Sydney Moya

(C) 2017

Synopsis

Rachel doesn’t want to be a boy but she won’t let the world know. Now that decision is taken out of her hands. What will she do?

One

"You have to tell them," Stacy insisted.

"No," said Rachel flatly.

Stacy eyed her twin. Rachel could be stubborn particularly over something so important. She knew her sister was wrong. Her sister needed to get professional help she couldn't give her. That would only happen if their parents knew.

She didn't envy her. It would be a hell of a thing to live with what her sister had known for most of her life.

"You can't carry on like this," Stacy remarked, shaking her head.

"I can't tell them Stace, I just can't," murmured Rachel softly.

"I'll help you," Stacy said picking up the older girls hands.

A tear made its way down Rachel's face. Rachel wished she didn't have to go through all this pain. She asked herself why couldn't she have been born normal like everyone else.

"Please don't tell them," she murmured.

Stacy sighed softly. She was the only person in the world who knew Rachel, a pretty, soft-spoken young woman. Everybody else saw a boy named Robbie instead. A quiet, serious teenager who never got in trouble, was quite intelligent and suffered from serious gender dysphoria.

Stacy had known her brother was different from childhood. Robbie had always had a girly side. Not that that wasn’t okay with her. They were twins, she was just over 10 minutes younger than Robbie, and like most twins they were close. They'd had an idyllic childhood, wanting for nothing and being well loved by their parents Joost and Sara. They'd played together all the time being pirates or just playing quietly in the house with her dolls or his cars. Both of them had friends they regularly played with but they were rather close.

Something changed when Robbie became a teen. The previously cheerful child became morose and withdrawn. She had shed off the few friends she had and didn’t make new ones. It had taken Stacy's clothes disappearing for her eyes to open. She'd caught her twin wearing her second favourite dress.

"Hey. You could have asked me for it first," she'd said when she'd walked into’s Rachel’s room.

Rachel had looked so embarrassed. Words failed her. She started crying, more than certain her sister would hate her.

Stacy felt awful, "Don't cry," she immediately said before reaching for her twin and giving her a hug.

“I want to be a girl, I don’t feel like a boy,’ Rachel murmured, choking back a sob.

Stacy eyes widened, “No way,” she replied.

Rachel nodded, “I hate it I just wish I could be a girl, that’s why I wore your dress so I could feel normal,” she finished, still sobbing.

Stacy hugged her sibling again, tears falling from her eyes.

“It hurts so much, I just wish I could die sometimes,” said Rachel, still in tears.

“No! Don’t say that,” Stacy replied, “We have to tell Mum and Dad,” she murmured.

Rachel let go and shook her head.

“I can’t. They won’t understand.”

Stacy nodded, unable to find fault with her twin’s reasoning though she still felt they had to know.

“Okay,”

“Maybe I can help you out. That dress suits you,” she said with a smile.

“Come to my room,” she said as she stood up and offered Rachel her hand.

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked worried for some reason.

“Of course, I want to see what my big sister looks like,”

Rachel gingerly allowed herself to be led to her little sister’s room.

“I know you like the dress but I have a bunch of other things I think would look nice on you,” she said smiling.

She opened her closet and dug out a crop top and a pair of shorts.

“You’ll need a bra and panties,” said Stacy before grabbing a bra and packet of panties from another drawer.

Rachel could hardly believe it as her sister handed the stuff over.

She turned around and took off the dress before shimmying out of it.

She quickly pulled of her underwear before donning the one’s her sister had given her. She figured the bra out first time before putting on the top her sister had given her. Stacy gave her some rolled up tights to stuff the bra with

“Nice,” Stacy remarked, “come here and lets work on your hair a bit,” she added.

In a way Rachel was born that day. For the next few years Rachel dressed up whenever she could, eventually buying her own clothes and then beginning to go out dressed as a girl whenever she could. She had a whole other life no one else but her sister knew about.

Stacy quickly came to see that Rachel was real and Robbie was a front and it broke her heart to see her twin unable to live her life as she clearly wanted to. In her eyes Rachel was a girl, it was clear she hated being male but and how uncomfortable it made her. Still she did her best to support her, hiding Rachel’s clothes amongst her own and sharing her makeup while making every effort to let her sister know she loved her either way.

Rachel stared at her reflection. She had thick blonde hair that tickled her neck. She sighed wishing she could grow it longer but Robbie needed it shorter. Any longer and he would get questions about it at school. They were funny about things like that.

Her eyes were a dazzling green. Cat’s eyes, her grandmother called them. No one in her family else had eyes like hers. Rachel loved them, considering them a win in a body which was a liability to her.

Her face wasn’t too bad she surmised. Prominent cheekbones, button nose and a dainty jaw. She looked like both her parent’s child but not a son. It was getting harder and harder to pretend she was that boy.

Her voice didn’t even sound like her male classmates which was exactly how she liked it even if people gave her grief about it. Mike Thomas was one prat who liked to mimic her in a girly tone whenever she said something. It always brought laughs from the peanut gallery that followed him around. Needless to say it made Rachel less likely to talk.

She cupped her breasts and smiled. Maybe her eyes weren’t her best assets. She just loved her bust. She could never imagine a life without them. She wore a 36C bra now and she was nearly seventeen. Rachel knew she had been lucky to get on hormones when she was 12 and it was amazing how quickly they had developed especially after using the blockers she had bought online at 13.

They were a bitch to hide but whenever the world told her she was a boy which was all the time they were a gentle reminder that she wasn’t.

Further down her waist tapered in and tapered out leading to her hips which were just right in her eyes, smaller than Stacy’s but feminine enough for her. She just wished she could get rid of the bits between her legs. How she loathed them. She kept herself tucked as always as it was a part of her body she didn’t want to see.

How she wished she could just be a girl all the time to everyone.

Sighing she turned away and quickly got dressed, gaff, first then her bikini before putting on the bikini top. A minimal dusting of makeup and some pink lip gloss followed then slipping on a floral maxi dress. Rachel brushed her hair, reminding herself to get it styled tomorrow and she was done.

‘Record time,’ she thought, smiling at her reflection.

“Stacy, I’m all set,” said the young woman.

“Okay,” another teenage girl yelled back.

They met up in the hallway outside their rooms.

“You look great sis,” Stacy said, eyeing her older sister.

Stacy was equally beautiful. The girls were similar in height with Stacy an inch shorter than Rachel at 5’6. She had her father’s blue eyes in an oval face and her mother’s jet black hair only hers went half way down her back. She had the same hour glass figure her sister had and as you can guess was very popular with the boys.

“Thanks, you too,” said Rachel taking in her sister’s shorts and tank top.

Rachel always preferred to wear dresses and skirts much to her sister’s amusement. Stacy didn’t hate them; she just found them a hassle compared to jeans and shorts. As for Rachel she thought they were the essence of femininity and accordingly maximised her time in them as she couldn’t wear them freely all the time. The only time she got to wear her girl clothes was when her parents were away which wasn’t often enough for her liking.

When that happened Rachel usually came out to play and more often than not her sister would insist on accompanying her.

“All set?” Rachel asked.

Stacy smiled and nodded. They headed downstairs to the kitchen, took the lunch they had packed and got in the car, their mother’s old Mazda MPV which had been handed to Rachel as a reward for her getting 12 A* grade GCSE’s a year ago. Stacy had only just written her GCSE’s because she was a year behind Rachel at school because of an illness she’d suffered when she was 7.

It was an okay car, not what she would have picked for herself but she was grateful for the gesture as it allowed her to do things she had always longed to but couldn’t easily do before.

Things like going to the beach in the next town en femme.

Rachel dropped into the driver’s seat and the pair of them set off with Rachel sticking to the speed limits as being stopped while driving as she appeared would bring her angst she didn’t need. Stacy still didn’t have a licence as she had failed on her test thanks to nerves which made her dependent on her twin for transport. Since they were best friends she didn’t mind too much.

“So what are we doing today?” Rachel asked her baby sister.

“I wanted to work on my tan, maybe see some nice boys,” Stacy answered.

Rachel giggled, “Sounds like a plan,” she laughed.

“I’d rather hang out with my sister though,” Stacy said, smiling.

She squeezed Rachel’s hand. Rachel smiled at her. They had planned this excursion for weeks ever since finding out their parents were going overseas for two weeks that summer. They had offered to take them along but Rachel had begged off wanting a chance to just be herself for a bit and of course not wanting the hassle of going through an airport with a body like the one she had. Stacy had decided to stay too and now the girls were going to enjoy their first day out in what promised to be an interesting fortnight

“You should tell Mum and Dad you know,” Stacy remarked, her expression serious.

Rachel paled, “I can’t not while I am still at home,” she replied.

Stacy sighed; this was a bone of contention between them with her encouraging her twin to come out and Rachel flat out refusing because she was scared they wouldn’t take too kindly to having another daughter.

“They won’t chuck you out,” Stacy pointed out.

Rachel looked at her, “And you know that how?”

“I just know. They would get it,” Stacy insisted.

Rachel harrumphed, “They already think I’m weird,” she said thinking of the look her mother had given her when she found that there was a school dance and she had no intention of going.

It was just that Rachel didn’t fancy asking any girls when she considered herself one. Going with a boy was equally out of the question. Rachel found boys attractive but while living as Robbie she didn’t dare peak behind that door. So she stayed at home and worked on some stuff on her computer much to her mother’s disappointment while her sister had gone the whole nine yards and got a nice dress and do as well the obligatory date. So now her mother had an album with Mark and Stacy all dressed up for a dance but none of Robbie who had never gone.

She knew her mother was disappointed even if she didn’t say so. To be honest so was she. She had wanted nothing more than to go and watching Stacy’s excitement about it had hit her hard. However she knew of no way to tell her family how she felt and had to content herself with living vicariously through her sister who had let her try her dress on. Rachel could only bide her time while pining for a better future.

Her Dad had long ago since given up on getting her to do stuff considered normal for boys around here such as playing rugby like he had. The man had played for one of the provinces in his native South Africa before getting injured and coming to England for university. He’d met their mother a little Scottish beauty. They had nothing in common but they had loved each other instantly got hitched and had Mark then the twins eight years later.

Rachel loved her father but she had nothing in common with him. He called her his little boffin in affection but she sensed it was an endearment born out of disappointment with his son.

She was a good child, never got into trouble, did well at school but there was just something off. She knew she was the odd one out unlike her siblings. Mark was the perfect son, he had been brilliant at school, an excellent rugby player and cricket player now he was making money hand over fist in the City. He specialised in emerging markets, utilising his South African connections. Stacy was a normal teen girl with lots of friends.

She looked at her sister and spoke,

“It’s because they don’t know Rachel and they can sense you’re hiding something. Mom is worried sick. She’s always asking me if anything’s wrong and she thinks I know and I hate lying to her” Stacy remarked.

Rachel sighed and gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter

“I know you hate every day you don’t get to be like this and it’s bleeding through,” Stacy argued.

“Please can we talk about something else,” Rachel murmured.

Stacy knew that tone it meant Rachel was done talking.

She looked out of the window. Rachel glanced at her, “I’m sorry Stace. I’m just so scared. I’ve read so many horror stories about girls like me. I have nowhere to go if I get thrown out. When I’m done with school I’ll tell them,” the older girl explained.

Stacy shook her head and plugged her phone into the car’s sound system.

While the girls were heading to the beach their parents were in New York, waking up.

“I wonder how the kid’s are,” Sara wondered.

“They’re okay. Stacy’s probably out shopping or something while Robbie’s nose is in some book,” Joost remarked.

“Probably, I wish they had come with us,” Sara remarked.

“They didn’t want. They’re growing up,” Joost pointed out, “don’t want to be anywhere near us.”

Sara smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“You’re probably right.”

She sat up in bed and eyed her husband, “Joost honey, don’t take this wrong but I am worried about Robbie,” she remarked.

“Why?”

“He is nearly seventeen and his voice hasn’t changed. I mean Mark was shaving at that age,” she remarked.

Mark was their firstborn and lived in London where he worked as a day trader, after a getting a first at Oxford.

“You know how it is; some kid’s grow faster than others,” Joost replied.

“He looks like a girl and it’s getting worse. I don’t know how many times people have mistaken him for my daughter,” Sara pointed out.

Joost laughed, “Don’t worry. He is just a pretty boy. He’ll grow out of it,” he said before embracing his wife.

“How does he feel about it? He has no friend’s you know,” Sara remonstrated.

It had taken a while for Sara to realise this as Robbie was naturally an introvert but at the twins last birthday party every guest had been invited by Stacy, none by Robbie. Then there was that dance and his saying he wasn’t interested. She knew something was bothering her child but Robbie always shrugged and said he was fine. His schoolwork was testament to that, it was great. The problem is Stacy would always look away when she asked and if Sara knew anything it was that Robbie had no secrets from his twin.

Her husband sighed, he just didn’t get it as well, but since Robbie was hale and hearty he wasn’t too worried. Not like when Stacy nearly died.

“’Kay we’ll talk to the boy when we get back home,” Joost replied.

At the beach meanwhile the girls had set up their blankets and umbrella. Before long Stacy was down to her swimwear as she wanted to get in the water something she would have to do alone as her sister was a bit nervous of getting in. She feared losing her bottom and being exposed.

“Oh come on,”

“No, just go ahead, I’ll sit back here and watch our stuff. It’s okay,” Rachel remarked.

Stacy sighed, it wasn’t okay but she knew Rachel’s biggest fear was someone finding out she had a penis. She didn’t get it as no one had ever clocked since their first outing four years before. She wished her sister would just tell their parents so she could get the surgery she clearly needed.

It was a bummer that she was always terrified of being found out.

“Suit yourself,” she said before running into the surf.

Rachel watched her go, a huge part of her wishing she could go join her. It had been so long since her last trip to the beach with her old’s. Even then she’d refused to swim because of the two obvious reasons on her chest. So she’d stayed at home studying instead. The risk of being found out was too great.

She was brave enough to strip down to her bikini and use some of the suntan.

‘I should have asked Stace to help,’ she thought.

Once she had reached the area’s she could she lay down and took out a novel and began reading. Rachel loved reading it was her one escape from the world as it allowed her to forget her situation even if was momentary.

It felt like she’d been reading for a minute when she heard someone speaking to her,

“Hello, sorry to be a bother but I was wondering if you could do my back,”

Rachel turned to see the source of the voice without thinking.

“Robbie?” said the girl, stunned.

Rachel froze as she stared into the face of her classmate. Jess Williams was in the same set she was in at school. They weren’t friends by any stretch of the imagination and she wasn’t the sort of girl anyone would want to be a friend.

Rachel shook her head but it didn’t convince Jess.

“It is you,” Jess said, shocked.

She looked at the other girl, eyes riveted on her bust. Her hand rose to cover her mouth.

“OMG! You’ve got boobs, are you some sort of homo?” she said, her voice low and conspiratorial.

Tear’s fell from Rachel’s eyes. Jess took a picture of her with her iphone.

“Please don’t,” Rachel begged.

Jess looked at her for a minute and Rachel watched as her features clouded with disgust.

“You effing perv. Do you get your kicks from this?”

Rachel shook her head, “I am not a perv, why would you say that?”

“Sure you’re not. I am going to show everyone,’’ harrumphed Jess before turning and running up the beach.

Rachel burst into tears and sobbed into her hands. Stacy found her like this minutes later.

Too be continued