Eden's Reality

Eden is now a girl, and learns it has more of an impact on herself and her best friend than first expected.

This chapter gets pretty heavy at the end, but the following few chapters won't be as heavy. This is the last chapter before the story finally gets on rolling to Sanders!
Sorry it took so long ^.^'

(Note, I edited the end a little bit to make it less abrupt, and not as final. Just a few extra lines, just to make me satisfied. If you read it before and thought it was fine then don't worry about it ^.^ It was just to satisfy my anxieties. I hate feeling like I left something unfinished or incorrect.)

Oh, and I changed the title format a bit. All of the chapters have names (meow!) but because I originally uploaded 2 at a time I didn't want to make it messy and decided to just leave them out, but this chapter signals the end of the first part of the story (things that take place before going to Sanders) and those chapters will most likely be named as well. So I guess, I'm just adding the name and seeing how it goes :)

Chapter 10 : Clothing, kissing and cruelty

Alexis had picked out quite few clothes for me to go through, far more than I’d expected, and they were all arranged neatly on her bed. She’d put the seal plushy on the pile of shirts and I smiled when I saw it, gave it a quick hug and then placed it on the other side of the bed. It really was cute! I wished I had something like it at home, but dad had banned me from having cute soft toys when he’d found out I’d been dressing as a girl back in kindergarten. He apparently thought that they were having a negative impact on my masculinity and had decided that it was better if I had nothing to do with them.

The asshole.

I looked through the shirts Alexis had chosen and was relieved to see that they were all fairly boyish. There were plain-coloured shirts mixed in with a few flashier ones, but after searching through them for a while I picked out a slim white one that had no real defining features. It was actually blander than the shirts I normally wore, which usually had some kind of cute animal on them, but that was for the best. I was trying to look like a normal boy and as much as I didn’t like admitting it male Eden hadn’t exactly been the picture of masculinity. I tended to unintentionally draw attention to myself with my wild hair, androgynous appearance, cute shirts and feminine mannerisms. Right now I needed to act the opposite of how I normally did so I’d be able to make people think I was a boy.

I was…uncomfortably aware of what that said about me but I didn’t want to think about that right now, so I put the shirt next to the seal and looked over the remaining clothes.

There wasn’t much variety in the pants Alexis’ had chosen, but there was a pair of neat black pants that immediately caught my eye. They were similar to the ones I wore for P.E. lessons at school, made out of soft, slightly thick merino wool, but these were shaped differently. They curved in at the thighs, were wider in the hips and flared out around the ankle instead of just going down in a straight line like my boys ones did. They felt really comfortable so I put them next to the shirt I’d chosen and then looked at the rest of the clothes.

Which was all underwear. A couple of plain-coloured briefs and some bras, with socks scattered amongst them.

I looked at them for a second before spinning around, my face burning. There was no way I was going to wear girls underwear, or a bra! I didn’t care that my body was female now, I was not putting those things on. What had Alexis even been thinking! Had she…oh.

I look down at my chest and winced slightly. My little chest lumps were visible even through the loose fabric, so they’d definitely be visible through the tighter shirt. Did I need to wear a bra to hide them? I looked back at the ones Alexis had chosen and saw that there were two plain sports bras there, and they looked like they’d be tight enough to make my chest appear flatter than it was. I carefully picked up one of them, a thick black one, and held it to my chest.

And then threw it across the room as a horrible memory floated up from the depths of my mind. A memory of when Jon had made me wear his daughter’s bra, telling me that I had to wear it so I’d look more like a real girl. He’d been almost desperate to make me look as much like Miranda as possible…

I shivered violently and quickly grabbed the pants I’d chosen, unable to stand being so exposed anymore. They fit almost perfectly, hugging my thighs and hips, and made me unpleasantly aware of my new anatomy. I took a few cautious steps and winced as the seam dug into my groin and scratched against the surrounding area. It was a horrible feeling and I was abruptly aware of why Alexis had picked out some briefs for me to wear.

Well, whatever. I could deal with the discomfort, and if it was causing damage to the area then too bad. I’d have my proper set of genitalia back tomorrow and none of this would matter.

I slowly slipped off the shirt and let it drop to the ground, a sigh escaping my lips. It felt so good to finally be out of it and wearing pants again. They weren’t the kind of pants a boy would normally wear but they’d draw less attention than the now-oversized jeans I’d been wearing before. At least these ones actually fit, even if they were way too snug.

After a moment’s hesitation I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. The pants did look good, much better than I thought they would. I really liked how they widened as they went past my knees, and even though I didn’t like having wider hips I loved how the pants went half-way up them and curved downwards. Kind of like an elongated hour-glass. It especially looked good sideways, and I noticed that my back seemed to be more curved than before, and my butt was maybe slightly bigger.

I just looked at myself for a while, trying to get used to my appearance. Was it really possible for me to pass as a boy like this? Even if I did manage to hide my breasts, my face undeniably female. I’d seen boys who looked like girls before, I used to be one of them, but this went beyond that. If I looked younger I might have been able to pull it off but my face was older now, more in line with my actual age, and it was on the way to maturity. My features were soft but too well-defined, making them almost impossible to mask. I couldn’t do anything about the shape of my lips, the height of my cheekbones, the size of my eyes or the length of my eyelashes, nor could I really change my complexion. Maybe I could find a big hat to wear and just hunch down all day. That was certainly doable, and wouldn’t require any drastic changes like cutting my hair or something.

I doubted that shaving my head would even help as it’d just draw more attention to my facial structure, and I wasn’t sure that it’d grow back once I turned back into a boy. That was one of the last things I wanted, being bald and having my birth mark shown to the world. Maybe when I turned back it’d stay like it was now, small and thin enough to not really be a problem. As a boy it looked like I’d been punched in the face by an angry can of paint, but now it just looked like someone had swiped me with a thin paintbrush.

I pushed away the tendrils of hair covering the mark and was about to start messing around with different hairstyles when I noticed the scars on my wrists. Why were they even still here? Same as with the ones on my side and thighs. The wounds I’d gotten last night had healed within a couple of hours but these were the same as ever. They were even worse actually, due to my complexion being so pale. The scars were a deep, ugly pink and were easily visible amongst the sea of milk-white skin surrounding them. Why had my birthmark changed but these hadn’t?

And actually! Why the hell did I even have breasts for that matter? Didn’t girls only get them when they started puberty? I definitely hadn’t started puberty before I’d changed, I was sure of that. The only thing that’d changed with my male body over the past couple of years were the small muscles that’d developed around my arms and back. I had been starting to grow an Adams apple but it’d been tiny and hadn’t really grown or altered my voice. Maybe it had been a sign of starting puberty, but it’d only appeared a few months ago and these breasts looked like they’d been growing for like a year.

I…think. I actually had no real idea, now that I thought about it. My old school hadn’t taught Sex Ed and I’d nev-

‘You decent?’ Alexis’s voice came from the hallway and I gasped. She’d finished calling her dad!

‘Yes! What did he say?’ I asked eagerly as she came into the room. ‘Can he che-’

‘Oh my god! Eden!’ She stared at me with wide eyes and turned bright red. ‘You’re half naked!’

‘Ah!’ I blushed and spun around, throwing my hands over my chest. ‘Sorry! I forgot!’

I heard her laugh and sit down on the bed. ‘Did you find a shirt to wear?’

‘I did!’ I turned my head to look back at her. ‘But what did your dad say? Can he check on mum tonight?’

‘Yes! He and mum are going to drop by your place on their way home.’ Alexis said as she rustled through the clothes. ‘They’re going to have dinner with her and your dad so I think it should be okay. Your dad isn’t stupid enough to hurt your mum around them.’

‘No, he isn’t.’ I let out a relieved sight and turned around, making sure my hands were completely covering my chest. ‘Thankyou so much for calling him!’

‘No problem.’ She said with a smile, her eyes dropping to look at my chest. ‘Hey…so…I picked out some bras for you to wear b-’

‘I’m not wearing a bra.’ I said immediately and she smirked.

‘Yeah, I thought you’d say that.’ she looked down at the small pile of bras and began to go through them. ‘It’s the only way I can think of to hide your breasts though. Just try on one the sports ones and see how it looks. It won’t be as bad as you think, I promise.’

‘Can’t I just wear a jacket or something really baggy like that?’ I asked hopefully but she shook her head.

‘Today’s going to be really hot, in the mid-thirties, and you’d draw a heap of attention to yourself wearing something so warm on a day like this. Plus, you might collapse from heatstroke or something.’

I scowled and almost crossed my arms before remembering they needed to stay in place. ‘What if I wore a heap of shirts then? Like five or…no, that’d look stupid wouldn’t it! And it’d really too hot. What about tape then? Like mas-’

‘Eden.’ Alexis cut in, walking over to me with a sports bra in her hand. It was a small cream-coloured one that was featureless beyond a white logo on one of the undone straps. ‘Please just try this on. For me.’

I blinked. ‘For you?’

‘Yes.’ She looked embarrassed but didn’t turn away, her ocean-blue eyes locked with mine. ‘Wear it for me.’

‘Uhm…okay.’ I’d never seen her like this before and after a moment’s hesitation I took the bra from her, covering both of my breasts with one arm. I wasn’t sure why she cared so much about me wearing it but I might as well. I still felt bad about snapping at her before and she’d just called her dad for me, so I owed her.

I turned around and looked uncomfortably at the bra for a moment before slipping my hands through its straps and letting it fall against my chest. I grouped around my back to try and clip the back straps together but I couldn’t managed to, and after a couple of seconds Alexis’s hand tapped my back.

‘Here.’ She grabbed the back straps and began pulling them together. I squirmed around uncomfortable and she stopped. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes.’ I breathed, completely and utterly embarrassed. I felt like a little girl with her mum, trying on her first bra. But I a fourteen year old boy and Alexis was my best friend! This was so messed up! ‘Just hurry!’

‘Okay. Tell me if this is too tight.’ She pulled the straps tighter and I gasped but didn’t say anything, so she pulled them further and then finally clipped them closed. It was digging into my skin and was a bit too tight, but when I looked down at my chest I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. My chest was almost completely flat! The shape of my breasts could be seen through the cream material but they were flatter and didn’t poke out as much. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but it had worked!

‘Look!’ I beamed and turned to face Alexis, putting my hands on my hips. I felt so much better without those things sticking out of my chest! ‘I’m flat!’

‘You are.’ She smiled warmly and pattered me on the head. ‘How does it feel?’

‘It’s…it’s okay.’ I scratched the back of my head. ‘It feels strange but it’s not as embarrassing as I thought. It’s heaps better than having my chest stick out! I really like it!’ I looked at my reflection in the mirror and grinned again. ‘I look really cool, don’t I? With these pants and bra. Like I’m really fit and strong! I’ve seen girls dress like this when they work out and they’ve all looked really cool! I wish the bra was black though, this one is too…creamy. The black one would have looked heaps better.’

Alexis put her hands on the straps going over my shoulders and began adjusting them so they’d fit better. ‘I think you look more cute than cool.’

I puffed up unhappily. ‘Don’t say that! I need to look cool otherwise people will think that I’m a girl!’

‘So you’re going to just wear that to Sanders then?’

‘What! No!’ I frowned up at her smirking face. ‘I’m going to wear a shirt too, obviously. And socks and shoes! And I was thinking I could wear a big hat to hide my face with!’

‘That’s a good idea.’ Alexis nodded approvingly and I beamed at her.

‘I’m going to look like a super clean kitten again!’

She laughed loudly and patted me on the head. ‘Yes! Good kitten!’

My eyes widened excitedly and I put my hands on either side of my head again, then began flapping them about. ‘Meow! I’m a clean kitty!’

‘Ahh…’ Alexis looked at me warily. ‘Don’t do that again.’

‘Why not?’ I grinned and began pouncing about the room. I was feeling so much better now that I was wearing proper clothes, especially because of how good they made me look. I didn’t think I’d like the bra as much as I did but its tightness was strangely comforting and I was starting to feel like my old self again, like I had before dad had come home yesterday.

‘Eden…’ Alexis said slowly as I bounced into her side and grabbed her arm with a loud meow. ‘Calm down.’

I hissed and stared at her with wide eyes, then lifted her hand to my mouth.

‘Don’t you dare!’ she cried, but it was too late!

I chomped down on her arm and giggled excitedly as she tried to pull it free. She squeezed my side with her free hand and I squealed in laughter, allowing her to extract the trapped hand and grab me by both sides. I gasped and tried to escape but she picked me up and spun me around, then deposited me onto the edge of her bed. I hadn’t expected that and scrambled further onto the bed as she climbed onto it as well, accidentally knocking off some of the clothes. She pounced and pinned me to the bed by the shoulders, then leant down so her head was directly above mine. Her hair fell onto the sides of my face and I tried to push her off but wasn’t even close to strong enough.

‘I warned you.’ she said with a crooked smile. ‘And now…now…I’m…I…’

She trailed off and just looked at me, a strange expression on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes shone with a strange hunger that I’d never seen before. I waited in anticipation, expecting her to tickle me and bite my hand or something, but to my confusion she didn’t move at all.

‘Alexis? Are you okay?’ I asked after a few seconds of silence slowly passed.

She looked at me for a moment and an almost pained expression crossed her face. ‘Fuck.’

‘What’s wro…ng…’

My voice died as Alexis leant down even closer, so much so that I could feel her breath on my lips. I became intensely aware of her weight on my waist and the warmth emanating off of her face. She was so much bigger than me…

My heart began to beat faster and a pulsating warmth appeared in my stomach, making my feel slightly light-headed. Butterflies appeared inside me as well, bringing with them the sweeping wave of affection for Alexis that I’d experience last night.

I…

I think I knew what it meant now…

‘I’d never hurt you, Eden.’ Alexis said, gently grabbing the sides of my face. ‘You know that, right?’

‘I-I do.’ I said breathlessly.

‘Then you trust me?’ she asked as she caressed my cheeks.

‘I do.’ I repeated slowly, my eyes wide with anticipation.

She smiled so brightly that my heart jumped, and she leant down even closer. ‘I love you Eden.’

And then she kissed me.

I’d been kissed before. By Jon. And when her lips first touched mine a streak of terror shot through me and I grabbed her shoulders, intending on shoving her away. But the panic immediately dissipated when I remembered that this was Alexis, not Jon. Her lips were softer than his were, and she was kissing me far more gently than he ever had. Most of the time he’d be holding me against a wall with a hand to my throat as I tried to get him off of me, and his other hand would be…doing other things…

This was far less painful.

Her lips pushed up against mine and I let out a surprised breath. She smiled at me and then I felt her tongue slip into my mouth and touch my own, sending a massive surge of pleasure through my entire body. I moaned and squeezed her shoulders as hard as I could, and she lent down on top of me. Another sure of pleasure ran through me as her breasts squashed up against my own, a form of pleasure I hadn’t even thought possible. A strange, high-pitched sound escaped my lips but Alexis didn’t let up kissing me, and I didn’t fight her. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to be doing so I just clutched at her sides, letting her control what was going on.

I hadn’t ever expected to enjoy something like this after what Jon had done to me, but the feelings coming from my body were completely different from when he’d done this to me. Was it because I was a girl now, or because I was doing it with Alexis?

I’d thought what Jon had done to me was normal, despite it being forced. Mum and dad were always fight and screaming but they still had sex, and it was probably like what Jon did to me. I thought it was how sex was, that it was supposed to hurt and never feel good for…for girls…

Because I was a girl all the time when Jon…hurt me…

And mum was a girl too and dad always hurt her so…so…

I thought there was something wrong with me, that it was my fault because it hurt so badly, and was so terrifying.

But…

But…there wasn’t anything wrong with me! It was violent and painful and terrifying with Jon, and that wasn’t normal! This was normal, wasn’t it! Doing it with someone…

Someone I loved…

‘Oh god!’ Alexis pulled away as hot tears burned my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry! I didn-’

‘He hurt me.’ I wiped my eyes and pushed myself up, still holding on to her sides. ‘I used to say that because it was easier than saying that he raped me but…but it was true! He did hurt me! We didn’t...this isn’t…he raped me! He raped me!’

Alexi’s eyes widened in horror and she hugged me to her chest. ‘Oh, Eden…’

‘It wasn’t my fault.’ I hiccupped and buried my head into her. ‘I didn’t like it and I didn’t want it. It wasn’t my fault!’

‘Of course it wasn’t!’ she said, stroking the back of my head.

‘Dad said it was my fault, that I seduced Jon and that I liked it, but just pretended not to so I wouldn’t get in trouble!’ I squeezed myself harder against Alexis, shaking badly. ‘And Jon always said that I was lying and that I l-loved it, and that if I ever told someone then they’d think I was lying or a pervert! And I…’

‘You’re not a pervert.’ Alexis said shakily, hugging me tighter.

‘But I liked looking like a girl though!’ I whimpered as pain clenched inside my stomach and chest. ‘Jon would always bring Miranda’s clothes with him to dress me up and…and I liked it! I loved looking like a girl and wearing girl’s clothes! Sometimes I even…I even looked forward to it! To him coming, just so I could dress up! I wanted to…I just wanted to be a girl! Like you and mum! I just…I just…I just wanted to be happy…’

I broke down and just sobbed into Alexis, and to my shame I could hear her crying as well. I’d never told anyone what I’d just told Alexis and, even though I was sobbing uncontrollably, something in my chest lightened slightly.

It…it was my fault that Jon had raped me. But, because I wanted to be a girl, not because I wanted to have sex with him. Those two things were separate now, finally, in my head. Everything Jon and dad had said were lies.

It still hurt, so much, but…

Here, in Alexis’s arms…

I could live with it.

It was okay…for the moment.

To be continued!