After our time in the champagne room, Fallon and I returned to the couch where I ordered us another round. I should point out here that the waitresses don't get tipped out by the dancers; they get their own tips, so I made an effort to be generous. The service was quite excellent and I have always believed in tipping well.

Scarlett's doesn't just offer booze and dances, they also have a buffet, and Fallon left for a moment to get something to eat. She returned with a plate of pulled pork and vegetables and insisted that I share it with her. I was a bit hungry, and I knew it was a good idea to eat something as well, so I agreed. Besides, who was I to refuse a beautiful woman that wanted to feed me? (The food was really very good btw.)

I want to interject here a little personal note. The last few years have been emotionally stressful for me. My separation and divorce from my wife of sixteen years left me with a lot of questions, and some huge self esteem issues on top of my already existing huge self esteem issues. I'm not going to say that one night in a strip club erased those problems, but my time with Fallon went a long way towards giving me some perspective.

We ate and drank and watched the stage shows for a while. The club was really starting to fill up now, and I'd guess there were around thirty dancers in evidence and about twice that many customers. You might find it surprising to learn that there were a significant number of couples as well. I wasn't, in my research I'd read that Scarlett's was popular with couples, and I'd say at this point there were perhaps a dozen or so female customers.

Naturally I had to ask Fallon if she ever danced for women. She responded with an enthusiastic. "Yes, I love girls too!" After that we spent some time commenting on the bodies of the various dancers. I told Fallon that one of the things that fascinated me so about the female body was the diversity. In comparison to women, male bodies are boring, just combinations of tall, short, fat and trim. Women have curves that combine in a dizzying array of possibilities. We commented on their choice of outfits and shoes and how their hair and breasts looked. Fallon told me she wanted to get bigger breasts, as I said she was quite small, I'd guess barely even an A cup. She didn't want anything extravagantly huge, just a little enhancement.

She asked me if I'd ever gone shopping with my wife, and while she didn't elaborate I knew what she meant. I explained that I'd never even confided my feelings to Mary until after the divorce, and whenever she wanted to go into a clothing store in a mall or such I would act like the typical bored male.

"Only you were wondering what it would be like to wear those clothes," she said.

It came time for another walk-around, and Fallon rose, reaching for her glass of wine like she had every other time. This time, however, she stopped and looked at me with a smile.

"I don't like more than two roophies in my wine," she laughed, and then left her glass where it sat and went to join the other girls.

I was, quite frankly, touched by her trust. Women in general have to be extremely cautious, and I'm sure it's even worse for dancers. So many look at them like objects, like something less than other women, but they're just people like anyone else. So they choose to utilize the beauty they have been blessed with to earn a living -- does that make them any less than someone else. I didn't think so before I went to Scarlett's, and I'm more convinced than ever that I'm right.

The walk-around ended and Fallon returned, extending her hand with a questioning look. I took her hand and we went back to the friction rooms for another two-for-one. I was more comfortable and confident now, and yes I was a bit intoxicated, and so the experience was even more pleasurable. Then, as the second song was ending, Fallon leaned in close to me and pressed her lips to mine.

I was taken off guard, but not unpleasantly so. It wasn't just a little peck on the lips either, it was a slow, passionate kiss, and when we parted she smiled and finished the dance. As I got up I smiled to and thanked her, both for the dance and the kiss. She took my face in her hands and kissed me again and said, "You're welcome, sweetie. I'm really glad I wound up with you tonight instead of some asshole."

When we returned to our seats, Fallon told me she had to leave for a minute to check on some friends. They were having their auditions tonight, and she wanted to make sure they were ready. She wasn't gone long before another girl sat down next to me -- dancing really is a competitive line of work I was leaning. She asked if I was interested in a dance and I politely thanked her and said no, I was with Fallon. By this point I had decided that I couldn't make every girl's night special, but maybe I could make it that way for one.

This would be a good time to talk about the finances of dancing. I had asked Fallon if the money was good and she said usually, though lately it had been slow because of the economy. People just didn't have 'fun money' to spend. She also confided that she had only been back at Scarlett's for a short time. She had been a dancer for four years, and Scarlett's had been her first job, but she had gotten in trouble for underage drinking and they had fired her. She'd worked other clubs in the interim, including the one where she was hurt, and had only recently returned to Scarlett's.

Time for a rant. I find it extremely hypocritical that a girl of eighteen can become a stripper, and yet she can't legally drink, just as I find it hypocritical that eighteen-year-olds are allowed to volunteer for military service and vote, but they aren't considered mature enough to drink. I know what the logic is behind the law, by raising the drinking age to 21, they cut off an avenue for even younger kids to get alcohol, because 18 year olds might hand around with 16 year olds, but it's less likely a 21 year old will. What absolute rubbish! I remember reading an article not too long ago that said a large percentage, well over 50%, of middle school kids said they drank regularly, and had easy access to booze. I had my first drink when I was 15 and do you know where I got it -- it was from my parent's liquor cabinet.

Anyway, by the time Fallon returned there was another young lady pitching herself to me -- I tell you, I could get used to such attention very easily. It was also really a big ego boost to see the glare Fallon gave her as she walked up. I smiled at Fallon to let her know that it was okay and the other girl left.

Fallon wasn't alone, however, she had brought her two friends out to meet me. One was a very pretty blonde going by the name of Mercedes, and the other a cute, effervescent brunette named Celly. They joined us and I ordered a round of drinks for us all.

Now it was really starting to get interesting. As I sat there with these three gorgeous women, I noticed that several of the men in the club kept glancing my way, and I could see envy in their eyes. As I've said more than once, I may dream of being female, but I'll admit I am very much a product of the male hormones coursing through my body. To see other men, looking at me and reading the jealousy in their eyes was almost more of a thrill than sitting there with those three lovely ladies cuddled up around me -- almost.

About this time a very gorgeous blonde stepped onto the main stage. She had a beautiful body and very nice, large breasts. Yes, I could tell they were implants even at a distance, but they weren't abnormally large. She was quite graceful too. Fallon had told me earlier that the early shifts, like when I came in, were worked by the more average looking girls, and I had found it frankly hard to believe. Yes, Fallon wasn't large breasted, but she was far from average. I suspect that she was working an earlier shift because she had only recently come back to Scarlett's.

Anyway, she noticed my attention on the stage and leaned over to whisper in my ear, "If you like her, go give her a tip."

I took a few dollars from my pocket and walked over to the main stage. The young lady smiled and danced over to me, kneeling down so I could slip the bills into her garter. Then I thanked her and returned to my companions. After the she was done, she came over and thanked me for the tip.

One thing I made a special effort to do during my time there was to thank every girl that approached me. I wanted them to know that I appreciated their attention, and I felt that courtesy reciprocated, even if I didn't buy a dance from them.

Mercedes and Celly both were called up for their audition sets on two of the satellite stages, and I made sure to tip them both. They were both good; not up to Fallon's level but certainly on par with many of the other dancers I had seen.They didn't come back right away, but when they did they both told us they'd been hired -- well as much as an independent contractor can be hired.

I'm going to backtrack here to describe a couple of 'tricks' that Fallon performed for me. The first was a handstand, sort of. She would face me and lean forward, placing her head between my legs on the couch and then lift her body in the air, spreading her legs out into a split. The view was quite spectacular. The second trick was even more erotic; she would kneel down and press her lips to my crouch, basically blowing a slow raspberry. Every time she did that it made me gasp, it was hot, both in a sensual sense and physically, as her warm breath throbbed erotically through my slacks and over my privates.

Fallon was called for another stage set, and as she danced I sat there with my arms around Mercedes and Celly and we commented on her grace and acrobatic abilities. I excused myself and walked over to the stage to give her a tip, having to wait behind two other guys. I just gave them both a grin because I knew she was coming back to sit with me.

Another note about the clientele; they were a mix of younger couples, guys my age and a bit younger as well as several older. There was a group of about eight guys that were sitting together a short distance form us, and they had three girls keeping them company. At one point, a very beautiful girl with light brown hair was doing a table-side dance for one of them, but several times during the song she looked straight at me, making deliberate eye contact. I don't think I can properly describe the feeling that gave me, whether it was genuine interest or not.

Another walk-around was called, and Fallon told me before she went up that she was really tired and needed to leave soon. She asked me if I wanted another two-for-one and I said yes. When we got back to the friction room I sat down to wait for the song to start, and she curled up in my lap, shivering. It was really cold back there, and she was covered with goose bumps, so I just held her and rubbed my hands over her while we waited for the song.

The two songs were over all to soon, and then Fallon led me back to my seat and gave me a big hug. She told me she was so glad we had met, and I was the sweetest guy she had ever been with. She asked for my cell phone number and I gave it to her, then we said goodnight. I stayed a little bit longer, buying a table-side dance from Mercedes and Celly, then I said goodnight to them and had a cab called to take me back to my hotel.

I took several things away with me from my experience at Scarlett's. The first was an affirmation -- I really, really love women. Since my divorce, my TG issues have surfaced like never before, and I have often found myself questioning my sexuality. I mean I write stories where men become women and fall in love with a man. I have dreams and fantasies where I am a woman with a man. I've wondered, am I really TG, or am I just trying to hide the fact that I'm attracted to men. Well, I think I know now -- the only feeling I had for any man at that club was that I had these girls and they didn't. The feeling of Fallon's body, the softness and warm of her skin, the little sighs that escaped her lips as I caressed her -- nope, I have no doubt, I love girls.

The second was also an affirmation -- I still want to be a girl. As much as I enjoyed Fallon's company, I truly believe I would rather have been her. I know it will never be for me, but it's a pleasant dream.

Finally, I found that I can feel something I never believed I would again, love. Yes, for those few hours I loved Fallon. I'm not saying I'm in love with her, in the sense that I entertain any notion of us hooking up and living happily ever after, but I did feel love, and passion, and most of all, acceptance. There was no judgment, no expectation, just two people coming together to enjoy the pleasure they found in each other. That night at Scarlett's, I found hope.

And I hope I can carry that with me for the rest of my life.

Thanks to everyone who reads and especially those that comment on these blogs. This was an incredible experience, and I wanted to share it with people I care about. You see, we're a family here, and you all give me hope too.