Synopsis: Jake wakes up after realizing what Linda is doing to him and prepares to enjoy what could possibly be his last day outside for a while.

 
Note: This story is planned to go on for quite a while, although it will be segmented into separate parts at each major junction. The plan's for about ten-ish chapters for this part, with Jake/Linda/Lilah and another character coming up being the focus, and is pretty much an introduction setting up the important characters and fleshing out Jake and the world around him. The next part will be longer and expand upon everything introduced and mentioned in the first part, but this part is smaller and more focused on Jake.
Thanks for reading :)

 
Mum was sitting on the edge of my bed, a look of horror etched on her face as she cradled the…thing…in her arms. I whimpered and staggered towards her, ignoring the paid ripping through my lower half. I needed to help her, needed to make her feel better somehow. It wasn’t my fault bu-

WAKE UP!

‘I’m up!’ I gasped and jerked awake, staring blearily around my room. It felt like someone had just screamed in my ear to wake up but to my surprise there wasn’t anybody in my room. The tendrils of some horrible dream were fading from my mind and I pushed myself to my knees, feeling really uncomfortably for some reason. What had I-

I gasped as someone knocked sharply on my bedroom door, and it creaked open slightly to let in a bright stream of natural light.

‘Sweetie? It’s time to wake up, it’s almost twelve.’ Linda’s voice floated into the room and she pushed the door all the way open, then turned on my bedroom lights. ‘Are you awake?’

I started blankly at Linda in a doorway, for a moment confused by the surge of hatred that rose up inside of me. Then memories from the other night flooded through me and I snarled, every fiber of my being aching to jump off the bed and start screaming at the monster standing in the doorway. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stay calm, but angry thoughts thrashed about inside my head and threatened to escape. I hated her so much!

But I had to stay calm! I needed to email mum and tell her what was going on so she could save me, and the only way I could do that was by going to the library and emailing her. If Linda figured out that I’d realised what she’d been doing then she’d never let me leave the house again, or at least not by myself. And there was nothing in here that I could use to contact mum. I didn’t have a computer and Linda’s laptop and phone were both password-protected. I could try and call mum on the landline but I was almost one hundred percent sure that the number I had for her was outdated, considering that she hadn’t returned my calls in years.

…I could call the police though. Would Linda locking me up and refusing to let me leave the house be enough of a reason for them to come and arrest her? Especially if I told them that she was messing with my body as well? Would they-

‘Jake? Are you okay?’ Linda asked, making me jump slightly. The sound of her voice sent ripples of fury through me, but I was slightly relieved that she wasn’t calling me Lain yet.

‘I’m fine.’ I said as casually as possible, hoping that none of the anger I was feeling slipped into my voice. I kept my head bowed though so Linda couldn’t see my face, in case my expression somehow gave myself away. ‘I j-just feel a bit sick.’

‘Owh! Is it your stomach?’ she asked and I felt the side of the bed depress as she sat down. ‘You haven’t eaten in a while, have you?’

‘No.’ I didn’t feel like telling her about the pizza I had yesterday. ‘But I’ll grab something on my way to the library, it’ll be okay. I-I really need to get dressed so…so…could-’

‘I don’t want you going out if you’re sick.’ Linda said and I flinched away as she began to place her hand against my forehead. ‘Hey! Don’t look away. Let me see you.’

I swallowed and finally looked up at her, trying to make my expression look as natural as possible. She was dressed very formally, with a soft grey shirt underneath a black fitted coat and a matching skirt. Her brown hair had been straightened and she’d put on her best make-up, making her look slightly kinder than normal. She was wearing my favourite perfume of hers too, one that had a soft, slightly sweet fragrance that reminded me slightly of cotton candy and roses.

‘Are you going out today?’ I asked as she put her palm against my forehead, hoping that if I talked I’d be able to disguise my anger.

‘Yes, I am.’ she said and smiled warmly. ‘I’m going to be getting you some new clothes and accessories today, sweetie. I want you to look perfect for when you meet my colleagues tomorrow.’

‘Oh…’ I’d completely forgotten about agreeing to go to her work thing tomorrow. My stomach churned uneasily as I thought about what kind of clothes she’d be getting me. Girls clothes, no doubt. Shit. ‘Am I going to have to go to that as a girl?’

‘Yes.’ she said and put a finger over my mouth as I began to protest. ‘Don’t. I know you’re probably a bit overwhelmed from yesterday but I’ll explain everything properly tonight, once you’re dressed more…appropriately.’

‘More appropriately?’ I asked uncomfortably and she smiled.

‘Yes.’ she said softly and took her hand off my forehead. ‘Hmmm. It doesn’t look like you’re sick so I think you should be okay to go out. I’ll give you a lift to the library though, and I want you to catch the bus home.’

A bolt of panic shot through me. If she dropped me off at the library and Lilah was there she might speak to her and find out that we weren’t actually studying, and get angry at me for lying and drive me right back home. Shit! I needed us to leave now then, so we got there early before Lilah showed up.

‘We should get going then, so I’m not late!’ I said quickly and jumped off the bed.

‘After you shower.’ Linda said as she got up and I frowned at her.

‘What? I had a shower last night!’

‘Yes, but you’re all sweaty and gross.’

‘I am?’ I gasped, blushing despite my anger. I did feel a bit yucky, probably because I hadn’t slept very well. I remembered tossing and turning under my covers and sweating a lot. Urgh! I didn’t want to be sweaty and gross! ‘D-do I smell?’

‘A little bit.’ she said and her lips twitched at my horrified expression. ‘By the way, did you use my shampoo and conditioner last night? Your hair smells like mine.’

‘Oh yeah.’ I’d completely forgotten about that. Everything that had happened before Linda forced me to be naked seemed so long ago…

I put my hands in my hair and suppressed a small smile as I felt how silky it was. It felt so nice! It was a bit stiff and messy from how I’d slept though, and there were heaps of knots in it. It felt miles nicer than it’d ever felt before though, and I really liked it. I wanted to brush out the knots and wash it again, to see how it would feel then.

Would it feel like mums hair?

‘I didn’t think you cared about your hair.’ Linda asked as I felt my hair, a curious smile on her red lips.

‘I was just curious.’ I said honestly. ‘Umm…would it be okay if used your shampoo and stuff again today?’

‘Of course!’ Her eyes lit up and she grabbed one of my shoulders. I gasped and tensed up, scared that she was going to throw me against a wall or something, but she just gently ran a hand through my hair. ‘I was going to wash your hair tonight anyway, but if you’re going to do it now then that’ll speed things up a bit. You should use my body wash too.’

‘Body wash?’ I asked, my body relaxing now that I knew she wasn’t going to hurt me.

‘The pink bottle with strawberries on it. Make sure to use my body sponge to put it on though.’

‘Body sponge?’ A sponge in the shape of a body? What did I need something like that for?

‘It’s the white foam circle with strings on it. You should know it when you see it.’

‘Oh! The thing under the sink that you use to clean the kitchen floor? ’

‘What? No, of course not! Why would…’ Her expression fell slightly and she patted me gently on the head, sighing heavily. ‘You know what? Don’t worry about it. I’ll go through it with you tonight. Just wash your hair.’

‘Okay!’ I said in relief and rushed out of my room before she could say anything else, wanting the conversation to be over. I didn’t know what she was planning on doing to me tonight and I didn’t really want to find out, knowing that it’d only make me angrier. It didn’t matter anyway, because once I emailed mum I was going to let her know that I knew exactly what she was doing to me, and fight her off if she tried to put girls clothes on me or give me my medication. I refused to become any more feminine than I already was.

Except for my hair. I…needed to see what it would feel like washed and brushed properly. And I had to dress as a girl today bu-

Wait a minute! I didn’t need to do that anymore, did I? Linda turning me into a girl was more than enough reason for mum to come home, I didn’t need to join the modelling competition to get her attention anymore. Hah!

It felt like a small weight had been lifted off of my chest as I realised that, and I bounced up the stairs and into the bathroom with a small smile. I could just email mum and then spend the rest of the day relaxing in the library, or looking for new Pristine figurines and find something yummy to eat. It might be the last time I got to go outside by myself for a while, so I should try and enjoy myself…

I reached the bathroom and my smile faded as I remembered what had happened here last night. I’d never worried about locking the door before but I did so now, terrified of Linda coming in and “inspecting” me again. I threw off all my clothes and cleaned myself as fast as I could, then carefully washed my hair to make sure that every part of it soaked up the shampoo. Once I was satisfied that I’d washed every section of hair thoroughly I jumped out of the shower and dried myself off, making sure to be more gentle with my hair than I normally would have been. I smiled at how smooth it was and thought about bruising it, but decided that there wasn’t enough time. It’d take a while for me to be able to remove all of the knots and without my contacts or glasses I wouldn’t even be able to see the finished result. Besides, I wasn’t going to do the modelling thing anymore so there was no reason why my hair needed to be well-kept for today. I’d just do it tonight.

I wrapped my towel around myself and ran back to my room, relieved to see that Linda was sitting in the living room with her back to my room. My door didn’t have a lock on it so I made sure to get dressed as quickly as possible, deciding on a loose white shirt and jeans. Once they were on I carefully put in my contacts and immediately saw poor Julia lying on her back under my desk.

‘Ohh…’ I said sadly and picked her up, checking her small brown body in case I’d somehow damaged her. ‘I’m so sorry Julia! I didn’t mean to throw you, I was just upset. Can you forgive me?’

She looked at me accusingly so I gave her a huge hug, which made her look a bit happier. I kissed her on the squishy forehead and then went to place her back in her usual spot on my bed, but stopped myself. Julia always made me feel better and right now I could use her calming cuteness, so I went over to my brown cross-body bag and slipped her inside of it. The bag was big enough that she was completely hidden inside, and she looked absolutely adorable looking up at me from the darkness, like an actual wild platypus hiding in a hole.

‘You’re so cute!’ I giggled and kissed her on the head again. ‘I need a lot of luck today, so you gotta help me out, okay?’

Julia nodded in affirmation and I closed the bag over her, and then slipped it over shoulder. The straps were long enough that it comfortably rested against my hip, and it was made out of a soft cotton-like material that didn’t dig into my sensitive skin.

Speaking of sensitive, my chest was starting to become irritable again. It hadn’t itched at all during the night and when I’d woken up, probably because my pyjama top was quite soft, but now that I was wearing a heavier fabric it was playing up again. I went to scratch at the lumps and then stopped myself, an odd feeling scratching down my spine.

They weren’t lumps, they were breasts.

I swallowed and put my hand back down, not feeling comfortable touching them anymore. They weren’t just weird skin infection lumps anymore, they were breasts, part of the female anatomy, and I didn’t want anything to do with them. They shouldn’t be on me and I…I didn’t like them…right?

The frustrating warmth grew inside of me again and I shivered slightly. I was born a boy but I looked like a girl, and I had breasts like one. If I had that surgery transsexuals had then nobody would be able to tell that I was a boy, or had ever been one.

A shaky breath escaped me as I imagined that, and the warmth grew so hot that it almost started to hurt. I could actually look like a girl, even while naked. Instead of being a boy who just looked like a girl, I’d actually be a gi-

No! I wouldn’t be a girl! I was still born a boy! It didn’t matter if I looked like a girl, I wasn’t one! I’d never be one, no matter what I did! Why did I keep thinking about this, feeling like this?

I flinched and then clutched at my chest as a deep pain started growing alongside with warmth burning through my stomach. Tears fell from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away, feeling shaky and scared. What was happening to me? I hated feeling like this! It hurt so much, worse than anything else I’d felt before! Why was I feeling like this? What was going on? I didn’t want to be a girl! I was just confused because I looked like one! It was the medications fault, and Linda’s! They were making me feel like this, it wasn’t me! I was a boy and I was h-h…ha…happ…

No…I was really depressed…I’d always been depressed…

Nothing good had ever happened to me as a boy. I’d always felt lonely and I’d never made any friends. All I did was hid myself away in my room and collected stupid animal fi-

‘Shut up!’ I shouted and slammed my fist into my stomach, then squealed in pain and fell to my knees, gasping for breath. ‘I don’t want to be a girl! Fuck off! I’m happy! I’m happy! I’m so fucking happy! So fuck off! I hate you!’

I coughed and massaged my aching stomach, feeling like I was about to throw up. Oh god…why had I punched myself? I hadn’t even thought about it, I’d just done it before I could even stop myself. I’d been so scared…

But the warmth was gone now. There was just pain, and that was okay! I was fine with pain. I could deal with pain. Pain on the outside, anyway. I had no idea how to deal with the pain on the inside, and it was starting to get really bad.

I needed to stop taking the medication no matter how badly Linda tried to make me take it. It had to be what was doing this to me, changing my mind as well as my body. I’d look it up in the library, try and see if I could figure out what she was giving me. Maybe I could ask Lilah about it as well, she might know something about transsexuals and they probably took the same stuff that Linda was giving me.

And even if Lilah couldn’t help me, I should still talk to her. To tell her I wasn’t going to do the modelling competition and apologize. Maybe we could have lunch again and talk about…stuff. My mum and her ex-girlfriend and stuff, I don’t know. Anything.

I just….really needed someone sane to talk to right now.

To be continued

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