Well, do you?
This article on the BBC ahead of this years 'London Pride' (I'll have a pint please...) sorry, 'Pride in London'.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-36603501
Only two people know about the real me. So yes I do hide it. Personally, I made that decision 40+ years ago and got on with my life.
Places like this allow me to express myself but I still dress almost every day. Ok, so I live alone like many here I guess.
To quote
- 2% of the population has been bullied at work because of their gender, compared with 10% of LGBT+ respondents in our survey
- 77% of LGBT+ respondents said they felt uncomfortable being their true self in public, against 23% of the general population
- 59% of LGBT+ respondents had felt threatened by other people's attitudes and behaviours towards them, compared with 16% of the wider population
- 41% of gay men said they would think twice about holding a partner's hand in public, dropping to 5% among the general population
Am I going to come out at any point?
I doubt it but attending Gabycon 2017 (if held) is on my bucket list.
Comments
I might be atypical
because I don't like the T being added to LGBT. I've mentioned this before so won't dwell on it here. I'm out insofar as I transitioned 30 years ago and live entirely as female, which is also my legal status. I can't say I was bullied or abused when I was working, rather that the organisation I worked for, the NHS, once it got over the novelty treated me as just another woman. I consider I've been fortunate compared to others I've spoken to or read about. However, these days I live in stealth and just get on with my life as a semi-retired, middle-aged woman.
Angharad
LGBT is like
having an Apple Stand where you sell Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, Fuji apples, and Navel Oranges.
Actually
Trans people of color created the LGBT. We weren't "added on."
I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D
I slightly disagree
I think Angharad was wrong to say that she lives in 'stealth' - she lives her life as the woman she is. Myself I have never belonged to groups and when I transitioned some 13 years ago I did receive some comments but it was a flash in the pan now and live and work as a forty something recently married woman.
Legally I am a woman birth certificate passport etc so I live as a woman. I feel that it's wrong that people should be unable to live as they feel are - self confidence goes a long was to not feeling threatened but people lack this for many reasons. So should live as you want YES if you have the confidence, otherwise unfortunately live as you feel comfortable and safe.
As for who knows well my husband, family and many work colleagues many of them being the much maligned Texans (who I find to be great) so like Angharad I have been very fortunate especially as I work in a very macho industry.
Christina
no, I dont hide it
Mind you, I'm lucky living where I do, as it doesn't seem to have hurt me much.
Do I...
Nope, I don't hide my T status. My parents, my brothers and sisters, my uncles and aunts, my boyfriend, his mom, his brother and 4 other friends knows. I've been out since 8. I did lose some so-called friends, but most -- especially my bf -- knows i'm happier.
TGSine --958
Making your shot count ...
I do also reject the LBGT designation, instead feel that it should be LBG for one group and Ti for another group. In my experience the others throw us under the bus if it suits their purposes.
I do have a survival strategy though and that includes deflection if I am confronted about being so called transgender, I simply say I am intersex. I believe that most T folk are actually intersex and one day we shall have the proof to show it more conclusively. Saying you are transgender exposes you to prejudice, but saying you are intersex, confuses people enough to get you a window of opportunity to prove yourself. Thankfully, I have only been approached in a hostile way very few times.
If by some miracle homo sapiens survives, I hope that in a generation or two, the whole LGB T and I thing will simply be forgotten and people shall just be who they are. In time, I think that science will reveal that the gender binary will be shown to be ridiculous.
I have been out since 2004, had SRS in 2007, and live a completely transparent life as a woman. Not part of any T activism because I think the best activism is to simply be who you are.
How does that song go Gwen ?
How does that song go Gwen ? " I'm on the outside looking in." From What I've seen and read, you are correct about the bus. Outrageous LGB behavior at Gay Pride events when the T's are minding their own business. and not making a big deal of things. To an informed outsider , shouldn't it be LGB and T? Most people I know toss TG's into the pot, heightened by the restroom issue. A tough subject for a non TG to talk about. I explain that there is no sexual preference in the TG description, the gender is wrong, not the sexual orientation. From there it often goes downhill.
Transgender and Intersex folk
In my non-professional opinion, I think that we are generally more mild than "them". After the Orlando thing I had gay folk get really confrontational with me because my own response to it was not like theirs. I won't go into specifics about that except to say my thoughts are just opposite of what I was hearing. Anyone curious can PM me.
My own feeling about sexual attraction is non-conforming with community standards, since I have none, though would like to have a close companion. Lately I have heard a few transgender folk saying things like they felt non-gendered. I know that some mtf t folk remain attracted to women and some flip to become attracted to men. I have heard some snippy professionals say that they were simply gay males. There is probably more types of t folk than people.
The VA is having a shake out in transgender treatment protocol and I do not know where it is going. For a while it looked like there would be government funded SRS, but now the "professionals" have simply changed the rules so that they can say that SRS is often not appropriate. If I had known where I would wind up, I would not have a neovagina installed, I would simply have gotten rid of my meat and two veg. I was talking to a Shrink last week about that and she did relate that if it were not done properly within the professional community, one could wind up on the funny farm for at least 6 months. I found a very cheap way to get a castration well before SRS and boy were they pissed about it. No, I did not use a sheep farmer only because I could not find one, though I did try.
It is my opinion that GID, or being transgender is NEVER a good reason to let them put you on a bunch of psych drugs unless there are other issues. The psych manual used to say that SRS solved the psych issues, and after I had my operation, that was my basis for getting off the drugs. The psych folk were quite irascible about my wanting to run my own life. The nerve, the galled nerve! Now that I have studied Psychology for a while, my respect for the profession has declined to seeing them as witches stirring a cauldron.
Being outside
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc_oLZuFwaI
That's the best I can do. I thought there was a rock headbanger version though. :)
I don't hide it...
...since I have fully transitioned and all of my family and friends know about it. However, I do not advertise it, either.
Monalisa
I don't hide
Those who knew me before transition know. HR and benefits admin at my new job know. Aside from that, I simply don't mention it or think of it one way or another. I'm just a married woman in my 40s as far as anyone knows or cares.
If asked, I would be honest and treat it as an opportunity for education. It hasn't happened though...
Abby
hmmm that is a "loaded" question for some.
do i NOW? no i dont, i am probably one of the most open trans persons i have met or heard of. i dont mind someone asking questions that some get offended by, doesnt always mean i will ANSWER them, and i always make sure they know how personal, and NOT good questions to ask most trans.
that being said, i HAD hid it, even from myself for over 30 years, childhood events (that a lot of us have experienced) and i blocked all the memories of those events, AND my trans, because it was used by the three people involved. it took my mothers death, and learning one of those three was in jail for the same thing done to his three sons (sans the dressing, they are not trans, it was just their way to get me to cooperate, etc).
i am more open because of that fact though. i had a lot of feelings of guilt, thinking if i had said something, they MIGHT not have gotten to other kids (they dont stop, i have no idea how many more between me, and a couple of cousins who have come out since, and his boys were affected, even though i know in my head, in the 70's, it probably would have been swept under a rug, in my heart its a different story) so i feel it is like doing penance for my "cowardice", others in my situation have had similar, or worse things happen but didnt hide.
so i guess it all depends on how you look at things. i never hid it, when i KNEW consciously, no, that is how they knew about what i did, the whole family did pretty much. and since i have come out, i have been trying to help anyone i can, as i can, and that includes trying to educate those who need it.
Teresa L.
Partly
I had my op, met Kim and paid for her op. We used to be much more active in lesbian activities, now we're just at home, bicycling by ourselves or Kim is caring for her horses and chickens. We're generally out as lesbians, kiss in our driveway (rarely now) and I don't think we ever pretended to be het. I tell people my trans herstory who need to know, 99% medical, and don't volunteer the info to anyone else. I told a few 'semi-friends' one in a cycling group and one dad while coaching girls soccer, decades ago, and both reacted poorly. They didn't spread the info, but were unfriendly and disapproving after that. I basically stopped sharing with anyone. Since then, I went to one TS support group meeting, where most were involved in their transitions. They weren't especially friendly and I felt I had very little in common with them. I didn't return.
I guess we're fairly antisocial now.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
To hide or not to hide
Yes and no. A few years after my surgery ( 42 years ago) I met my present wife. Of course, back then marriage was out of the question.
We have lived together for 40 years. We've never hidden our relationship. We were 'out' forty years ago.
We're both retired professionals, each with a doctorate in our fields. We are notable in our professions, and acclaimed with numerous academic credentials and scholarly achievements.
Perhaps because we are well-known as a lesbian couple, we are never recognized as anything else.
Further, it does help that we both 'pass' well, even though we transitioned as adults.
We never hid. We worked hard to accomplish, using our minds to improve our position in life. Advanced degrees take time, money and effort. However, they open doors. And, it's hard to critique anyone who is addressed as 'Doctor' or "Professor." Either demands respect. And, as academics, it is expected that we are a bit 'odd.'
Red MacDonald
Hide? He!! no!
I transitioned at work with the full understanding and support of my Boss, his Boss, my fellow employees and my County Attorney. Family? Dad was already dead, Mom understood... or at least knew and didn't disapprove, Sisters... one didn't like it, but agreed that it was my life, not hers. The other still refuses to call me Cathy and worries about my immortal soul. Friends? Several "got it" a few didn't. The "got its" stuck with me, the others didn't.
I'm blessed with a best friend/housemate/landlady who not only stuck with me, she tells her boyfriends that if they can't deal with me, they needn't bother coming around. Legally I am female...Driver's license, Social Security, V.A. all list me as female.
When I began my RLT I did a book signing, did an hour on local radio about the signing and about transitioning, did a Television bit about the signing on our local public access network. Yeah. I jumped into the deep end of the pool, hoping I could at least remember how to float, let alone swim. I'm accepted at the stores I shop at and have had only one major incident, which I blogged about, and one minor one which was no more than a name calling and my invitation to continue at a much closer distance.
I attended the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta Georgia in 2009 and was accepted by all the stores and restaurants I ate at.
So, in short, I have done the exact opposite of hiding being transgender. Have I suffered any because of it? Not really. Have I gained from it? You betcher sweet patootie I have. Huge reductions in my stress levels, a marked improvement in my depression symptoms and a raft of new friends, both on the internet and in real life...AND... finding out that I had some talent at writing? That never would have happened before I set my course for the real me.
Oh I completely understand that others have had a MUCH tougher time in their transitions and I wish that their experiences had been more like my own, and I completely understand the need for some to hide their gender differences. For myself though, the loss of the enormous weight from my shoulders was and is the best thing I have ever done for myself in my entire life. BTW, I began my Transition at the age of 60 or so and my RLT at the age of 62.
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
I am very lucky
I transitioned 6 years ago a.k.a. post op. As to hiding it no I don't but I also do not advertise it either. My sister knows and hates me. My hubby and his family know my adopted trans MtF daughter knows and everyone that was at my job while I transitioned knows. Hubby is an Attorney and helped me get my new BC issued to correct my legal status to FEMALE. To answer the question maybe I do by not greeting everyone by saying hello I am Charolett and I am trans, nice to meet you.
opinor ergo sum
Charlotte Van Goethem
So...
I do not consider myself to be a part of any particular community other than the one I live in. All those who are important to me know about me and fully support, or could care less, about that part of my life. All others are not informed. I would not tell them of my 'rebirth' any more than I would tell them about what happens in our bed when the lights are turned out. It is simply none of their business. My tales and other writings on this site are as close as I come to public disclosure. However, I do participate in any public demonstration that involves the rights of any of our citizens; LGBT or otherwise. Whilst some might consider this as being in stealth mode, I simply consider this as having good manners.
The Well Mannered...
Kelly
So why should this be a question?
Like most post-ops I do not wear a billboard or t-shirt advertising the fact I am post. The government knows as I have a security clearance and stuff so that is an example of 'need to know'. The question you have presented almost implies it is a badge of honor to let everyone know about ones trans-history and 'win one for the community', 'to help a fellow/sister tranny out', as if it should be an obligation.
It is not.
There are people who become activists and are feted for their bravery. Fine, but that does not make the non-activist T any less 'brave'.
I've done more then my share of helping to mentor newbies where needed and don't feel anyone need make a value judgement as to how 'out' I am.
This seemed to have got people involved.
So, we are all different. That is great and to be expected.
I'm definietly in the 'I wanna be like you' but sadly I can't be that out in the open camp when it comes to mainstream society.
So in the main, and quoting Gwen, 'I'm on the outside looking in'.
That ain't gonna change and I got over it years ago.
Now I be myself at home.
As has been mentioned before
I was hiding from myself. Now I have realized who (and what) I am I will not hide, though I will not reveal myself at work, assuming I ever have a job worth owning again. I have learned my lesson the hard way on that one.
I strongly disagree with not including other gender non-conforming people with us. While some people in any group are butt holes we are stronger as a group. The current efforts of some members of the Republican Party illustrate all too well that they like us divided, and this is not the time to start disavowing people who share some common goals because they are different.
I am lucky in the fact I did not come out to myself when it was considered a mental disorder. I do not regret transitioning, nor having the surgery (even if it turned out badly). I am a woman, and no small minded bigots seeking the votes of other small minded bigots can make me go backwards.
I guess so.
I had, for years, thought about going stealth after transition. When the time came my wife said she didn't think she could do that so we didn't. As I told one of my friends when coming out to him, "We haven't rented a billboard or bought radio or TV time to tell people yet but, other than that, this is not a secret to anyone any more". When I went full-time we both told the biggest gossips we knew and let nature take it's course. Our biggest "out" on a daily basis is as a lesbian couple. That's what we're normally seen and reacted to as. Generally people leave us alone. We've had a couple of old women make snide remarks and turn up their nose at us and one guy that looked like he was going to have a stroke or start a fight when we held hands. Other than that we really haven't had a problem. Most other women express the same feeling, "Well, as long as you don't hit on me I guess I don't care". And we live in the Deep Southern United States. We both really expected a lot more trouble than we got. Family has been the biggest problem with us. We're still speaking with most of them but the relationships with several (most commonly the bible thumpers) is very strained.
Status
I don't know what I am, so I guess the only person I'm really hiding my status from is me. I've spent most of my life straight, married to the same woman, and mostly at least marginally unhappy. Sadly I think I have made her unhappy most of the time too. That was never my intention, and I regret that more than my own dissatisfaction.
Most of the time I feel a little like Groucho Marx - "I don't really want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."
Until I found this site, I don't think I ever really understood there might be a choice. I'm still trying to understand the implications of that. Maybe someday I will come to terms with myself.
Still 'in'
I'm less defensive/protective about what I am compared to ten or twenty years ago. But still in the closet with the exception of a couple close friends who I have talked about it with over the years... a couple of them as the natural extension of relationships that I couldn't allow go further without being honest.
Yes I hide
For reasons I can't disclose here. I come here to read and dream of what can never be. I applaud those who do not hide. It's too late for me anyway. Way too late to do anything about who I really I am.
BitStream