I wake up. Like always, nobody in the house. My dad doesn't even wake me up for school. He's to busy at his “so called” business. All he does in the business is, he takes a rubber product about the size of a fruit loop and cuts into one end of it. Very exciting. Not sure what the business is and as much as I know, I don't want to know. He said that he wants me to work there, when I turn sixteen. Hell no. I would never work there when I get older.

I get out of bed and rush to the toilet. I always sit down to pee. I have always done this my whole life. My dad would be upset if he knew I peed like a girl. I always lock the door to the room. But one time I forgot and dad came into the room and saw me sitting down. He yelled at me. I made an excuse that I was pooping, which I didn't need to. But because I lied, I had to make myself poop, because my dad was not going to leave, unless I did.

I am smarter now and always lock the door and double check, to make sure I locked it. Dad does get upset when I do and has threatened to take the lock off the door. He never does. I believe it's because he doesn't want to spend the money to pay for a new door knob or something, to replace it.

I finish up by taking a little tissue and wipe. I know, I don't need to, but girls do and I am a girl, so I choose to. I wash my hands and head out of the room. I run downstairs to the kitchen. To my surprise, my dad was still home. I thought he would be at work. He was siting at the table drinking another beer like he did last night. I am so glad I didn't get dressed first.

“Aren’t you suppose to be in school?” He growled.

“School doesn't start until eight-thirty,” I answered.”

Dad jumps out of his chair and walks towards me. I slowly back away. “It's seven twenty-eight, you get your butt upstairs and get some clothes on.” He pushes me across the room, where I hit the wall at full speed, hitting my head. I start to cry. “And don't you be crying! I didn't raise no girl!”

In a way you did, but I won't tell you. I ran upstairs to my room and started looking for some clothes. I'm a little upset that he was home. I wanted to watch my favorite show, like I always do before school. I dug through the top shelve of my dresser and chose the best I could, some gender neutral pants and shirt. It wasn't easy finding any since dad always buys my clothes for me.

My girl clothes I stole from clothes lines. But not all of it was stolen. Some of them I payed for. I sold some of my own stuff to buy my clothes, like that dress. I really wanted that dress. Every time I wear it, I feel like I am a princess. A princess like those from Disney or something like that. If I lost that, I wouldn't know what I would do. I love that dress so much.

Dad was standing outside my bedroom, drinking a beer and watching. So I couldn't put a set of girl clothes into my school bag. What I was wearing was the best I could do for today. I was worried that he would catch me.

“You better make it to the bus boy,” he snarled. “If you miss it, you're walking. And I better not hear that your tardy from class or causing trouble in school again.”

I looked outside. It was starting to rain.

“Can I have an umbrella or something?” I asked.

“An umbrella?!” Dad hollered. “Umbrellas are for girls.”

“No there not,” I explained. “I see boys use them all the...”

SMACK!!

I got hit in the face, which made me start crying.

“Don't you get smart with me. And what did I tell you about crying!”

I continued crying and ran out the house. I don't care what dad said. I can't stop crying. His hand was strong. I make it to the bus stop and stand under the bus shelter to stay dry. A little late for that. I was drenched.

When the bus finally came, the bus driver looked at me and shook his head. I sat down on the first seat I was able to find. Every kid on the bus wouldn't let me sit with them. This hurt my feelings. I wish that sometime, I would have a day that I would be treated like everyone else.

When I got to school, my teacher Mrs. Tupy had us take a math test. I wasn't really good at math and was worried that I wasn't going to do well. I started to tear up.

The test was hard all the questions were confusing to me.

'Lisa lives on the ninth floor of a building. There are thirty-six stairs between two connecting floors. How many stairs does Lisa have to climb to reach the ninth floor, starting from the first floor?'

I looked at that problem for a long time. I thought to myself. “Okay, if there were thirty-six stairs...”

Just then, I felt my hair being pulled.

“Ow!,” I cried. “I turn around with tears in my eyes and look at a boy named Mark. He has been picking on me since the first grade “You idiot! Why did you pull my hair?”

“I didn't do anything,” he lied.

“Yes you did,” I bawled”

Mrs. Tupy walked over to us. “What's going on here?!”

“Mark Plantz pulled my hair!” I cried pointing at Mark.

“I did not!” Mark argued. I kept crying. My head was hurting.

“You did pull my...” I looked around the room. Everyone in the class was staring at me and I was feeling a bit embarrassed. I choked on my words, threw my test and ran out of the room.

“Noah, get back here!” Mrs. Tupy demanded. I kept running. I ran down the hall and hid in the girls room in one of the stalls.

A few minutes later, I could hear the principal, Ms. Stone calling for me. She was just outside the girls room I knew I was going to be in big trouble. I couldn't stay here forever I left the stall and slowly walked out the door. Ms. Stone was at the door when I got out. I looked up at her.

“Noah, you know better than to walk out of class and even worse walking into the girls bathroom,” she scolded. “Come with me to my office.” I quietly walked with her and sat down on a chair. “Noah, I'm going to have to call you dad...”

“No!” I cried” “Don't tell him I went into the girls room!”

“I won't tell him you went in the girls room,” Ms. Stone promised “But I have to tell him, you disrupted class and ran out of it again.”

I looked down a my shoes. I knew I was going to get it when I got home. I sat there quietly while she called my dad. I looked out the window. The ocean was pretty. I wish I could go there and swim in it. I use to go there a lot when mom was living with us. Now that she left us, we don't go there anymore.

I miss my mom. I look at my shoes again. I wonder what she is doing right now? I want to be with her, instead of dad. I don't know why she left me. She didn't even say goodbye. I feel tears falling down my face.

I look over at Ms. Stone, she is talking on the phone. I wonder what dad is thinking. Most likely thinking of taking out the belt or something worse. I look outside again. The rain had stopped. Why hadn't it stopped earlier when I was heading to the bus? That's a bit annoying. The sky is pretty. A beautiful blue. It's my third favorite color after pink and purple.

Out in the distance, there's a rainbow. Make that a double rainbow. Those ones are very rare to see. I have only seen one of those once before. I wish I had a camera, I would love to take a picture of…

“Noah?”

I looked away from the window and back at Ms. Stone. “Your dad was not at work and I didn't get through to him at home. I left a message for him at his work... For now, I want you to head back to class and don't cause anymore problems. You understand me?”

I nodded

“Okay, you be a good little boy and I don't want to see you in here again today.”

I hate it when people call me a boy. I headed out of her office.

I made it back to class, but the test was over, which means I failed. Dad was not going to be happy with me. I quietly sat down at my desk and lied my head on my hands. I knew Mark planned on doing something again, but what was I suppose to do?

Mrs. Tupy was teaching English. She could tell I wasn't really happy. But I listened the whole class.

When lunch came along, Everyone went in line. I sat down at the table like I always do. Dad never pays for lunch for me and he makes too much for free or reduced lunch for me to qualify for those programs.

I can't even bring my own bag lunch to school, since dad never goes grocery shopping. None of the teachers even notice. And if they do, I don't think they even do anything about it.

One week last year, dad didn't even come home from work. There was no food at home, like always and there was no money. That was the hardest week for me. I had to beg for food. School wouldn't give me any and sometimes I'd end up not eating anything for a few days. The only thing I was able to do, was drink water. That filled my stomach enough to make it feel full.

Mark on purposes sat down at the table I am sitting at and starts eating his food in front of me. He makes sure I am watching every second. He even plays around and tries to give me some and then takes it away before I am able to get it. It makes me mad that he does that and sometimes I wish I could stick his tray up his butt.

During recess, I don't do much. I just swing on the swings or jump rope. I don't have friends to play with. The only friend I have is Jeremy, the gas station attendant. He's twenty-six years old, but he's really nice to me. He doesn't mind me being transgender. If it wasn't for him calling me yesterday, I would have been caught from my dad for wearing a dress. But I have no friends my own age. All of them think I am a freak. They don't want to be friends with me because I am transgender.

The rest of the day was okay, I guess, but when it came to Phy Ed, or Physical Education. I didn't like it. Mr. Garrington the Phy Ed teacher, was very strict. To him, all boys were suppose to do sports. Girls could do sports if they wanted to. For me, I knew I was a girl, but to Mr. Garrington, I was a boy and I was forced to do sports.

I told him I was transgender, but to him, he thinks like my dad. A boy is a boy and will never be a girl and a girl is a girl and will never be a boy.

Every time I would refuse, he would force me to do push ups, until I agreed to do the sport he chose for the day. Today was football. I hated football a lot. It's a rough sport and makes me sweat. The boys are rough on me and would purposely plow me over because I am the weakest one on the team. I hate being in Phy Ed.

When school was over, I went back on the bus and sat alone. I wish my life was better. But it seems like it's not going to change.