucharest.

GOOD: Romanian witch-justice is swift, and ......... creative.
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.3). SOMETHING QUITE ATROCIOUS...

My sister Shantisha was incredulous, "You're saying Kelly, our building superintendant, wasn't always a guy?"

"He was always a guy, he just be in th' wrong body."

"Oh God, there you go with that shit again. You know what I'm sayin'. It's just ........ I mean Kelly!
Who woulda guessed?! And does he have a ........ you know."

"Penis? Sure does. It's not fully functional, but it look real, man!"

"How on Earth did they do that?"

"Made it from his toes."

"His toes?"

I sang my response, "Our ......... super Kelly's fake realistic sex be all his toes, Sis!"
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.4) THE DEVIL AND WENDY WILSON

It was the most painful decision I'd ever made. I sighed, "Sorry Lucifer. No deal."

"What? It's what you always wanted, Wendell! I've heard your tears,
your prayers," he pointed upward, "And He obviously doesn't care..."

"It's been horrible, this life, feeling like a woman and looking like .......... this.
But He must have reasons, I gotta trust that."

"You're NUTS!" he sneered.

"Probably..."

"Well I'd say you passed."

"If I passed I'd have other options."

"No, I meant," he unscrewed his horns, pocketed them. Produced a glowing halo,
positioned it over his head, and smiled, "It's your lucky day..."

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.5). LITTLE MISS FORTUNES

I woke up one morning and logged onto my computer to check out the latest stories on BigCloset. But I misspelled "bigcloset"---accidently typing in "bigcloser"---and I was suddenly thrust into the exciting world of real estate!

My every move was brilliant. I could sell the crappiest properties effortlessly. Soon I was earning seven figures, then eight!

Until the morning I went to write "bigcloser" and accidently typed "bigloser". As the bottom fell out of the real estate market, the IRS discovered my various dodges, and---oh calamity!---I lost everything...

All I've got left is this drabble.
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.6). The Mistery Woman of Mystery ~~~ A DRIBBLE

Last year on another site I read four or five stories in the span of a week that seemed barely literate, that were so godawful that I started to wonder if somebody wasn't putting us on, submitting them as hoaxes....... The on-line reviewers lambasted these authors mercilessly, and while I refrained from saying anything hurtful, it inspired me to try to pen the worst piece of transgender fiction ever written:
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He said this elivater will took me to top of Eifful Tower and I say form here in Miniapellis?? Really??? and "Yes" he said so I did.

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Oh. And I was a man waring a dress.

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7.). GENDER-FLUID

I'd never heard the term "gender-fluid" until that day.

"So, what's the problem ....... Mister ....... Miss-"

"You can't tell, can you Doctor?"

"No."

"That's the problem. Neither can I."

"But which sex do you feel like?"

"I don't."

"Aha!!" he exclaimed. Dug into my navel. Out popped a valve stem.

"JESUS!"

"Relax, everybody has one. But it should have a cap on it. Your genderfluid's leaked out."

"My what?"

"Lie back..."

He put a funnel into the stem. Took what resembled a gallon of cheap blueberry punch from a cabinet.

"Um ........... could I try that pink kind there?"
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.8). The Queerometer Never Lies . (Just a gay old drabble, circa 1998...)
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My new neighbor seemed nice enough, in a macho ignoramus kind of way. His cluttered apartment
had porno mags scattered everywhere. He got us beers, turned on the television.

"That dude's a goddamn faggot."

"That actor? You heard this?"

"I just know. I always know."

I saw one serious flaw in his claim, but just nodded.

"And him too!"

"Gene Hackman? You sure?"

"Positive. 'Cause whenever I see a homo, I get this ......... reaction. Kinda like my grandma
knowing it was gonna rain. F*ckin' queers are everywhere."

"What kind of reaction?"

"It's like ............. my dick gets hard."

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