From time to time Big Closet writers become upset by comments -- or even lack of comments.
I just read about Angharad’s decision to cease writing for BC. She has been worn down by what she considers to be negative remarks. What’s negative and what isn’t, is her decision . . . as is how she reacts.
She has proven her character through her diligence to her craft. BC would be a much different place without her involvement. I hope she reconsiders and keeps writing for BC.
However, writers who become upset by comments and world conditions have been a mainstay on BC for years. Writers come and go for a variety of reasons. Often the reasons for leaving are so hollow that it’s obvious Real Life is presenting challenges that are more demanding or attractive than BC can offer.
If you’re considering leaving BC because of what someone has said please:
1.) Review Erin’s rules. There are answers within them.
2.) Consider that John Grisham and Stephen King are often panned by critics. Not everyone enjoys every style of writing or every genre. For example, I’ve greatly enjoyed several of Angharad’s short stories, but can’t find it in me to commit to her longer pieces. That’s not about her, at all.
3.) Understand that BC is an opportunity. It is a place where you can put your heart on display through your writing with the assurances that Erin will make every effort to make sure someone doesn’t stomp on your dreams. It still happens, but it isn’t because Erin isn’t trying to protect you . . . it’s often because that person who is criticizing you can’t see an inch beyond their own needs and is callously stroking their ego at your expense -- or some other such nonsense.
The question was asked, what will become of BC if Angharad and others leave? If history serves, nothing much will change. Over the last almost two decades, extremely prolific writers have left BC. They’re missed, but the world doesn’t come crashing down. BC has had hundreds of authors come and go. Some were better than Angharad, but she is unique, and in that regard, irreplaceable. BC would be different without her, not especially worse, not especially better, but different. For many, it would leave a hole in their day. It would be as painful as losing many of those who are remembered on the right-hand side of the landing page.
Before you decide to commit “BC suicide” you should really understand what you’re giving up. Sure, not everything is perfect here. (I’m here and I can be a real pain in the ass as can just about everyone I’ve ever met that was worth knowing.)
Imperfect as it is, it is BC’s mission to be a friendly place.
That’s special.
That’s real.
That’s uncommon.
Jill
Comments
Well said
I'd hate to lose anyone including Angharad from BC.
BC is more like an extended family. Most of the time we get along fine but from time to time, there are little squabbles.
Mostly, we get over them.
Angharad, don't go. You will be sorely missed. I for one respect you as a writer, a far better one than I could ever be.
Samantha.
Um... Angela?
Did you mistake efindum's decision with Angharad? Looking back in Ang's blog entries, I found no mention about leaving.
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Ang posted in a comment to
Ang posted in a comment to another thread:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/comment/469266#comment-469266
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
Damn comments
As you say, Angela, it's not the first time that an author has left this site because of adverse comments and it undoubtedly will not be the last.
I just wish everyone would stop promoting comments as they do, many suggesting you can't be a proper BC author unless you can take negative comments with impunity.
But many people have trouble accepting criticism, even those not undergoing the emotional turmoil common to many users of this site.
I always publish my stories with public comments turned off and I commend it to all who dislike readers pontificating about your story. Readers can still send you PMs, which can mean you getting to know your readers far better than you would by comments alone.
If more authors turned off public comments, we wouldn't lose as many authors as we currently do.
Charlotte
I Usually Agree With Angela
But in this case I'm not quite in tune with her comments.
Yes, this site is all the things she says it is, and in my humble opinion, is the best site for TG fiction available to us, BUT above all the site must be entertaining and to do this it depends on its writers and their stories.
Undoubtedly the site will continue to limp along if Angharad decides to leave, but it will be a much much poorer place than it is now. She has been a pillar of this community for over ten years and her talent and industry have been invaluable in keeping the standard of writing at a high level.
Comments are very much a two-edged sword and sometimes Erin cannot wield her "Delete" button before the nasty ones wound an author. Particularly with a writer of Angharad's calibre I strongly suggest to those who don't like some aspect of her story the answer should be to stop reading and go and read something that you DO like. This is no place for negative comments. As Jill says, it's in the rules. If Angharad leaves us as a result of spiteful and ignorant comments we should collectively hang our heads in shame.
If you do want to make a hopefully constructive criticism which may be interpreted as negative then PM the author.
The only thing sending it as a PM does,
at least more often than not, is to get the same kind of response but with no way of others' being able to fact check what ticced the other party off in the first place. I've tried this before, and at least twice had the result be the author I contacted curse me in PM before decrying ME a bully in a public comment.
Honestly, I've found that public comments are the BEST place to respond, partially because of the ability of others to add input -- aggreements, or even assurances to the story/blog author not to listen to you -- but also because it requires both parties, both the commenter and the commentee, to think about how what they say is going to be interpreted by others more than a one-on-one message does.
Those who abuse comments also tend to be the most abusive in PMs as well, so promoting they use those instead -- and, as a result, keep a level of secrecy to their actions -- is far from the best option.
Erin's 3 rules are easy to follow, and each one relates to one of three things everyone of us should have in regards to others on the site: Sympathy, Empathy, and Understanding. Sympathy: we are a broken community in many ways, so keep in mind that many of those you communicate with are emotional and often-times fragile. Empathy: try to look at what others say and relate their own feelings to how you would feel in the same situation, taking their previous responses to things into account as well. Understanding: it's easy to forget that others' opinions and goals don't always align with our own, so keeping that in mind when giving feedback, of any sort, will help to avoid conflict.
There is, and should be, a place for criticism here. Honestly, I prefer criticism over blind praise, because I want to grow as an author and contributor to the site. Many others, however, aren't here for that. They're here for a form of therapy or even, sadly, low-grade self medication, and as a result their responses to criticism, healthy, friendly, or otherwise, can be volatile. The answer isn't to NOT criticize or comment, or even to switch over to PMs: the answer is to pay attention to who you're criticizing or commenting on in the first place, and to try and recognize what they're looking for in return for their efforts.
If Angharad leaves, the site will see a hit for a while, but it will recover. If ANY of us were to leave, save most likely Erin, the same could be said. But the community here is more than one person, more than one set of principles or ideals. A lack of respect for that diversity is the only thing that could really destroy our community.
Melanie E.
Melanie E.
Criticism
Actually, I think that the word "criticism" can be a problem all of its own.
Many people understand that to "criticise" something is to say something negative about it, while for others the word means to provide some kind of feedback which may be positive, negative or both.
The way that word is used may be a result of the way you were taught or perhaps the influence of the media you read as you were growing up. The occupation "Theatre Critic", for example, isn't somebody whose job is to tear down a production, but one who is supposed to analyse both the good and the bad of the performance they attended.
When the popular perception of a criticism is a negative one, it raises a barrier to others who may be afraid to comment at all.
Penny
Ahhhhh, But. . .JoanneBarbarella
J B -- I agree with you. We always have to consider the Wounded Dove factor. This truly is no place for negative comments. But is full scale retreat really the answer.
And . . . there is another consideration.
What do you do when that writer has blocked you?
I've been on BC for almost as long as there's been a BC and much, much longer than Angharad.
At some point I have to assume I said or did something that caused her to "block" my PMs.
I don't know if that "block" is something specific to me or if she "blocks" all her PMs.
In the time that I've been on BC she is the ONLY person who has ever "blocked" me. I wasn't even aware that you could do that until she did it.
I wouldn't have created this blog if I could have PM'd Angharad. I would have sent a PM to her expressing support.
I assume that if she is only "blocking" specific people, I'm not so toxic a person that I'm the only one she's blocked. If my assumption is right, by blocking the ability to PM her, Angharad may have closed the proper route for a negative critique ... as you suggest.
Further . . . it's possible that she has upset people by "blocking" them and those people have been unkind in their remarks.
One other thing to consider. . .. Fifteen years ago there were maybe two dozen quality writers that called BC home. That number is much, much larger today. My guess is that Erin talks to her writers much more often than you and I do. My guess is she has a very good idea what they want and is striving to provide it. If the comment feature was largely a negative it would have been gone long ago.
I've seen Erin test several features that did not work. At one time she had a Uber five star rating system that caused nothing but hard feelings.
I can't PM Angharad, but she PM'd me. She's trying to find a balance between being sensitive to the needs of her readers and suffering the slings and arrows of public exposure. As a long term writer I understand her dilemma. I once pulled my work and dropped out of writing for almost a year when someone told me my writing caused them to want to commit suicide. That person said that my story showed the love that was missing in her life. She said I was being cruel in not being more realistic in my stories. Believe me . . . I have a good idea what Angharad is going through. It scared me to think I could drive someone toward that kind of thought.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Respect
I'm a relative newcomer - only been here 7+ years - and I would never block somebody like Angharad, or yourself, for that matter. I have respect for the opinions of the more senior authors on this site, most of whom know a great deal more about writing than I ever will.
The only people I would block are those who are persistent trolls or who attempt to repeatedly send me off-topic PMs. Even then, I have found that ignoring them usually works over time.
Do I have a thicker skin than others here? Undoubtedly, but that is partly the result of having lived a long life of adversity. I understand that others might be more sensitive to such things and I try my very hardest not to say anything that might make their circumstances worse.
This site is, after all, here to encourage authors to write, and adverse comments will deter some of them from doing that. I try to follow Erin's rules as best as I can and I will look at all comments in a constructive light. I cannot imagine what was sent to Ang to make her stop writing here but obviously it was the final straw. Let us hope that between us we can dissuade others from following her.
Penny
One Size Does Not Fit All
I'm trying to reply to both Jill and Melanie here.
Melanie, you are quite right that a PM does not always work. While mostly I have had positive responses to PMs that I have sent there have been occasions when the result has been 'Go and make love elsewhere".
One of the most renowned and popular authors here mis-spelled the same word more than a dozen times in a single chapter and, not wanting to embarrass her, I PM'd her so she could fix it discreetly. The reply that I got persuaded me to not bother to ever comment on her work again or to PM her with respect to any mistake she made thereafter. C'est la vie.
Jill, I obviously have no idea why Angharad might have "blocked" you. I guess we both know how easy it is to inadvertently offend or upset someone unintentionally, especially on a site like this one where many suffer from emotional trauma. It is a shame because it prevents any form of apology. I can only say that she responded very courteously to me when I recently PM'd her asking that she reconsider her decision to leave.
Ladies, I don't pretend to have the solutions to these problems. I can only hope that reason prevails and that the end result in this case is that Angharad decides to stay with us.
JB
Thank you. You've always been extremely positive and uplifting. Your words mean a lot because you practice what you preach. You obviously are quite content with yourself. It shows in your elegance.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I guess I've been lucky
I can't say I've had the experiences that Angharad and efindum seem to have had. (I haven't read their recent stories, so I wouldn't have seen the comments that bothered them so much.) Most of the comments to my stories have been positive or, at worst, what I considered a bit clueless. I've gotten a few corrections, for which I've been grateful. I guess I've been lucky.
But, much as I like it when other people appreciate what I write, I mostly write for myself. (I guess that means I'm not a "real writer".) I write to express what I'm feeling and going through (to paraphrase Isadora Duncan, "if I could say it, I wouldn't have to write a story about it"), to give myself comfort, to give myself hope. I frequently write a chapter or two and, upon rereading, realize something about myself that I'd never thought of before. I write to understand myself, and I post in part to boldly break the commandment to stay silent ("Silence = Death".)
Sometimes I receive suggestions for changes that would no doubt make my story a better one, but which I (silently) reject -- because it wouldn't be my story any more.