Sydney Moya

© 2014, 2016

All rights reserved.

Synopsis

Natasha is the single mother of a teen boy. She has been keeping a secret that threatens to destroy their family.

Part two

Life continued rather happily for Natasha and Eric who became a couple, though Eric didn’t move in. This was because Nat still hadn’t shared her past with Patrick. She didn’t feel that it would be appropriate for her to shack up with someone else while Pat still didn’t know.

Natasha revelled in being a woman, she felt truly happy for the first time since she’d lost Debbie. Eric was a caring and gentle man who loved her for who she was and it left her feeling fulfilled. She had her own small family and for the first time she felt content with her lot in life. Eric became a father figure to Pat and the kid idolised him.

“Mom, why don’t you marry Eric?” Pat had asked about six months after the Thanksgiving trip.

Natasha had smiled at her son’s seriousness.

“Well he hasn’t asked me,” she’d told her little boy.

“Why?” Pat asked.

Natasha chuckled, “You’ll have to ask him,” she responded, “but please don’t, it must be his idea,” she added.

“Okay,” agreed Patrick before turning his attention back to his Cocoa Puffs.

“Would you like it if I married him?” Natasha asked her son.

“Yes he makes you laugh. You’re always happy around him,” observed Patrick which brought a smile to her face.

“I’m always happy around you,” pointed out Nat.

“Yes but I want you and Eric to be a family with me like Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Phil and Aunt Marilyn. I need a daddy,” said Patrick in a matter of fact tone.

Nat barely avoided wincing.

Patrick’s innocent words left Nat uneasy because there was nothing she wanted more than to have a complete family. However her past sat heavily on her shoulder. She knew she owed it to her son to tell him about Debbie but didn’t know where to start. A part of her also felt like she would be betraying Debbie by living happily ever after.

Tammy knew something had changed when she saw her daughter after Thanksgiving. She saw an expression that had been missing from her child’s face since Debbie had passed away. She didn’t say anything though as she thought Natasha would tell her about it in due course. Natasha didn’t say a thing though because she didn’t know how open her mother was to finding about her love life.

It was at the next holiday, Christmas that Natasha stunned her father and mother by telling them she wouldn’t be able to attend their Christmas dinner as she had been invited to another event.

“You’re not coming for Christmas?” Tammy asked, surprised.

“I’m sorry Mom, I’ll try to make it up to you and I’m not taking Pat with me,” she said, genuinely sorry, “Eric invited me to his folks place.”

“Oh my, he wants you to meet his family?” Tammy remarked happily.

She realised her child was taking things with Eric to another level.

“I’m in love,” said Natasha simply.

Tammy smiled and picked up and her child’s hands.

“I’m so happy for you but are you ready for this?” Tammy asked.

“I’m not sure to be honest,” her daughter remarked, “my life is so complicated,” she sighed.

Bryan walked in as she was saying this.

“Only because you made it so,” he opined.

Natasha let go of her mother’s hands.

“I won’t make it for Christmas,” she calmly said to her father.

“Do I dare ask why you would deprive us the pleasure of your presence?”

“I’m spending it with a friend’s family. Pat will be here if it’s not a problem,” said Natasha doing her best to keep a calm expression.

“Pat is never a problem but you’re going to skip Christmas with your own family to attend a friend’s?” Bryan asked, shocked.

When her father put it that way it made her sound selfish.

“It is okay sweetie, I know it’s important to you,” said Tammy hoping to stop an argument before it began.

“No it’s not, why would you miss Christmas with your family?” Bryan pressed.

Natasha sighed, “I’ve met someone Dad,” she said quietly.

Bryan stared at her.

“Does this someone have a name?”

“His name is Eric,” said Nat.

“A man, the same one you spent Thanksgiving with?” Bryan asked, his voice rising slightly.

Nat nodded, “I’ve been lonely a long time and he cares about me and Pat,” she explained.

Bryan’s expression softened slightly. He knew his child had never recovered from losing Debbie and he felt sorry for her.

“I know kid but he’s a man and well so are you,” he pointed out, “it’ll never work.”

Nat sighed; she was so tired of fighting with her father over who she was.

“I’ll drop off Pat on Christmas Eve. I’ll give him his present early too. I’ll be back on Boxing day,” she explained to her mother before turning to leave.

“Did you hear what I said?” Bryan asked.

“Look Dad I love you and I respect you but I am not going to live my life by your standards because they won’t allow me to be happy. I know you don’t approve of the choices I’ve made and it’s noted but it’s not your life to live its mine and I’ll do as I see fit,” she said slowly before taking her leave.

Tammy watched her child walk away while her husband processed what he’d been told. Something important had just taken place and it was up to Bryan to make what he could of it.

Eric’s family was warm and welcoming and they immediately took a liking to her especially Eric’s mother Gwen.

“He speaks highly of you, he’s never been so taken with a girl,” she told Nat as they chatted minutes later.

Nat blushed.

“He’s special,” she murmured.

Gwen smiled at her reaction, deciding she liked this girl already.

“Eric said you have a son,” Gwen asked.

“Yes I do, he’s six (going on 7),” said Nat warmly as she took opened her purse and took out a photo of her little boy.

“He’s cute,” said Gwen with a smile.

“Thank you, he just makes my life so much better,” said Nat.

“I know exactly what you mean,” said Gwen nodding sagely, “so how did you meet?”

“At Disneyland believe it or not,” Nat chuckled, “We were down there for Pat’s fifth birthday and Eric came over and wished him a happy birthday then chatted with Pat and his best friend Katie for a while. I didn’t chase him away because the kids begged to let him join us for a while. When he left an hour later I thought great. Imagine my surprise when we met at a local hardware store three months later,” she explained.

Gwen smiled.

Natasha and Eric’s relationship grew stronger. He spent even more time with Natasha and her son and later her family except the judge who didn’t approve of him. Marilyn and Phil did lots of stuff with them and sometimes looked after Pat when the two lovebirds wanted a weekend getaway. Marilyn was pleased for her sister-in-law as it was clear Eric made her happy. She’d long accepted that Natasha was a woman and they’d become friends in a way. Having known her for so long and being fair minded she accepted that some people simply couldn’t live in the gender they were assigned in at birth. Her husband who knew Nat much better as he was her sibling had a similar viewpoint. He’d grown up seeing Dale struggle to live up to masculine expectations while being forced by their father and society to curb her natural feminine tendencies. In all honesty her sister’s transition hadn’t really been a surprise to him since as a child he’d privately thought his sibling would have been better off as a girl.

Now that she was one he took it in stride and continued to love her. It had been weird at first and he sometimes slipped and called her Dale but over the years he’d grown used to having a sister instead of a morose brother.

Almost a year after that Thanksgiving Eric asked for Natasha’s hand in marriage. They were walking along a lakeside when Eric bent his knee and pulled a ring out.

“Natasha, will you do me the honour of being my wife?” he said.

Nat’s hand flew to her mouth as she eyed him and the dazzling stone.

“Eric, I, are you serious?”

“I have never been more serious in my life my love,” he replied.

Nat’s eyes watered, she wondered how she could have found someone so special for the second time in her life.

“Yes,”

“You’ll marry me?” Eric asked his eyes huge.

Nat smiled and nodded, “I love you,” she murmured.

Eric whooped and hugged her before giving her a toe curling kiss.

Nat only had one condition. She wanted a long engagement.

Tammy was overjoyed for her child. Nat had walked in and Tammy had immediately noticed the ring. She’d given her daughter a huge hug, both of them crying with tears of joy. It was a Hallmark moment.

“You must bring Eric for dinner,” Tammy was saying when Bryan walked into the kitchen.

“I don’t know Mum,” Nat said, glancing at her father, her bright smile fading.

Tammy looked at her husband, “Natasha has some great news, she’s engaged,”

Bryan was not amused at the news. He looked at his wife and daughter like they’d grown second heads. A rift was slowly growing between him and the rest of the family over how he treated Nat.

“You can’t be serious?”

Nat looked at her father, “Why can’t you be happy for me? Do you like seeing me sad?”

“No but this is wrong. You can’t marry another man,” Bryan hit back.

“I’m woman so I can marry a man,”

“Are you insane, you can dress up and get yourself cut up but you’ll never be a woman,” Bryan countered, “you’re nothing but a confused cross-dresser,” he finished.

“Bryan,” Tammy interjected, “don’t say that.’’

“Why not, it’s true isn’t it?”Bryan

Nat’s eyes glistened but she fought the urge to cry, “I hate you,” she remarked before turning and leaving.

“Sweetheart, no,” said Tammy following her daughter out.

She found her daughter sobbing in her car. Nat refused to go back inside and her mother sat with her for a while. Nat drove away after she'd calmed down leaving her mother to give Bryan a piece of her mind.

“So help me Bryan how can you be so blind?”

“Dale is a man, I have two sons and one of them spends his time pretending to be a woman,”

“Dale isn’t a man. She’s lived as a woman almost her entire adult life and I don’t know any man with a body like hers, she’s just like any other woman where it counts.”

Bryan grunted.

“I never thought I’d ask this but do you love our kids?” Tammy asked.

Bryan looked hurt, “You know I do.” he answered.

“Then show it. My father had two daughters and he never complained or felt like he’d been cheated out of something. You had two sons and unfortunately one of them didn’t want to be a man and you’ve been punishing her for it for years. How can you do that?” Tammy responded.

“I haven’t punished anyone,” said Bryan angrily.

Tammy’s eyes narrowed, “Don’t give me that. You treat Natasha like a leper, she’s never comfortable around you and she does her best to be civil to you but you look at her with contempt. I won’t even mention how you treat Eric. Patrick is the only reason she does come around here. It didn’t start when she transitioned either; she graduated high school early to get a respite from how you treated her. She couldn’t fit into the mould you wanted and you didn’t try to understand why you simply berated her for being who she was. No one gets to pick their persona and for some reason Dale’s threatened you and you took it out on her by trying to toughen her up. When I married you I never imagined you’d behave like this to our child, if I’d known I’d never have said yes to you,” she said a quiet yet chilling tone.

She turned and walked out of the room.

Bryan was stunned at his wife’s outburst. He knew she was livid and after 38 years he knew well enough to know that Tammy didn’t just lose her temper. This had been a long time coming. He wondered what to do.

Years passed. Eric and Nat were still engaged, their love for one another grew stronger each day. Eric still had his own place as both of them wanted to tell Pat when he was mature enough and marry after that.

Eric was ok with that as he was quite content with the instant family he’d found. Pat was a wonderful kid and he thought it was a privilege to parent him. He loved Nat more than he could say though he did his best to show her how much he cared every day. He sometimes worried Natasha wouldn't be able to tell Pat about her past. He guessed some of it was his fault for reacting the way he had when he first told her. Society didn’t look kindly upon people like Nat and that couldn’t help but make Nat hesitant.

It didn’t help that she and her father barely talked anymore. He hated going to dinner at her parents. He could sense that the judge didn’t like him, so he avoided going there as much as possible.

However they did share one love, Pat and they remained civil to one another for his sake. Both parties didn’t bring the politics of their relationship into their bond with Pat. All of them looked out for him, in a sense he was the glue that kept the family together.

This couldn’t last forever though, a storm was coming and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he could sense it too.

Tammy was uncertain what to do with Pat. She’d never seen her grandchild look so upset.

“I can’t go back there Grandma,” he’d said, quite upset.

It had taken a while for her to coax a coherent explanation from him.

It turns out he’d come across some of Natasha’s documents while rummaging around in the attic where Nat had asked him not to play. He’d found a box. Inside were wedding pictures. He’d recognised Uncle Phil, his grandparents, Aunt Marilyn but not the couple getting married. The pictures stoked his curiosity; he’d gone through the rest of the box and found more pictures of the same couple, holding a baby, or each other. He thought the man looked a lot like his mother and his other relatives.

He’d gone back downstairs and waited for Nat to get back home before asking who the people in the pictures were.

Nat had sighed.

“Sit down,” she’d said.

Patrick had duly obeyed.

“Remember how you always used to ask me what happened to your dad?” Nat asked.

Pat nodded.

“I never really told you because it was really complicated but I guess you’re old enough to know now,” began Nat, “but first I want you to know I love you more than anything ok, just try to remember that,”

“Sure Mom,” said Pat, wondering what this was all about.

Nat’s eyes glimmered as she took in her son’s smile.

“Sweetie, have you ever heard of gender dysphoria?”

“No,” said Pat, shaking his head.

“It’s where someone feels like their gender’s wrong, like they should be a boy instead of a girl or a girl instead of a boy even though they could be a boy physically inside their not,” she explained.

Pat nodded.

“I used to be like that,” said Nat slowly.

“You wanted to be a boy?” Pat said in amazement.

Nat laughed in spite of the situation.

“No son, I didn’t. That was actually the problem, I didn’t want to be a boy at all,” she said slowly “you know how your granddad calls me Dale,” said Nat.

“Yeah it’s your second name,” said Pat casually.

“It used to be my first name,” said Nat slowly, “honey I was born a boy,” she explained softly.

Pat looked at her, shocked out of his mind.

“How, you’re my mom,” he said helplessly.

“I am your mom but I didn’t give birth to you. Those photo’s you saw. That woman is your mother, she was my wife and she gave birth to you,” said Natasha.

“I don’t believe this,” said Patrick, upset, “you’re my dad?”

Nat nodded.

“Where is she?”

“She died when you were four months old, she was killed in a car crash,” said Nat, her voice pained by the recollection.

“And you hid this from me, you lied to me,” Patrick remarked.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you but you were too young to understand,” said Natasha.

Pat shook his head before he stood up. He felt betrayed and taken for a fool.

“Listen to me Pat,” said Natasha, “I’m still your mother,” she said without thinking.

“You’re not my mother, you lied to me. I hate you!” Patrick yelled before running out of the house.

“Patrick,” said Natasha to no reply.

By the time she got to the door her son was nowhere to be seen.

She called out his name again to no avail.

“He’s safe,” said Tammy to her worried child.

“Thank goodness,” said Natasha, relieved.

“Is he okay How is he doing?”

“Nothing happened to him , I sent him to bed," Tammy explained

Tammy sensed her daughter’s distress.

“Are you alright? Pat told me what happened,” said Tammy worriedly, “he was quite upset,”

“He hates me. I told him everything and he walked out. He said I lied to him,” Natasha sobbed.

“Oh, honey,” said Tammy sadly, “Pat doesn’t hate you,” she said, “he’s just overwhelmed. Give him time. Why don’t you call Eric?”

Natasha did as her mother instructed and called her fiance. Nothing he said could assuage her pain though. She cried herself to sleep in his arms.

Natasha went to her parents’ house the next day.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” a sullen Pat had told her.

“I’m sorry,” said Nat softly.

Pat abruptly stood up and left the room.

He was very hurt and wasn’t sure about anything. Being told by the woman you loved and believed was your mom that this wasn’t the case is a terrible blow at any age but especially during adolescence. Pat felt empty inside, confused about who he was and he took it out on Nat the obvious scapegoat.

Days passed, Nat visited her parents home daily with the same result. Pat refused to talk to her. This had the effect of making her even more miserable. To be honest she loved her son more than life itself, having him reject her was a terrible blow and she slowly sank into a depression. She ate less, stayed in and became more engrossed in her work to avoid her feelings. She cried a lot. Nothing could cheer her up.

Eric did his best to talk her out of her funk, spending time at her place and just being there for her but it didn’t seem to be working. Natasha however was miserable. Katie, Pat’s next door neighbour and best friend was worried enough to go see her friend about it. Phil was too and he took his nephew fishing that weekend.

Inevitably they ended up talking about Nat.

“When do you plan to go home?” Phil asked his nephew as he sorted out the tackle.

His young face, the spitting image of Debbie's had an inscrutable expression.

The teen shrugged the universal adolescent response to something one isn’t prepared to discuss.

“I know you’re angry at your Mom,” Phil began.

“She isn’t my mom,” Pat replied.

Phil couldn't help but note the angry tone.

The older man looked at his nephew; he was clearly upset at what he’d discovered. He’d known this day would come, heck they’d all known about it. His wife had once asked Nat what she’d do.

“I don’t know,” his sister had responded shaking her head, “I’ll just have to level with him,” she’d sighed.

He wasn’t a parent but he could see why Pat could be so upset. Finding out that your mother wasn’t really your mother had to be distressing. Part of him wanted to agree with Pat but he also knew how much pain his sibling had suffered. He knew how much she adored the boy in front of him.

“Be that as it may, she’s still your parent,” Phil remarked.

Pat said nothing though the expression on his face said volumes. He obviously didn’t agree with his uncle.

“Look Pat, Nat loves you,” Phil proffered.

“Then why did she lie to me?”

Pat’s misery was quite evident as he struggled to contain his emotions, his voice cracked and his eyes glistened.

“I don’t think she knew how to tell you. She’s been through a lot and I guess that’s made her a wary of what people would say. Dad isn’t really onboard with her being a woman, so I guess she was scared the same would happen with you,”

Pat looked at his uncle. Even he knew that there was tension between Nat and his grandpa. They hardly ever talked let alone hugged or kissed. It had been like that forever. He’d heard his grandparents arguing about it the previous day.

“Does he hate her?”

Phil paused unsure how to go about this. He loved his father dearly but he had always thought he wasn’t fair to Nat. Pat and his father had a great relationship and he didn’t want to jeopardize that.

He sighed, “I think hate isn’t the right word. Nat wasn’t happy as a boy Pat. Even as a kid I used to think she would be better off as a girl. She was really sweet and quite gentle. She would tell Mom that she wanted dolls and Wendy houses. Dad didn’t understand it and he dealt with it by being tough on her, he pushed her into doing boyish stuff in order to toughen her up. I could hear her crying herself to sleep some nights. I did my best to protect her but I couldn’t be there all the time, she’d get beaten at school sometimes and this would make Dad furious that she couldn’t defend herself. Instead of supporting her he berated her which only pushed Nat away from him. With time she learnt how to blend in but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that she wasn’t really happy being a boy,”

“Then she met your mom, it’s like someone switched on a light inside of her. Debbie was something else, she was incredibly kind and always laughing. I’d never seen my brother so content. They married and they looked so in love. When you were born Nat was so proud. She said that was the happiest day of her life. Then that damn car crash,” said Phil, clearly upset.

“What happened?” asked Pat softly.

“Some kid was drunk driving, he hit Debbie front on. She didn’t have a chance,” the older man told his nephew, a tear making its way down his cheek.

Pat felt numb.

“She was a wonderful person Pat, she loved you so much,” Phil remarked.

The pair stood in silence for a bit as Phil collected himself, while Pat wondered about his birth mother. He felt a sense of loss, like he’d been cheated out of something precious.

Phil carried on after a bit.

“Like I said Nat wasn’t the happiest kid. She was so uncomfortable being a boy. I kind always felt she’d have been better off as a girl. She was devastated by Debbie’s death. We worried about her, then one day she announced she was going to live as a woman” Phil told his nephew.

He felt the need to qualify his statement, in effect defending his sister.

“So when Debbie died she lost her anchor. I can’t imagine how devastated she was. I mean if lost your aunt,’’ Phil went on before shaking his head.

The boy was looking at him intently now, “We were so worried. She was just a kid and you were 4 months old and she’d just lost the love of her life."

"What happened?"

"She showed up one day at our parents’ house and announced that she'd be living as a woman from now on. She said a counsellor had recommended she transition. Dad went ballistic, he threatened to disown her and take you but Nat stood her ground and told him he wouldn't see either of you again if he tried anything. I did talk to her a few days after and she told me she couldn't go through life as a guy anymore especially without Debbie. I told her as long as she was happy I was on board," said Phil.

"She surprised all of us with how normal she looked. I mean we didn't know what to expect but Nat turned out to be well okay. I don't think she got over Debbie but living as a woman fixed something. She wasn't that sad kid I grew up with anymore." Phil said.

"So you're okay with her, I mean you don't find it weird?" Pat said, hesitating because as much as he denied it he was talking about the woman who was for all intents and purposes his mother.

"Naw, well I wouldn't choose it for anyone but some people are just born wrong. Nat couldn't help how she felt. It wasn't learned and since I love her I only want her to be happy. She tried being a guy and brought you into the world and she was honest enough to accept she wouldn't be able to raise you if she was depressed. I just have to look at you to know she did ok," Phil said.

“Your Mum’s not doing too well,” Katie told her friend.

Katie had grown into quite a beautiful girl, with golden hair and bright blue eyes. She also had good head on her shoulders and deep empathy for others. She was still closer to Pat than anyone barring her mother. It was why she felt she had to talk to him when she found out what was going on.

“She’s not my mom,” Pat said defiantly.

Katie shook her head, “I heard the whole story,”

Pat looked at her worried about the implications, would people at school find out? She seemed to read his thoughts as she immediately reassured him.

“I won’t tell anyone. You’re my best friend silly,” she said softly.

“Thanks,” said Pat gratefully.

“When are you coming home?” Katie asked.

“Dunno,” murmured Pat.

“You need to work it out with your mom,”

Pat glared at her.

“I can’t stop thinking of her like that. She may not be your real mother but she definitely loves you like a mother would. Maybe she was always a girl inside,” Katie offered.

“Uncle Phil said the same thing,” Pat responded.

“What do you think?” Katie asked.

“I don’t know what to think. I mean who am I, who was my real mom, am I going to want to be a girl too? Why didn’t she tell me?” Pat asked, clearly distressed.

Katie picked up his hand, “That’s easy, you’re Pat Jennings. If you ever started feeling like you’re a girl it won’t be a biggie, I’ll still be your friend but I don’t think it works like that. As for your mom only your other mom can answer that,” she softly told him

"What am I going to do?" Nat sobbed, "He doesn't even want to talk to me."

Eric wrapped his around his fiancée, "We won't give up on him,”

To be continued.