Still, 3 years earlier...

“I like your hair,” the patient at my counter says to me sheepishly. I’ve learned to smile and accept the compliment as best as I could. The patients over the last month have been ‘colorful.' I try not to laugh when I see a guy in something feminine, and it’s just so obvious. I mean how could anyone really think that they can go through life with such an obvious schism. There were others, I guess ‘they’ were the lucky ones, that were ‘passable.'

Ally, kept her distance. She saw through my pretense, but I was at least competent. I kept the office running as best as I could. She was warm and friendly with the patients and with the rest of the staff. Me? I was the guest who overstayed his welcome. The guy that took the job with no real respect for the patients and their plight.

“Good afternoon, Michelle, just sign in and Dr. Rice will be with you in a bit.” I greet the broad-shouldered blonde patient wearing a plum peplum and matte black leggings with my usual fake smile. Michelle's and Jennifer's seem to be the overwhelming favorite name among the patients. Weird how many of them gravitate to those names.

I pull the patient file “Hicks, Michelle” for Dr. Margaret Rice, our volunteer MD and head over to her office. I knock softly, Dr. Rice?” She slightly nods her head, her silver hair moves just slightly with her gesture. I know to stay quiet until she turns towards me. Waiting patiently, I notice her office is unlike any of the others. There are no family photos, no childhood mementos, it’s almost—sterile. Her cup is even a plain, unadorned black mug. She’s reading something on her computer screen, and her arthritic ridden fingers are typing frantically. Without turning her head, she reaches out to her right and retrieves the mug of tea from her desk. She sips from it and places the mug back on the desk and turns towards me. “Owen, is Ms. Hicks here for her appointment?”

“Your patient is a bit early, You could probably start ahead of schedule and take an early lunch? You have 3 appointments in the afternoon. Did you want me to order takeout for you?”

“Yes, Owen that would be great. It has been such a delight to have you working here. If you don’t mind, I had a few things I’d like to discuss with you over lunch. Are you available?”

“Is there anything wrong?”

“Not, ‘wrong’ per say, just a few things that have become a— concern.”

“Oh. I… I think Michelle is ready anytime you are.” I nervously retreat from her office. I leave the file in the wooden basket on the table just outside her door. I walk back over to the receptionist counter check off a few more names and continue filing away the morning appointments.

Dr. Rice is a creature of habit. A chef salad on Tuesdays, every Tuesday. It’s on special on Wednesdays. The owners of “Garden Delight,” a small farm to fork restaurant down the street, know the order when I say I’m calling for Dr. Rice, they give her the ‘Wednesday’ discount. Her lunch arrives just as Dr. Rice is bidding Michelle goodbye. She hands me Michelle’s file complete with her notes and asks me to set up an appointment in two weeks. She asks if I’ve confirmed her afternoon appointments. “Your 1:30 pm canceled, 3:00 pm confirmed and the 4:00 pm confirmed as well.”

“Owen, would you please join me in my office?” A sense of dread washes over me. What could I have possibly done wrong?

“Have a seat, Owen.” She shows me to a chair, closes her door and sits at her desk across from me. “Owen, I’ve noticed some tension between you and Ally. Is there anything you would like to share about that?”

“I don’t want to get either of us in trouble.”

“I need for both of you to be able to work together. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“To be fair to Ally, I had a conversation with her before I was hired on. I may have mentioned a few things that made her upset. I apologized, but I think we’ve tried to steer clear of each other since I accepted the job offer.”

“I see. Well, you have to find a way to work together…”

“I’ll try to work on that.” I start to rise from my seat.

“There is one other ‘concern,’ it involves your demeanor towards our patients. Please sit down.” I comply. That feeling of dread hasn’t subsided; now it’s growing. “I’ve been observing your interaction with some of our patients.” I can feel the cold sweat forming just under my hairline. “It would appear that you are not really referring to them with their appropriate pronouns and gender. Rather, it has been by name or simply ‘the patient.' ” I can feel my heart leaping from my chest. “We try to make our patients here as comfortable as possible. That includes respecting who they are as a person. When you deny them that, you deny who they are. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Doctor. I… I’ll make more of an effort to make our patients comfortable.”

“You seem uncomfortable yourself, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Ummm. No Doctor, I’ll take your advice and make more of an effort. Is that all, Doctor?”

She sighs “Yes Owen, that will be all for now. Please remember what I said and if there is anything on your mind, please know that you can talk to me. Okay?” Her generally stoic face creeps to a smile.

I rise from the chair and make my way out to the reception area. Ally passes me in the hallway, and I can feel the icy stare from her as I walk to my station.

An hour later, Ally approaches my desk. Before I can say anything, she chimes in, “I had a ‘lovely’ chat with Dr. Rice, thank you for that by the way.”

I look at her. “I was about to say the same thing to you,” I say with a catty smile.

“Why did you take the job anyway? I mean, it sure sounded like this was the last place you'd want to work.”

“I had a conversation with Professor Bishop. She made a few suggestions on things that I should look into before I made my decision on the position. I took her advice, called her the next day and accepted the position.”

“You expect me to believe that whatever you found was enough to make you change your mind that quickly?”

“I’m not saying anything either way. I considered what an opportunity this would be, and how it would look on my resume. The positives outweighed the negatives, and I took the job.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? I know it’s impossible to change your beliefs overnight, but it sounds like you learned nothing from what Professor Bishop asked you to look into.”

“Look, I’m trying to make an effort here. You seem to be taking this a bit personal. I can understand that you care for these people, and that you have a passion for this, but let’s face it. They are not going to be normal like you and me. Right?”

Here we go again with the waterworks. “Owen, I really hope you aren’t serious about that.”

“Look, I’m sorry, perhaps if I knew what they were going through it may be more ‘real’ to me. I mean, take you for instance. There is no way that any of them could possibly look as good as you, or even have your life. They won’t know what it would be like to grow up like you did, find a guy, fall in love, and start a family. Yet, that’s the life they chose. You? You have all of that ahead of you, because you’re a real woman.”

“I’m one of them, Owen.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You can’t expect me to believe that you were a guy.” I say dryly.

Her eyes narrow. “My life… is not a joke, Owen” a single tear, then the next.

“So my roommate is dating a… Does he know?”

She grabs a tissue from the box on my desk. “Of course David knows. I was the one that told him about the position here at the clinic.”

“So David is gay? Or does he, like, you know… Something extra to his girls?”

“You’ve really learned nothing in the last month, have you? You’re such a jerk!”

“Wait, you mentioned when we first met, that you thought I would be a good fit here. That was before the interview. Did you think I was…”

“I couldn’t tell, but wearing a woman’s suit in a gender clinic doesn’t exactly scream ‘intolerant asshole’, now does it.”

“Is that why you asked if I was… What was her name? Laura?”

“Yes, she was a new patient. You obviously looked like you could be a patient and I was trying to discretely greet you.”

“I was wearing a woman’s suit?”

“And the ground didn’t exactly open up and swallow you whole, now did it?”

“In fact,” I chuckle, “It may have gotten me the job!”

“Ugh, don’t remind me!”

“So you thought I was, a potential ‘patient’ and that sold you all on giving me the job?”

“David thought you were a good guy. Someone who could help us out. He didn’t say you were a homophobe and a dick.”

“Hey, there's no need throwing that around. Some of us like ours.”

The horrified look on her face sends her running off crying, locking herself in the file room.

“Oh, that did it.”

“Owen? What happened to Ally?” Dr. Rice approaches me after hearing the slam of the file room door.

“I… I said something… I shouldn't have.”

“I see… What did I tell you about being sensitive to our patients?”

“I’m… I’m sorry, I’ll go and apologize.”

Apparently, Ally forgot that I had a key to the file room. I unlock the door and slide into the room, carrying a box of tissues as a peace offering. She’s on the floor, bawling her eyes out. Before I could say anything.

“How could you? Did it make you feel better? More like a man to put me down like that?”

“Ally, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know this was something you really were going through. I mean…”

“It hurts you know? To be thought of as…”

“I was… I was trying to do, what I normally do, I guess the joke just went too far this time. I’m really sorry.” I reach for some tissues and hand them to her. “For what it’s worth, I never thought of you as anything other than a woman.”

A flash of incredulity, then a smile. “Thanks, Owen. But it’s more than that. Everyone that walks in here wants to feel like… How you made me feel right now. That you perceive them as such.”

“Look, all I can do is what I promised Dr. Rice that I would make an effort.”

“Perhaps, it would help if you met a few of the girls in a less… clinical… setting?”

“That may be a bit of a stretch.”

“Owen, you are going to have to start seeing us as real people, and not ‘freaks’ or ‘fetishists.' I think that was what you were telling David.”

“Fine. but I’d like to not be the third wheel on a date with you and David.”

“I can set you up with one of my friends…” She says with a smile.

It’s my turn to give her a derisive look.

“I do have ‘GG’ friends too you know. Or would you prefer one of my male friends, instead?” She says with a slight grin.

“Bring whoever you want. Just make sure that they know it’s not a ‘date’ just some friends getting together.”

“How does Friday night sound to you?”

“Sounds fine. I’ve got to get back to work okay?” I extend my hand to bring her to her feet.

She dries her tears. “Sure thing, Owen. I was hoping that you’d ‘come around.' ” She smiles and walks back to her station.

Great! At least things are thawing out between us.