Eventually she let me loose long enough to get a good look at my face. “You certainly make a pretty girl, even under all those tears. Come on. Let’s get both of you cleaned up.” To Wendy she asked, “How bad have things gotten?”

Houston, we have a situation here - Part 2 Final
By Buggie

“Remember that whatever may be said by a lady or her friends, it is not part of conduct of a gallant or generous man to take up arms against a woman.” - Sam Houston

I am Robert Samuel Houston, age fifteen, and my life is a living hell. Yah, that pretty much says it all.

I feel like I’m floating in space, somewhere between the earth and the moon, lost and without control of anything. I don’t even know where I’m going or how to get there. Even if I did, I don’t have a clue how to work the controls of my ship.

I had finished the last of Becky's chores. She's my older sister sent by God to torture me. She's always been good at her job, but now she's in overdrive. I can understand though. I mean, I might have been angry too had I been her and she me. I'd rather like to think I'd be more understanding and kind though.

I finished putting everything away into the cleaning closet and went to take a shower. She'd be home soon and I was happy that I had everything done so it wouldn't give her another reason to be angry. I stripped and dropped my clothes into the hamper, hearing them fall to the bottom. She did laundry last night. Yah, the laundry. I was the one who finished the folding and hanging though. As my water heated up I looked at my feet. I had four red toes. That's where she left off last night.

I don't know what happened. One minute I'm sitting on my bed and the next minute I find her face in mine, an odd mixture of relief, concern, and ferociousness. While she was in the bathroom yelling about my not flushing, I must have fainted. I don't remember it. I just remember coming to. She had heard me fall and had done the right things: elevated my feet, made sure I could breath, checked my heart beat etc all thanks to her girl scout's first-aid training. It was during all of that she had discovered I was wearing her things under my clothes.

Her things, not my things.

Once she was sure I was okay she really started in on me. I didn't have a chance to defend myself, not that I could really muster any sort of defense. I was guilty enough that the rest of her accusations only met with my feeble defense. That same defense faded away once she had taken a few pictures with her cell phone. After that I was going to do just about anything she said to keep her quiet. If that meant doing the chores around the house, then I'd do them. One day she'd calm down enough, that's the way she was, and then maybe we could work something out. Maybe she'd relent some. I don't know. I'm living in a sea of hope right now.

The first thing she had me do was to take off my clothes. She then had me take off her clothes, except for the panties. She didn't want to see that much of me. That would have been embarrassing. Funny how relative things are now. With the pictures of me stored away, she started enacting her revenge. I think she was acting compulsively at first. I had to take a shower and during all of that I lost my body hair. That wasn't fun. I mean, yes it was something I always wanted to do and I guess that's why I didn't resist it. This was sort of an excuse, right? I was being forced right? It wasn't my choice and I could say that. Might not matter much, but it was the truth. Part of me wanted her to go further. As long as we didn't go so far that my secret got out. I mean, I have my pride after all.

All day long at school I felt my legs rub against my jeans. It was a constant reminder of what had happened at home after our band meeting. Plus everyone was giving me some good natured ribbing about hurling all over Wendy. She didn't talk to me though. I figured she was suffering herself. I'm pretty sure none of the other girls were going to give me the time of day now that I had embarrassed one of their own. Yah, it was going to take time to get over all of this. Maybe I'd be able to date someone by the time I was a senior. That's three years from now. I might as well transfer and start a new life.

My toes though, let's get back to my toes. That's where Becky suddenly changed. I had to lie there as she worked on my feet, giving them a pedicure. It felt nice, but I was too scared to enjoy it. She started on my toes giving them a nice coat of polish. She had finished the fourth when the phone rang so I was forced to sit and wait for her to return. She took her time and once she came back, she packed up her stuff in a bag. I had asked what was wrong, where was she going, and that seemed to really piss her off.

After school today she brought me home, dropping me off with my list of things to do before she returned. She had to go help set up the band's fundraiser stuff outside of some of the local grocery stores. Later tonight she and I would be working together at one of those stores. I found out I was supposed to be working with Wendy, but after yesterday that was changed.

I laid out my band uniform for later tonight as I got dressed in some jeans and a tee shirt. We were supposed to be representing the band after all, so we were expected to be dressed appropriately. When Becky got home I was waiting in the living room working on my algebra homework.

“Hey Robbie!” she greeted me with a large grin on her face. This couldn't be good.

“Hey Sis.” Maybe reminding her we were brother and sister would deflect what ever she was about to do?

“I got you some things.” She pulled out something shiny from a sack.

“Panties?”

“Yup, and a matching bra. Now you have two sets of your own, isn't that great?”

“Oh yeah, that's great.”

Frowning she started at me. “You are supposed to be happy. I've gotten you a present. What do we do when we are grateful?”

“Sorry. I was distracted,” I lied. “Thank you Becky.”

“Not good enough. You need to show more happiness.”

“Thanks! I'm really happy.”

“And they are just what I always wanted,” she prompted.

“Yes. They are just what I always wanted. You’re the best sister ever!” I threw the last one in as a freebie. It didn't help.

“Better then you've been. So, ‘sister', do you know what you get to wear today?”

“Um,” I looked at her and picked up on her clues. I'm not totally dense. “Yes. I get to wear my new pretty panties and bra. This is going to be great!” There's part of me that really was happy about it too. I mean, she's forcing me so I might as well enjoy it, right?

“Okay, now go into your room and change into your new things. And here, take this remover and get some cotton balls to clean off your toes.”

“Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world.” - Mary Shafer, NASA

Becky banged on my door and shouted, “You are taking forever. Get your jacket and let's go!”

“Go? I thought we weren't expected at the store until seven.”

“No, we are leaving right now.”

“Well, we need to eat before hand...” I offered.

“So we can pick up something on the way.”

“But our uniforms, we have to change into them. I don't want to wear it all day.”

“Got it covered. We can change after we eat. Go take the trash out and meet me at the car. I'll have your stuff there. Now move your butt, I have things I want to do.”

I hurried along collecting the garbage in record time and making sure that I stayed out of my sister’s way. I had just finished dropping the bag into the can at the street when she came out and closed the garage door behind her. I joined her in the car and at her insistence I used some of her hand cleaner and then lotion. Now my hands smelled flowery. Joy. I slouched in the seat, wishing that she would understand and have mercy on me.

Seeing my expression as I looked down at my chest she said, “Don’t worry Sis. I’m sure your breasts will grow one day. In the meantime we can use some tissues to pad it.”

“Becky! Please don’t. Haven’t you done enough already?” A cold look glared at me as my protest died as they left my lips.

“You don’t want tissues? That’s fine. I can understand that. After all they are a pretty cheap way of padding. We won’t do tissues then unless you want them.”

She pulled into a Burger Biggie and parked facing the road. I sat there not knowing what she had planned and since she had her eyes closed I didn’t want to break her thoughts.

I began to fidget as we waited. I was getting nervous at how quiet she was. I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Becky? Are you okay?”

“Oh I’m fine,” she said while her lips curled into a mock smile. “I’m just thinking about how you are going to wish you had taken my help.”

“Your help?”

“Yup. Here’s what we are going to do. Take off your shoes.”

“My shoes? Why? What are you going to do?” I could see her kicking me out of the car and then driving off.

“Don’t worry. In fact,” she started the car, “Let’s go some place else first. I can do my stuff later.”

She pulled out and drove to a department store across the street. In short order I was dragged inside, following her as she made her way into the Juniors department. I was worried, but she kept me busy as she thumbed through a few ranks before selecting a pair of jeans. Grinning she reminded me that any resistance would attract the stares of those around, so I had best be a good girl and follow along.

It was strange. I looked in the mirror within the dressing room and was quietly pleased. I mean, I was terrified, but I was enjoying it too. It was like a roller coaster, not knowing what she was going to do to me next; always skirting with disaster, risking exposure and not being able to do anything about it. While in the dressing room she had me try on those jeans and switched tops and shoes with me. She left wearing my tee shirt and I stood in front of the mirror looking at the image of a girl. These pants fit me a lot better then hers did and they looked pretty good on me. Her top was all flowery with a black band that circled underneath my bra and also accented the v-neck collar. With it I looked like a girl, albeit one with really small breasts, but a girl at that. I didn’t even have any makeup on. All she had given me was a few of her bangles and her necklace and that seemed to seal the deal. My normal curly and unruly mop of hair did not look too far out of place with a girl’s style. I was so caught up with the girl in the mirror that I nearly jumped out of my panties when Becky showed up with a clerk.

“Sis, those look great. I’ll get them for you, my treat.”

While the attendant reached in and pulled the tag off, my sister continued, “If only you had something a little more up top. You look more like a boy in girl’s clothes, don’t you think?”

I felt myself blush as I hid my face with my hands. “Stop it Becky,” I choked back.

The attendant went back and forth as she looked at us, not knowing what to do. “I used to be small myself at her age,” she offered. “I didn’t like being teased either. Why don’t you wait here, I’ll see what we can do for that.”

“But she doesn’t like padding with tissues,” offered my sister. “She hates those things.”

“Oh I don’t blame her. They don’t feel right. Wait right here.” And then she hurried out of the fitting room.

“Becky, stop it!” I exhaled quietly so that only she could hear my trembling voice. “This is mean, even for you!”

The attendant appeared again handing me a box of tissues. “Not for padding, but for blowing. I’ll be right back.” And she whisked off again.

I went back into the changing booth and sat down, dabbing my tears. A soft knock and then Becky entered and placed a gentle hand on my shoulders. “Robbie, I’m sorry. I got carried away.”

I blew my nose as my sister comforted me. By the time I regained my composure, the attendant was back and we couldn’t slip away. She had me take off my top and chided me for my poor choice in fitting a bra. “You’ve got sagging cups dear. I know you probably got it a size larger to fill it out, but if you aren’t going to fill it out then you should wear something more fitting. You girls may not think it is important, but you should pay attention to how these things fit and keep your ‘girls’ supported. You don’t want to start sagging after all.”

With a few measurements she had me in a better fitting bra, one that actually supported my little ‘girls’ as she called them. She even showed me how they would look with enhancers and with simple cloth covered foam pads. I saw Becky duck out of the fitting room leaving the two of us alone. When Becky returned I had another bra on that the attendant was using to show me a pair of inexpensive pads. Before I knew it we were at the counter and Becky had pulled out a debit card. She was wearing my coat and I hers along with her top and shoes. Before we left the attendant remarked to the both of us, “Now who looks like a boy in girls clothes?” Becky laughed and we hurried out of the store.

As we got into the car I exclaimed, “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe we got away with it.” Looking in the mirror I gasped, “I really do look more like a girl then you!”

Becky frowned and then grinned, “It was nice of her to give us an employee’s discount. And she didn’t even charge us for the jeans and the bras were a two-for-one.”

“I’m sorry Becky. Thank you for not making fun of me and for treating me so nicely. Oh my God, my heart is beating so hard,” I gasped and held my hand to my chest, feeling my breasts along my arm.

“Sure thing, sister. We have got to get going though, there’s one more place I want to go before we’ve got to report for duty.”

I noticed that she emphasized the word ‘sister’, but she was still smiling so I guess she was just making a point as to a new role I was going to take with her. It was nice that she wasn’t harassing me anymore. I didn’t know where she intended any of this to go, but if it meant she wasn’t angry then I was happy. Maybe she actually would be helpful in this. I didn’t know where I wanted to go with all of this, but for a change I didn’t feel alone in the world. Someone was with me and accepted me.

“It was this moment that the victim was tied and bound. He could live in that moment for years.” - Sam Houston

“What are we doing here?” I asked as we pulled into a strip mall. “I figured we were going to get something to eat and then get to the gig.”

Becky laughed, “Oh, we’ve got plenty of time for that. Do you know why I stopped painting your toes last night? Well, it is because I was mad at you and you were lying there enjoying it. I suddenly realized I was doing something nice for you and I didn’t want to do something nice for you then.”

“I’m sorry Becky. I really am…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve changed my mind since then. So now I am going to do something nice. You are going to get a pedicure.”

“Are you serious? I mean, fun is fun and all, but I don’t know about going in there and having someone see me.”

“Oh quit whining. You’ve just had some woman fit you for a bra and take pity on you for having such small titties. I think you can pull off sitting in front of another woman and have your feet done. I’ll have mine done too. It really is a nice and relaxing thing to do.”

And so it was that I walked in with Becky into a nail salon and experienced my first pedicure. My feet felt great afterwards and my toenails were now a dark shade of pink thanks to Becky. She even insisted we get manicures afterwards after seeing how nice things were turning out. Her nails were painted the same shade of pink as our toes, but mine were kept simple with a little gloss. Becky purchased the color for touchups later at home and in case I wanted to paint my toe nails again. Pedicures weren’t cheap after all.

Before we had gone in, Becky had worked with my hair and with a little magic had shaped it into something more feminine that looked cute on me. I don’t know what I was thinking, but when Becky said we needed to get dressed for the night I found myself in the backroom of the nail shop with a garment bag Becky had brought in from the car.

After I opened it I hissed quietly at Becky, “What the hell is this?” This wasn’t my normal band uniform, but the blousy top and full skirt of a flag corps girl.

“Oh, sorry about that sister dear. You see, I had intended to make you wear that tonight as punishment and so I left your uniform at home. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind?” I felt like pulling my hair out and I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn’t let the nail techs hear this. “Why would I mind? You are expecting me to show up in front of some of the other band members in a flag girl uniform looking like a girl and you don’t think that’s a problem?”

“Cool it. It isn’t as bad as all that. Look, I didn’t want you to be discovered either. If that happened then my fun would have been over. What you’ll do is sit in the car and wait. I’ll show up first and send the others home. Once it is clear, you can come and sit with me. This store isn’t near where anyone else lives that we know and besides that no one is going to recognize you. If they do then I can say I’m punishing you for throwing up on Wendy by making you wear that uniform. Besides, it is Friday night. No one we know goes shopping on Friday night.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not. Now hurry up and get dressed. I can’t show up late.”

“Becky! This is crazy! I’m not going to do it!”

She gave me that look that I hated.

So it was that I spent the next two hours in front of the grocery store. While there Becky went ahead and painted my fingernails to match hers because we were so incredibly bored. No one was shopping and those that did generally went right on by ignoring us. It was a rather disappointing showing for our fundraiser. I sat there thinking that with my luck, some news truck would show up and the camera crew would hop out and interview us. That or some newspaper reporter would take pictures. Or my parents would show, or my grandmother, or any number of other people we knew or who might know us or expose my charade for everyone to see.

But nothing happened. It was uneventful and… fun actually. Becky was treating me just like a real girl and I was enjoying it. She was even telling me how to act more like a girl as we spent our time alone at the table. When closing time came we put the table away in the store and stowed all of the stuff in the back of the car. I was safe. All we had to do now was…

“We are going to go and party!” Becky yelled in the car as she squealed the tires a little exiting the parking lot.

No, that’s not what I had in mind at all. The right answer is… “Home Becky. I don’t want to go out. I want to go home.”

“Oh come on. You like being a girl, right?”

“Well, yes. I guess.”

“Then we are going to party.”

“Becky, you can’t be serious. Do I look like I’m ready to party?”

She winked at me as she pulled in to another lot. “You’re right. And I’ve got just the excuse to go shopping now. I was going to wear that top you had on earlier with a skirt and some boots I have in the back, but we both can’t wear it now can we?”

Again I was dragged in and when we got back to the car I was given Becky’s black boots to go with my black skirt and white blouse. I also found out that Becky hadn’t been as nice as I thought she had been. All these purchases she was making were being made on my debit card. All the money I had earned mowing yards and other odd jobs was funding everything. I’m just glad I had gotten such a discount at the first place we had gone to.

It was also apparent that Becky’s mood had slipped back to something like she had before. She was angry with me again. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with her. First she’s mad, then she’s nice and now she’s mad again. As we headed into the city along the interstate, I risked trying to find out. Why was she doing this to me?

“Well, if my brother wants to be my sister and be a girl, then I’m going to give her what she wants,” she sneered.

“But Becky, I don’t want to do all this. You keep pushing me into everything. I didn’t want this at all.”

“Oh, and what do you want? Tell me exactly what you want. Don’t you like your new outfit? Doesn’t it make you happy that everyone sees you as a girl? Aren’t you thrilled at it all? Tell me the truth.”

“Yes, but … I don’t know.”

“Then sit back and enjoy it. You wanted to be a pretty girl, prettier then me right? Well, that’s what you are going to get.”

“That’s not what I want at all.”

“Well what is it then?”

I sat there not knowing what to say. I mean, yes, I was enjoying this. I mean, it was something I had only dreamed about; being a girl, being accepted as a girl, having the ‘girl’ life. But this isn’t exactly how I wanted it. I wasn’t even sure if this was what I wanted in the first place. I felt like I was being blown everywhere, my feelings kept changing. I was happy, but I was afraid.

She laughed triumphantly. “See? I know what’s best. You just let me show you a good time, you’ll see. You think women have it easy? You think wearing a dress now and then, or doing your makeup when you want to is all there is to be a girl? Well guess again. It’s hard work. It’s uncomfortable. People are always treating you like you haven’t earned anything. If you want to be a girl then I need to show you what a girl goes through. The highs and the lows. So tonight we are going to have some fun.”

For the rest of the trip I kept my mouth shut. Becky seemed happier that way and I was lost in my own little world, not knowing what I was doing or where I was going. Soon she pulled into a crowded parking lot.

I looked around and wondered out loud, “Where are we?”

“The Sound Pound. Now we are going to have some fun.”

I froze at that. The Sound Pound was a club that catered to the teenage crowd. I had heard about it, but I’d never gone to it. It was too far away from home for me to get to. “What? Are you crazy? I can’t go in there.”

“Sure you can. What are you afraid of?”

“Some one who knows me might be there. They might see me. I’m so dead!”

“Oh quit whining. Nothing like that is going to happen. Besides, you are coming in even if I have to drag you.”

I know many of you are thinking, ‘oh, she’s going to have some great fun there!’ Well, you are wrong. It was horrible. Probably the worst time of my life. I was afraid, I was nervous, and I was surrounded by people I didn’t know and now and then by a few I did. About the only good thing that came from this was that I blended in with the crowd. No one knew me and that’s the way I kept it. I had lost Becky soon after we got inside. She took off with a boy and hit the dance floor. I was left all alone, people around me. We couldn’t get a table or anything, so I wandered around trying to keep an eye on my sister so I didn’t lose her. So naturally I lost her.

I did my best to blend in. While circling the dance floor I got pulled in to a group of girls dancing together. Naturally I danced, trying to fit in. I wasn’t very good at it, but I tried to copy some of the other girls around me. I decided it was probably best if I stayed with the pack so I hung out with them and was accepted by them. Once I explained that I was with my sister and had lost her in the crowd, they were happy to keep me company. So I started to experience my life as a girl amongst the girls. I was a bit disappointed. It wasn’t anything I thought it would be. They weren’t the mysterious people I thought they were, but regular people like me. I could see there were friendly people and others not so friendly. I wasn’t surprised in one respect. They liked boys. Outside of talking about normal things like school and such, it was boys.

Boys kept trying to enter our circle too, pulling off a few of us now and then like wolves circling the sheep. I counted myself lucky in that I wasn’t the target of any of them. I kept myself cocooned within the other girls, insulated within their numbers.

The problem with a herd though, is that they move. If you don’t pay attention and move with them then you find yourself left behind. So it was with me.

I had relaxed finally. I was actually having fun dancing and getting into the swing of things. Next thing I know the other girls aren’t around me anymore. It happened rather quickly I guess. Maybe I just lost track of everyone and everything. If I could have I would have corrected it and rejoined them, but as it was I found myself dancing and unable to get back to them. First I was dancing with the group, then maybe I was dancing alone, but now I was dancing with a boy. He had snuck up on me and the song ended soon after I saw him.

I didn’t want to make a scene so I stayed there as the next dance started. I was dancing with a boy. Me. Dancing. A guy. With another guy!

I stayed in character. I danced. Three dances later I wanted to rest and then a slow song happened. Before I could escape he had moved in close to me. I wanted to go, but I didn’t fight it. He had grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. I don’t know what happened to me. I felt weak. No, it wasn’t that a guy was holding me and I had swooned or anything stupid like that. I felt … I don’t know, weak I guess. It was like I had lost all my guy strength and I felt like a girl.

Before you get on to me about that, let me say I know that girls aren’t weak. Well, yes in general they are physically weaker then guys, but that’s not what I mean. I felt like a girl. I didn’t fight it. I didn’t fight him. I felt … attractive. And here I was unable to break away. So I danced. At first we danced a part, him holding my hand. He even twirled me and next thing I know I’m in his arms. I didn’t break away either. We stood there, swaying back and forth, him gazing down at me while I found my arms around him. We weren’t that close, but we were close. By degrees I felt myself give in to him. I didn’t know this guy, had no interest in this guy, but the way I was feeling in his arms was nice. I never thought I’d say that, but it is true.

And then he kissed me.

What’s more, I kissed back.

It isn’t that I wanted to kiss him, but I had fallen in love. No, not with him. With… well, with me. Or better yet, I had fallen in love with the way I was feeling and I was feeling like I thought a girl would feel like. Being here, in his arms, made me feel even more like a girl then just wearing clothes and makeup. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it was something I longed for. I ached for. And now that I had obtained it, now that I was bound within this heavenly feeling, I felt like I wanted that moment to last forever.

And it lasted. Oh how it lasted.

Such a good feeling.

I think it …

lasted about …

a minute.

And then I came up for air because some one was flashing me.

More to the point, someone had a camera out and had been taking photos of me.

I pulled back and covered my face, trying to blink the spots out of my eyes from that last flash that caught me as I looked up.

Becky called out happily, “Roberta! Smile for the camera honey!”

“What are you doing!” I yelled then I broke away and ran past her.

I managed to get through the crowd and I could hear her calling ‘Roberta’ as I left her behind. I didn’t stop running until I was deep into the parking lot and then I crouched down against a half wall that separated the two lots. What was I doing? How could I? I felt sick all over and ended up making a mess as I quietly sobbed, trying not to attract anyone’s attention.

How could she do this to me?

No, that’s not right. How could I do what I had done? I was kissing a guy. I was actually kissing another guy and I enjoyed it all too much. Oh God, what the hell was I?

The rest of that night was a blur really. I was so upset I couldn’t think straight. Becky had found me and gotten me home, making sure that I got into bed without waking our parents.

“Now I want to partially close the hatch, making sure not to lock it on my way out.” — Buzz Aldrin
“A good thought.” — Neil Armstrong

The next morning Becky got me out of the house before my parents were moving around. I was on automatic I guess. What ever she wanted now she could get. I didn’t care to fight anymore. Again I found myself in the flag girl’s uniform and in front of a store, but this time I didn’t care. I didn’t react to much around me and I remember Becky telling some people that I wasn’t feeling well and was waiting for my parents to come pick me up. When no one was in sight, she did her best to get something else out of me. She showed me the pictures she had taken and threatened to send them out if I didn’t cut it out and behaved.

But nothing she was doing was working. I didn’t care. I wanted to die. I really wanted to die. I felt like if I could will death to take me, it would have right then. I was beyond tears, beyond concern, beyond threats of any sort. I just didn’t care anymore. I was done. I couldn’t deal with it anymore.

“Oh my God! Robert?”

I knew that voice. I looked up and saw Wendy standing there and felt my tears start up again.

Becky answered for me, coming up with an excuse after a short pause, “Hey Wendy. Don’t make a scene now, but I’m giving Rob a bit of punishment for what he did to you the other day.”

I heard her come up to me as I covered my face. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

“Hey, she’s not going anywhere.”

I felt more then saw the look that Wendy gave her. It was as if everything froze for a second and in the stillness a mighty blade was brandished. “Back off!” she emphasized quietly, trying not to draw attention. Then I found myself being guided away from the table.

Becky grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. “You don’t know what you are doing, he deserves this.”

“For what? Getting sick?”

“No, because he’s a fucking pervert who likes to dress as a girl and kiss boys. I’ve got it all on camera,” she gloated triumphantly as she held up her phone.

Wendy froze and even though I couldn’t see her, I just knew she was looking at me, hating me just like my sister was.

“Are you trying to kill him?” she asked.

As I started another round of tears, I could hear Becky echo my own thought.

“Huh? I’m only doing to him what’s right.”

“So you are judge and executioner? You don’t care at all for Rob. My brother is gay and people treated him the same way, making his life hell. I’m not going to let you do the same to Rob.”

“You and what army, bitch? He’s going to burn in Hell and so will you.”

I honestly don’t know how I wounded up where I was. It happened all so quick. All I know is that in moments Becky was being held face first against the wall, I was on my side after being struck in the face and falling into a large flower pot before tipping backwards and hitting my head. Somewhere in there everything else happened.

Wendy pulled Becky’s phone out of her hand and pocketed it. “You are going to stay out of my sight. I’m leaving with him now. Understand?”

She must have pulled something hard on my sister. I heard her yelp in pain as the store manager came out to stop the fight. Wendy helped me to my feet and we started walking away.

Becky yelled after us, “Why don't you take him home then to your gay brother. At least then they could live in happiness!”

Wendy left me there and I tried to hold on to her, to pull her back, but it was no use. She got close enough with only the manager between them. I’m sure we made quite a spectacle for everyone to see.

“I can't. He killed himself because of people like you. I guess you don't care if the same happens to yours. He needs someone to believe in him; someone to hold on to. If you won’t be there for him then I will.”

Wendy helped me to her car and moments later we pulled off behind a building where she finally lost it. We took turns comforting each other, doing our best not to use the entire box of tissues.

“Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.” — Apollo 11

“Won’t your parent’s mind?” I asked as we pulled into the garage.

“Are you kidding? Look, we are going to take care of you. Don’t worry. Just… please don’t throw up on anyone, okay?”

I held my arms across my stomach. “I need a bathroom.”

“Come on, hold it in until we get there.”

In the bathroom I looked in the mirror after rinsing out my mouth and washing my hands. My eyes were red, puffy, and my makeup was smeared. I must have looked awful as Wendy came in from the doorway and pulled me tight to her, holding on for dear life.

“Wendy? Everything okay?” said an older woman that must have been her Mom. She had rushed over when she heard the commotion. I looked up at her and wanted to shrink away from everyone, but Wendy wouldn’t let me.

“Dear Lord, you girls look a mess. What’s wrong? What happened?” She had crowded into the room and tried her best to comfort us both.

“Mom, this is Robert. He’s like Brian. We need to help him.”

I couldn’t believe she betrayed me like that. I wanted to run out, but I found myself being held tightly by Wendy’s Mom, her embrace holding me where I stood and she rubbed my back and made soft comforting noises. I felt her crying into my hair and she wouldn’t let me go. I had given up trying by then.

Eventually she let me loose long enough to get a good look at my face. “You certainly make a pretty girl, even under all those tears. Come on. Let’s get both of you cleaned up.” To Wendy she asked, “How bad have things gotten?”

“I think they’ve just begun. I’m pretty sure everything’s going to hell right now.”

“Watch your mouth, young lady.”

“Sorry Mom.”

“Now come. Robert, what would you like to wear? If you want, I’m sure we can find something nice.”

About an hour later I was sitting with Wendy. Her dad had run out and picked up a bag of boy’s underwear for me. They were all being extremely nice, but it was hard. They didn’t know exactly what it was that I was wanting. I didn’t know either, but they weren’t pushing me. I felt that if I wanted to wear a dress they would have found the exact one I wanted. But I just wanted out of the whole mess. They couldn’t turn back time for me, which is what I really needed.

As Wendy was helping me remove the nail polish and she told me all about her older brother Brian. He had come out to his family and while they had accepted him, it hadn’t been a warm reception. The extended family turned on them. Their community and church turned on them. Brian ended up killing himself. Wendy confessed that she wished she had been a better sister and she now felt she had a mission to help others because of it. They were a foster family and registered with the state, but no one was being placed in their home until they had spent more time in their new community.

I didn’t understand any of it. I mean, I kind of did, but I didn’t really. It was all so unreal to me.

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“Depends on your family. We’ll get the councilors involved and they’ll make their recommendations.”

“Oh God. Do my parents have to know?”

“Do you think Becky is going to be quiet about it?”

“I see your point.”

“Everyone’s got to learn that what you are going through isn’t wrong.”

“But it is!”

“No, it isn’t. There’s nothing wrong about it. I mean, do you know what you want out of it all?” Seeing me shake my head she continued, “See? You need someone to help you find your way. You’ve got to understand that there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing.”

“But I kissed a guy.”

“Yah, so what?”

I didn’t have a good response to that. Wendy smiled and asked, “Was he a good kisser?”

I felt myself brighten at the memory then blushed down to my toes. She laughed and hugged my leg good-naturally.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

“Actually, I don’t know if he was or not.”

“How can you not know?”

“Well, I don’t really remember how he was kissing me.” I was embarrassed to say the least, but I felt safe with Wendy.

“Then he was good enough.”

Softly, I replied, “I’d rather kiss you.”

This time it was her turn to blush. Then she moved forward and planted her lips on mine in a way that made my hairs stand on end. It was one long and wonderful kiss. Completely different from the way the other kiss felt, but it certainly felt good also.

“That’s the only one I should give you while you’re here though. I’m sure my Mom would freak if she caught us. I’d rather not have her chaperone us.”

True to Wendy’s word, she really didn’t want her Mom finding us kissing, but that didn’t stop her from indulging in a few more while we sat there removing my polish.

A buzzing sound caught us by surprise. My sister’s phone was vibrating on the table. We both tried to ignore it, but it was quiet insistent. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was my own cell phone that I had left at home. Looking at Wendy, I answered it and heard Becky on the other end.

“Rob! Are you okay?” Her voice was tight and she was talking rather fast.

“Whoa, slow down. What’s going on?”

“Oh thank God. Where are you? I’m so sorry, really. Oh God, where are you?”

“Becky, what’s wrong. What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is all Hell’s breaking loose. Dad’s been arrested and I’m so sorry, it is all my fault. Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

“Wait, what? Becky, calm down. You need to calm down. Okay? Take a breath and start over. Pull the car over too. I don’t want you to get into a wreck okay?”

“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” — Neil Armstrong

I had been nearly knocked over by Becky when she came barreling into the house. Her car was in the garage now, the door shut tight so no one could see it from the street. She had been so frantic on the phone and now all she could do was hold me tight and cry. Wendy’s Mom eventually got her to sit on the couch, but she was refusing to leave my side and to let go of me. I still couldn’t get any details out of her. All I knew was that Dad had been arrested.

When Becky removed her jacket we could see she had a huge bruise on her arm. It matched the one she had on the left side of her mouth and I figured it was from the fight she had with Wendy. But Wendy gasped when she saw it and so did Wendy’s Mom. I guess I’m the only one completely clueless as to what had happened.

When Becky got home, our parents were tearing up my room. Apparently Mom had found the nail polish in my room along with the panties and bra I had worn the day before. That’s not all they had found. Becky had put all my stuff from Friday in my room and she thought she had done a good job of stuffing it away, but she hadn’t. A pile developed on my bed and then the phone calls started coming in. Seems some other people had seen me at the store. Not anyone I knew directly, but people that knew my family and who recognized me. When Becky got there our parents began yelling at her and threatening her.

From there it got worse. A florist tried to make a delivery for Roberta. Becky hadn’t set that up. She guesses it was from the guy I had danced with Friday night. He must have gotten our address from the guy that Becky had been with. While Dad went ballistic on the delivery guy, she ran back to her room and pulled her stash of cash from her hidey hole. When Dad came back inside, she crawled out of the bathroom window, picking up my cell phone that I had left there, and made it to the car. As she was leaving the subdivision, the police were roaring in. When they arrived at our house they found my father in the yard holding his pistol and shooting randomly at things.

I found all this out after the fact. At the time she couldn’t really talk about it.

It wasn’t long after we were together when Wendy’s Mom and Dad escorted a woman into the living room. Things were moving so fast that I didn’t know what was happening until after it was done. I was separated from everyone I knew: Wendy and her family, Becky and my own family. I spent my time lost in confusion and I’m afraid I was the most unpleasant person to be with and I’m very sorry for the people in the homes that I stayed in.

I got to see my sister now and then at least. My father didn’t want anything to do with me. My mother, well I never figured out if she didn’t want anything to do with me or if she was only that way because of father. Wendy and I managed to email each other as often as we could. I must admit there were times I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was tired. Tired of being probed and analyzed by everyone. Tired of being watched no matter what I did. I had a new school, but no new real friends. My life wasn’t all that great, but after awhile I started to feel like it was getting better.

I still don’t know what I really want, but the doctor I’m seeing is helping me I guess. I’m getting a better idea of things, but I feel like I’m never going to know for sure. Becky has been going through her own challenges. These days she’s trying to get us back together, working with the system to make sure that we will be a family again, even if it only the two of us. I don’t know if we ever will be.

It’s a new world for me. There are times I want to be a girl like I was that fateful Friday night. Other times I just want to pretend to be a girl, at peace with the person I can pretend to be and happy going back to my normal self. Sometimes at night when I can’t sleep I wear a bra and panties along with a nightgown to calm me down or make me feel better.

Do I know what I want? No, not really. But I feel like I’m going to get there one day. I have a friend who I think will stand by me no matter what. She wants to be in my life in some way, either as my girl friend or as my girlfriend. I like being with her and I think I’d be happy either way, at least for now. Becky accepts me either way also. She’s still trying to come to terms with it herself, but she loves me and is willing to do what it takes.

I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m somewhere between the moon and earth, at times letting gravity pull me to my destination, sometimes using rockets to push myself around. It’s beautiful up here and frightening. But I’ll land at some point. When I do I just hope that it is a gentle landing.