Synopsis: Jake emails his mum and then, through an unpleasant bout of rain, accidentally reveals his feminized body to Lilah.
 

 

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, then quickly began typing out my message. I was actually feeling better than I had in a long while, now that I’d cried out my frustrations and had Lilah comfort me. My head felt clearer and more focused, less crowded with emotions and uncertainty. This was good because I wanted the message to mum to come across as calm as possible but still have a sense of urgency, so she’d take me seriously and not think that I was making some kind of weird joke or bad attempt at getting her attention. I was unhappily aware that telling someone that my aunt was turning me into a girl wasn’t exactly the most believable of stories, especially without any evidence.

“Mum,
I need help! Aunt Linda is crazy, and she’s trying to turn me into a girl. She’s giving me these tablets that are making me grow up like a girl, and she’s been doing it for years. I look like you now, and I even have breasts! I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. I hate her! She’s a monster and I can’t live with her anymore!
Please help me. I miss you so much! I know that you’re modelling and are really busy but I need you. Can you please come home? Just for a few days, to get rid of Linda? I don’t know how to contact grandma or grandpa and I know that they hate us but maybe I could stay with them for a bit, with Ada? Just to get away from Linda? I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have any friends. I need you! You’re all I have.
Please, mum. I’m scared. I need you to help me.
I love you.
Jake.”

I finished typing and stared at the message, kind of satisfied with it. There was a lot more I wanted to add to it but I could just fill in the rest later, if she came home. For now I just wanted to let her know what was happening, how I felt about it and get across how much I needed her. I was slightly surprised at how well I’d managed to write it, but writing was always something I’d been good at. English was the only subject at school besides science that I wasn’t failing miserably, and I even enjoyed it to a certain extend. I used to love doing book reports in primary school and had been devastated when we didn’t do them anymore in senior school. Now we just analysed novels and picked apart certain scenes and it wasn’t very enjoyable. It was far better than maths though. Urgh…

I was starting to get worried about what would happen if she didn’t read it though. If she was so busy with her modelling career then she mightn’t have time to check her emails, or she could even have a new email address and never check this one! I was sure that if she saw it then she’d help me, but now I wasn’t so sure that she’d actually see it. Should I tell someone else, just in case? But who?

Maybe a teacher at school? I didn’t get along with hardly any of them though, mainly because most of my grades were abysmal and I didn’t care at all about improving them. When I was in class I was either being bullied by someone or trying my best to pretend I wasn’t there by daydreaming about animals, TV shows or mum. Focusing on schoolwork wasn’t a priority to me. I had no hopes, dreams or ambitions about my future. I had a vague idea about being some kind of biologist and researching platypuses but I didn’t have much of a drive to do that yet. The only thing I wanted was for mum to come home. Until that happened then everything else was just…nothing.

There were a few teachers that I did like though, and who were nice to me, but I always kept my distance from them. I was scared that if I got attached to them then they’d just leave like mum had, and I wasn’t capable of dealing with another loss like that. It was the same as with the nice kids in my class. I didn’t want friends because I was too scared of them leaving me. It was just easier to ignore the kind people and keep to myself, only talking to other students when I had to or when I was retaliating from being bullied.

Loneliness hurt far less than loss did.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, exhaustion settling into me. Since I’d first spoken to Lilah yesterday my life had been a rollercoaster of horrible emotions and I had no idea what was going to happen to me anymore. My life was falling apart and I had no control over it. If mum didn’t get my message then I was going to have to tell a teacher at school what was happening, if Linda even let me go to school. If not then I’d call the police and hope that they could help. Neither of those options seemed very good though.

Maybe…

I…I could call my da-

‘Just there, right under the ribcage. Can you see it?’ dad said, pointing a scarred finger at Ada’s stomach. ‘That’s where you slip it in.’

‘I don’t want to!’ I shouted and tried to pull my hand free from his grasp but it was impossible. Ada screamed and thrashed about in the rope bindings on my bed but she couldn’t free herself. ‘Dad! Stop it!’

‘No! No!’ Ada sobbed and I dropped the knife in my hand, but dad caught it before it hit the ground.

‘You’re so weak, Jake.’ Dad scowled and shoved the knife back into my hand. ‘Just slip it in and you’ll see…you’ll see it all…’

‘I don’t want to see it.’

‘Ohhh…but I want you to, so badly.’ Dad sighed and began pulling my hand towards Ada’s struggling form. ‘I need you to be special, and special things are only born through death. Tragedy makes gods, and I refuse to have a son who wo-’

‘No! Let me go!’ I screamed, mirroring Ada’s own wails. ‘I don’t want to hurt Ada! Ju-’

YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK FUCK!

Mum’s enraged face appeared in front of me and I tried to scream but my entire body froze in horror. The world darkened and for a moment I felt like I was floating in an ocean, surrounded by hundreds of images swirling around me. I saw Ada hugging me while I cried, Linda pushing me out of a hospital in a wheelchair, mum sobbing as she hugged me goodbye for the last time, apologising for how she’d treated me, and dad, screaming at mum while being dragged off by police. I saw the day I’d gotten Julia, a gift from Linda to cheer me up after mum left. I sa-

‘Jake!’ a voice asked and I plummeted back down into reality and stared dizzily ahead as the darkness faded into light, revealing Lilah’s frowning face. ‘Jake? Are you okay?’

‘What just…what…’ I muttered and looked around, surprised to see that I was still in the library. I’d…something had happened, I felt like I’d been somewhere else but I couldn’t remember where. I tried to think back to the last few minutes and strange, fragmented images appeared in my head, but when I tried to focus on them they started to disappear. I think I saw mum, and Ada and…Julia? Maybe? I couldn’t feel them properly anymore. If felt like some kind of thick, ethereal wall was falling down between me and the images, cutting them off as effectively as a knife.

And it felt…familiar…like I’d experienced this before. There was an emptiness where the images were, a hole that I couldn’t see but I felt it, just behind the wall. And I knew that hole, that feeling of emptiness. Like an itch that I needed to scratch but I just couldn’t find it.

Where had that wall even come from? Was I doing that? Were those images dreams, or memories? I remembered something about…something…

Ugh! I didn’t remember even pieces of them anymore. What the hell…

‘What’s going on?’ I asked croakily, my throat dry and my stomach sore. I felt like I’d just woken up, sluggish and groggy and just yuck.
‘I don’t know.’ Lilah said worriedly. ‘You were just staring ahead, twitching and muttering to yourself. It was weird!’

‘S-sorry.’ I rubbed my forehead and shook myself slightly, even the wall and hole starting to fade from my mind. ‘I…I guess I fell asleep or I was drifting off or something. I really didn’t sleep too well last night.’

‘Yeah, you’ve got dark lines under your eyes.’ Lilah said, sitting next to me and putting a hand on my arm. The concerned expression on her face made me feel a little better and I smiled, making her smile back. ‘How are you feeling now? Have you had lunch yet?’

‘No. I haven’t eaten since that pizza yesterday.’ That was probably why my stomach was feeling so bad, now that I thought about it. I think that pizza and glass of coke was all I’d had to eat over the past five days. God! No wonder I felt like crap.

‘Seriously? You only ate like one slice of that pizza!’ Lilah gasped. ‘No wonder you’re falling asleep! We need to get something inside of you right away! Quick! Have you finished that email?’

‘Oh! Yeah, I just have to send it.’ I read over the email again and then sent it, my mind too fuzzy to really worry about it now. I’d wait a couple of days for mum to do something, and if nothing happened then I’d talk to a teacher or call the police, depending on what situation I was in. That was all I could think to do right now. ‘Okay! Done.’

‘Great!’ Lilah put the laptop back into her bag and jumped too her feet. ‘Come on! I know a really good juice place in the food court that’ll give you a huge boost of energy!’

‘Juice?’ I asked as I got off the couch. ‘Like apple and stuff?’

‘Not just apples! You can choose whatever you want, they’ve got tons of fruit. I always get a banana and raspberry one with honey.’ Her eyes lit up and she licked her lips. ‘Mmmm…it’s so good…’

‘I’ll get one of those then.’ I smiled, not really knowing what else I’d get. The only fruit I’d ever eaten had been apples and oranges, and only when I absolutely had to.

‘Good! You’ll love it, I promise.’ Lilah grinned as she left the library, and held the door open for me to exit through. A blast of freezing wind assaulted me and I gasped, then hugged myself as an array of shivers assaulted my body.

‘Whoa.’ I said through chattering teeth. ‘It’s so cold!’

‘Yeah. There’s going to be a storm later.’ Lilah frowned at me. ‘Why didn’t you wear a jacket or anything?’

‘I didn’t know it was going to be so cold.’ I said miserably, looking around at the people passing by. They were all dressed appropriately, in coats or jumpers, and a few even had umbrellas out to defend from the slight raindrops falling from the dark sky.

‘You should…’ Lilah said and then trailed off, her eyes staring at my chest. She blinked in surprise and then gave me a weird look that I didn’t understand. ‘Jake?’

‘What?’ I asked and after a moment she quickly looked away, colour flushing into her cheeks.

‘Nothing!’ she bounced forward and began walking to the mall next to the library. ‘Come on, it’ll be warmer in the mall.’

I shivered and looked down at my chest, scared that she’d seen my breasts. Were th-

‘Yah!’ I yelped as an ice-cold drop of rain splattered down my back, quickly followed by another. I looked up just as the clouds tore open and a boom of thunder heralded a massive shower of rain. All around me people started complaining or speaking to each other in surprise, and they began hurrying towards their destinations as the rain became heavier.

I fled after Lilah, keeping my head bowed to keep the worst of the rain off of me. It didn’t help though as the rain was thick and fast. I felt my body becoming drenched just from the short rush to Lilah. She laughed at my shocked expression and grabbed my hand to lead me into the mall’s entrance, which had a small veranda above it.

‘I told you there was going to be a storm later.’ Lilah grinned as she led me through the sliding glass doors. ‘I didn’t think it’d happen so soon though. How wet are you?’

I looked down at myself and choked back a cry as I saw that my shirt was plastered to my body from the rain. My wide hips and small waist were painfully highlighted, as well as my chest. My breasts were…they were…

‘Oh god! D-don’t look!’ I cried and spun away from Lilah, only to come face-to-face with a group of elderly people coming in through the doorway. I squeaked and spun away from them, grabbing my back and hugging it to my chest with wild eyes. Oh fuck oh fuck!

People could see my breasts! My shirt was squashed up against them and had turned see-through from the rain, showing them off as if I was naked! Fist-shaped squishy lumps with…with hard nipples what the fuck!

I stared to panic and stared around the mall’s entrance area, desperate for a place where I could hide. There were far too many people around and so many stores, lining the entrance hall all the way to the large main area with the lifts and elevators. I couldn’t hide in any of the stores, they were clothes and two-dollar stores with way too many people in them. Shit! I needed to go to the toilets, but they were right in t-

‘Jake…’ Lilah grabbed my hand and looked at me with serious eyes. ‘Follow me.’

‘N-no, wait…I gotta…’ I stammered and stared at her in horror. She’d seen my body! She knew…oh no…

‘It’s okay, I’m going to help.’ She said gently and began to lead me up the hallway. ‘I’ve been in your situation before and I know how much it sucks. White shirts and rain don’t mix well for girls.’

‘I-I’m a boy!’ I squeaked and huddled into her as we passed an angry-looking old man.

‘Really.’ She looked at me with a smirk. ‘That’s odd, because that body under your shirt sure doesn’t look like a boy’s body.’

‘W-well, it is.’ I stammered and to my relief saw that she was leading me to the bathrooms next to the elevator.

‘Look, Jake, I’m a lesbian.’ She said quietly. ‘I don’t have a problem with you being trans or wha-’

‘I’m not a transsexual!’ I said louder than I should have. A few people looked at us and I bowed my head, relying on Lilah to lead me. ‘I was born a boy and I’m h-h-I’m fine with it!’

‘You don’t sound so sure of that.’ Lilah smiled crookedly and I glared at her, but didn’t say anything.

What the hell was I supposed to say to that? She was right.

The bathrooms were in a small hallway off from the elevators, and Lilah led me down it and into the women’s one. I began to object but stopped myself, realising that it probably wasn’t a good idea to go into the boys bathroom looking like this. Shit.

The bathroom was quite big with six sinks in the front and the same number of bathroom stalls to the right. The right wall had a white bench lining it and Lilah led me to that, and I dropped myself down and hugged my knees to my chest.

I’d never been into a women’s bathroom before and I felt like some kind of perverted intruder. There was a girl around our age doing her make-up in the mirror but she didn’t even look at Lilah and I, and some of the stall doors were closed with women in them.

‘I shouldn’t be here.’ I said quietly and Lilah shook her head.

‘Yes you should.’ She said and put her bag next to me, then pulled out a long, warm-looking grey coat. It looked very fine, with a silk interior and long sleeves that ended in a soft white cuff. The ends of the coat had a similar white softness around them and there were cinched in the middle ‘Are you okay with wearing this?’

‘Yes! Please!’ It was a girls coat, obviously, but right now I’d wear a potato sack if it’d hide the shape of my body.

‘Okay.’ Lilah nodded. ‘Take off your shirt and then we-’

‘What!’ I shook my head. ‘No!’

Lilah frowned at me and held up some fingers. ‘Okay, one: You’re going to get sick if you keep wearing that, and two: You’re not wearing my good coat over a wet shirt. This cost me two hundred dollars and I’m not going to risk it getting damaged.’

‘Two hundred dollars?’ I stared at the shirt in surprise. ‘That’s crazy!’

‘Really? I thought it was pretty cheap for a coat this good.’ She said and I just stared at her. ‘Anyway, you can either take off your shirt and put this on or go back outside and buy a new shirt. Your choice.’

I looked at the doorway and thought about all of the people out there. So many…and I’d have to talk to one if I was going to buy a shirt…urgh!

‘Fine!’ I rushed over to one of the stalls and got inside, then quickly tore off my stupid soggy shirt. I grabbed some toilet paper and dried myself off, doing my best not to look at my body. Once I was done I cracked the stall door open a bit and put my hand out. ‘Okay! I’m done.’

‘Are you dry?’ Lilah asked and I felt her push against the stall door to come in. I gasped and put my weight against it so she couldn’t get in.
‘Ah! I’m dry! You don’t have to check!’

‘Alright.’ Lilah laughed softly and handed the jacket in. I took it off her and eagerly slipped it on, then then zipped it all the way up. It felt amazing, warm and heavy but smooth and silky on the inside. I’d never worn something that felt like it before and for a moment I just moved my shoulders about, enjoying the sensations that ran through my chest and back. It fit me fairly well, comfortably snug around the shoulders and chest, although it was long enough that it went down to my knees and the curve for where it expected my hips to be was around my thighs. Oh well…it was better than nothing.

I frowned as my breasts became irritated from the silk and I angrily scratched them, wishing I could just rip them off and be done with it. They’d become so problematic in the past few days, and they’d only get worse if I kept taking Linda’s medication. I needed to make sure I didn’t ever take them again, or the injections she was planning on giving me.

And shit…Lilah had seen them. How was I going to explain this to her? I didn’t want to tell her about Linda, that’d take ages and it was way too embarrassing. Although not as embarrassing as her seeing my breasts, which had already happened. Maybe I should just tell her? Could she help somehow?

Or would she just laugh? I still didn’t have a good grasp of her personality. She’d been kind and comforting in the library but when she’d seen my chest she’d been amused and…I don’t know. Kind of annoying. But she had helped me…

I opened the stall and slowly came out, holding the wet shirt my hands. Lilah beamed at me and I smiled back, then stood out of the way as a woman came out of the opposite stall and went to the sinks.

‘Hey! It looks great on you!’ Lilah said, looking me over. ‘It’s a bit big but not too bad. We’ll quickly grab you a shirt on the way to the studio and you can put it on when we’re done.’

‘What should I do with this?’ I held up the shirt and she scratched her cheek.

‘Umm…just throw it out I guess? Unless you want to keep it?’

‘I don’t!’ I went over to the bin near the sink and angrily threw it in. ‘I’m never going to wear white again!’

‘It’s not really a problem if you stay out of the rain. Or wear a bra.’ Lilah said and I winced.

‘I’m never going to wear a bra!’

‘I think you probably should. Your…’ she stopped and looked around the bathroom at the other girls. ‘We should go talk somewhere else. Let’s get you a shirt and some juice.’

‘Okay.’ I followed her outside, my stomach heavy. She obviously had a lot of questions and I didn’t know how I was going to answer them. The urge to just run away from her was starting to grow, but I was wearing her ridiculously expensive coat so I couldn’t. I’d have to just…lie? No, I didn’t want to lie to her. But I didn’t want to tell the truth either!

‘So…’ she said as we wound our way through a crowd of younger kids and got onto the elevator. She looked at me with her sharp green eyes and I swallowed nervously. ‘I’m guessing that you’re a transguy then?’

I blinked. ‘What? No. I told you, I’m not trans.’

‘Are you intersex then?’

‘What’s that?’

‘Umm…’ she looked down at the escalator thoughtfully. ‘It’s where like, someone has both sets of male and female genitalia, I think. But they usually don’t know until they start growing up and their body goes through a different kind of puberty. Uh…maybe! I don’t know much about it, but…are you? Intersex?’

I froze for a moment. That sounded exactly like what I’d though was happening to my body for the last year and a bit. But it couldn’t be, not with how excited Linda had been about my changes. It was too much of a coincidence. If I was intersex then she’d have just said so instead of being vague and weird about it, and not letting me see a doctor.

‘I’m not intersex.’ I said heavily.

‘Then…’ Lilah got off the escalator and looked expectantly at me as I got off as well. We were in front of the foot court and a myriad of different stores greeted us, from delicious chains like McDonalds and KFC to smaller burger and sushi places. The smell was amazing and the pain grew in my stomach as it desperately cried out for sustenance.

‘I’m so hungry…’ I said and began walking towards the KFC, my hunger turning me into a food zombie.

‘The juice place is over here.’ Lilah said, grabbing my hand and leading me over to a side area where a large green storefront was. There were three people lined up outside of it and the fresh smell of oranges and passion-fruit lit up my nose. But it wasn’t enough to wipe away the scent of KFC!

‘I need KFC!’ I tried to turn back but she didn’t let me go.

‘No, you need energy, not fried chicken.’ She said distastefully. ‘It’ll just make you sick and feel all yucky.’

‘But it’s so yummy!’

‘So is this! You’ll thank me once you try it, I promise.’ She pulled me over to the line and held me in place next to her. I glared at her and then started longingly at KFC, knowing that Lilah was right but still wanting the delicious friend chicken anyway. It’d been years since I’d last had KFC and it felt like it’d been years since I’d last eaten as well.

‘So…’

‘What?’ I asked, tearing my eyes away from the KFC storefront to look at her impatient face.

‘If you’re not intersex and you’re not a girl, and you’re not trans, then…what are you?’

‘I told you, I’m a boy!’

‘With a body like that?’

‘Yes.’ I pulled down on the coat and blushed. ‘My body’s…I look like a girl but I have a…thing…so I’m a boy.’

‘But, why does your body look like that?’ She persisted.

‘Because I was stupid.’ I said quietly and she stared intently at me.

‘What do you mean?’

I gritted my teeth and decided to tell her some of the truth in the hopes that it’d stop her questions. ‘Someone convinced me that I was sick and gave me medication, and it turned me into…this.’

‘W-what?’ she said and let out a little laugh, enraging me.

‘It’s not funny!’ I shouted and the people in front of us looked at me in shock, but I ignored them.

‘Sorry! I’m sorry!’ Lilah held up her hands in shock. ‘You’re actually serious?’

‘Yes I’m serious!’ I snapped. ‘Why would I lie about something like that?’

Lilah ran her hands through her hair and stared at me with wide eyes. ‘Someone did this to you? Who?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Standing in line at a juice bar was not the best place to be having this kind of discussion.

Lilah ignored me and continued to ask questions. ‘How long have they been doing it to you for?’

‘Nearly two years. Bu-’

‘And you didn’t realise until…when?

‘A-a few days ago.’ I lied, embarrassed that it took me so long to figure out what was going on.

‘Shit! That’s insane.’ She said with wide eyes. ‘How did you not notice that you were turning into a girl for so long?’

‘I thought it was normal!’ My voice started shaking. ‘Linda told me that I was turning into a girl naturally, that I had some kind of weird body condition, and the medication was supposed to slowly change me into a boy but…but it did the opposite.’

‘Who’s Linda?’

‘Nobody.’ I said quickly, cursing myself for slipping up.

‘Is she your Aunt? That you live with?’ she asked and I winced. She had a way-too-good memory. ‘She’s turning you into a girl? Why?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I haven’t asked her!’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I’m scared!’ I gasped for air and wiped my eyes, starting to cry. I was so sick of crying! ‘I don’t want to talk about this! Stop asking me questions!’

‘S-sorry! I just wanted to…I….’ She trailed off uncomfortably and I shook my head.

‘I know, I get it. It’s weird but…I just can’t at the moment. I just…’ I rubbed my face and looked up at her. ‘It’s really scary and I don’t know how to deal with it! But I emailed mum and when she sees it she’ll come and make everything better so…so…so there’s nothing be upset about!’
Lilah looked at me pityingly and reached out to hug me. ‘Jake…’

‘Don’t.’ I stepped away from her. ‘I’m fine. I just…you’re right, I really need to eat something healthy. My head’s a mess and I feel like shit and…I just don’t want to talk about this, okay? Please? I just want to have a normal day away from Linda before she…before tonight. Just…just…’

‘This is really serious Jake.’ Lilah said as we moved up in the line. ‘Have you told someone about this? Besides me?’

‘I told you, I emailed mum.’

‘And that’s it?’ Lilah looked at me in surprise. ‘She lives in America, and you said she doesn’t even reply to your emails anymore. She mightn’t even see it!’

‘I told you I don’t want to talk about this!’

‘I know b-’

‘Then please, just stop!’ I begged her. ‘Can we just talk about this later? After the shoot or whatever? I just want to not think about it for a while. It’s been driving me insane and I feel like I’m losing my mind!’

‘…okay.’ She said, although her expression clearly stated that she wasn’t okay with it. ‘We can talk later.’

‘Thankyou.’ I said and rubbed my face again, then turned to the front of the line. I felt strangely pleased with having actually told someone what was going on, but maybe Lilah wasn’t the right person. She asked way too many questions and she seemed to be the kind of person who got involved with other people’s problems.

I think I’d just made a huge mistake.

Or maybe this was one of the smartest things I’d done in a very long time…

Note: Thankyou for reading! Comments and feedback are much appreciated!
I didn't expect to get this out for a while but the antibiotics finally kicked in and my brain went into overdrive and I yeah. Here we go! Hopefully this will answer some of the questions people have had about the story from the beginning , and start to push towards the end of the first part. I've planned to end it at chapter 10 but I might move it out to chapter 11 depending on how things go. This chapter was far longer than I expected it to be. I love writing dialogue and this chapter was full of dialogue and me made me happier than a crab eating a pig ^_^ Scutchuuu Scutchuuu! (That's what a crab sounds like while it eats a pig)

Also I'm still sick so if there's any weird problems or mistakes in this story please let me know because even though everything seems fine to me I'm not exactly at 100% right now. I spent ten minutes talking to a black lump of cuteness that I thought was my cat before going over to hug it and realizing that it was actually one of my shirts. I threw it in the bin because f*ck white shirts.

Even though it was black. Whatever!